Opinions on delaying school start year

bhjones1980 · September 2014

DH and I have been butting heads about this all weekend, fueled by the fact that my nephew starts kindergarten today, he is 6, he will be 7 in early December.

I think this is nuts, to delay his school start by that long, DH sees nothing wrong with it since his argument is that he was young for his class and always felt behind in milestones, sports and such. DH has a September birthday so he started kindergarten when he was 4 and turned 5 that month. There is a middle ground here, why didn't they start our nephew last year when he was 5 going on 6, this kid will turn 19 when he is a few months into his senior year of high school. I think it is extreme to wait this long.

The arguing about it stems from DH saying that absolutely we are going to keep our DS out of school and start him as late as possible (mostly for sports reason is my DH motivation). Which I completely disagree with.

Question for mom's with school age kids, is this sort of delay allowed in your school district? can you see any reason why this would benefit a child (who is normal with all development)? Thoughts!

schnitz9 · September 2014

At first I didn't see an issue as my sisters bday is in nov and she was always older for her grade. Then I realized this kid is actually almost 2 full years behind. Most children start kindergarten at 5 and turn 6 during the year (our f15 babies will be). What was their reasoning for not starting him last year? As for your son, what is the school cutoff date for your school district? I know mine is aug 31. I do find that a bit early though. My close friend from high school started school in a different town. Their cutoff date was dec 31st. So basically the calendar year. All kids born in 1981 were in the same grade. Her bday is dec 28th. She was the youngest in our grade and hated it. She didn't get her license until we were seniors.

maryxc1 · September 2014

DS is only two so I don't know if the schools allow it. I don't think there is any reason to delay starting unless there are developmental delays. The only other reason I can think of is if you have two kids less than a year apart and their birthdays fall where they would be in the same grade (I think that could happen at least). I think I would hold the younger one back so they would be in different grades in school.

I am frustrated enough because DS's preschool just changed to where he has to be 2.5 to start so he can't start until November. He is the only one this effects and I feel like he is getting left behind in those two months. :-)

aggiebug · September 2014

Oh this one of those arguments that comes again and again. Most "studies" I have shown indicates that it is usually not beneficial to delay the start of schooling. As a super competitive athlete in HS I think dleaying the start of school for sports is dumb.

ETA. my first statement wasn't mean to be rude or snarky. just that this is one of those arguments that doesn't seem to have a clear cut right answer so I have seen it repeated here, there and everywhere numerous times.

bhjones1980 · September 2014

schnitz9 said:

At first I didn't see an issue as my sisters bday is in nov and she was always older for her grade. Then I realized this kid is actually almost 2 full years behind. Most children start kindergarten at 5 and turn 6 during the year (our f15 babies will be). What was their reasoning for not starting him last year? As for your son, what is the school cutoff date for your school district? I know mine is aug 31. I do find that a bit early though. My close friend from high school started school in a different town. Their cutoff date was dec 31st. So basically the calendar year. All kids born in 1981 were in the same grade. Her bday is dec 28th. She was the youngest in our grade and hated it. She didn't get her license until we were seniors.

YES, that is my issue, last year would have made him on the older end (starting at 5 and turning 6 in December), now he is almost 2 years older than some kids in the class.

I am confused about the rules on our county website, it doesnt seem like this is allowed (but obviously it is happening). Does this make sense to you:

"Under the compulsory attendance laws of Virginia, a child whose fifth birthday falls on or before September 30 of a given year must be enrolled in school for that school year. However, a child's attendance may be delayed for one year if, in the opinion of the parent or guardian, the child is not mentally, physically, or emotionally prepared to attend school. "

michelle142 · September 2014

In our school district, you must be 5 years old by September 1st of that school year in order to start kindergarten. DS has a December birthday, so he will start K on the older side of 5 years old and will turn 6 half way through (this baby will be the same with the Feb. birthday). He will also start 4K when he's 4, going on 5.

Is there a reason they held him back?

From what I've heard, most districts just require students to be at least 5 when they start.

bhjones1980 · September 2014

michelle142 said:

In our school district, you must be 5 years old by September 1st of that school year in order to start kindergarten. DS has a December birthday, so he will start K on the older side of 5 years old and will turn 6 half way through (this baby will be the same with the Feb. birthday). He will also start 4K when he's 4, going on 5.

Is there a reason they held him back?
From what I've heard, most districts just require students to be at least 5 when they start.

