25 weeks pregnant, think I have to leave him

ginger0917 · August 2014

I don't think this marriage can or will survive. I'm so sad and so alone. He will no longer do counseling with me, never has tried one suggestion counselor had, while I have made every sacrifice and effort in the book.
I am heartbroken. I'm almost 7 months pregnant and I have to sleep on the couch bc he doesn't want to be near me.
I think I've finally hit my limit.
I was just hoping to hear someone else has made it through this and come out on the other side better off.

Thank you for "listening"

Amandak2012 · August 2014

I'm sorry! T&P!!

CandEChicago · August 2014

ginger0917 said:
I don't think this marriage can or will survive. I'm so sad and so alone. He will no longer do counseling with me, never has tried one suggestion counselor had, while I have made every sacrifice and effort in the book.
I am heartbroken. I'm almost 7 months pregnant and I have to sleep on the couch bc he doesn't want to be near me.
I think I've finally hit my limit.
I was just hoping to hear someone else has made it through this and come out on the other side better off.

Thank you for "listening"

So sorry to hear...but also wanted to day since it appears you are new...Welcome & congrats.

Have you told him that you are frustrated with his lack of participation and that you need something to change at this point? Personally if DH had issues sleeping next to me he would be the one on the couch.

caden1206 · August 2014

I really hope you guys work it out. Do you have family that can help.you get through this tough time? I hate to think.you are sleeping on the couch because he is being hateful.

rshamos · August 2014

No advice, but T&Ps. Do what is best for you and the baby, that's all that matters.

bbynixon2 · August 2014

Im so sorry. That cant be easy. No advice but my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Eora3 · August 2014

Yikes! If you are the one banished to the couch, it sounds like it is time to pack a bag. A man who would kick a pregnant woman out of her own bed would not be on my list of desirable life partners.

If you have tried therapy and it didn't work, it might be time to try a legal separation. First, talk to a lawyer and get your financial situation figured out. If he is making you sleep on the couch, he may be getting ready to file for divorce anyway. Better to be prepared and know what your legal and financial options are.

You leaving him might be the wake up call he needs, but it might also give you some perspective so you can decide if he is worth any more of your time.

Good luck!

ginger0917 · August 2014

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately it's been terrible like this for a while now (about 7 months). It continues to get worse and worse. I work full time, he doesn't work, I pay for us to live (we barely squeak by), he self medicates w herbs and alcohol (promised me over and over he'd stop or get help) and is a shell of what a man should be, really.
I'm so tired of the excuses, the meanness, the selfishness.
I've never come first to him (even though my concerns and fears are valid) and it's gotten much worse over time.
I'm thankful for this munchkin but will not bring a child into this. I just don't know where to start. I'm frozen. He's told me it's over multiple times (always out of anger) but this time I think a cord snapped.
He doesn't contribute, is always in his own pity party, and always screams and yells at me if I try to be honest about something. Tells me he doesn't have even one good thing in his life.
He's never hit me, but I'm tired of living in fear of being berated. Can't keep doing this. I can't physically or emotionally take it.
I really appreciate being able to vent a little on here and not be judged. I can't tell you how good it feels to be able to just "talk" about it. Thank you so much.

Eora3 · August 2014

Hugs! It sounds like you know what you need to do for yourself and your baby. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Even though the therapy didn't help your relationship, it wouldn't be a bad idea to pursue it for yourself. This is a lot to handle and process for anyone but I am sure pregnancy makes it especially difficult and emotional.

Cheekers2010 · August 2014

I'm very sorry.

NolanRyanLady · August 2014

Get out! Plain and simple.

It's never easy and weighs so heavy on you.

Remove the stress and you and baby will be happy!

T&Ps!

designchica · August 2014

I'm sorry hun. I just ended my relationship and I am 6 months pregnant. I know it isn't easy, but if you are miserable and he refuses to go to counseling, it may be better to cut your losses and free yourself of this dead weight so you can have the energy and time for your baby.

nesenotes · August 2014

I'm sorry you are going through this. He sounds absolutely miserable to deal with.

