February 2015 Moms

A note regarding weight gain posts

Good morning lovelies!

I want to address this now and get some feedback because many of us are showing and beginning to put on weight.  I just want to remind everyone that how much weight we gain or lose in the coming months is going to vary drastically.  Some may gain 20 lbs, some 70, while another may lose weight during the course of their pregnancy.  As long as you are being monitored by your doctor or midwife and you and the baby are healthy you should not worry.  If you are concerned about weight gain please address it with your doctor.  Gaining weight or not gaining weight does not dictate who you are or who you will be as a mother.  EVERY body is different, every pregnancy is different.  Remember to love yourselves and cut yourself some slack. 

Also, as we progress through the 2nd trimester and into the 3rd it's common to see "How much weight have you gained?!" threads.  These never end well and usually involve a lot of women feeling judged.  It can be particularly hurtful to those with ED's.  Let's try to avoid those. 

In summation: Love yourself and your body, it's doing some pretty amazing things! <3
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Re: A note regarding weight gain posts

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  • You ladies are awesome :) I think that's the thing... With having lost control of weight before (partying and late night pizza orders with a serious decline of physical activity post-high school) the thought of putting it on, for any reason, is tough. I was set to do a Tough Mudder in a month and was stoked at being in the best shape in my adult life... I've just decided not to let myself stress as long as I'm not being careless with what I eat. And I just moved my Mudder to a post baby/get in shape goal :)

    But we are making little humans, so however that happens and so long as they are healthy, who's to say there's one right way?

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  • Very well said @WanderingA‌! I haven't gained anything and have only lost! But now that I'm in 2nd tri I'm really hoping that I'll start to gain some! I know people may say they're jealous of those who have not gained any weight! But to be truthful it's worried me this whole time because I feel like I'm denying my baby everything he needs! I've not had any MS this whole time so it's hard to understand why my body has no appetite. My dr keeps reassuring me that the baby is getting everything he needs and to not worry. So I have to stay calm about it and just hope that one day I'll start gaining. Every pregnancy is different but all we can hope for are healthy babys and healthy moms.
  • @WanderingA Very well said.

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  • I'm sorry, @krendel1990‌ , I'm a recovering anorexic/bulimic & if anyone says anything about my butt getting bigger, I just freak out. It's hard to acknowledge any weight gain/loss---even healthy! Just keep trying to feed that baby & take your prenatals! It's eating anything you are giving it, so don't be too worried unless your doctor is worried!

    I threw up a lot this pregnancy too. Do you think it's because our gag reflexes have been trained to be more sensitive?
  • Woah @krendel1990‌ TOTALLY inappropriate. Those people seriously need a throat punch.
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  • You're doing great, mama! Message me if you ever have a bad body day & want to talk about it. @krendel1990‌
  • @krendel1990‌ I cannot believe that your coworkers actually said that to you. Regardless of whether or not they know your past history, it is never ok to comment on a woman's weight like that, pregnant or not. You and @foxslaw‌ and any other ED moms are brave and strong. 
    I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum from you ladies, I'm very overweight because I spent my childhood and young adult ooh with very poor eating habits. Because of that, I have constant struggles with seeing the numbers on the scale and have a small panic attack every time I have to get weighed. I have to remind myself that I'm pregnant and by the end will have 6-9 lbs of baby inside.
    It is important to remember that we are doing this for the baby, and right now the numbers don't matter.
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  • @krendel1990 seriously that is horrible, hugs for you--don't stress either way, your baby IS getting what it needs and you just keep doing the best you can with the fruits and veg. Are you taking a prenatal vitamin? I just am appalled that people think it's ok to comment on a woman's (especially a pregnant woman's!) weight. 
    Yes I am taking a prenatal gummy, my stomach can't handle the pills and my doctor said it was fine. I have good days sometimes, so I try to pack as much healthy food in as I can on those days. Thanks for the kind comments.
    Then you're good to go lady, don't spend another minute worrying. Honestly our bodies are amazing and the little creatures we're growing are amazing. If you're eating something and drinking something, your kid is going to be a'ok! 

