FFFC

MrsSinner402 · August 2014

It's that time!

golfingdarwinfish · August 2014

This isn't really scandalous, but oh well.

I had an incredibly minor crush on my MFM when I first started seeing him for this pregnancy. I confess I like the "dorky" look, and when he makes comments such as, "we have anecdotes, but no true observational data..." it makes me swoon a little inside.

$:\$ ">

MrsSinner402 · August 2014

golfingdarwinfish said:
This isn't really scandalous, but oh well.

I had an incredibly minor crush on my MFM when I first started seeing him for this pregnancy. I confess I like the "dorky" look, and when he makes comments such as, "we have anecdotes, but no true observational data..." it makes me swoon a little inside.

$:\$ ">

Dude. I had a hardcore crush on my chiropractor. He had to adjust my back, so I'd be lying on my side, and he'd cross my leg over the other and do this pelvic thrust into my hip to make it crack. I was super red in the face and it was really hard not to giggle like a little school girl. I really looked forward to my chiro appointments from then on... $:\$ ">

AppleGrapeMSTK · August 2014

I now work Fridays, so I'll have to save the juicy ones for when I am on maternity leave and can defend myself if needed.

But for today: I have worn yoga/athletic pants as work pants for the last 6 months. I told a coworker and se said she never even noticed. I can't promise that I will go back to real clothes after my pregnancy is over.

lrobi13 · August 2014

They charlie horse thread reminded me of mine. When I was 14 I tried smoking pot and I happened to have had the pleasure of getting my first ever charlie horse that night.

I woke up screaming "God is punishing me".

Needles to say I didn't touch the stuff for a long time after that. Sadly that didn't keep those pesky cramps away. I have had the privilege of getting them randomly since then.

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

MrsSinner402 said:

This isn't really scandalous, but oh well.

I had an incredibly minor crush on my MFM when I first started seeing him for this pregnancy. I confess I like the "dorky" look, and when he makes comments such as, "we have anecdotes, but no true observational data..." it makes me swoon a little inside.

$:\$ ">
Dude. I had a hardcore crush on my chiropractor. He had to adjust my back, so I'd be lying on my side, and he'd cross my leg over the other and do this pelvic thrust into my hip to make it crack. I was super red in the face and it was really hard not to giggle like a little school girl. I really looked forward to my chiro appointments from then on... $:\$ ">

I have a crush on my new coworker. He's like 7 years younger. He's cute, though. Cannot be helped. When they introduced him last week, I said "Hi, I'm not fat, I'm pregnant."

MrMrsandBaby · August 2014

AppleGrapeMSTK said:

I now work Fridays, so I'll have to save the juicy ones for when I am on maternity leave and can defend myself if needed. But for today: I have worn yoga/athletic pants as work pants for the last 6 months. I told a coworker and se said she never even noticed. I can't promise that I will go back to real clothes after my pregnancy is over.

Please tell me how you pull this off? I can wear jeans to work every day (casual dress code) but I can't find a pair of yoga pants that don't look like...well, yoga pants...to wear to work!

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

crawford411 said:

I edit pretty much every post I put on TB, and I almost never admit to it. I'm just clumsy-fingered and trigger-happy with my posts. Plus my phone spellcheck is a complete POS.

I do too, on occasion. I don't know why people feel the need to post that they corrected their grammar. I'm just glad they DID. Then again, when I'm in bed typing on my tablet, I make ALL THE TYPOS. I just let those go. So, please do not judge me--I was a legal proofreader for 3.5 years. I can spell, and my grammar is above par. But. In bed, on that weird keyboard, no fucks are given.

MrMrsandBaby · August 2014

My FFFC will have to wait because it is directly related to a pretty recent post and I don't want to get into it...I guess my confession is that most of my confessions have to do with being judgey of stupid people. Or, people who are asking/doing stupid things.

ADH0906 · August 2014

MrsSinner402 said:

golfingdarwinfish said:
This isn't really scandalous, but oh well.

I had an incredibly minor crush on my MFM when I first started seeing him for this pregnancy. I confess I like the "dorky" look, and when he makes comments such as, "we have anecdotes, but no true observational data..." it makes me swoon a little inside.

$:\$ ">

Dude. I had a hardcore crush on my chiropractor. He had to adjust my back, so I'd be lying on my side, and he'd cross my leg over the other and do this pelvic thrust into my hip to make it crack. I was super red in the face and it was really hard not to giggle like a little school girl. I really looked forward to my chiro appointments from then on... $:\$ ">

My chiropractor is super attractive too. He does the Webster technique, and it includes a LOT of round ligament and pelvic area message. He also bends my leg at the knee, holds it against his chest, and leans over me to stretch it. I just stare at the ceiling and pretend that my face isn't beet red.