The only reason they can give me (I dont ask that much) to why they are holding him back is that his birthday is early in the year (ok fine, but then he should have started last year), and that he has had a slight speech delay and had therapy for it over the last few years, but it is fine now, and his Dad is big on the sports delay aspect.

michelle142 · September 2014

I guess my concern would lie with him being 19ish by the time graduation rolls around. Being 18+ for two years of high school just sounds like trouble (speaking based on the experience of graduating with two 19 year olds).

Not implying that it's automatically a bad thing, but the 19 year olds I graduated with were the ones that everyone went to to buy cigarettes and lottery tickets when they weren't old enough yet.

ETA: the sports aspect is a stupid reason to hold a kid back IMO :P

schnitz9 · September 2014

bhjones1980 said:

michelle142 said:

In our school district, you must be 5 years old by September 1st of that school year in order to start kindergarten. DS has a December birthday, so he will start K on the older side of 5 years old and will turn 6 half way through (this baby will be the same with the Feb. birthday). He will also start 4K when he's 4, going on 5.

Is there a reason they held him back?
From what I've heard, most districts just require students to be at least 5 when they start.

The only reason they can give me (I dont ask that much) to why they are holding him back is that his birthday is early in the year (ok fine, but then he should have started last year), and that he has had a slight speech delay and had therapy for it over the last few years, but it is fine now, and his Dad is big on the sports delay aspect.

Holding a kid back to give him an advantage for sports. Sounds like he's red-shirting his 5 year old! My sister was a preemie and had several developmental delays. She was evaluated entering kindergarten and they classified her and made accommodations. In order for them to hold a child back from starting school the delays would have to be way more severe than just slight speech.

aggiebug · September 2014

There are actually legitimate studies that have proved that delaying starting school due to developmental delays is a bad idea, and that getting them into school where they are surrounded by "normal" and have structured therapy in school along with outside support are more likely to catch up to their peers and succeed.

bhjones1980 · September 2014

I have no idea why the county is allowing this delay.... seems against the rules.

delaneykai · September 2014

We are already having this discussion, since our DD has an August birthday. In our state, the rule for K is that they must be 5 by August 1 or September 30 depending on the district. Our DD has an August 14 birthday, so it depends on what district we're in. In the 8/1 districts, she won't make the cut off, so it makes it an easy decision. If we're in a 9/30 district, we'll decide that spring. I think it your kiddo has an August or September birthday, it's worth the debate/discussion if they are really ready to start. This is completely dependent on if they are academically and socially ready to start. For birthday months later than that, I don't think it should even be a discussion. The idea of holding a child back so that they'll have better success in sports down the road seems ridiculous to me.

michelle142 · September 2014

bhjones1980 said:

I have no idea why the county is allowing this delay.... seems against the rules.

There has to be something else going on that they haven't told anyone. It seems odd that the district would allow this for just the speech delay.

I've heard of districts making exceptions for 4 year olds (who are close to the cut off) starting when they're supposed to be 5, but never (unless it's severe circumstances) allowing for a 6 year old to start late.

Did he do any sort of preschool or 4K program?

schnitz9 · September 2014

What's weird in this situation is that they are not just holding him back once, but twice. I've never heard of parents doing this. I can understand @lindseysquared, but to hold them back the next year again is just weird.

bhjones1980 · September 2014

schnitz9 said:

What's weird in this situation is that they are not just holding him back once, but twice. I've never heard of parents doing this. I can understand @lindseysquared, but to hold them back the next year again is just weird.

I know, I keep doing the math in my head just to MAKE sure he is turning 7 this year, but yes he was born in 2007.

bhjones1980 · September 2014

michelle142 said:

bhjones1980 said:

I have no idea why the county is allowing this delay.... seems against the rules.

There has to be something else going on that they haven't told anyone. It seems odd that the district would allow this for just the speech delay.

I've heard of districts making exceptions for 4 year olds (who are close to the cut off) starting when they're supposed to be 5, but never (unless it's severe circumstances) allowing for a 6 year old to start late.

Did he do any sort of preschool or 4K program?

he did pre-school this past year

schnitz9 · September 2014

bhjones1980 said:

michelle142 said:

bhjones1980 said:

I have no idea why the county is allowing this delay.... seems against the rules.

There has to be something else going on that they haven't told anyone. It seems odd that the district would allow this for just the speech delay.

I've heard of districts making exceptions for 4 year olds (who are close to the cut off) starting when they're supposed to be 5, but never (unless it's severe circumstances) allowing for a 6 year old to start late.

