2nd Trimester
tmsb827
member
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Keep wondering if I should stop working for now
tmsb827
member
The pregnancy has not been bad at all compared to other ones I've heard about, but the one thing is my appetite has not been great and I have been exhausted and not sleeping well at all so it just leaves me feeling weak most of the time. I keep trying to work on those issues and sticking it out through work. Since I work from home as a freelancer, I feel like work is the most flexible it will ever get, though they do expect full-time availability.
H has been wanting me to leave the client for a while (I have 1 major client that I work with on a daily basis). The pregnancy has coincided with a lot of changes within the company that have been very stressful for me and the rest of the team in my group and others sometimes mention how they're tearing their hair out or are about to cry over these changes which include shorter deadlines and completely new supervisors who are not fluent in English and since we are all writers, there has been a lot of clashing and time wasting and disagreements. I have had typically 5 hours of sleep every day this past week and we get pressured a lot to work on weekends when there is too much work, they always threaten to bring on new people and to possibly remove others but they say this literally every few weeks and it is bad for morale. Last night they told us everyone needed to take on even more work but I just ignored it because I couldn't realistically do it.
I keep thinking that since I am struggling with depression, once I get that addressed work will be a lot more manageable. But since the change in my shift (due to our new supervisors being overseas), everything has been kind of downhill and I am always stressed out. It is common for people to leave when they cannot handle the full-time work and to come back sometimes a few months later if their circumstances have changed. So I think sometimes that I should just tell them that with my pregnancy, I cannot handle it. I'm also getting pregnancy brain and my focus hasn't been good and that maybe later on I would like to return if at all possible. And since I write for them, that is really important. But then I think that there are people in the group who are in the 3rd trimester and can do it, so I should be able to. Before the shift changes I was able to handle things and really enjoyed what I was doing, but lately I am just going to bed at 2 and getting up at 7 or 8 and wake up feeling miserable. I also haven't really had time for H including the weekends and that frustrates him.
Technically, H and I could afford it if it was just him working as he already brings in most of the money. We would have just enough saved if we had a tiny emergency but then if I stopped working that money might go as well. But I don't want to put even more stress on him and I am afraid that maybe not working might exacerbate the depression. We have no debt but I do not want to be lazy and sometimes in my head it sounds like just because I decided to have a baby it doesn't mean I can't work. H doesn't really understand as almost everyone in his family has been a stay at home mom and relied on one income, while in my family everyone works. He thinks I should really get all the rest I can get before the baby comes. Everyone tells me to not push myself too hard but I don't even do as much work as I used to before the pregnancy, I am only doing the minimum. My family is always asking if I still work and if we have enough money and I don't want to be in a position where we would need the help if I could technically push myself to work.
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Re: Keep wondering if I should stop working for now
In the event that I have no work, my back-up plan was to try to get into tutoring for writing and piano as well as do some magazine writing and news reporting when I can since with those gigs, you basically work as much as you want to or depending on how many story ideas you have. I also used to volunteer but stopped going when I couldn't balance it with what I'm doing now but I do miss the interaction. I just feel guilty because the gig I have now is a steady one but I feel like my body needs something with part-time hours instead.
Bottom line is this job doesn't care about you nearly as much as you care about it, so stop killing yourself to meet the impossible demands.
Of course do what you and your H are comfortable doing, but my opinion is that you're not in a financial position to stop working unless there are other ways you can cut back. Could you find a different freelance job? Or could you find another full-time job that is closer to home? I would probably not talk to your current employer about it unless you have another job lined up, but I wouldn't want to keep working there with the current conditions if I were you.