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

Ok, mine is flame-worthy, given that I'm an etiquette snob.

I do not have a hostess gift for my mom for throwing my shower tomorrow. I do not really plan on getting her one. I thought I might pay for her to get a pedicure with me when I go at 38 weeks (if I make it that far), but I invited her, and she was all "it's an hour away" (where I live). Plus, I have done a TON for this shower, because she keeps giving me lists to do, and my friend who was helping her can't come now since her grandmother is on her deathbed. It's like. She wrote the check. That's it.*

She made me call the cake lady, then hounded me OVER and OVER for at least 40 emails about flavors. She kept saying to tell the lady what I wanted, and when I would, she would go back and forth about maybe we shouldn't do that. So, I basically did the desserts. She made me do the centerpieces, because she "isn't creative." She made me do the invitations (I would have volunteered, I'm a designer). She did stuff and send them out. She made me pick the menu, over 1.5 hours of deliberation in the restaurant, when I kept saying "just do what you want." Then she changed it (I'm FINE with that, but why didn't she just make the call to begin with?!). She made me do the decorations (I would have volunteered--they were printed collateral that matched the invitations). She made me do the guestbook and decorations for that table. She made me do the games. She made me do a diaper baby for the gift table. I think it's dumb.

She wanted me to do the favors, and I said no. She wanted me to do diaper cakes for tables, I said no. I TRIED to say no to everything above, but she would cry and threaten to kill herself because her daughter doesn't love her, and SHE has a job, SHE doesn't have TIME (So do I! I work longer hours than her! And I'm pregnant!).

I realize I bring this on myself by not telling her no, but it's easier to do it than to fight and cry and not sleep for 3 days at a time when she threatens to kill herself because her daughter is a "bitch" that doesn't appreciate having a baby shower. I DO appreciate it. But. It's not what I wanted (she HAD to invite over 100 people, so I thought I couldn't do what I wanted, so I let her go with it, but only 45 are coming now, so we TOTALLY could have done what I wanted--a backyard low-key BBQ). I know it doesn't really matter what I wanted, but a lower-key thing would have been SO much less stressful for EVERYONE (and cheaper for her). But she had to show off, and now these 100 people think that I'm some money-grubbing attention whore, when I didn't even want to bother them to invite them!

All of this said, I'm thankful to have a mom who at least is somewhat involved, even if it's just to show off. And, I do have hopes that this shower will be lovely, and I can get past the stressful part. And AFTER it's said and done, AFTER the baby, I'm not dealing with her craziness anymore. This is her last hoorah. She will be involved in my life if she can behave. If she cannot do so, the phone is hung up and I move on with my life. It's hard to do that now, because I don't like to hurt her feelings, but once I have a baby, I think it will be hard to keep putting HER first, when every time she calls me, I end up screaming and crying. I will not do that in front of my daughter, so I'll have no choice but to end conversations where they truthfully should be ended to begin with.

*I realize writing the check is huge, and she didn't have to, and that's why I will thank her that day (and have up until this point), and I will send her a thank you card, but I kind of don't think an elaborate gift is necessary, when I have other things to spend my money on, and HAVE spent money on, in regards to this shower, and this whole thing has been such a struggle to begin with.

duckr · August 2014

SPurp13 said:

Ok, mine is flame-worthy, given that I'm an etiquette snob.

I do not have a hostess gift for my mom for throwing my shower tomorrow. I do not really plan on getting her one. I thought I might pay for her to get a pedicure with me when I go at 38 weeks (if I make it that far), but I invited her, and she was all "it's an hour away" (where I live). Plus, I have done a TON for this shower, because she keeps giving me lists to do, and my friend who was helping her can't come now since her grandmother is on her deathbed. It's like. She wrote the check. That's it.*

She made me call the cake lady, then hounded me OVER and OVER for at least 40 emails about flavors. She kept saying to tell the lady what I wanted, and when I would, she would go back and forth about maybe we shouldn't do that. So, I basically did the desserts. She made me do the centerpieces, because she "isn't creative." She made me do the invitations (I would have volunteered, I'm a designer). She did stuff and send them out. She made me pick the menu, over 1.5 hours of deliberation in the restaurant, when I kept saying "just do what you want." Then she changed it (I'm FINE with that, but why didn't she just make the call to begin with?!). She made me do the decorations (I would have volunteered--they were printed collateral that matched the invitations). She made me do the guestbook and decorations for that table. She made me do the games. She made me do a diaper baby for the gift table. I think it's dumb.