    Geez for REAL, group hug. I think it's hard enough to struggle with body image and weight gain/weight loss, and am I starving my kid, and am I going to be a terrible mother without having to compare yourself to anyone (everyone!) else. 
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  • @krendel1990‌
    Those co-workers supremely piss me off!

    I've also recovered from anorexia and bulimia (age 13 to 30) so it was about time!

    Like you and @foxslaw‌ I was a pro at vomiting. And MS really does a mind fuck to the tiny bits of the ED that's left behind.

    Talk to your doctor or midwife if you're worried. Also, if your MS hasn't eased up there are medications for that (in Canada, I don't think they're prescribed in the states). Also, your baby is a parasite and takes what it needs so the main concern is to keep your nutrition up so that you don't get malnourished and osteo and all that fun stuff we used to have to worry about with ED.

    To commiserate, I've had a hard time with some family and friends who don't understand how f-Ed up a persons' body can get from years of starvation. In recovery I became really fat and people started commenting on my food and asking about exercise. My strategy is to educate them when I have the strength and ignore them and murder them in my mind when I don't. I swim 5 times a week and walk an hour a day, and they knew this but my weight gain didn't make sense to them.
  • Exactly @CatLadyTX‌ ! Let's just all help each other keep that perspective going! It's BABY weight. :)

    Though, as a side note, pregnancy has done wonders for my eating habits. I never skip meals, I eat healthy, and I actually indulge! Before I got preggo I was even still dairy free, low carb, low fat, no fun.
  • Just an FYI for FTMs, if you're curious about how much extra "luggage" comes with baby toward the end of your pregnancy: https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/pregnancy-childbirth/pregnancy-concerns/gaining-weight/how-your-weight-gain-adds

    As a FTM, I freaked a bit when I gained 4 lbs over the Internet-researched-recommended (silly I know) weight gain number until I talked with my OB, and she laid my fears to rest. I agree with PPs: listen to your body and try not to worry unless your doc tells you otherwise.

    I greatly admire you mamas and MTB who have struggled/still struggle with ED. I can only imagine how frightening it would seem to pretty much lose control over your body in terms of weight loss/gain as you progress through pregnancy. And my appreciation of the genuine concern and support from the rest of the ladies on this board has grown exponentially after reading this thread. Sorry that was cheesy. Just warms my heart to see such authentic compassion and empathy.
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  • Yeah ^ actually what to expect when you're expecting broke down all the weight game in a super non scary way for me...and I don't remember if I already said it hear, but they have a section on struggling with ED & body image issues that I found comforting. I know the guide is approximate, but it helped me screw my head on right and realize that the mini candy bar I'm eating isn't going straight to my butt.
  • @HerHighness‌ couldn't agree more :)

    Thinking of body image issues with regards to soon-to-be Kiddos really sobers me up too. I could be thinner, but I am healthy and active. And that's what I want to portray. I'd hate myself if my kid hated themselves because they emulated my behavior.

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  • That bitch may have worked her ass off but she also won the genetic lottery. I used to work out like a champ in college and never in a million years could be that fit. Even with psycho dieting and exercise.

    I will say she does look fabulous but apples and oranges people.
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  • I really needed to see this! My mil asked how much weght I gained today..said 8lbs. She replies that I need to watch my weight gain and only gain 15 more AND I can get surgery like she did after. Seriously WTF...made me so upset even though im on track according to drs guidelines. People are so mean :(
  • Love this post (and I'm purposely bumping it up in case if anyone missed it from earlier).  Pregnancy weight gain is SO personal and widely varies.  My weight gain with this pregnancy has been so different from my first, which I attribute to continuing to exercise in a moderate, healthy way and eating mostly healthy foods. :)  Either way, take care of yourself and the LO. :)
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  • I am really struggling with the weight gain. Most of the time I feel fine, but then I have bad moments where I can't stop pinching the fat on my body. I know I'm doing my job by putting on weight & having a healthy baby...but what do you girls do when weight gain has you down...I mean, what do you do in addition to looking on the bright side & getting perspective? I guess I'm looking for action-oriented advice?
  • foxslawfoxslaw member
    edited September 2014


    foxslaw said:

