I've realized recently I have a lot of lingering frustration from the way stuff went down in my family when I was a kid and young adult. I know I need to just let it go at this point, but sometimes I find myself in situations where it's like I'm thrown back to being a teenager again, and I just no longer feel like dealing with other people's issues because I can't change or control them.
I can relate to this on so many levels. I thought I was okay with it all and dealing with everything and then something huge and dramatic happened in my family this past February and sent me into an emotional shit storm. I was the same way that you're finding yourself becoming. I couldn't deal with other people's drama. I just wanted to scream the solution into their face, but they wouldn't hear my anyway. I recently started therapy and I think it's going to help me a lot.
In regards to my parents and divorce I agree with everyone who says it's not okay to talk negatively about the other parent to or around the kids. My mom used to put us on the phone with my dad so we could tell him what a piece of garbage we thought he was. Little did I know when I was 6 that my dad would change my life for the better while my mom was also trying, inadvertently to ruin it!
Wow, that's awful. My brother and I were just privy to too many details of our parents' relationship and ultimate split. And to this day, my mom (who I'm very close to, but sometimes it's just too much), will still go off on tangents about things my dad did. And no way on God's green earth could I ever even mention my father's wife in front of her. I get it, she got a raw deal. But like I said, I can't change it, and that's still my father, bad decisions aside.
ETA: The times in my life I wasn't talking to my dad, my mom was all over me about making peace. Then when I rotated him back into my life, she had a lot to say about that too. Sometimes I just wish everyone would shut up.
Right? Especially now that we are adults. I get being close to one parent or another, or even both, and the whole best friends with your mom or your dad thing is great (general you), but still there should always be some things that are off limits. That being one of them. My mom made herself look like an ass hole in all of it because no matter how bad things got my dad never had a negative thing to say about her. AND THERE WERE PLENTY that could have been said!
My DH's parents are still happily married, but the silver lining in my situation is that it's allowed DH and I to always be realistic and discuss that if one of us ever wants to leave we have to do it in the cleanest, most quiet way possible, for the kids. I anticipate being married to him forever, but we aren't ignorant about it either, which there are some people who don't agree to that way of doing things... I think I rambled.
Not an FFFC but:
Maya's new preschool teacher sent a postcard saying she can't wait to meet her. Which is cute and nice but...
She spelled her name wrong.
I promised Ethan a $30 toy if he jumps in the pool tonight at swimming lessons. He sits on the side of the pool and cries every single lesson. The last seven lessons. Everyone looks at him, and then at me. I keep telling him he will love it, but he won't even try. I'm hoping the bribe works. [-O<
only to here. This sounds like what we went through with keagan. It is so damn frustrating. Sorry you guys are going through it too.
We have a client use the "N" word and other derogatory words on the phone with me. He calls every day. It's hard because he's a client and crotchety old guy who's an self proclaimed Obama hater. I just ignore it. If it was used in a social setting and not a client at work I'd make sure to speak up. I just don't feel it's my place with work.
I'm also not looking forward to potty training. I'm totally fine with diapers except DS is being a dick lately about diaper changes. It's a love/hate thing.
My FFFC: DH and I went to the Packer game last night. DS slept over at my parents and he's there until I'm done with work (half day.) I didn't miss him one ounce last night or today. It just being DH and I gave me a taste of my old life and I truly miss it sometimes. By the end of the day I know I won't be able to wait to pick up DS.
Today is my last day at my current job. I start my new job on Tuesday and I'm scared to death that I've made a terrible mistake. I'm sure I didn't, and it will all work out, and I'll learn the ropes eventually...blah, blah, blah. But right now I'm kicking myself for leaving my comfortable, familiar, safe job and taking a risk. It always seems like a good idea at the time, right?
I guess the FFFC part is that if they hadn't already promoted my assistant director to my old position I would seriously consider backing out and staying here. *sigh*
@momtobeNJ I feel this way a lot too. I've got 4 weeks left at my current job before I leave for my new one. It is scary. I'm very nervous too, but ultimately I know I made the right decision. Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone Hope your first day goes well!
