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Went to the Funeral Home today.

diamante1181diamante1181 member
in Late Term and Child Loss
I could not stop shaking in the director's office. We had to endure the torture of being asked a million questions for 'statistical purposes' (gotta LOVE Illinois laws). It took all of half an hour, but they kept referring to Phoebe as a Fetal Death. I damn near snapped, this is MY BABY. SHE MATTERED. She was a baby, who was born alive, and then left. Why is this such a difficult concept to grasp? *sigh* Now we wait for her pictures to come in the mail, and for her cremains to come back. This is so raw, I really am beside myself.
On 10/23/13 Baby Sophie and Baby Gabriel born at 21+5 weeks. They grew wings and flew away from us. May God bless them always. We love you beans!
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
Phoebe Jaslene born at 19w3d. We love you beba! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers



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Re: Went to the Funeral Home today.

  • lexusolsenlexusolsen member
    I'm so sorry that they were so insensitive. I hate that place. I hope you can find some peace now that the decisions have been made.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • stefugestefuge member
    ((Hugs)). Dealing with the funeral home was so so hard. So many ((hugs)).
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    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
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  • ikrystalikrystal member
    I'm so sorry, going to places like that is never easy.  I hate those technical terms as well, because it takes away from who our babies were.  Hugs to you. 
    Fish Bite Moonbeams:Blog on infant loss and infertility


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  • CheesyPeasCheesyPeas member
    ((hugs)) I'm sorry, hon.  I had some blood work done yesterday, and the order from my doctor had the words "fetal demise" on it, and although I know that was the case, I agree that terms like that seem to take away from who they were.  Phoebe most definitely mattered.  She'll always matter to you guys, and to all of us as well.
    November 2010 - 10.5 week loss  o:) 
    October 2011 - DS (7)  <3 
    July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)  o:) 
    August 2015 - DD (3)  <3 
    April 2018 - 5 week loss o:) 

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  • bunnybun4bunnybun4 member
    big ((hugs))

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    8/12-Suprise BFP- Sweet Bunny Born Sleeping 11/21/12 (19 weeks)

    -5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)

    11/6/13- BO discovered at 7 weeks- natural MC 11/25/13

    8/14- Surpise IF dx...low AMH (.24)- moving on to IVF

    IVF #1- 11/14- 6R5M4F=2 perfect frosties

    12/19/14- FET of 2 embabies = BFP!!!  One Little Bean EDD: 9/3/15

    Everyone Welcome.

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  • ManadaManada member
    I am so sorry. This is a huge hurdle for me too, just trying to get people to understand that lost babies are babies, and little people. They are always part of our lives and our families, and phoebe is definitely part of the world, she matters.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,

    Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.

    Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>

    7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013.  Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.

    My Love:  (the amazing @Healz413)
    Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012.   Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013.
    dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.  

    image

    Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response
    Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos.  1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved.   BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255.  Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!  

    We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014.  Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies.  We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.

    image

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  • forevermyfenixforevermyfenix member
    I'm so sorry. All of those irrelevant questions and "proper terms" that are not proper at all. Our funeral director for Fenix thought it was appropriate to explain why his cremation was so much cheaper than other places because "we get the machine heated up with an adult first so you pay less to cremate a baby." took everything in us to maintain composure as I'm sure it was torture for you as well. I'm so sorry. This is so hard.
    BFP #1 12/19/13 We lost our Fenix 7/31/14 at 36 weeks due to torn umbilical cord
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    My Chart TTA until Feb 2015
    ~*ALL AL WELCOME*~
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  • msunshine123msunshine123 member
    I am so sorry they were so insensitive. Huge ((hugs)).
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  • Maybe JoleisaMaybe Joleisa member
    Big hugs...Phoebe definitely mattered and is very loved.

    image
    TTC since 10/2010
    IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
    IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
    IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
    IVF # 3 (June 2013) = BFN 
    IVF # 4 (September 2013) = BFP Fraternal twin boys! (Loss at 21w6d due to IC on 1/26/14...devastated.)
    3/21/14--TAC (transabdominal cerclage) w/Dr. Davis in NJ
    IVF # 5 (May 2014) = BFN
    FET (August 2014) = BFN

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • healz413healz413 member
    What a horrible experience!
    Our funeral home director was lovely and I still couldn't stand being in that room and answering those questions and talking about cremating Tavin and Casey.
    Sending hugs to you and thinking of Phoebe!
    ****loss discussed*****

    We're queer. I'm 33, have severe stage 4 endo, and had both fallopian tubes removed. My love ("Manada" on the boards, 32) was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. We did Partner IVF (my eggs, her uterus). We lost our twins Tavin and Casey at 21 weeks gestation.

    Our IUIs
    with @Manada: IUI# 1-7 (December 2012- September 2013) all BFN. Tried natural, femara, clomid, puregon/follistim, clomid and menopur combo, both the ovidrel and HCG triggers.

    Our IVFs:
    IVF #1 my eggs November/December 2013: Cancelled IVF due to poor response

    IVF #2 my eggs/Manada's uterus January/February 2014
    BCPs and lupron overlap Stimmed: 1/22-2/2: Bravelle and Menopur (dosage ranged from B300 and M150 to B375 and M150 to B300 and M225)
    2/4 retrieved 10 eggs. Endo was much worse than expected. Only 3 eggs fertilized; February 7 transferred two day 3 embryos, froze one. All great condition.
    BFP eve of 6dp3dt; Beta 1 (11dp3dt): 110; Beta 2 (13dp3dt): 175; Beta 3 (15dp3dt): 348; Beta 4 (19dp3dt): 2222; Beta 5 (21dp3dt): 4255
    1st ultrasound (3/6  6w 1d): TWINS!!!! Twin A measuring 6w1d with a heartbeat of 118bpm. Twin B measuring 6w0d with a heartbeat of 113bpm. 

    ***July 18, 2014 we lost our beautiful babies at 21 weeks gestation. They were born too early. Tavin Sara T. and Casey Elizabeth T. are beautiful and precious and we will love them and miss them forever.***

    FET #1 December 2014
    Intralipid infusion on Dec 10. Transfer of 1 day 3 nine-cell embryo into my uterus on Dec. 19. (acupuncture immediately before and after)
    BFP on Dec. 27; Beta 1 Jan 2 (14dp3dt): 665, Beta 2 Jan 4 (16dp3dt): 1859, Beta 3 Jan 6 (18dp3dt): 4449, Beta 4 Jan 10 (22dp3dt): 12,251.



      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • thiscoffeechickthiscoffeechick member
    edited August 2014
    I'm so sorry you had to endure such a painful experience. Phoebe is most definitely a baby and she absolutely matters. The world is a better place because she was alive in it. (((Hugs)))
    This signature is all for YOU. I'm on mobile and can't see crap.
    MMC EDD: 1/5/2015  D&C: 5/31/14
    MC    EDD: 4/21/15 Lost: 8/24/14
    BFP for my Rainbow!! 11/6/14
    EDD: 7/20/15

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