She wanted me to do the favors, and I said no. She wanted me to do diaper cakes for tables, I said no. I TRIED to say no to everything above, but she would cry and threaten to kill herself because her daughter doesn't love her, and SHE has a job, SHE doesn't have TIME (So do I! I work longer hours than her! And I'm pregnant!).

I realize I bring this on myself by not telling her no, but it's easier to do it than to fight and cry and not sleep for 3 days at a time when she threatens to kill herself because her daughter is a "bitch" that doesn't appreciate having a baby shower. I DO appreciate it. But. It's not what I wanted (she HAD to invite over 100 people, so I thought I couldn't do what I wanted, so I let her go with it, but only 45 are coming now, so we TOTALLY could have done what I wanted--a backyard low-key BBQ). I know it doesn't really matter what I wanted, but a lower-key thing would have been SO much less stressful for EVERYONE (and cheaper for her). But she had to show off, and now these 100 people think that I'm some money-grubbing attention whore, when I didn't even want to bother them to invite them!

All of this said, I'm thankful to have a mom who at least is somewhat involved, even if it's just to show off. And, I do have hopes that this shower will be lovely, and I can get past the stressful part. And AFTER it's said and done, AFTER the baby, I'm not dealing with her craziness anymore. This is her last hoorah. She will be involved in my life if she can behave. If she cannot do so, the phone is hung up and I move on with my life. It's hard to do that now, because I don't like to hurt her feelings, but once I have a baby, I think it will be hard to keep putting HER first, when every time she calls me, I end up screaming and crying. I will not do that in front of my daughter, so I'll have no choice but to end conversations where they truthfully should be ended to begin with.

*I realize writing the check is huge, and she didn't have to, and that's why I will thank her that day (and have up until this point), and I will send her a thank you card, but I kind of don't think an elaborate gift is necessary, when I have other things to spend my money on, and HAVE spent money on, in regards to this shower, and this whole thing has been such a struggle to begin with.

Purp - This is a much larger issue than baby shower etiquette. Your mom is emotionally harmful to you. I've seen you mention her threaten to kill herself in other posts. I'm so sorry she puts you through that type of worry and blames you for her emotional issues. My advice is to seek therapy for her and yourself.

AmandaJean12 · August 2014

SPurp13 said:

Ok, mine is flame-worthy, given that I'm an etiquette snob.

I do not have a hostess gift for my mom for throwing my shower tomorrow. I do not really plan on getting her one. I thought I might pay for her to get a pedicure with me when I go at 38 weeks (if I make it that far), but I invited her, and she was all "it's an hour away" (where I live). Plus, I have done a TON for this shower, because she keeps giving me lists to do, and my friend who was helping her can't come now since her grandmother is on her deathbed. It's like. She wrote the check. That's it.*

She made me call the cake lady, then hounded me OVER and OVER for at least 40 emails about flavors. She kept saying to tell the lady what I wanted, and when I would, she would go back and forth about maybe we shouldn't do that. So, I basically did the desserts. She made me do the centerpieces, because she "isn't creative." She made me do the invitations (I would have volunteered, I'm a designer). She did stuff and send them out. She made me pick the menu, over 1.5 hours of deliberation in the restaurant, when I kept saying "just do what you want." Then she changed it (I'm FINE with that, but why didn't she just make the call to begin with?!). She made me do the decorations (I would have volunteered--they were printed collateral that matched the invitations). She made me do the guestbook and decorations for that table. She made me do the games. She made me do a diaper baby for the gift table. I think it's dumb.

She wanted me to do the favors, and I said no. She wanted me to do diaper cakes for tables, I said no. I TRIED to say no to everything above, but she would cry and threaten to kill herself because her daughter doesn't love her, and SHE has a job, SHE doesn't have TIME (So do I! I work longer hours than her! And I'm pregnant!).

I realize I bring this on myself by not telling her no, but it's easier to do it than to fight and cry and not sleep for 3 days at a time when she threatens to kill herself because her daughter is a "bitch" that doesn't appreciate having a baby shower. I DO appreciate it. But. It's not what I wanted (she HAD to invite over 100 people, so I thought I couldn't do what I wanted, so I let her go with it, but only 45 are coming now, so we TOTALLY could have done what I wanted--a backyard low-key BBQ). I know it doesn't really matter what I wanted, but a lower-key thing would have been SO much less stressful for EVERYONE (and cheaper for her). But she had to show off, and now these 100 people think that I'm some money-grubbing attention whore, when I didn't even want to bother them to invite them!