CandEChicago · August 2014

ginger0917 said:
Thanks everyone. Unfortunately it's been terrible like this for a while now (about 7 months). It continues to get worse and worse. I work full time, he doesn't work, I pay for us to live (we barely squeak by), he self medicates w herbs and alcohol (promised me over and over he'd stop or get help) and is a shell of what a man should be, really.
I'm so tired of the excuses, the meanness, the selfishness.
I've never come first to him (even though my concerns and fears are valid) and it's gotten much worse over time.
I'm thankful for this munchkin but will not bring a child into this. I just don't know where to start. I'm frozen. He's told me it's over multiple times (always out of anger) but this time I think a cord snapped.
He doesn't contribute, is always in his own pity party, and always screams and yells at me if I try to be honest about something. Tells me he doesn't have even one good thing in his life.
He's never hit me, but I'm tired of living in fear of being berated. Can't keep doing this. I can't physically or emotionally take it.
I really appreciate being able to vent a little on here and not be judged. I can't tell you how good it feels to be able to just "talk" about it. Thank you so much.

I think you have provided your own response above.

If that is the case...seek individual therapy to help with the transition and see a lawyer to discuss legal options (financial, custody, etc.) Just because he hasn't physically hit you doesn't mean there isn't emotional or financial abuse.

CandEChicago · August 2014

designchica said:
I'm sorry hun. I just ended my relationship and I am 6 months pregnant. I know it isn't easy, but if you are miserable and he refuses to go to counseling, it may be better to cut your losses and free yourself of this dead weight so you can have the energy and time for your baby.

@designchica - With everything going on I was wondering if you were going to chime in. Glad to see you typed that you have ended the relationship. Keep us updated over the next several days as you feel comfortable.

saltsandwater · August 2014

Thoughts and prayers. I absolutely second the therapist suggestion. I started w one this week- this is definitely the time to seek outside support and make sure you're in the best possible place, emotionally and physically.

Kmm1023 · August 2014

So sorry. Take care of yourself! Being in a lonely relationship is worse then being single! You sound more then capable to take of this lo on your own!

allfalldown14 · August 2014

The night I ended up on the couch was the night I decided I was done. I think you know what you need to do! Hope you can get out before the baby comes -- you will have a huge weight off your shoulders even if other things are still hard.

amedbery · August 2014

Sounds like he is the one who needs to pack a bag. I'm glad you have found the courage to get yourself out of this situation. A lawyer can help get an emergency order to get him out. I know it's scary, but you'll thank yourself for this!

JulieSC81 · August 2014

Im so sorry. My SO is in rehab right now. If your SO is drinking alcohol excessively (you said self medicating), it sounds like he needs the same thing. Dont put up with it or make excuses for it. It sounds like your SO is emotionally and verbally abusive. If i were in your shoes, i would get a restraining order. My SO was not ever abusive but i used to be in an abusive relationship. It never got better. Only worse. Luckily we had no children together. Im so sorry. Please vent here. These ladies are awesome. Remember, your children are sponges. Whatever you allow in the home and however you allow yourself to be treated is how your children may end up being treated and how they may treat others. It will become "normal" and "ok" to them. Please keep us upsated

. It sounds like you already know you want to leave. Im all for trying therapy and interventions first but if it doesnt work...you know what you have to do.

