Thursday Randoms

psychobutthead · August 2014

Its early and I'm avoiding doing actual work. So Thursday randoms!!!

psychobutthead · August 2014

So yesterday I had to attend my bosses retirement party. I had MIL drop DD off at my job and then we drove there.

OK to cut to the point after we made our plates of food and sat down DD starts pointing at the foods on her plate that she cant eat. I asked her why can't you eat it. She tells me "because I'm fat, and I dont want to be fat anymore so I can only eat healthy food".

The look on her face and the tone of her voice broke my heart when she said that. I have never talked about her weight or anyones weight to her. Why my 7 year old would come up with that out of nowhere instantly just set off alarms in my head.

I asked her who told you this. and she tells me that my inlaws told her this. she then tells me that exaclty what they told her is "you're fat and you need to start loosing weight and watching what your eating before it gets worse".

So I asked her did they feed you today. and she tells me yeah they fed me chikfila. So I asked her wait they said this to you and then gave you chikfila to eat. and DD tells me yeah.

Then she proceeds to pinch all of the "fat" on her body she needs to get rid of.

I told her next time they tell you that to tell them not to feed you chikfila or junk.

I then told her to go ahead and eat whatever food that was on her plate that she wanted.

Words can't express how enraged I was. Theres no way she could make up something so detailed or make up the look on her face when she told me this. I know it bothered her because she brought the topic up out of nowhere to me.

Dh called his parents and asked them what the deal was. They denied it but then lectured us that she is fat and then basically told DH that we need to do the exact same things they deny saying to DD. Then my FIL calls my DH and tells him off and he tells them leave her alone about her weight if you don't want her to be "fat" then stop feeding her junk everyday all damn day.

WTH is wrong with people???

BeckyP005 · August 2014

Tthgirl said:
We are going to look at a day care this morning. I have a feeling that it will be a bit overwhelming.

Good luck! I need to check out the daycare down the street from where I work

BeckyP005 · August 2014

@psychobutthead‌ that's terrible for your in law's to say that to a 7 yr old. Hugs to your DS. They should approach you with any concerns.

BeckyP005 · August 2014

Oh and my cat threw up all over my comforter middle of the night. Guess it was time for a dry cleaning

Had to edit realizing I hate the word puke.

Wimcgrath · August 2014

@psychobutthead‌ that makes me both incredibly sad and enraged!!! Seriously-- 7-year-old girl should not already be faced with body issues... especially since these comments come from people who are supposed to love and support her unconditionally. Ugh. I would've totally flipped my shit.

boxerrrmama85 · August 2014

@psychobutthead‌ This is one of my fears about potentially having a girl-- I have dealt with body image and disordered eating patterns and it breaks my heart that your little girl had to hear this garbage. The focus should always be on health and leading an active life. My MIL is obsessed with being thin and if she ever pulled that shit I would probably ensure that she never sees my child again. Ugh!

boxerrrmama85 · August 2014

Here's my Thursday random: I walked into my house last night to find flowers on the counter, my husband vacuuming the house, and our bathrooms scrubbed! What a guy! His reasoning: he wanted to prove that he could play golf and clean the house in the same day!

brroseb · August 2014

My step daughter, who is almost 18, just kind of came out to the world that she is a lesbian or at the least bisexual. I am totally cool with it as I think being happy comes different for everyone. However, her mother does not feel the same way and has told her that she is an embarresment to the family, she is disgusted by her and she makes her want to throw up in her mouth... (exact words). My heart is just breaking for my step daughter. Damn, it is hard enough to be 17 today and her mom is not giving her any support to make it easier. I am afraid that when SD turns 18, she will leave her mom's house and not look back.

CatLadyTX · August 2014

@psychobutthead‌ WTF is wrong with them? Who says that to a seven year old?

My random this morning is that Al Roker described the disgustingly hot temps as "the ring of fire and now I can't get this out of my head:

Stoopid missing finding memo gif

Edit: why won't my gif work?

psychobutthead · August 2014

My concern is how is DD dealing with this? I tried to tell her not to worry about it and that shes perfectly fine. But I know what they have said has stuck with her.

My sister has an eating disorder and I'm terrified now that this will be the start of it happening to DD.

