Difficulty with a baby shower (long)

sparksfly22 · August 2014

@jennyhatt‌ thanks for not being snarky

yeah I suppose donating large (or unwanted) gifts isn't the worse idea so that people at my shower don't feel like the women here do. Thank you for the idea and for your maturity level in that post. If it's not a small item, or something I already have, then I will donate. But to not have to donate everything (since I'm having a limited number of guests), I would like to state that it is more of a book party...

BookitBoo · August 2014

@sparksfly22‌

Aren't you concerned about getting duplicate books? It's cute idea, especially with the notes written to the baby. But a library with 5 copies of the same 3 popular books, all with personalized inscriptions might not make a very good library.

I don't agree with specifying 'no gifts.' It's not nice to demand someone buy you a specific kind of gift no matter how thoughtful or useful the gift is.

Obviously you'll have whatever shower you'd like to have, but just consider that someone might not want to get you a book or would prefer to get you something that you didn't register for but was awesome for their first baby.

jennyhatt · August 2014

For the record I have no issue with shower invites saying: " we would love it if you brought your favourite children's book to add to the new baby's library" or "please contact so and so if you would like to be part of a large group gift". It leaves the option there but it's not forced by any means....but when people write cash or gift cards only etc.... Ugh I hate that and it makes me want to bring a gift with no gift receipt lol.

luvtakestaime · August 2014

Let her throw you a gender reveal, if you haven't announced the baby's gender already. There is no expectation of gifts and it's still a fun reason to have a gathering.

sparksfly22 · August 2014

@Firefly3911‌ I'm sorry, when did I say I am your daughter? I will do what I want at my shower and the fact that I'm paying for everyone's lunch and not telling them they must all eat spaghetti because paying for someone's meal is gracious just shows that if someone can't or doesn't want to give 100% freedom at a baby shower is their decision. You should get a book on how to be more open minded.

sparksfly22 · August 2014

@CrazyMonkeyBear‌ and apparently the fact that I said this is MY preference and MY opinion, and that I don't have to agree with you all isn't quite simple enough for you either.

YaMrWhite · August 2014

sparksfly22 said:

@Firefly3911‌ I'm sorry, when did I say I am your daughter? I will do what I want at my shower and the fact that I'm paying for everyone's lunch and not telling them they must all eat spaghetti because paying for someone's meal is gracious just shows that if someone can't or doesn't want to give 100% freedom at a baby shower is their decision. You should get a book on how to be more open minded.

No such thing as generosity for generosity's sake in this girls world. "I'm paying for your lunches ladies so you better do as I say and bring what I demand! Or I'm gonna be pissed!"

jennyhatt · August 2014

CrazyMonkeyBear said:

jennyhatt said:

For the record I have no issue with shower invites saying: " we would love it if you brought your favourite children's book to add to the new baby's library" or "please contact so and so if you would like to be part of a large group gift". It leaves the option there but it's not forced by any means....but when people write cash or gift cards only etc.... Ugh I hate that and it makes me want to bring a gift with no gift receipt lol.

agreed on the books part; I'm not sure how I feel like the large group comment on the actual invite though I don't see much of an issue as doing it as a little insert or something.

Ya I wouldn't do it either for myself, but have experienced it and it doesn't bother me like cash etc.

MarxieVonTrapp · August 2014

Sparksfly, are you planning your own shower?

nmrd · August 2014

Jfc. I think this was mentioned but I'm having trouble w the quotes and making it through some of the garbage.

If someone buys you disposable diapers and you don't want them then say thank you, and then hang onto them for emergencies or quietly donate them to someone who will appreciate them. There's no reason to consider their money wasted.

And lots of people know what wishing well showers and the crap you're describing are and have researched them and that's why they're telling you that many people consider them rude. It sounds like you (sparksfly) haven't done your research about the etiquette.

Sorry, OP, for all the derailing and not responding to your actual post but I agree withe the advice given and love the idea of a spa day or chug and see

bigbobdole · August 2014

:-\"

texasmama786 · August 2014

To me a baby shower is celebrating this new little life and sharing that excitement among friends and family. Showers somehow bring us all closer through the joy, involvement and anticipation of the new baby. That being said, friends of mine offered and threw me baby showers for my past two children (both boys) and are already offering one for the third (girl this time) I see nothing wrong with this. Gifts are the last thing I care about. I have been so blessed to have people in my life that want to do such a nice thing for me and my new baby. No matter if it is the second, third or fifth child I see nothing wrong with friends and family having a shower in honor of the new child. If they want to bring gifts then graciously accept because they probably put a lot of thought into their gifts. Most people really enjoy showers and the idea of picking out that precious little outfit or knitting that blanket and it makes them feel connected to the baby. I don't think showers are ever tacky.. Just my opinion.