Did he do any sort of preschool or 4K program?

he did pre-school this past year

So what is he a professional pre-schooler. Is he giving the tours to new students?

schnitz9 · September 2014

He's like the van wilder of pre-school. HAHAHAHA

bhjones1980 · September 2014

Ellteejay said:

I believe a child should be with their peers barring extraordinary circumstances. Being significantly older or younger than the others in their class brings a host of self esteem and social issues (and other concerns I'm sure). I can see holding some kids back if their birthday is just before the cutoff (ie they have JUST turned 5). But certainly not in a situation where they would be 7 in class with 5-year-olds. That child would have been on the older side last year. A strange decision IMO. I don't know why you'd do it for sports either. I'd rather my child have work hard and develop real skills in competition with peers than have a size and developmental-stage advantage to rest on. That won't serve them in the future.

I could NOT agree more.

delaneykai · September 2014

bhjones1980 said:

schnitz9 said:

What's weird in this situation is that they are not just holding him back once, but twice. I've never heard of parents doing this. I can understand @lindseysquared, but to hold them back the next year again is just weird.

I know, I keep doing the math in my head just to MAKE sure he is turning 7 this year, but yes he was born in 2007.

Yeah, this is ridiculous to me. I teach K and I had a couple of students last year who turned 7 at the very end of the year (like June), and even that seemed old to me. For one of them, who was developmentally delayed, it made sense. The other one, though, I feel should have started the year before. The only reason we even know that we'll have the discussion about it with DD is b/c she's SO close to the cut-off. I can't imagine having that discussion if it was an Oct, Nov, or Dec birthday. That seems to me that it's more about the parents than it is about the child... but maybe I'm just being a jerk.

delaneykai · September 2014

Although, I guess on the flip side, I do have two 4-year-olds in my class that won't turn 5 until the very end of September, and that seems SO young to me, too. So, I guess when you've got a birth date close to the cut-off, you can't really win.

Thank goodness these babies are going to be Feb babies!

mandamoochie · September 2014

I can tell you actually doing kindergarten registrations as part of my previous job, where I lived in the state of pennsylvania (where kindergarten is OPTIONAL) WOULD NEVER LET THAT HAPPEN. The cut off is the cut off and they are REQUIRED to be with their age range. i.e. where I lived he would of just started 1st grade and never attended kindergarten.

I did kindergarten registrations for 13 different districts (all with a little bit of varying cut off birth dates for the start of kindergarten) but none of them would of allowed this. If he's behind that's why they have special needs services and create IEPs.

bhjones1980 · September 2014

ChickenOnSunday said:

Is this kid an athletic prodigy? Did either parent excel at sports?

Does this family have a ton of money to throw at future travel teams?

No to both????????? This kid won't make it beyond high school.

that is what sort of makes me laugh (but not really), this kid has shown NO athletic ability to speak of, there is no reason to think he is going pro anytime soon.

His Dad is not that coordinated either, and my DH is the athletic phenom of the In-laws family (not my SIL).

bhjones1980 · September 2014

mandamoochie said:

I can tell you actually doing kindergarten registrations as part of my previous job, where I lived in the state of pennsylvania (where kindergarten is OPTIONAL) WOULD NEVER LET THAT HAPPEN. The cut off is the cut off and they are REQUIRED to be with their age range. i.e. where I lived he would of just started 1st grade and never attended kindergarten.

I did kindergarten registrations for 13 different districts (all with a little bit of varying cut off birth dates for the start of kindergarten) but none of them would of allowed this. If he's behind that's why they have special needs services and create IEPs.

Thanks for this info, it is sort of what I was looking to see, It just seems so odd the county is allowing this and I know he is not majorly developmentally delayed.

I feel weird asking SIL about it though.

mandamoochie · September 2014

@bhjones1980 yeah I could totally see that being a weird conversation. I know that type of stuff used to happen all the time when we were kids. For example DH is a month younger than me but since his birthday is august 30th his mom had the choice to join my class or be in the class below me. He graduated the year after me. But now there's SO MUCH FOCUS on special needs services (it's how school districts around here get extra funding from the state since funding keeps being cut) they don't mess around with it anymore.

Well that kid certainly will be popular getting his license like a year and a half before his peers...right?

Side note: I thought regardless of grade youth sports went by age brackets...? So regardless of if he was in 7th grade or 9th grade he's still not eligible for little league since the age range is 11-13 type of thing..? I could be wrong. lol

KMommytobe · September 2014

My husband wants to do the same with our children (boys) for similar reasons.

Our oldest is only 3 and is just starting preschool this month so we aren't there yet but his birthday is in early July. His preschool offers as prek class at age 5 but you can also choose to have your child start actual kindergarten at that age.