How I feel is if they have an issue about something to do with DD they need to confide in me and DH alone. We have told them this. So why they think tellling a 7 year old this is ok IDK. But they would never think to say what they said to my kid to their 26 year old daughter.

DH wants me to quit my job NOW. Like not December like we agreed but now.

I think I'm going to speak with a school counsler that is at my campus and ask her what damage control needs to be done with DD and the best mature way to deal with the inlaws.

selly08 · August 2014

@psychobutthead‌ I can't believe them !! How can they put a child through that crap?!? It's kinda sick. Hugs to both of you.

MaddScientist · August 2014

@physchobutthead maybe try and turn this into a 'how to eat and be healthy' thing - like discuss with her how (obviously she is not fat) but that eating healthy and exercising is good for everyone - and show her how the in-laws words and actions are contradictory - saying she needs to watch what she eats and then turning around and giving her fast food = bad. Maybe teach her how to make healthy choices with food that way the lasting effects of the words can have a good effect?

dreemkin84 · August 2014

@psychobutthead‌ my mom used to say things like this to me (and her other daughters) all the time. she still does. I was complaining that I looked like a whale the other day and she said, "yup".

It's really hard to go through this, especially as a kid but if you raise her self esteem and support her and love her than that will make all the difference! At least she has her mom on her side!

Maple403 · August 2014

Crazy stuff this morning.

@pyschobutthead - I think that you addressing the issue early and doing damage control for the hurtful things the ILs said will go a long way. It's upsetting that they said those things and now you can be on the alert in case they continue to do this kind of stuff.

@brroseb - It is very sad that LGBT people do not find the support they need and hope for when they come out to family. To be honest, your SD leaving her home and never looking back might be the best thing for her. It sounds like her mother is pretty toxic.

selly08 · August 2014

My random: So is it always so difficult to explain people around you how you are feeling or what you are experiencing (when pregnant)?!? I feel a lot of emotions and certain pains that I just can't explain. DH can see it on my face because I just generally have a very expressive face. But I just cannot explain him what happens within me. Sometimes my mood switches without any reason and I fail to explain people why! I find that too frustrating because normally expressing in language has never been a problem for me.

Does anybody feel like they have lost the language to explain people how they feel?!

selly08 · August 2014

I second @Maple403‌!
@brroseb‌, maybe her not looking back is the best for her. It's quite sad if you are being looked at as an embarrassment to the family just because you don't conform to your parents expectations.

logahn4281 · August 2014

No randoms this morning. Just wanted to stop in and say Hello and Good Morning! I hope everyone has a beautiful day!

lizjennings81 · August 2014

I'm with @ChickenOnSunday, @psychobutthead. It seems like you've communicated with them what your expectations are and they're still subjecting your daughter to damaging treatment. Cutting off contact, or at least supervising their visits, is called for. I'm of the mind that there have to be consequences for this kind of behavior.

I'm sorry you're going through this and that you're daughter's going through this. It isn't right.

wendy46001 · August 2014

@pyschobutthead - i agree with whoever said you in-laws are assholes. My bff dad used to always say that to both his girls and they are still dealing with the long term damage. Good for you for nipping it in the butt.

My random- i caved last night and took the prescription meds for headaches. Holy relief batman!! I didnt realize how miserable i felt until i felt 100% better. Yay for good drugs

mishka29 · August 2014

Man what is with people today!

@psychobutthead‌ sorry you have to deal with these crazies

@brroseb‌ seriously? Wow just wow

pitdigger · August 2014

@psychobutthead That's awful of your in-laws. Like others, I'm raging for you and I hope you're able to do damage control/reassure your daughter of everything you need to.

@selly08 I have more trouble talking to DH about things than almost anyone else, but he's not an emotion or pain sharer.

Debating sharing my eeyore of a random about my feelings right now, maybe later.

mishka29 · August 2014

This morning I got to talk to my dad on the phone! This is the first time I've gotten to speak with him since he was rushed into surgery with a ruptured aortic aneurism. When I look at the stats of how few people survive this (10%) I can't believe how unbelievably lucky he was and that we are that he is still here!

CatLadyTX · August 2014

@brroseb‌ do you and your H live nearby? Maybe your SD can live with you for a little while. If that is a possibility, it may make her a lot more comfortable to have the support that she needs right now.