Not an FFFC but:
Maya's new preschool teacher sent a postcard saying she can't wait to meet her. Which is cute and nice but...
She spelled her name wrong.
Are you kidding? Way cute and nice.... could she not, as her teacher, have tried a little harder to spell all the names correctly??? Sad! Even more sad because I bet Maya recognizes her name.
Yes she does. I'm going to try to show her the picture part of the card but not the rest. I don't understand it. I would think she is working off a roster of names they gave her. Oh well, I hope it's not what we have in store at this new school.
james recognizes words but doesn't really understand things being spelled wrong yet. He would either not even make the connection to the word it is supposed to be or "read" the word correctly not noticing the spelling error. Granted, it has never happened with his own name. You can always just put a sticker over her name. James would be way more pumped about a sticker than words.
Re: Inappropriate Inlaws -- When Beb was about 3 months old SIL and family were down here. I was showing her one of Bebs new dresses and she said "That's so cute", my nephew who was around 7 goes "yea, that's so cute" to which she replies stop saying that you sound faggy. He looked so sad. My heart sank as far as my jaw dropped. I didn't know what to do or say so I changed the subject.
Re: Bashing parents -- H's parents divorced when he was 20 but had been unhappily married for many many years before that. They got married because she got KU'd and needed the military's extra benefits. MIL was and is still very negative about FIL. It took H years to realize the poison she had instilled. At one point a couple years ago he said "my dad really is a great man" which he is, it's sad how long he thought otherwise.
Not an FFFC but:
Maya's new preschool teacher sent a postcard saying she can't wait to meet her. Which is cute and nice but...
She spelled her name wrong.
Re: Inappropriate Inlaws -- When Beb was about 3 months old SIL and family were down here. I was showing her one of Bebs new dresses and she said "That's so cute", my nephew who was around 7 goes "yea, that's so cute" to which she replies stop saying that you sound faggy. He looked so sad. My heart sank as far as my jaw dropped. I didn't know what to do or say so I changed the subject.
Re: Bashing parents -- H's parents divorced when he was 20 but had been unhappily married for many many years before that. They got married because she got KU'd and needed the military's extra benefits. MIL was and is still very negative about FIL. It took H years to realize the poison she had instilled. At one point a couple years ago he said "my dad really is a great man" which he is, it's sad how long he thought otherwise.
What is wrong with people! I can't take it when parents disrespect their kids like that. I don't like it when people name-call their children at all, ever.
I don't like it when people on here post about how their kid was an asshole or a jerk, either. I know they're just letting off steam when they post things like that, and not saying it to their kids, but I still just hear it as disrespectful to their children. I'm still upset about the person who posted about their niece being called a little fatty when she was like a month old. Blah, my heart hurts for kids who actually hear insults or derogatory comments coming out of their parents' mouths.
Re: Inappropriate Inlaws -- When Beb was about 3 months old SIL and family were down here. I was showing her one of Bebs new dresses and she said "That's so cute", my nephew who was around 7 goes "yea, that's so cute" to which she replies stop saying that you sound faggy. He looked so sad. My heart sank as far as my jaw dropped. I didn't know what to do or say so I changed the subject.
Re: Bashing parents -- H's parents divorced when he was 20 but had been unhappily married for many many years before that. They got married because she got KU'd and needed the military's extra benefits. MIL was and is still very negative about FIL. It took H years to realize the poison she had instilled. At one point a couple years ago he said "my dad really is a great man" which he is, it's sad how long he thought otherwise.
What is wrong with people! I can't take it when parents disrespect their kids like that. I don't like it when people name-call their children at all, ever.
I don't like it when people on here post about how their kid was an asshole or a jerk, either. I know they're just letting off steam when they post things like that, and not saying it to their kids, but I still just hear it as disrespectful to their children. I'm still upset about the person who posted about their niece being called a little fatty when she was like a month old. Blah, my heart hurts for kids who actually hear insults or derogatory comments coming out of their parents' mouths.
I totally get what your saying. I would NEVER call my son an asshole, jerk, dick whathaveyou to his face. Granted I did just call my son a dick in the post I just made a few comments back but it's the truth. Kids are hard. I get frustrated when he wants something, I give it to him, then he doesn't want it. Or when he doesn't get his way and I have him in my arms he tries to smack me and pull my hair. Toddlers are hard. So I don't think judging a parent based on them calling their child a name (not to their face) is justified because I'd NEVER do that to his face. I'm letting off steam. I'm pretty sure I took what you said personally and even if it wasn't directly at me, I still stings FWIW.
I totally get what your saying. I would NEVER call my son an asshole, jerk, dick whathaveyou to his face. Granted I did just call my son a dick in the post I just made a few comments back but it's the truth. Kids are hard. I get frustrated when he wants something, I give it to him, then he doesn't want it. Or when he doesn't get his way and I have him in my arms he tries to smack me and pull my hair. Toddlers are hard. So I don't think judging a parent based on them calling their child a name (not to their face) is justified because I'd NEVER do that to his face. I'm letting off steam. I'm pretty sure I took what you said personally and even if it wasn't directly at me, I still stings FWIW.
Yeah, there are times when my kids are being jerks, just like there are times I'm less than agreeable. To vent to a fellow mom about a challenging behavior is way different than calling your kid a name. The former I've done when I've been stressed out or looking for some answers, the latter never.
I just signed DD1 up for swim lessons and tumbling class. Now I'm worried that she's 'over scheduled' and that I've become 'that mom'. I know it's silly. I know I need some help getting all her toddler energy out. I know that 4 activities a week between 2 kids isn't too much.
I still feel bad.
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Today is my last day at my current job. I start my new job on Tuesday and I'm scared to death that I've made a terrible mistake. I'm sure I didn't, and it will all work out, and I'll learn the ropes eventually...blah, blah, blah. But right now I'm kicking myself for leaving my comfortable, familiar, safe job and taking a risk. It always seems like a good idea at the time, right?
I guess the FFFC part is that if they hadn't already promoted my assistant director to my old position I would seriously consider backing out and staying here. *sigh*
@momtobeNJ I feel this way a lot too. I've got 4 weeks left at my current job before I leave for my new one. It is scary. I'm very nervous too, but ultimately I know I made the right decision. Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone Hope your first day goes well!
Thanks so much. Best of luck to you, as well! Make the most of the 4 weeks - it will FLY by. I gave more than 4 weeks notice and I'm still rushing around trying to get everything finished up before I leave here today. Bump breaks are giving me little breathers for the sake of my sanity today.
I dated this guy back in college that had recently broke up with his first and only girlfriend. We dated for about a year, realized we weren't in it for the long haul, and broke up. He eventually went back to dating the other girlfriend. They got married this weekend and I feel weird about it. Not like, wanting to be with him, but just feeling insecure and insignificant in his life. So weird, right?
I just signed DD1 up for swim lessons and tumbling class. Now I'm worried that she's 'over scheduled' and that I've become 'that mom'. I know it's silly. I know I need some help getting all her toddler energy out. I know that 4 activities a week between 2 kids isn't too much.
I still feel bad.
DH and I were just saying we wish we had more time to enroll Ethan in more stuff where he can be active and get his energy out. That sounds like a great idea to me. I don't think 2 things is too much.
I just signed DD1 up for swim lessons and tumbling class. Now I'm worried that she's 'over scheduled' and that I've become 'that mom'. I know it's silly. I know I need some help getting all her toddler energy out. I know that 4 activities a week between 2 kids isn't too much.
I still feel bad.
DH and I were just saying we wish we had more time to enroll Ethan in more stuff where he can be active and get his energy out. That sounds like a great idea to me. I don't think 2 things is too much.