mamacomeau876 · August 2014

Throw him out and climb back into your bed! He isn't contributing to the household or your well being. Maybe some time alone will give him the reality check he needs. He will either smarten up and be the man you so want and need him to be or he will remain the same and you will find peace with your decision knowing it's what's best. nobody should have to deal with this.
Take care

lulubellelawhon · August 2014

Sweet heart I have been through the same situation to the T with my ex-husband. You need to seek an attorney for the divorce and start the process. I went and stayed with my family for the end of my pregnancy with my son and it was very emotionally rough. But I will say, i am so glad that it's over. My son benefits from me not being in a hurtful and emotionally abusive relationship. All that matters now is you and that baby. If you're not happy your child will not be happy. I was determined to show my son a better me. I kept struggling with my ex-husband after my son was born for almost a year and it was the worst time ever. I began to regret having my son and that was completely unacceptable for me. So please don't wait that long. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict and I can tell you this without a doubt. He will not stop drinking or self medicating until he gets tired of it himself, and by you paying for the living expenses you are enabling him to continue his behavior. My ex has problems with pills and marijuana and still does. He will not see it fit to stop until his consequences have been great enough. And for some people the consequences are never great enough and they have no bottom to hit. You need to run as far away from this as possible. Don't struggle through it hoping it will change because I can tell you it takes a lot of work and a ton of self seeking to begin to get sober. It's a very tough process to face all your demons and look at yourself. I can also tell you it takes a lot more effort to stay sober. I sometimes still struggle but I got help and found methods and coping skills to help me through life. If he isn't willing to do counseling then it will be a long while before he will change and even longer before he will know how to maintain that change. I hope the best for you sweetheart and I pray that you take the advice. If you need any help please feel free to email me. My name is shannon. Jones7187@icloud.com. The strong for yourself and for that baby.

CandEChicago · August 2014

lulubellelawhon said:
Sweet heart I have been through the same situation to the T with my ex-husband. You need to seek an attorney for the divorce and start the process. I went and stayed with my family for the end of my pregnancy with my son and it was very emotionally rough. But I will say, i am so glad that it's over. My son benefits from me not being in a hurtful and emotionally abusive relationship. All that matters now is you and that baby. If you're not happy your child will not be happy. I was determined to show my son a better me. I kept struggling with my ex-husband after my son was born for almost a year and it was the worst time ever. I began to regret having my son and that was completely unacceptable for me. So please don't wait that long. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict and I can tell you this without a doubt. He will not stop drinking or self medicating until he gets tired of it himself, and by you paying for the living expenses you are enabling him to continue his behavior. My ex has problems with pills and marijuana and still does. He will not see it fit to stop until his consequences have been great enough. And for some people the consequences are never great enough and they have no bottom to hit. You need to run as far away from this as possible. Don't struggle through it hoping it will change because I can tell you it takes a lot of work and a ton of self seeking to begin to get sober. It's a very tough process to face all your demons and look at yourself. I can also tell you it takes a lot more effort to stay sober. I sometimes still struggle but I got help and found methods and coping skills to help me through life. If he isn't willing to do counseling then it will be a long while before he will change and even longer before he will know how to maintain that change. I hope the best for you sweetheart and I pray that you take the advice. If you need any help please feel free to email me. My name is ABCDEFG. HIJKLMNOP@QRSTUV.WXYZ The strong for yourself and for that baby.

@lulubellelawhon‌ - please consider editing your post to remove your email address. You can send her a PM with you email.

For your safety I have removed it out if my quote...along with your IRL name. L

jjgypsy · August 2014

To quote Dr. Phil," The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for, say, a year, is being in a bad relationship for a year and one day."

Best wishes!

hellopartyof5 · August 2014

From what you've said, it definitely doesn't seem like he's worth your time. I wonder if there's a way to get him out of the house rather than you leaving...

kayak11 · August 2014

I am so sorry that you're going through this! All PP had great advice...sending T&Ps to you!

SerenityAE · August 2014

Thoughts and prayers! I'm so sorry this is happening!

He's living in a house you provide for with your job. You don't have to pack the bag and leave. He has to pack his bag and leave.

Talk to a lawyer and see what your rights are.

A close friend of mine had to leave her husband when her infant was 3 months old for a lot of the same things you have going on. It was really hard but she said if she had to do it again she'd have left before her son was born.

He's only going to make your life miserable. Better to get him out of your life now than further down the road, the longer you wait the worse he will become. Alcohol is not something you want to try to contend with.