All of this said, I'm thankful to have a mom who at least is somewhat involved, even if it's just to show off. And, I do have hopes that this shower will be lovely, and I can get past the stressful part. And AFTER it's said and done, AFTER the baby, I'm not dealing with her craziness anymore. This is her last hoorah. She will be involved in my life if she can behave. If she cannot do so, the phone is hung up and I move on with my life. It's hard to do that now, because I don't like to hurt her feelings, but once I have a baby, I think it will be hard to keep putting HER first, when every time she calls me, I end up screaming and crying. I will not do that in front of my daughter, so I'll have no choice but to end conversations where they truthfully should be ended to begin with.

*I realize writing the check is huge, and she didn't have to, and that's why I will thank her that day (and have up until this point), and I will send her a thank you card, but I kind of don't think an elaborate gift is necessary, when I have other things to spend my money on, and HAVE spent money on, in regards to this shower, and this whole thing has been such a struggle to begin with.

This would be flame worthy if a friend was throwing it and you didn't get a hostess gift because you were too lazy to go to the store. Your relationship with your mom is way more complicated than basic etiquette can dictate.

I really hope the shower surprises you and goes well, and you and your mom can have a pleasant day celebrating your LO.

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

duckr said:

SPurp13 said:

-SNIP-

Purp - This is a much larger issue than baby shower etiquette. Your mom is emotionally harmful to you. I've seen you mention her threaten to kill herself in other posts. I'm so sorry she puts you through that type of worry and blames you for her emotional issues. My advice is to seek therapy for her and yourself.

Oh, I know it. I do see a therapist! So I'm good. But she refuses.

Right now, I'm JUST getting through it. I don't have the time or energy to fight her. But my husband is backing me, and we have discussed what happens after this baby comes, and he will NOT stand for letting her hold me hostage this way in front of my daughter (which is essentially all the time--I don't take her calls at work, only at home). He's sort of the kind of person who lets me choose my own battles, but when my baby's here, it's going to be about US as a whole. I honestly think at that point, I will have little to no problem just saying no and hanging up the phone. But for the time being, I feel like...I don't know. I don't have a real excuse.

To be fair, most of the time she's just low-grade annoying. Normally we only fight this way 1-2 times a year, like clockwork. In fact, it was last year around the wedding shower that this happened. Then around February this year. So, it's almost like she's bipolar, on some sort of time table.

duckr · August 2014

SPurp13 said:

duckr said:

SPurp13 said:

-SNIP-

Purp - This is a much larger issue than baby shower etiquette. Your mom is emotionally harmful to you. I've seen you mention her threaten to kill herself in other posts. I'm so sorry she puts you through that type of worry and blames you for her emotional issues. My advice is to seek therapy for her and yourself.

Oh, I know it. I do see a therapist! So I'm good. But she refuses.

Right now, I'm JUST getting through it. I don't have the time or energy to fight her. But my husband is backing me, and we have discussed what happens after this baby comes, and he will NOT stand for letting her hold me hostage this way in front of my daughter (which is essentially all the time--I don't take her calls at work, only at home). He's sort of the kind of person who lets me choose my own battles, but when my baby's here, it's going to be about US as a whole. I honestly think at that point, I will have little to no problem just saying no and hanging up the phone. But for the time being, I feel like...I don't know. I don't have a real excuse.

To be fair, most of the time she's just low-grade annoying. Normally we only fight this way 1-2 times a year, like clockwork. In fact, it was last year around the wedding shower that this happened. Then around February this year. So, it's almost like she's bipolar, on some sort of time table.

Well it seems like you have a good support system for dealing with her! Hopefully after your shower she'll go back to just being annoying

[Deleted User] · August 2014

My SIL asked to borrow our infant seat so she can take it car shopping this weekend. She wants to make sure whatever car she buys will one day fit an infant seat.

The flame-worthy part:

I'm thinking about buying a cheap one and letting her take it instead of the one we have for the baby. I just took ours out of the box and I have all these weird emotions of wanting it in my car first and saving it for our baby.

SusieBW · August 2014

crawford411 said:

I edit pretty much every post I put on TB, and I almost never admit to it. I'm just clumsy-fingered and trigger-happy with my posts. Plus my phone spellcheck is a complete POS.

Ditto. I don't see the need to call attention to editing that is just to fix typos or grammar. If I change something real about what I posted, or add something to what it originally said, I will usually say "ETA" or something like that, but just to clean up typos, I don't bother.

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

AmandaJean12 said:

SPurp13 said:

-SNIP-

This would be flame worthy if a friend was throwing it and you didn't get a hostess gift because you were too lazy to go to the store. Your relationship with your mom is way more complicated than basic etiquette can dictate.

I really hope the shower surprises you and goes well, and you and your mom can have a pleasant day celebrating your LO.