I was having this conversation with DH recently too. I feel bad that we did so much with James and have done nothing with Leo. James did gymboree classes in TX then was in gymnastics and music class at the same time, then we traded music for swimming lessons. So two things plus full time daycare. I think we might try gymnastics for both of them this winter and see how it goes. It is hard to pay money for 2 kids to do something when I know they would be just as happy riding bikes in the driveway with their friends.
I just signed DD1 up for swim lessons and tumbling class. Now I'm worried that she's 'over scheduled' and that I've become 'that mom'. I know it's silly. I know I need some help getting all her toddler energy out. I know that 4 activities a week between 2 kids isn't too much.
I still feel bad.
DH and I were just saying we wish we had more time to enroll Ethan in more stuff where he can be active and get his energy out. That sounds like a great idea to me. I don't think 2 things is too much.
I was having this conversation with DH recently too. I feel bad that we did so much with James and have done nothing with Leo. James did gymboree classes in TX then was in gymnastics and music class at the same time, then we traded music for swimming lessons. So two things plus full time daycare. I think we might try gymnastics for both of them this winter and see how it goes. It is hard to pay money for 2 kids to do something when I know they would be just as happy riding bikes in the driveway with their friends.
I keep meaning to ask you about swim lessons. You said James could swim on his own at 2, did you guys to ISR classes or just regular classes? Also, is Leo not taking swim? Because of his ears?
I just signed DD1 up for swim lessons and tumbling class. Now I'm worried that she's 'over scheduled' and that I've become 'that mom'. I know it's silly. I know I need some help getting all her toddler energy out. I know that 4 activities a week between 2 kids isn't too much.
I still feel bad.
DH and I were just saying we wish we had more time to enroll Ethan in more stuff where he can be active and get his energy out. That sounds like a great idea to me. I don't think 2 things is too much.
I was having this conversation with DH recently too. I feel bad that we did so much with James and have done nothing with Leo. James did gymboree classes in TX then was in gymnastics and music class at the same time, then we traded music for swimming lessons. So two things plus full time daycare. I think we might try gymnastics for both of them this winter and see how it goes. It is hard to pay money for 2 kids to do something when I know they would be just as happy riding bikes in the driveway with their friends.
I keep meaning to ask you about swim lessons. You said James could swim on his own at 2, did you guys to ISR classes or just regular classes? Also, is Leo not taking swim? Because of his ears?
I wouldn't say James can swim on his own. He can jump in and get to the wall but it really wears him out to do that a couple of times. Leo goes swimming at our neighbors and his getting really strong at surfacing but can't turn himself around to get back to the wall yet. We didn't do lessons this summer because we had a lot going on during the first session and I never got around to signing them up for the second. James has been asking about taking lessons again so I need to see when their winter sessions start.
I dated this guy back in college that had recently broke up with his first and only girlfriend. We dated for about a year, realized we weren't in it for the long haul, and broke up. He eventually went back to dating the other girlfriend. They got married this weekend and I feel weird about it. Not like, wanting to be with him, but just feeling insecure and insignificant in his life. So weird, right?
Eh, I get it. I think a lot of people have someone that they wouldn't necessarily want to be back with, but that it still stings a little to think of how they moved blithely on.
Re: Inappropriate Inlaws -- When Beb was about 3 months old SIL and family were down here. I was showing her one of Bebs new dresses and she said "That's so cute", my nephew who was around 7 goes "yea, that's so cute" to which she replies stop saying that you sound faggy. He looked so sad. My heart sank as far as my jaw dropped. I didn't know what to do or say so I changed the subject.
Re: Bashing parents -- H's parents divorced when he was 20 but had been unhappily married for many many years before that. They got married because she got KU'd and needed the military's extra benefits. MIL was and is still very negative about FIL. It took H years to realize the poison she had instilled. At one point a couple years ago he said "my dad really is a great man" which he is, it's sad how long he thought otherwise.
What is wrong with people! I can't take it when parents disrespect their kids like that. I don't like it when people name-call their children at all, ever.