Katiegmiami · August 2014

Get out now! As hard as it might seem to leave, you will be happy you did before the baby's arrival. You need to think of you and your child first - because he obviously is not thinking of either one of you. You are about to be a mother to a beautiful new life, you do not need to be his mother too. RUN!!!!

Sending you T&P - and big hugs too!!!

amieeyoung · August 2014

My ex husband was similar in this respect. I just dealt with it, and somehow rationalized it. It happened slowly over time, until it just seemed normal. It will be harder once you have your kid, so I'd get everything started now (if you are married start the process for divorce; if not married kick him out). Seek out support of family and friends. I promise it is so hard now, but later you will thank yourself.

argyledogs · August 2014

Make sure to protect yourself & baby financially. If your name is on all the bills, put all his junk outside and change the locks (and ask the police to drive around every once in awhile b/c you're kicking out your alcoholic husband).

If you aren't the primary on house, etc, get your name off all the bills and SPLIT! Don't give him a cent. Document abusive behavior, drinking, etc to use in court later. Use your head and make a plan before jumping into something that could bite you in the butt later in court.

abenson3 · August 2014

I think PP have given great advice, but wanted to say the I am sincerely sorry that you have to go through this, especially while pregnant, but you are stronger than you realize for having the courage to leave this bad situation.

erynpdx · August 2014

I'm so sorry you're going through this. PPs have pretty much hit the nail on the head, but T&P for your safety and happiness.

ColoradoBoat · August 2014

T&Ps!!! You are one tough lady and PPs have great advice re: legal and financial matters. One of my best friend's moved out at 7 months pregnant (he owned house, they didn't get along, luckily no addiction issues). They ended up filing for an amicable divorce 3 mos after baby was born and she is SOOO much happier not being with him. I'm sure it's very hard now, but it will get better.

Sound off here if you need any help/advice. I hope you have family and friends close that you can rely on. Don't be surprised if people step up. You will be okay. Hugs

bombe4 · August 2014

Nothing new to add, but keeping you and your LO in my t&ps.

Beevol · August 2014

*hugs*

You are doing what is best for you and for your baby. Seek legal counsel and do what you have to do before the baby is born (including seeing an individual therapist if possible).

You deserve to sleep in your own bed. You deserve to feel safe in your own home. You deserve to have people who support you and nurture you.

freakyfast · August 2014

I am so very sorry you are going through this. You know what you have to do. So get a lawyer and start the process. Do what is best for you and baby.

designchica · August 2014

I wanted to add that when I kicked the father of my baby out, TONS of people stepped up to help. I think it may surprise you how much people want to help, especially when it means helping you get out of a bad relationship.

Annya26 · August 2014

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry and I wish you all the best! Hopefully you can rally a good support team and then focus all your love and energy on your baby.

CandEChicago · August 2014

designchica said:

I wanted to add that when I kicked the father of my baby out, TONS of people stepped up to help. I think it may surprise you how much people want to help, especially when it means helping you get out of a bad relationship.

@designchica - Yay for progress! Glad the support system kicked in.

SEP53 · August 2014

I am so sorry

it certainly sounds like he has severe depression and is simply taking out his lack of confidence and emotional stability on you. I'm with all the other ladies; baby and you need to be free from this. It will only become harder with a newborn in the picture. By the sounds of it, he only stays for the financial support. Find a trusted friend or family member and stay with them until you feel comfortable living on your own. It might be a safe idea to have a friend or family member with you when you pack your bags to leave. In your vulnerable state, having support is essential. We all may not know you but we all are very much there for you as we can be

I pray your days get easier

hang in there!!

VyD81 · August 2014

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have a friend that knew her marriage wasn't going to last at 4 months pregnant. She stayed with him until delivery so he's there just in case even though they both knew they were going to separate soon after. They divorced a month after baby is born and everything worked out well for her, they both co-parent both kids and both remarried. She's now in a loving relationship with a great man that loves both of her kids.

I hope things will work out for the better for you.

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