Sorry I keep "snipping" my original out of there--it's just because it's huge.

I REALLY do hope it surprises me, too. Actually, I have hoped that having this baby would change her--that she will see when I start shutting her down for poor behavior, that if she wants to see this baby, she has to behave. But only time will tell.

And I SWEAR, FLAME me if I need to go get her something. I WILL. I just. Haven't, and when I thought about it this week, I was like "I honestly don't want to."

My MIL has also been helping with a few things on my list, so I feel like I should do something, but she always tells me not to. She is not sentimental at ALL. She makes fun of me for sending her thank you cards.

bennikki · August 2014

@Spurp13 that sounds brutal! You and theotherjacobson should start a support group for crazy mothers/crazy showers.

I guess my FFFC is where I'm from showers are just not a big deal, and I just don't get the appeal. Usually you get a family shower and a friends shower. Both are held at someone's home or a community room if the family is large. The food is done by about 4-5 of the attendees, and it's usually a soup and salad lunch or fritata and muffin brunch and sometimes there is cake. I would not want it any other way! The drama, planning, games, and for goodness sake the decorations sound like pure torture.

golfingdarwinfish · August 2014

SPurp13 said:

duckr said:

SPurp13 said:

-SNIP-

Purp - This is a much larger issue than baby shower etiquette. Your mom is emotionally harmful to you. I've seen you mention her threaten to kill herself in other posts. I'm so sorry she puts you through that type of worry and blames you for her emotional issues. My advice is to seek therapy for her and yourself.

Oh, I know it. I do see a therapist! So I'm good. But she refuses.

Right now, I'm JUST getting through it. I don't have the time or energy to fight her. But my husband is backing me, and we have discussed what happens after this baby comes, and he will NOT stand for letting her hold me hostage this way in front of my daughter (which is essentially all the time--I don't take her calls at work, only at home). He's sort of the kind of person who lets me choose my own battles, but when my baby's here, it's going to be about US as a whole. I honestly think at that point, I will have little to no problem just saying no and hanging up the phone. But for the time being, I feel like...I don't know. I don't have a real excuse.

To be fair, most of the time she's just low-grade annoying. Normally we only fight this way 1-2 times a year, like clockwork. In fact, it was last year around the wedding shower that this happened. Then around February this year. So, it's almost like she's bipolar, on some sort of time table.

@spurp13

It seems like she's triggered by large, meaningful events in your life. Her 'losing' you to marriage, you and your husband having a child, etc. Things that she cannot control and things that threaten her place/role in your life. Each event meant she was going to lose a bit more control over you and that you were going to distance yourself from her, by nature of becoming someone's wife, and now, by establishing your family as a unit. It seems like she grasps to the few things she can control, such as the shower, and the suicide threats are just to manipulate you and keep you under her finger as long as possible.

MrsSarahRenee · August 2014

@SPurp13‌ if your MIL wouldn't like a fuss, what about inviting her over for a thank you dinner? Cook her favorites, get a nice bottle of wine etc?

duckr · August 2014

Our receptionist at the office has this ritual on Fridays..."Friday Hugs". She hugs every woman in the office every Friday. Everyone is really nice and just goes with it. At 8:00 in the morning I'm barely awake and am in no mood for awkward hugs. There is no nice way of saying "Don't hug me!"
#-o >:D<

MrsSarahRenee · August 2014

duckr said:
Our receptionist at the office has this ritual on Fridays..."Friday Hugs". She hugs every woman in the office every Friday. Everyone is really nice and just goes with it. At 8:00 in the morning I'm barely awake and am in no mood for awkward hugs. There is no nice way of saying "Don't hug me!"
#-o >:D<

Ehhh I would HATE that no matter the time of day.

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

bennikki said:

@Spurp13 that sounds brutal! You and theotherjacobson should start a support group for crazy mothers/crazy showers.

I guess my FFFC is where I'm from showers are just not a big deal, and I just don't get the appeal. Usually you get a family shower and a friends shower. Both are held at someone's home or a community room if the family is large. The food is done by about 4-5 of the attendees, and it's usually a soup and salad lunch or fritata and muffin brunch and sometimes there is cake. I would not want it any other way! The drama, planning, games, and for goodness sake the decorations sound like pure torture.

This is all I ever wanted!!

bumpuser10309732 · August 2014

duckr said:

Our receptionist at the office has this ritual on Fridays..."Friday Hugs". She hugs every woman in the office every Friday. Everyone is really nice and just goes with it. At 8:00 in the morning I'm barely awake and am in no mood for awkward hugs. There is no nice way of saying "Don't hug me!"
#-o >:D<

Maybe you need to smell more offensive?