    I am really struggling with the weight gain. Most of the time I feel fine, but then I have bad moments where I can't stop pinching the fat on my body. I know I'm doing my job by putting on weight & having a healthy baby...but what do you girls do when weight gain has you down...I mean, what do you do in addition to looking on the bright side & getting perspective? I guess I'm looking for action-oriented advice?

    I don't know the answer, but just wanted to tell you that you are the cutest thing ever and I wish you could see that!

    ***
    Thank you! Hope all is well with your ED recovery too @krendel1990‌. You definitely matter to me on this board. ;)
  • @foxslaw‌ it has been getting to me bad and from what I understand for a twin pregnancy it's only get a lot worse for me. My mom (bless her heart) just doesn't understand and makes jokes about how "big" I am and will get. It is all I can do to not snap.

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  • Thanks, @jennhillhoite‌! Now that I have kinda "popped" I'll try this!

    I'm really sorry @chickyclg‌! Those comments are the worst! Especially because the people (although they mean well) who usually make them don't really understand body image issues (at least in my experience).
  • I hope it helps, @foxslaw‌. Hugs and know that you're amazing and beautiful.
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  • Yes. Great post. 
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  • I hope it helps, @foxslaw‌. Hugs and know that you're amazing and beautiful.

    Thank you! So are you @jennhillhoite‌! Was it your mom (in the spam post) that was commenting on your weight? That doesn't seem fair! I'm sorry she ignores that it hurts your feelings.
  • foxslaw said:

    I hope it helps, @foxslaw‌. Hugs and know that you're amazing and beautiful.

    Thank you! So are you @jennhillhoite‌! Was it your mom (in the spam post) that was commenting on your weight? That doesn't seem fair! I'm sorry she ignores that it hurts your feelings.
    Yeah. She started in when I was in middle school. I'm used to it now (sadly). I struggle with self esteem and self worth because of it. I use what I've learned in psychology to remind me that these are her issues and not mine so I shouldn't focus on them. Education has been my saving grace.
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  • What great advice @WanderingA‌! Thank you! I think you're right, when I DO get a healthy dose of perspective it helps a lot.

    Very true @jennhillhoite‌. Education in general is just so, so, so, so, so important!
  • It helps for me to read that other people have weight anxiety about pregnancy. I didn't think I would, but lately I've been having a lot of trouble.

    I had a minor melt-down in the grocery store yesterday with DH. I am not on-track with my weight gain. At my last appointment, my doctor told me she wasn't worried yet, but I should "indulge" myself more before my next appointment. My biggest problem is that I almost never feel hungry- the doctor said that sometimes pregnant women lose their appetite as their stomach is compressed by the uterus. She said it was normal, and to try to eat every two hours or so- something small. 

    So we went to the grocery store.  I went through the aisles and tried to pick things out that were tempting. Suddenly I got totally overwhelmed and started crying on DH's shoulder. After so many years of being so careful of what I ate, I found it really stressful to specifically seek out "indulgent" food. I kept trying to find the healthiest indulgent food. Like avocados and nuts. When DH would try to put something truly fun in the cart, I'd get really anxious. 

    I've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder. I've always been careful about my weight, activity, and diet. I always thought that when a doctor told me that I should eat more, like during pregnancy, I'd enjoy it. Instead, I find it really scary and overwhelming. It seems silly, but it's one of the harder adjustments I've had to make. Or have to make, since I'm still having trouble.
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  • @krendel1990‌ I say we take all of our excess snark and send it their way. They need to be kicked in the throats...
    Hugs all around! (Or awkward half hugs to the ladies that would prefer those. Whatever works!)
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