I guess for us we will see how each child does in school. For me if they seem ready for kindergarten why not send them but with our firsts birthday being early July he would be one of he youngest kids in the class, so I see my husbands point as well. It also bothers me that his cousins who are the same age who aren't held back could be an issue as they get older (staying back/not smart enough?) or making friends and then them moving into kindergarten and our child staying behind. But anyway the following year he will have just turned 6 for kindergarten which I think is fine too (I think your nephew almost being 7 at the start of kindergarten is really late!) so yeah basically I am not sure what we will do yet but I think it'll depend on each child.

AnotherSun · September 2014

Children do not legally need to be enrolled in school until 6 years old. But I completely agree with everyone else, why in the world would the parents want their child 19 in high school? I could see delaying a year for homeschool, but I can't imagine a seven year old in kindergarten for any other reason

erobbins09 · September 2014

Yeah that just doesn't make sense. In my last k-1-2 class I had a couple of boys come back and re-do K in order to attend the school where I taught. I taught at a very sought after private school and it wasn't uncommon for people who missed acceptance when their children were K's to reapply any way they could. We hardly ever lost students between K-1 so the best shot people had was to try again as a K.

Personally, I disagreed with this policy. The trouble with those 2 boys in particular is that their body's and strength were so beyond their peers, and their skills would have befit 1st graders.

However, as an August birthday myself I can say with absolute certainly that I should have started a year later. Not just for the fact that I was 17 when I moved into college dorms, was the last to get my license etc but because of my own struggles with Math and logical reasoning. Those parts of the brain are some of the last to develop and can happen between 7-11. As someone who was probably closer to 11 than 7 in that development I have always been at a huge disadvantage and it has impacted me greatly. After 6th grade I was already behind to the point of not coming back. It wasn't that I couldn't eventually get it, it's just that complex math happened before I was ready to think so abstractly. That extra year may have been the difference between going to a state school vs and an Ivy League, a better fit for a career (I always wished I could have been an architect or in medicine), etc. Oh well

My point is.. It all comes down to the reason and using logic

where do they fall with the cut-off? What is best for that individual child?

rosieo52 · September 2014

@bhjones I'm totally with you on this one. I could see if I had a September or August birthday, that is near the cut off, but we're talking months here! And holding back for sports is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. It drives me nuts when parents make decisions about schools based on sports and not academics.

Beth.1212 · September 2014

I've heard that it's financially advantageous (to the kid) to start school as early as possible, assuming they are able to complete the school work. Each year of delay means a year of delay before they start earning income, and that affects their lifetime wealth accumulation.

Now, if the delay results in little Bobby becoming a pro athlete, maybe that means more wealth, but the chances of that are so small that they really shouldn't be taken into account.

schnitz9 · September 2014

I don't think the issue is holding the child back 1 year for age and cutoff reasons. To me the issue is these parents are holding their child back 2 years. @erobbins09 you said you would have rather your parents hold you back one year as your Bday is in aug. Would you have wanted them to hold you back 2? That's what these parents are doing. They are not just holding them the extra year until they turn 5, they are holding them another years as well until they turn 6. Never heard of that. I think @mandamoochie had the best example with PA schools. The child could skip kindergarten but this kid isn't he will be a full 2 years behind.

thegoodpotato · September 2014

In our Province, school is by calendar year. Marnie will turn 5 in June and be in Kindergarten that September.

As someone who went through most of my school as the youngest in the class (I skipped a grade in primary school, so I was always a year younger), I don't think it affected anything for me. I was always in class with kids who were a year older, and I just got interested in the things they liked.

I am not sure about the physical end of things... I was never blessed in the agility or physical prowess end of things, so I always sucked at PE anyway. Even as an adult, when I was really fit and thin, I would still trip over my own feet.

I think that this delay is awfully extreme. I would never delay my child that much from joining in school. I kind of think it is going to be more detrimental because he's going to be conspicuously older than the other children....

erobbins09 · September 2014

Yeah absolutely not. 2 years is ridiculous sorry I didn't get into that more. What I meant was for those 2 boys I had in my class, even 1 year was the wrong choice for them. I meant to emphasize the importance of looking at an individual child's needs rather than parental wants.

Regardless, 2 years is a poor choice unless there is something huge we are missing. Nevertheless, the point of IEP's helping a child along without having to hold them back is true. There are ways of augmenting a child's learning within the classroom. But it seems that the reasoning had nothing to do with the child and more to do with a parent wanting to live vicariously through undocumented athletic ability. Just silly.

lizjennings81 · September 2014

My parents delayed my little brother, but only because he had spent most of his first five years speaking Spanish and was having trouble with English (we'd just moved back to the States after a few years in Mexico).