SusieBW · August 2014

MrsSarahRenee said:

Our receptionist at the office has this ritual on Fridays..."Friday Hugs". She hugs every woman in the office every Friday. Everyone is really nice and just goes with it. At 8:00 in the morning I'm barely awake and am in no mood for awkward hugs. There is no nice way of saying "Don't hug me!"
#-o >:D<
Ehhh I would HATE that no matter the time of day.

Ditto. That's fucking weird.

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

duckr said:

Our receptionist at the office has this ritual on Fridays..."Friday Hugs". She hugs every woman in the office every Friday. Everyone is really nice and just goes with it. At 8:00 in the morning I'm barely awake and am in no mood for awkward hugs. There is no nice way of saying "Don't hug me!"
#-o >:D<

I have an issue with touching. So. I'd tell her to stop that, or I'd go to HR about it. Sorry, not sorry. She can do what she wants with everyone else, but don't touch me. I have gotten up and left my desk before when people have been leaning over me to talk to me too close after I've asked them to please back up.

Firemanswife11 · August 2014

savagek7 said:

I am a huge dog lover, but I hate and am sort of scared of petting male dogs. I can't give them belly rubs without being worried that I'll accidentally touch their little dingle and end up with a red rocket situation. I have had female dogs my entire life.

Omg, the lipstick. THE LIPSTICK! I hate that...ewww. We've had female dogs, too.

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

MrsSarahRenee said:

@SPurp13‌ if your MIL wouldn't like a fuss, what about inviting her over for a thank you dinner? Cook her favorites, get a nice bottle of wine etc?

I just don't think she'd go for it. I thought about sending a cookie bouquet next week or something. I love her so hard. She makes it hard for me to show it, because like my mother, I show love with cards/gifts/gestures. She knows what's going on with my mom, and she is all "just get through this shower, and we'll deal with everything else later." She's another one that won't put up with my mom being crazy in front of my kid. Hell no.

duckr · August 2014

SusieBW said:

MrsSarahRenee said:

Our receptionist at the office has this ritual on Fridays..."Friday Hugs". She hugs every woman in the office every Friday. Everyone is really nice and just goes with it. At 8:00 in the morning I'm barely awake and am in no mood for awkward hugs. There is no nice way of saying "Don't hug me!"
#-o >:D<
Ehhh I would HATE that no matter the time of day.

Ditto. That's fucking weird.

It kinda feels like a toddler walking up with her arms open waiting for a hug. So, I cringe and just do it.

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

golfingdarwinfish said:

SPurp13 said:

duckr said:

SPurp13 said:

-SNIP-

Purp - This is a much larger issue than baby shower etiquette. Your mom is emotionally harmful to you. I've seen you mention her threaten to kill herself in other posts. I'm so sorry she puts you through that type of worry and blames you for her emotional issues. My advice is to seek therapy for her and yourself.

Oh, I know it. I do see a therapist! So I'm good. But she refuses.

Right now, I'm JUST getting through it. I don't have the time or energy to fight her. But my husband is backing me, and we have discussed what happens after this baby comes, and he will NOT stand for letting her hold me hostage this way in front of my daughter (which is essentially all the time--I don't take her calls at work, only at home). He's sort of the kind of person who lets me choose my own battles, but when my baby's here, it's going to be about US as a whole. I honestly think at that point, I will have little to no problem just saying no and hanging up the phone. But for the time being, I feel like...I don't know. I don't have a real excuse.

To be fair, most of the time she's just low-grade annoying. Normally we only fight this way 1-2 times a year, like clockwork. In fact, it was last year around the wedding shower that this happened. Then around February this year. So, it's almost like she's bipolar, on some sort of time table.

@spurp13

It seems like she's triggered by large, meaningful events in your life. Her 'losing' you to marriage, you and your husband having a child, etc. Things that she cannot control and things that threaten her place/role in your life. Each event meant she was going to lose a bit more control over you and that you were going to distance yourself from her, by nature of becoming someone's wife, and now, by establishing your family as a unit. It seems like she grasps to the few things she can control, such as the shower, and the suicide threats are just to manipulate you and keep you under her finger as long as possible.

AB. SO. LUTELY. And I've said to her over and over that she should be HAPPY that I found a wonderful man to marry (she does love my husband--which is why he is going to be stepping in to fight battles with her after this baby--she does listen to HIM), and I have a good job, and I'm self-sufficient. But she says she needs me to NEED her, and a woman always needs her mother. I disagree.

And I can't even MENTION that she sees a professional. She's TOO BUSY, and she doesn't feel anything is wrong.

