Not Comfortable with Comments About my Changing/Pregnant Body (First Pregnancy)

goldilocks129 · August 2014

It seems that just because I am pregnant, all comments on my physical appearance and what/how I eat are fair game. I am so uncomfortable with my in laws staring and constantly making comments about how I look. I do what I can to be polite, but overall I just feel weird. I don't need to hear about how pregnant/not pregnant I look each day. I'm just pregnant and that's that. I only recently started to show, so I really just felt fat when people would point out my "belly." Additionally, my father is constantly asking if the baby is kicking so he can feel it. Not for nothing, but I'm not comfortable with that just yet. My husband and I are just finally getting used to the baby kicking, and we really enjoy it! I just feel odd having my dad caress my stomach to feel the baby kick. I just want people to stop putting so much attention on me. Granted I am having the first grandbaby on both sides, but this is too much. I can't do anything without being asked if I'm hungry or being told I'm not eating enough or that I'm not showing etc. Everyone is different and everyone carries differently. I'm 5'3" and I was 120lbs pre pregnancy. I'm a petite person and I rather people just stop making all these comments and let my body adjust to this growing person inside me on its own. How did/do you all out there find solace with all of these things going on? Is there anything I can do that can help make this more bearable? They all know how I do not feel like myself and don't like these comments about my pregnancy and my changing body, but that has not stopped anyone. Has anyone out there experienced something similar? What's the best way to handle this without coming off like a mad woman?

PrimRoseMama · August 2014

DaisyBlinks said:
Speak up or suck it up. Those are really the only two options.

Yes. Really, if you put a sad face on & express how uncomfortable you are in an upfront, but polite way that should do it.

Example: "I feel very uncomfortable when X is said about my weight. Could that please stop? I know everyone is excited, but I'm still human. It hurts my feelings. I realize no one means to hurt me, but the words & focus are hard on me."

mamatobe1235 · August 2014

I agree you have to speak up. I didn't speak up throughout my pregnancy to my best friend who would continuously say "OMG you're HUGE!" Until the 9th month when her dad told her she was being obnoxious and I finally said she needed to stop or she wouldn't be in l&d with me.

MrsLaLaBug · August 2014

Speak your mind. Otherwise, get over it. It only gets more frequent as the bump gets larger.

[Deleted User] · August 2014

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whitney4126 · August 2014

Try to remember that people lose all common sense and social etiquette when they see a pregnant woman. It's not personal. Apparently it happens to all of us, and it just gets more intense as your pregnancy progresses.

rmbrjry · August 2014

I agree w/PP's. Right or wrong, people seem to forget how to behave around pregnant women. I think maybe they just get excited and need to say something so they speak before they think (at least this is what I tell myself so that the next time someone says "OMG you're SO big! Are you sure it's not twins?!" I don't say something I'll regret. But seriously, it really is going to get worse the further along you get. If it really bothers you, you need to put your foot down now. Otherwise, you will seem like a crazy person when you finally snap and tell everyone to shut it.

bf43005 · August 2014

If it's family/friends making most of the comments you should be able to talk with them. You said you mentioned to them previously that it makes you uncomfortable and they are still doing it so obviously that didn't work. Before you get overwhelmed and snap you need to sit down with each of them or as a group and let them know that the comments and touches aren't welcome and if they can't keep it to themselves then you need to limit your contact with them.

Even in the beginning I had a few family and family friends that tried to rub my stomach. I pulled away from them and told them if they wanted to rub someone's belly our dog would greatly appreciate it. I wasn't overly nice about it either because I wanted to be sure they understood I was not ok with the physical contact.

Comments from strangers depends on what/how they say it. Most people just say something like Oh you are having a baby, congrats, when are you due. Remember those people you don't have to live with so be snarky if you want but what does it hurt to just smile and nod.

Good luck and like PP said afterwards the comments probably won't stop for awhile either.

munchiemama104 · August 2014

You want to talk about uncomfortable? Pregnant with DD, sitting at the dinner table with DH family when my SIL makes a comment about how big my boobs have gotten FIL decides to chime in about how they will get bigger and blah blah blah. I snapped and told them talking about my boobs at the dinner table is uncomfortable and very inappropriate. I"m still resent that conversation!

Second, I have had three people say "Are you sure it's not twins? You are so big already" my response..."Only one baby and that incredibly insensitive question." Shuts them up right away.

Moral of the story...speak up. They don't care about offending you...don't care about offending them.

and i agree with @somerandomchick start defending them now.

bohemianlc · August 2014

I think your dad sounds like he really means well and is just excited about his first grandchild; it's pretty normal for grandparents to want to feel their grandchild's movements. I also think it's really important to remember (for your own sake) that most people are trying to make you feel good rather than self-conscious when they ask you if you're hungry or make comments about your bump. Just the other day, my husband's grandma was shoveling more food onto my plate than I would ever desire to consume… lol.