Wimcgrath · August 2014

My random: yesterday afternoon, the UPS guy delivered 2 Amazon packages, which I wasn't expecting at all. They were addressed to me and the outside said "gift inside." We just told our families last weekend about their first grandchild, so I thought the gifts were from either my parents or my husband's.

Nope! They we're surprise gifts from my hubby! Another prenatal toning/ Pilates DVD I had added to the cart to remember, a neck pillow because I've been complaining of neck pain, an "I love mommy" baby book, and matching hat and booties that say "I love mommy." I was so shocked by the sweetness that I actually teared up, and I'm not a cryer. I feel like (as I'm 14 weeks tomorrow), we can finally get excited about having a take home baby!

Also, I apologize for the length and gush factor ... Not usually my style.

Ducktale · August 2014

I think I'm getting a cold.

Also considering trying a prenatal chiropractor for these damn headaches. Anyone go to a chiropractor? I've always been skeptical but I'm getting desperate.

My H cleaned out house yesterday and made dinner while my head was pounding. It was so so sweet.

MaddScientist · August 2014

Are the ebola patients in the news again??

I feel like something must have happened because all the news trucks are parked outside my building again, but I had on the news before work this morning and all I heard was weather and traffic.

Wimcgrath · August 2014

@Ducktale‌ I haven't been to a chiropractor while pregnant (yet), but my friend did throughout her pregnancy and swore by it. She said it helped with general pain and stiffness (duh), and it helped to get her baby into position at the end of her third tri, as she was all flipped around.

brroseb · August 2014

CatLadyTX said:

@brroseb‌ do you and your H live nearby? Maybe your SD can live with you for a little while. If that is a possibility, it may make her a lot more comfortable to have the support that she needs right now.

She would have to change schools, but it has always been understood that she is welcome to live with us. It's her mom that is the issue. I don't know that her mom would be ok with it... although I am not sure of the laws either... she may be able to leave willingly at 17. I will have to look that one up

kefttsc · August 2014

@psychobutthead that is perfectly enraging. My inlaws are the opposite. They have a downright obese (seriously obese, not just heavy, i personally think there is a medical issue) 12 year old grandchild and when he visits, they allow him to literally eat 10 rolls in one sitting with dinner. They can't ever say no to junk food. All he eats is junk and ice cream at their house.

smg2302 · August 2014

@psychobutthead‌ I'm sorry you're going through that with your in laws. My sister also has an eating disorder and is always getting on my niece about it. I think going to the school counselor is a great idea.

Dd woke up at 3 this morning and was up for the day. I think it's a delayed reaction to last weeks vaccines but I am exhausted. It's bad enough to have fatigue and migraines, adding this to the mix is just peachy. I had dh take her to daycare and I'm going in late to work.

animalcrckr · August 2014

My random Thursday: we are still in PJ's at 3pm. I attempted to walk the kids down to the bakery and playground but my boys told me they are having too much fun playing super heros. Sure, whatever. I need to clean up dishes from lunch and get dinner started. DH just called to say he will be running late b/c he has an emergency patient who JUST called. I have been watching the clock figuring out how to time dinner and me working out afterwards. Now I must adjust my timeline. Ugh! Why do people always wait until the afternoon to figure out they are in pain? Don't they know this momma has plans! Ok, that's all:)

psychobutthead · August 2014

kkleigh10 said:

@psychobutthead‌ - I'm kind of with your DH on this one, is it even a possibility for you to quit your job now? I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be having your in- laws watch your daughter anymore. Who knows what they're saying to her that she's NOT repeating

Honestly if I weren't pregnant I could quit.

But since I'm pregnant I have to pay off my doctors bills in payments before lo is born. Which will mean I'm done making payments in december which was when I was planning on resigning.

If I put her in daycare then I can't afford to pay my doctors bills every month. We also still need to buy a crib and a stroller and clothes. DH makes enough money when I quit to support us. But not enough to buy all of these big items every month on his own in addition to bills.

I don't feel like DH was out of line. But after he was on the phone with his dad apparently his dad said our house is dirty and unfit for children. So after telling them we know what they said to Hailey they start attacking us.

I personally have limited all of my own person contact with them. I only see them when I get DD. It seems like since I'm not there they're using DD in my place as someone to be an asshole to.

After tomorrow the only time shes going to see them is the 20 minutes before she gets dropped off to school and the 20 minutes it takes me to get there from work to get her.