Example: She says she's the only mother in the world that doesn't have a list of the presents from her kid's wedding. I told her she is crazy. There is also another example of her saying it's "normal" for a mom to do certain things that I know is not, but it's sort of identifying, and should this ever be googled, and people figure out who I am, I don't really want harm to come her way (it's not illegal or abuse).

ETA: to remove something that might be too "stranger danger" to have up and possibly quoted.

golfingdarwinfish · August 2014

duckr said:

Our receptionist at the office has this ritual on Fridays..."Friday Hugs". She hugs every woman in the office every Friday. Everyone is really nice and just goes with it. At 8:00 in the morning I'm barely awake and am in no mood for awkward hugs. There is no nice way of saying "Don't hug me!"
#-o >:D<

That sounds absolutely terrible. Personal space, I haz it.

bennikki · August 2014

Oh, I thought of another FFFC, I don't think I've done my hair for over 3 months. I have naturally really curly hair, and once summer and humidity hits in MN, I just don't feel like dealing with frizz and extra curls, so I just wash it, let it air dry, and maybe stick a headband or a few bobby pins in. I also, wash my hair once a week. When the weather cooperates a little more, I might do a blow-out or take the time to straighten it, but right now, I give no fucks.

golfingdarwinfish · August 2014

bennikki said:

@Spurp13 that sounds brutal! You and theotherjacobson should start a support group for crazy mothers/crazy showers.

I guess my FFFC is where I'm from showers are just not a big deal, and I just don't get the appeal. Usually you get a family shower and a friends shower. Both are held at someone's home or a community room if the family is large. The food is done by about 4-5 of the attendees, and it's usually a soup and salad lunch or fritata and muffin brunch and sometimes there is cake. I would not want it any other way! The drama, planning, games, and for goodness sake the decorations sound like pure torture.

This is probably flammable, but my shower (not hosted by us!) is being held at our country club, mainly because I'm incredibly comfortable there, and also because DH is on the board so my hosts will get preferential treatment. My parents retired down south, and my in-laws live in a different state so they asked me to choose the location, and so I picked one where I knew they would be able to easily navigate the details from afar.

BBBrady · August 2014

Two years ago when I was pregnant with my dd, my cousin and aunt threw me a great baby shower. Now every time I read a hostess gift post on TB, I feel incredibly guilty because I seriously didn't realize I was supposed to buy them a gift- so they got nothing. It for real never crossed my mind. I don't know if it's because I was 30 some weeks pregnant, or if I really do just suck as a person.

duckr · August 2014

BBBrady said:

Two years ago when I was pregnant with my dd, my cousin and aunt threw me a great baby shower. Now every time I read a hostess gift post on TB, I feel incredibly guilty because I seriously didn't realize I was supposed to buy them a gift- so they got nothing. It for real never crossed my mind. I don't know if it's because I was 30 some weeks pregnant, or if I really do just suck as a person.

My Aunt and Cousin hosted my shower last weekend and I didn't get them gifts. Honestly, when I hosted her baby shower last year she didn't get me one either. We also hosted each others bridal showers - no gifts. I think taking turns hosting each other showers was probably gift enough. I had no idea of the gift "rule" either so don't feel bad!

golfingdarwinfish · August 2014

SPurp13 said:

SNIP

AB. SO. LUTELY. And I've said to her over and over that she should be HAPPY that I found a wonderful man to marry (she does love my husband--which is why he is going to be stepping in to fight battles with her after this baby--she does listen to HIM), and I have a good job, and I'm self-sufficient. But she says she needs me to NEED her, and a woman always needs her mother. I disagree.

And I can't even MENTION that she sees a professional. She's TOO BUSY, and she doesn't feel anything is wrong.

Example: She says she's the only mother in the world that doesn't have a list of the presents from her kid's wedding. I told her she is crazy. There is also another example of her saying it's "normal" for a mom to do certain things that I know is not, but it's sort of identifying, and should this ever be googled, and people figure out who I am, I don't really want harm to come her way (it's not illegal or abuse).

ETA: to remove something that might be too "stranger danger" to have up and possibly quoted.

I wonder if the only thing to do at this point is to accept that you cannot change your mother, and that if she does not want to change, this is the person she is and that she will be unless she makes the decision to change herself. All you can do is set boundaries that protect you and your family, which it sounds like you will be doing once LO arrives.

[Deleted User] · August 2014

duckr said:

Our receptionist at the office has this ritual on Fridays..."Friday Hugs". She hugs every woman in the office every Friday. Everyone is really nice and just goes with it. At 8:00 in the morning I'm barely awake and am in no mood for awkward hugs. There is no nice way of saying "Don't hug me!"
#-o >:D<

Yeah I would hate that. I'm so not a touchy feely person.