With that said, it's your body and your personal space, so you can set the boundaries. Like others have said, you have a right to speak up if it's really bothering you that much, but also remember that people in general probably aren't trying to attack or critique you. You could gently tell your dad that while you appreciate his excitement about your baby, you're still getting used to your changing body and really need everyone to be hands off for now. You said that people are aware that you are uncomfortable with the comments about your body, but he probably doesn't realize that the tummy touching is also upsetting you as much as the comments about your figure.

*BTW, I'm not talking about anyone who may be saying snarky or rude things about your weight or who may be outwardly criticizing your appearance. Those people are way out of line and I agree with previous posters that you need to defend yourself without worrying about being polite if those are the sort of comments you are receiving.

mkw1013 · August 2014

Maybe im just different but that type of stuff doesnt bother me. I guess it depends on what they really say though. I love being pregnant (not saying you dont) and love love love my pregnant body. I also enjoy the attention from family members wanting to feel the baby. But our family are huggers so giving my dad a hug and having him put his hand on my tummy to say bye to her too is not awkward for me.

I have grown a lot and gone up a pants size or two but i just still love my body and the way i look and feel. Ive had some comment about how big my belly is or how large my boobs are but i just dont care about them. Just try not to let them bother you and try to keep your head up and dont take things to serious. Im sure your family is really happy for you and if you are the first pregnant one in the family they might not know how to act around a pregnant person.

If it makes you uncomfortable i do think you have to say something but i guess it depends on what they are saying. Ive gone to work after a week vacation and had people say "woah, look at that belly grow" I know they are not trying to be rude so I just let that stuff go. If someone actually said something like" your not gaining enough weight/you are too skinny/you need to stop gaining weight" then that would make me uncomfortable. so i get that.

conradraging · August 2014

I agree either speak up or suck it up. I'm due next week and just got back from the mall where people literally stared at me like I was part of a circus. I don't know if they've never seen a pregnant lady before or what, but I just roll my eyes at people and move on.

goldilocks129 · August 2014

Thank you all so much for your comments/advice! You all have some great points, and I feel empowered about my body and the ability to handle these unwanted comments/acts. I really appreciate it. I feel great knowing there are so many awesome [pregnant] women out there who understand where I am coming from.

MeganLee22 · August 2014

My favorite response is always to mention how rude it is to comment on weight, but somehow everyone thinks its ok when it's a pregnant woman?

*Most people take a hint and stop*

My first pregnancy I was huge and swollen, and got comments on being soooo big. This pregnancy it's how small my bump is and how I look like I need to eat (which I rarely STOP doing). Pregnancy is lose-lose when it comes to people expressing their opinions-We can't do anything right!

allrightmeow · August 2014

goldilocks129 said:

Thank you all so much for your comments/advice! You all have some great points, and I feel empowered about my body and the ability to handle these unwanted comments/acts. I really appreciate it. I feel great knowing there are so many awesome [pregnant] women out there who understand where I am coming from.

Oh we totally get were you are coming from OP. Most people generally mean well and just don't think. Sounds like your family is just very excited. In addition to what PP said Id like to add that at some point you kinda have to learn to let some of this roll off your back and pay it no mind. As you get further along complete strangers will be commenting on your state. Im not saying that is ok, Im saying it is just gonna happen. Take that empowerment and remind yourself that these peoples comments don't matter and do not let them ruin your day and bring you down. Now, If someone gets wildly inappropriate with their comments, please DO shut that shit down.

str13 · August 2014

For the most part I just took it like a champ! But it really does suck. I lost a lot of weight before baby and so when I got pregnant an uncle asked me how I felt gaining all that weight and getting "fat". Finally I got fed up and asked what was his excuse for his weight???

People absolutely lose their minds around pregnant women. Older women tell you how bad they tore, etc. No one would ever say that stuff to you, but alas! You're pregnant!!

britab · August 2014

It sucks and is hard! People would yell at me because I was small. I had to have extra ultrasounds to check on DD, so it wasn't fun. People would tell me I couldn't drink coffee.

I never had many body issues until now. I gained 30 lbs and still have 10 to lose 3 month pp. The worst is that my clothes don't fit and my boobs pop out of all bras...A girl at Starbucks questioned whether I could have a frappiccuno since she saw DD with me and wondered if I was breastfeeding. I am but that's none of her business.

I agree with PP, you suck it up or stick up for yourself. It's a tough time but also something women have gone through forever.

Envy1328 · September 2014

My biggest peeve is that people have the audacity to say "YOU'RE HUGE!" Really shithead... I didn't realize I'm 11 days away from my due date and can barely walk without waddling. The other thing is when they say oh wow you must be having twins!!! Ummmmmmm NO! I would NEVER say anything like that to a pregnant woman, even before I got pregnant myself... Common courtesy people!!! Geeze!! Sorry needed to vent lol!

amieeyoung · September 2014

I am a very petite person (no even 5 ft.) and thus when I am pregnant A. I show early B. I look humongous C. People seem to think it is ok to say thing like you are so huge. Are you sure you aren't due sooner.