I feel horrible because right now we are really not in a position for me to quit.

psychobutthead · August 2014

brroseb said:

CatLadyTX said:

@brroseb‌ do you and your H live nearby? Maybe your SD can live with you for a little while. If that is a possibility, it may make her a lot more comfortable to have the support that she needs right now.

She would have to change schools, but it has always been understood that she is welcome to live with us. It's her mom that is the issue. I don't know that her mom would be ok with it... although I am not sure of the laws either... she may be able to leave willingly at 17. I will have to look that one up

Depending on what state you live in a child can choose who they live with at the age of 12.

Izzy0927 · August 2014

@psychobutthead that is so hard. I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Little girls shouldn't hear that at all- let alone from their own family and the people WHO PROVIDE THEM FOOD. What a rough situation. I hope you can find a situation that makes you comfortable in leaving DD with them.

weansworld09 · August 2014

@pyschobutthead that's just awful. My heart sank reading that for your daughter. I am glad your DH is on your side 110%.

Afm, I have been awake since 1am. My dogs woke me up and my insomnia kicked in. I had some coffee and a donut. Now, I feel nauseated and dizzy, as I wait for my OB appt. I wish I could just go home and sleep after this, but instead I am working until 6... Or later depending on how long this takes.

psychobutthead · August 2014

kkleigh10 said:

@psychobutthead‌ - don't feel horrible for not being in a position to quit right this second. Most families depend on two incomes and it sounds like you're doing everything in your power to make sure your daughter has limited contact with them. You're being responsible by working until everything is taken care of for your family and that's something to be admired. I only asked about quitting because I thought your DD was staying with them all day long, I completely forgot she's school aged. You're doing a good job!

Shes only stayed with them all day during the summer. School starts next week for her district. After that her contact will be really limited with them.

I've had a lot of problems with my inlaws about my DD. When my husbands nieces where born they completely cut DD off. She was use to spending the night on weekends and just being invited over to spend time with them. When the twins where born they cut her off and have since.

Once that happened I had a lot of problems and a lot of meeting with her teachers, counsler, and principal. I explained to them the situation with inlaws and they agreed it matched up with the time she started her outburst in school and that before she started some kind of bad behavior she would mention the twins.

We even went to our inlaws then with out concerns and they reacted the same way then. I made even more effort spending time with DD and taking her out for girl days and little dates with her stepfather so she could have one on one time with each of us and then also do family outings with us three.

She finally started to do welll. and then they do this. I really want to sell my house and move to another town at this point in time.

lizjennings81 · August 2014

@psychobutthead, totally sympathize with your situation and it seems like you're trying to minimize contact as much as possible already. Grr. It just makes me so furious for you, your daughter, and husband.

My random: I was up at 1am last night and couldn't get back to sleep until 4am. It's not pregnancy insomnia; it's waking up worrying about telling work that I'm pregnant. I'm busting my butt during the day, but feel like an incompetent loser in the middle of the night who'll become known as the new hire who got knocked up right away.

Izzy0927 · August 2014

Random: I went to a favorite things party last night, and it was SUCH a cool idea. Everyone brought 3 wrapped gifts (all the same, in theory, their favorite thing) around $10 each, and then people swapped them. People brought fun greeting cards, travel perfumes, costume jewelry, DVDs, umbrellas, kitchen stuff, nail polishes- really fun stuff! I would 100% do it again. Has anyone else ever done one before?

HailsMom · August 2014

@psychobutthead‌ the fact that they deny saying anything to her, proves that they won't stop. My niece was only 8 or 9 when she had to start going to counseling for anorexia. She's 18 now and still battling with it. My sister did find the best way of dealing with it was pointing out healthy vs junk. And ratting healthy for your overall health rather than to loose weight. It really didn't help when her school decided that part of the PE class was going to be about BMI and whatnot, and they told Madi that she was borderline obese due to her BMI. This girl has NO fat on her, she's all muscle. So of course she weighs more and basing BMI off weight is sooo inaccurate! My sister called the school that day and just went off on them. Anyways... Good luck with your DD. If that were my inlaws, they would have been junk punched!

logahn4281 · August 2014

@lizjennings81 - I understand how you feel. I start a new job on Sept 2nd and I'm 13 weeks now. I'm terrified as to how to go about telling them and when etc.

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