Raging...cont of my post from Sunday...

Eve_Angelique · August 2014

With the help of you lovlies that I was not wrong in being upset at how my cousin handled the non-malicious shoving situation situation, I sent her an e-mail last night telling her how I was hurt by what she was insinuating about me and my husband as parents and how I know that we have different parenting but that we need to accept that we are both just doing what is best for our own children etc. She sent me back a total rude and downright bitch response. I am just raging and can't believe that she would respond so cold. I'm not even sure how I can respond, I am going to wait until I am not in such a pissy mood for sure though...

Here is what I sent:

"I was pretty hurt in the way that you seemed to insinuate that we don't discipline our child or that we have somehow taught him that pushing is ok. And it seems you think that he was somehow being malicious. The boys are 2. They don't understand that concept of how what they do affects other people. Pushing is not something that we tolerate in our house either, it's not something we have taught him or do to him. If you would have been down by the boys you would have seen that I did discipline T and give him a time out for what he did.

I know that we parent in very different ways, but I don't think that is reason for you to think that how we are raising our child is wrong. We are doing what is best for our child and our styles. I know that you are doing what is best for your child and your styles. But I felt that the way that you decided to just leave and not address the issue was maybe not the best action.

I just wanted to write to let you know how I felt. I love you and wish the best for you and your family always."

Here is how she responded:

"My child was hit once and then pushed by your child unprovoked-C was walking AWAY. C has never been hit or pushed like that by any child and he goes to Sunday school, daycare, swim lessons and preschool with other 2 year olds. The only conflicts that ever occur is when its over sharing toys (which is a teachable moment for both children), not children shoving other children for no reason. I have not witnessed behavior like that before and don't care to again. Where he learned that behavior, isn't the point. The point is that I wasn't going to wait around for it to happen again. It had already happened twice in the 10 minutes total they had even been around each other for the day. The other reason I left is that I would have given you and Micah a piece of my mind and probably said things I later came to regret, so it was safer to leave. Also C was scared to death and wanted to go home, which is very sad.

Let's just agree to disagree on this issue, as our parents styles are clearly quite different."

The italics just really pushed me over the edge, really??? We did have a sharing issue and my husband was right there and did have a teachable moment where he took the toy away and said "No C was playing with that toy, you play with this" And that was fine. I am just so sad that this is how she is going to act. We are family and it seems that she never wants to be around us ever again, which I guess means no more family events if this is how she is going to be. I read the email in line at IKEA and cried the whole way home because I can't believe how cold she is being.

Robeano · August 2014

Wow! I am so sorry your cousin would write this. She clearly has no idea about children's behaviour!!

Eve_Angelique · August 2014

Yeah, she's a little delusional. Also, are you with your kid 24/7? No she is not - I guarantee in one of those other situations day-care or sunday school, that HAS indeed happened.

Edit: Also I was nothing but cordial wishing her well and she just ended so cold. Honestly as adults and mothers can't we just support each other and know that raising kids is tough work!

Ruthie04 · August 2014

Holy crap. That's amazing. And, I'd be willing to bet money that perfect C has been pushed by another two year old before, but that she wasn't told because it is such a typical toddler behavior.

FWIW, my boys have never been in a child care setting or with other children without me. DS1 shoves, hits, and bites. DS2 has never done any of these things. Same parenting, same developmental level- one does it, one does not. I NEVER taught him that and there's no way he picked it up from another child because I would have seen it. It's just normal toddler frustration and he learned it gets him what he wants.

I think, above all else, this situation proves that you know a great deal more about child development than your cousin. So sorry you are dealing with this nonsense!

summererobinson · August 2014

I would tell her shes over reacting. If she thinks her child will never push or be pushed, she’s delusional. Shes going to be one of those parents that when the child gets it trouble they don’t believe it.

Robeano · August 2014

I agree with PP I guarantee her son has been pushed before. I volunteer at my gym's child minding for 3 hours a week, we don't tell the parents every time their child is pushed, it would get ridiculous!

mdiblasi10 · August 2014

SO frustrating!!!! But like Ducky said, you clearly cannot change her delusional mind on any of it. If it were me, I would stay away from them. You don't need to deal with that. I hate to hear that you were crying, as you did nothing wrong. I am sorry that this is happening to you, especially with family

MJC1116 · August 2014

This is so annoying to me because these types of parents never change and always place the blame on everyone else around them. I have parents of children in my class who are like this who can't seem to see past the tips of their own noses. They live in complete DENIAL.

Agree with everyone above -- you can't change them, and it's probably not even worth it to broach the subject further because she'll probably just say more to hurt your feelings. Just know that it's not you and rest assured that her child is in for a pretty sad future if his mother is always intervening and making him out to be a victim.

Eve_Angelique · August 2014

Thanks so much girls. I think you are right that I shouldn't even say anything else because she is definitely delusional about what it means to be a two-year-old. And I'm sure no matter what I say in response she will just bitch right back at me. Thank you for the support!!

imoverit · August 2014

Hugs. Thats hard. How very unforgiving of her. Im sorry.

Mnerani · August 2014

The way this is going, your nephew's going to be caught doing something bad as a teenager and your cousin will say: "C would NEVER do that, he must have just been there when his friends were doing it- they are SUCH a bad influence!" She needs to get a grip.

mcgeeva · August 2014

Wow! That is really all I can come up with. She is going way to far with this. Your child did not do that intentionally to hurt her kid. If she wants to be that nasty about it I can only imagine how she would be if her kid tripped just walking wrong around you, she would blame you for that too. Maybe it's best to not hang out with her too much without others around to tell her how crazy she is being.

Raging...cont of my post from Sunday...

Re: Raging...cont of my post from Sunday...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards