Anyone else struggling with agreeing on middle names?!
DH & I just can't come to an agreement on middle names for the girls.
He wants to honor his mom. The twins will be our 2nd/3rd and the 5th / 6th grandchild. He feels bad that between him & his brother no one has "stepped up to the plate" to honor his mom.
I get it. His dad was honored by his brother for 1 of their children. But that's the extent of the "family honoring" on his side. We had discussed middle name as James if a boy to honor his dad AND my grandpa. BUT, we're having girls.
So, first names are Rylee & Madison. I thought we decided to continue with middle name as James for one. But, he keeps bringing his moms middle name back to surface. I strongly dislike her 1st & middle name (Susan Jean) I just can't bring myself to "compromise" on one of our children's names. I don't like it.
Am I being absurd?! I'm trying to delicately say no each time, but tonight was more firm.
I'm at a loss.
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Re: Middle Name(s) drama....
My MIL middle name is Jean, but right now we are only discussing first names.
You baby is not going to be going by a middle name, so I don't really think it is a big deal as long as it flows nice with the first and last name.
I like Rylee Jean together. HTH!
I'd be more open if he feels strongly. But I do like PP suggestion using a maiden name.
I'm just not one that really cares too much about how a name flows, or a how a sibset sounds. I wasn't even given a middle name when I was born.
I think it is a nice gesture to use family names as middle names.
I would say that you pick one of the girls middle name and let him choose the other.
For last name to be middle wouldn't work as that's our last name & the maiden last name DH (and I) can't stand.
Interesting answers! A lot to think about. I have a hard time thinking about just letting a name be used for sake of appealing to others. Especially since I just don't like the names.
I wish you all the luck deciding. You got a lot of great advice here, but the final decision is yours and your husbands to make.
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
I have to agree here about using James as a middle name for a girl, especially since the names you're considering could be unisex. With the middle name James, people who see your LO's name in writing only will likely be expecting her to be a boy, which could feel very awkward and annoying to her over time.
As far as what to do about middle names, there are no easy answers. I also had a middle name dilemma. DH as adamant about wanting to continue his family tradition of no middle names for the boys in his family only (I found this sexist), and I really wanted to honor the memory of my grandmother for our little girl. It felt very strange to name our twins differently (one with a middle name and the other without), but we made the decisions for a reason and I knew it was very important to DH. It was a HUGE compromise on my part not to give our son a middle name. I'm generally glad I made the compromise, even though it feels somewhat sexist and inconsistent, and if my kids ever question me about it later, I'm going to just direct all questions to their dad! :P
Sometimes in a marriage you make decisions because it's important to make your spouse happy and show that you care. Other times it's important to stay true to your own feelings and hope that your spouse understands and supports you. There are no easy answers. Try to imagine how you might feel about this 5, 10, or 20 years from now depending on which decision you choose. Good luck!
TTC since June 2009
BFP #1 2/22/10 M/C 6w2d
BFP #2 October 2010 CP
BFP #3 1/11/11 M/C 8w5d
IUI #1 Aug 2011= BFN
IUI #2= BFP #4 9/18/11 missed M/C, D&C 10/18/11
IUIs #3&4 = BFN
IVF #1 May 2012 = BFP! Twins!!
Fraternal twins born Feb. 2013
I can see the double "boy" names as being tough on a girl potentially down the line.
Gonna pray on this & we'll see!
When ever you fill out a form you put down your middle name. When you are doing these forms for your child you do not want to have to cringe or be ticked off that you settled on a name. If someone says oh that is a pretty name, whats her middle name? You do not want to be reluctant to say it.
Find a name you and DH both love.
I have a unisex name; however, the spelling is typically used by males. I've always paired it with my middle name (Ann).
When I go places, they don't know to pair it with my middle name and most expect a male (I've even had a physician refuse to see me saying I was not the patient and they called my OB office to in fact confirm I was female).
As far as official paperwork, I find that it is 50/50 whether they ask for middle name or initial. Unless the person/business knows me, I'm assumed male. I'm 33 and I still encounter problems. The only good thing is that I can sort out junk mail and solicitors easily because they will be addressed/ask to speak to a Mr.
I know a little girl with the middle name of James. It's never been an issue but she has a traditional old-fashioned unmistakable girls name.
I would disagree that it's darn near impossible to not compromise on a name. We didn't compromise on 1st daughters name, and in selection of the first names for this pregnancy if one or other didn't like a name, we crossed it off.
Dx: balanced translocation and LPD
TTC since Oct 2011
BPF 02/19/12, EDD 10/31/12, natural m/c 02/28/12 (4w6d)
IVF (BCPs starting 10/30/12, ER 11/18/12, 5dt of 1 beautiful, healthy embryo 11/23/12)
BFP 12/02/12, u/s @ 6w,5d showed 2 HBs! Identical twins!!
Bed rest from 21w-35w due to short cervix, hospital bed rest from 23w-32w due to PTL
Our rainbows were born 07/19/13 (36w, 5d)
Baby Boy #1 born 1/15/2010
Babies #2 & #3 arriving Spring 2014 (EDD June 18)
I appreciate he wants to honor his mom. But, when I say I don't like the names (and he knows why) I think it should be a moot point. Especially when things are said such as, "we may not like name, but financially it would benefit us".
I offered the meaning of Susan "Lily" as an option. That's as far as I'll go.
Dx: balanced translocation and LPD
TTC since Oct 2011
BPF 02/19/12, EDD 10/31/12, natural m/c 02/28/12 (4w6d)
IVF (BCPs starting 10/30/12, ER 11/18/12, 5dt of 1 beautiful, healthy embryo 11/23/12)
BFP 12/02/12, u/s @ 6w,5d showed 2 HBs! Identical twins!!
Bed rest from 21w-35w due to short cervix, hospital bed rest from 23w-32w due to PTL
Our rainbows were born 07/19/13 (36w, 5d)