My first pregnancy it really bothered me. This time around I just ignore it. On occasion I feel sensitive about it but generally get over it pretty quickly.

xobarbiiexo3 · September 2014

I am 40w1d and I know exactly how you feel as I felt the same way early on in my pregnancy and sadly, it only gets worse. I would let your loved ones know that their comments are kind of offensive if it truly bothers you, they will understand! As far as the general public is concerned, anything goes. Being pregnant is like a free for all when you really start showing. I had a man shout at me across the parking lot just earlier today... his words "you look like you could pop at any moment" why thank you sir as if I didn't feel round enough already lol. Everything will work out just fine. Ignore the rude people in public, you are growing a precious little being inside of you and that is a wonderful thing

Congrats and good luck!

howin23 · September 2014

I agree with others that it will only get worse if you don't figure out how to address it now.

My MIL touched my belly the first time she saw me after finding out. I was 16 weeks so had absolutely no bump and it made me incredibly uncomfortable. I physically recoiled. She did it again the next time and I pulled back and covered my stomach. Then I started talking about how uncomfortable it makes me when people touch my belly. My husband intervened and she stopped.

I've taken my father's advice to joke about it and now jump back and say "Oh! I have manophobia! Fear of hands!" whenever someone tries to touch me. Yes, it sounds ridiculous, but it makes a point.

On the comments, when someone remarks on how much weight I've gained (a lot, I admit), if it's a flat-chested woman I just say "yep, 10 pounds in each boob, did you know Victoria's Secret only carries up to DD?" It makes them just as uncomfortable as they've made you

Rene0823 · October 2014

I can totally relate! I do not like being touched (obviously my husband is an exception and hugs with close family/friends) but coworkers touching my belly?! Please don't. Try a pre-emptive strike if you can...if you see someone who is about to, quickly look at your watch, turn and say, "sorry, I have a meeting, need to run!" Or quickly touch your stomach with both hands and comment on LO doing a tap dance on your bladder and say you need to run to the restroom (that one isn't even a lie 99% of the time!)

Beevol · October 2014

*hugs*

As others have said, people just lose their social graces around a pregnant woman, and from a STM, it only gets worse as you get bigger and then it just keeps going after you have the baby. DD is two now and the weird unwanted comments and advice have only recently stopped about her (now people just say things "like isn't she darling?" and asking how old she is, which is totally OK - random strangers asking me if I was breastfeeding when she was little - not OK).

I'm pretty open and comfortable sharing in other people's excitement so when someone says "You're getting big!" I just respond with "and I'm only going to get bigger!" because it's true and I know that they mean my bump and not my butt (which, as a side note, is also getting bigger, such is life).

If someone says something that makes you feel uncomfortable, definitely speak up. I'm of the opinion that it's good to be brusk with rude strangers sometimes (like, if a random in the grocery store asks to touch your belly, ask to touch hers back, or say something like "that's creepy"). I'm also of the opinion that most family/friends/coworkers don't mean anything rude by it so you can cut them a little slack in your response. Like with your dad, remember that he changed your diapers and gave you baths as a kid and from his perspective, it's not nearly as weird to touch your belly (even though you're a grown up now) - just say that you're not comfortable with it right now. Most people get it and wont push you.

OUmed2009 · November 2014

It's okay to speak up even if you come off as a mad woman. You're housing a tiny human. Dare someone to judge you for being a mad woman. It'll be the last thing they do. ;-)
I encountered this at work and finally looked the perpetrator in they eye and said, "that's not nice." She felt awkward and i felt like the queen of the world. She is much nicer now. :-)
Good Luck!

melanchitty · November 2014

I get this a lot too, but its weird to me when people (anyone) wants to touch my stomach. Baby is almost never kicking when I'm standing up or around people so I'm just like "why are you touching me? She's not kicking me." My mom finally stopped touching my stomach so frequently, always saying "I want to feel her move!" As if she could somehow *will* her to start kicking. Sorry mom I thought you were pregnant once , shouldn't you know how this works?" She also is always asking about my belly button, whether its an inny or outy, and clearly it is still an inny (all my shirts are tight and you can tell) I'm 34 weeks so its not like she needs to see my bare stomach but she kept trying for awhile. I finally was just like NO! very harshly, and she was like "i gave birth to you I can see your stomach" and I very harshly said NO again and she got it.

Luckily I have an awesome husband and I have been able to avoid most people for this pregnancy. I've just started getting harsh with people and I don't feel bad about it. I would just rather people be all over the baby once she's here ...when they can physically see her and cuddle her instead of bugging me and making super awkward comments around me. Hang in there!

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