I don't like it when people on here post about how their kid was an asshole or a jerk, either. I know they're just letting off steam when they post things like that, and not saying it to their kids, but I still just hear it as disrespectful to their children. I'm still upset about the person who posted about their niece being called a little fatty when she was like a month old. Blah, my heart hurts for kids who actually hear insults or derogatory comments coming out of their parents' mouths.
I totally get what your saying. I would NEVER call my son an asshole, jerk, dick whathaveyou to his face. Granted I did just call my son a dick in the post I just made a few comments back but it's the truth. Kids are hard. I get frustrated when he wants something, I give it to him, then he doesn't want it. Or when he doesn't get his way and I have him in my arms he tries to smack me and pull my hair. Toddlers are hard. So I don't think judging a parent based on them calling their child a name (not to their face) is justified because I'd NEVER do that to his face. I'm letting off steam. I'm pretty sure I took what you said personally and even if it wasn't directly at me, I still stings FWIW.
I know you were just letting off steam, and I really didn't mean it as a flame or judge. I was more saying that it rubs me the wrong way. I'm in no way saying that you calling your son a dick for difficult behavior is anywhere near someone calling their child "faggy" or a "fatty" to their face. Kids ARE hard, and they disobey and they push each of us to our boundaries. But I personally try to take a stance to not use language like that in reference to children, in the same way I try not to bash my husband, on principle.
Please don't take it personally though- it wasn't intended that way.
ETA: I also think I'm in the minority being bothered by that kind of venting
I didn't get much done this summer during my daughter's naps, because I either took a nap too or she slept on me for half her nap.
I'm pretty sure we'll be moving in 6 weeks (just have to get through the inspection process) and I am very excited, but also sad. One of the things I'm most sad about is how much our dog will miss our neighbors. I think 90% of the reason he wants to go outside is to see them.
I just signed DD1 up for swim lessons and tumbling class. Now I'm worried that she's 'over scheduled' and that I've become 'that mom'. I know it's silly. I know I need some help getting all her toddler energy out. I know that 4 activities a week between 2 kids isn't too much.
I still feel bad.
DH and I were just saying we wish we had more time to enroll Ethan in more stuff where he can be active and get his energy out. That sounds like a great idea to me. I don't think 2 things is too much.
I was having this conversation with DH recently too. I feel bad that we did so much with James and have done nothing with Leo. James did gymboree classes in TX then was in gymnastics and music class at the same time, then we traded music for swimming lessons. So two things plus full time daycare. I think we might try gymnastics for both of them this winter and see how it goes. It is hard to pay money for 2 kids to do something when I know they would be just as happy riding bikes in the driveway with their friends.
I think it would be really hard to do activities in the afternoon! I know we will soon be buried under snow and I'm already dreading it. I figure if I get DD1 restarted in lessons this session she will be out of parent tot by the time DD2 is ready to start and then I can have both kids in lessons at the same time even if DH isn't able to go every week.
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I gave a girl who worked for me a written warning for using the word faggot repeatedly. I had told her to not use it, she didn't listen multiple times. She got a warning. She wasn't happy, I didn't give a shit.
Using words like that in an informal, personal setting is bad enough. I cannot even imagine someone using them in a professional setting. People are idiots.
I just signed DD1 up for swim lessons and tumbling class. Now I'm worried that she's 'over scheduled' and that I've become 'that mom'. I know it's silly. I know I need some help getting all her toddler energy out. I know that 4 activities a week between 2 kids isn't too much.
I wouldn't worry about being "that mom" until you're asking every other mom in the gymnastics viewing area how old their kid is and what level they are in. Then explaining why your kid is way to advanced for the level they put her in. Believe me, her 5 year old was not excelling over the other kids in her class. At all. But the next week she had been bumped up and level and shockingly was struggling.
I just signed DD1 up for swim lessons and tumbling class. Now I'm worried that she's 'over scheduled' and that I've become 'that mom'. I know it's silly. I know I need some help getting all her toddler energy out. I know that 4 activities a week between 2 kids isn't too much.
I wouldn't worry about being "that mom" until you're asking every other mom in the gymnastics viewing area how old their kid is and what level they are in. Then explaining why your kid is way to advanced for the level they put her in. Believe me, her 5 year old was not excelling over the other kids in her class. At all. But the next week she had been bumped up and level and shockingly was struggling.
Oh, there will be no bragging...I just hope we don't get kicked out!
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Not an FFFC but:
Maya's new preschool teacher sent a postcard saying she can't wait to meet her. Which is cute and nice but...
She spelled her name wrong.
Are you kidding? Way cute and nice.... could she not, as her teacher, have tried a little harder to spell all the names correctly??? Sad! Even more sad because I bet Maya recognizes her name.
Yes she does. I'm going to try to show her the picture part of the card but not the rest. I don't understand it. I would think she is working off a roster of names they gave her. Oh well, I hope it's not what we have in store at this new school.
My name is spelled wrong once a week in emails. the kicker you ask? My name is boldly in my signature and isn't crazy off the wall.
I think the gesture was great! Everyone loves mail right?
I dated this guy back in college that had recently broke up with his first and only girlfriend. We dated for about a year, realized we weren't in it for the long haul, and broke up. He eventually went back to dating the other girlfriend. They got married this weekend and I feel weird about it. Not like, wanting to be with him, but just feeling insecure and insignificant in his life. So weird, right?
I just signed DD1 up for swim lessons and tumbling class. Now I'm worried that she's 'over scheduled' and that I've become 'that mom'. I know it's silly. I know I need some help getting all her toddler energy out. I know that 4 activities a week between 2 kids isn't too much.
I still feel bad.
Seriously not too much. And your DD1 is very social - she'll thrive so much in those activities.
I also signed up A for swimming and tumbling (Mommy & Me type). And then the once a week preschool to give me some Me Time. So that's 3. Honestly, I'm looking at it as preparing for Winter Survival. Plan alllll the activities to avoid cabin fever.
Where are you guys going? ::wonders if we will be in the same class again::
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Re: FFFC
My DH's parents are still happily married, but the silver lining in my situation is that it's allowed DH and I to always be realistic and discuss that if one of us ever wants to leave we have to do it in the cleanest, most quiet way possible, for the kids. I anticipate being married to him forever, but we aren't ignorant about it either, which there are some people who don't agree to that way of doing things... I think I rambled.
Mya
only to here. This sounds like what we went through with keagan. It is so damn frustrating. Sorry you guys are going through it too.
We have a client use the "N" word and other derogatory words on the phone with me. He calls every day. It's hard because he's a client and crotchety old guy who's an self proclaimed Obama hater. I just ignore it. If it was used in a social setting and not a client at work I'd make sure to speak up. I just don't feel it's my place with work.
I'm also not looking forward to potty training. I'm totally fine with diapers except DS is being a dick lately about diaper changes. It's a love/hate thing.
My FFFC: DH and I went to the Packer game last night. DS slept over at my parents and he's there until I'm done with work (half day.) I didn't miss him one ounce last night or today. It just being DH and I gave me a taste of my old life and I truly miss it sometimes. By the end of the day I know I won't be able to wait to pick up DS.
I don't like it when people on here post about how their kid was an asshole or a jerk, either. I know they're just letting off steam when they post things like that, and not saying it to their kids, but I still just hear it as disrespectful to their children. I'm still upset about the person who posted about their niece being called a little fatty when she was like a month old. Blah, my heart hurts for kids who actually hear insults or derogatory comments coming out of their parents' mouths.
I keep meaning to ask you about swim lessons. You said James could swim on his own at 2, did you guys to ISR classes or just regular classes? Also, is Leo not taking swim? Because of his ears?
Please don't take it personally though- it wasn't intended that way.
ETA: I also think I'm in the minority being bothered by that kind of venting
I'm pretty sure we'll be moving in 6 weeks (just have to get through the inspection process) and I am very excited, but also sad. One of the things I'm most sad about is how much our dog will miss our neighbors. I think 90% of the reason he wants to go outside is to see them.