Firemanswife11 · August 2014

Mine is pretty lame this week, but I don't know what happened to my alarm this morning and I didn't have time to wash my hair (or care about what I wore) so I threw on jeans, my purple tennis shoes and one of my husband's rouge size-too-big T-shirts from the fire department that he probably brought home after getting mixed up with someone else's laundry. Which is kind of gross. But whatever.

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

SPurp13 said:

golfingdarwinfish said:

SPurp13 said:

duckr said:

SPurp13 said:

-SNIP-

Purp - This is a much larger issue than baby shower etiquette. Your mom is emotionally harmful to you. I've seen you mention her threaten to kill herself in other posts. I'm so sorry she puts you through that type of worry and blames you for her emotional issues. My advice is to seek therapy for her and yourself.

Oh, I know it. I do see a therapist! So I'm good. But she refuses.

Right now, I'm JUST getting through it. I don't have the time or energy to fight her. But my husband is backing me, and we have discussed what happens after this baby comes, and he will NOT stand for letting her hold me hostage this way in front of my daughter (which is essentially all the time--I don't take her calls at work, only at home). He's sort of the kind of person who lets me choose my own battles, but when my baby's here, it's going to be about US as a whole. I honestly think at that point, I will have little to no problem just saying no and hanging up the phone. But for the time being, I feel like...I don't know. I don't have a real excuse.

To be fair, most of the time she's just low-grade annoying. Normally we only fight this way 1-2 times a year, like clockwork. In fact, it was last year around the wedding shower that this happened. Then around February this year. So, it's almost like she's bipolar, on some sort of time table.

@spurp13

It seems like she's triggered by large, meaningful events in your life. Her 'losing' you to marriage, you and your husband having a child, etc. Things that she cannot control and things that threaten her place/role in your life. Each event meant she was going to lose a bit more control over you and that you were going to distance yourself from her, by nature of becoming someone's wife, and now, by establishing your family as a unit. It seems like she grasps to the few things she can control, such as the shower, and the suicide threats are just to manipulate you and keep you under her finger as long as possible.

AB. SO. LUTELY. And I've said to her over and over that she should be HAPPY that I found a wonderful man to marry (she does love my husband--which is why he is going to be stepping in to fight battles with her after this baby--she does listen to HIM), and I have a good job, and I'm self-sufficient. But she says she needs me to NEED her, and a woman always needs her mother. I disagree.

And I can't even MENTION that she sees a professional. She's TOO BUSY, and she doesn't feel anything is wrong.

Example: She says she's the only mother in the world that doesn't have a list of the presents from her kid's wedding. I told her she is crazy. There is also another example of her saying it's "normal" for a mom to do certain things that I know is not, but it's sort of identifying, and should this ever be googled, and people figure out who I am, I don't really want harm to come her way (it's not illegal or abuse--it's something that might get her fired).

golfingdarwinfish said:

SPurp13 said:

SNIP

AB. SO. LUTELY. And I've said to her over and over that she should be HAPPY that I found a wonderful man to marry (she does love my husband--which is why he is going to be stepping in to fight battles with her after this baby--she does listen to HIM), and I have a good job, and I'm self-sufficient. But she says she needs me to NEED her, and a woman always needs her mother. I disagree.

And I can't even MENTION that she sees a professional. She's TOO BUSY, and she doesn't feel anything is wrong.

Example: She says she's the only mother in the world that doesn't have a list of the presents from her kid's wedding. I told her she is crazy. There is also another example of her saying it's "normal" for a mom to do certain things that I know is not, but it's sort of identifying, and should this ever be googled, and people figure out who I am, I don't really want harm to come her way (it's not illegal or abuse).

ETA: to remove something that might be too "stranger danger" to have up and possibly quoted.

I wonder if the only thing to do at this point is to accept that you cannot change your mother, and that if she does not want to change, this is the person she is and that she will be unless she makes the decision to change herself. All you can do is set boundaries that protect you and your family, which it sounds like you will be doing once LO arrives.

Yup. That's where I'm at. She'll get positive reinforcement when she behaves like a human being, and I will not engage with her when she doesn't. The truth is that, i should have been doing that the whole pregnancy, but if I would have, she would have canceled the shower AFTER she talked about it to people and AFTER invitations went out, and I didn't want to explain to people why.

pnwlover12 · August 2014

MrMrsandBaby said:
My FFFC will have to wait because it is directly related to a pretty recent post and I don't want to get into it...I guess my confession is that most of my confessions have to do with being judgey of stupid people. Or, people who are asking/doing stupid things.

No way, dude - spill it! I'm dying of curiosity.

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