By start time, he was comfortable with the language and could communicate with his peers. He was near the cutoff, so the difference was never that great. Kid ended up graduating from MIT, so in his case it wasn't detrimental.

But starting them late for the potential sports/physical advantage? No.

ems0523 · September 2014

I have had anxiety about when to start my 3 year old in kindergarten since he was born (lol). His birthday is September 1 and I think it is far too young to start him in K at 4 and turning 5 a couple of weeks later. I think it actually should depend on a child's cognitive skills at that point. If your nephew was not ready I can understand but if its for reasons of being a sports superstar or something I don't get it.

mahalo3 · September 2014

The cut off for us is August 31. I totally understand holding a kid back for one year if his birthday is around the cut off date. December is too far past the cut off to be an issue to me. I was born in August and started school right after I turned 5. I was younger than the other kids, and for the most part, I believe I was immature for my grade as well. I think I would have been more mature had I been held back a grade. My husband was also born in August and he started kindergarten right after he turned 6. He did well in private college prep school, and went on to graduate from a great university. I can see the benefit for being a bit older. I do not see at all why anyone would hold their kid back for 2 years. I don't want my barely 5 year old to be in a class with a 7 year old (or worse: my 16 year old in a class with a 18 year old). There were a few older kids in our class, and we just thought they were stupid for being so old in our grade. It's like you are setting your kids up to be made fun of for being held back.

Lchanek · September 2014

Kids in our school district have to enter kindergarten by the time they're 6. R has a February birthday and he'll be going to kindergarten next year as planned. J has an early August birthday and I plan on holding her back from kindergarten for another year.

kimmykaye · September 2014

All my girls will be on the younger side of their grades. Birthdays in May, July, and August. Dd3 will turn 5 the week or week before she starts school. I have no worries for them starting school on time. Dd1 just started Kindergarten last week and she'll be 6 in May. I definitely wouldn't hold my kid back due to sports. We've worked on learning at home (alphabet, numbers, shapes, etc), so I'm not worried about them being behind either. I think our cutoff is Sept 1st, but it could be later (I just know it's Sept). Hope that helps.

gratefulfunmama1001 · September 2014

If I am reading this correctly, they only held him back 1 year, right? He should have by district cut off started last year, but they choose to do an extra year of Pre-K ?

The fact that sports advantage is a rationale, is scary. Chances of your nephew not having insecurities or narcissistic tendencies? Perhaps that's the excuse they use, because they can't deal with the reality of what might be wrong. Was he in a specialized preschool classroom for his speech delays? Does he still have an active IEP or was he released from speech?

Something doesn't add up here. I hope your brother- in-law doesn't push his sports agenda on his son. Actually I kind of hope your nephew hates sports and goes into theater.

ConstanceGoodspeed · September 2014

If your child is not ready to attend school by their cutoff date, then you need to be doing more than just an extra year of pre-school. It means your child is developmentally or academically delayed, and you need to be getting services. If merely repeating pre-school helps your child to "catch up," that maturing could have occurred in a kindergarten setting. We are trained to watch for that and help your child.

I taught kindergarten and special education in an academically rigorous school.

UO: When we saw a child who was held back to "mature," we could pretty much guarantee who the troublesome parents will be (I swore if I heard "gentle giant" one more time I would scream, also it is not my job to "challenge" your 7-year-old in kdg; if he is that bored he should be a grade ahead). Someone has to be the youngest, but they all think it shouldn't be their kid.

Cookie0875 · September 2014

I was held back a year from starting K in FL. My birthday is Sept 7th and the cut off was Sept 1st. I was bored in school in all subjects. In 5th grade, one of my teachers (math/science/social studies) gave me extra more advanced worksheets to do and I LOVED it. In 8th grade, I was finally able to take advanced math, so I wasn't bored in math anymore. In high school, I was in all advanced and AP classes. I always hated being the oldest though and lots of people, especially before high school, thought I was held back until they heard the story. I still think some didn't believe me until we hit high school and it was obvious I wasn't dumb. I wasn't valedictorian or anything, but definitely not stupid. I think holding him back could prove to be a mistake later. Bored kids can have a tendency to act out and have behavioral issues. I'm sure my constant fidgeting wasn't helpful and I REALLY had to focus on not talking to others when I was done with my work.

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