texasmama786 · August 2014

Another idea: if you get a bunch of baby items that you don't need or want then just donate the items. There are so many people out there in need that you can help.

sparksfly22 · August 2014

You all have fun fighting amongst yourselves. I'm not upset with anyone for disagreeing. I'm disappointed that after all the talk about how 'rude' I am, you all are ranting and spewing out insults over my opinion. I said what I wanted to say and you all either misunderstood or acted like little high school girls. If anyone thought I was upset with them then you def mistook my 'trying to reason with you' as actually caring that you disagreed. Please. Go on with your lives. If someone doesn't agree with you, then that's life--not a legitimate motive for saying a bunch of useless things that would be better placed in a diary.

Honestly, grow up. It's stuff that if you don't understand as future or second-time moms really should be something for you to get in check. And for the dumb people that misunderstood the spaghetti analogy, congrats on not being able to understand literary terms in addition to being ignorant about how someone's preference is their own preference and shouldn't be changed just cause some irrational women on a board said they wouldn't do that at their own shower.

@CrazyMonkeyBear‌
@firefly911‌
@Blazerbay214‌
@ExcitedMama2‌

motherboy · August 2014

Firefly3911 said:

sparksfly22 said:

@Firefly3911‌ I'm sorry, when did I say I am your daughter? I will do what I want at my shower and the fact that I'm paying for everyone's lunch and not telling them they must all eat spaghetti because paying for someone's meal is gracious just shows that if someone can't or doesn't want to give 100% freedom at a baby shower is their decision. You should get a book on how to be more open minded.

Oh no, I was using an appropriate analogy. You're acting like a brat, about on par with a little girl.

--------------------

This analogy is too tough for me. Can you write a wikihow to explain it?

sparksfly22 · August 2014

@Firefly3911‌ I can't teach you what your mother should have taught you. It's not my fault you're offended by the truth. And if you're on boards yelling at people for wanting books at a shower then you clearly have not benefited from reading many. That's sad. For you and your daughter..

I'm sorry you're in a corner crying because I didn't praise your comment and those equally as childish as you did... Perhaps that's one if the many benefits of being raised with books and a mom that wasn't as small minded as you.

sparksfly22 · August 2014

I wasn't even referring to your analogy. I was talking about my spaghetti one. Please learn to read.

britb618 · August 2014

Wow...I personally think that stating on an invite cash only as a gift is sooo rude and I agree with pp that I probably wouldn't go. The point of these posts is that you get others opinions- sometimes supportive and sometimes telling it like it is...id rather be told something is tacky on here by a bunch of internet friends than have my irl friends talk about me behind my back...or feel like I was being rude to them... Just something to think about @sparksfly22‌...

To the op- if you don't want one don't let her have one but nothing wrong with a sip and and see or girls day or brunch...people who want to buy you something will do so regardless if there is a shower or not! I always buy outfits for second time moms when I go to meet the baby ❤️

SpaceGirlSpiff · August 2014

I think it's hilarious that sparksfly is going on and on about how WE'RE clearly the ones with the issue ...since we clearly see that being particular and demanding and then pouty when things don't go her way, in regards to GIFTS, is pretty much exactly on par with a bratty spoiled 8 year old that doesn't know what manners are.

Let me spell it out for you @sparksfly22 ... When someone, anyone, gives you a gift...any gift.... All you are supposed to do is nicely and graciously say "Thank you". The end.

It's really not so hard. If you really must, return the gifts for a gift card or even better donate. Stop being bitchy about GIFTS. Christ on a cracker.

Dictating how people should gift you on an invite, in person, through the grapevine, I don't effing care...telling people how to spend their money on you.... is ALWAYS rude. I promise.

Clearly you are the only one maintaining your side on this against...well...all of us. That should tell you something. If no one in your real life tells you to your face, most likely at least some of them are saying it behind your back. You can count on that.

SpaceGirlSpiff · August 2014

And now I have to leave for a lunch meeting and will get to miss the fun as it continues... shucks.

luciddreamer106 · August 2014

sparksfly22 said:

sparksfly22 said:

magali1982 said:

1) you can still have a shower and make it clear on the invite "no gift allowed

absolutely not.

1) point of the shower is to shower the mom-to-be with gifts

2) It's rude to put "no gifts"
Umm I think the point of a baby shower is to prepare mom for baby's arrival. If she doesn't want gifts, it's not at all rude to say that on the invite so peole don't waste money buying dumb stuff that a mom didn't even ask for. For my shower, it's going to be wishing well/book party. People will bring books instead of greeting cards and put their message to baby in the book and then if they would like to bring a gift only money or gift cards would be accepted. No one follows registries and they wait until the last minute then bring you stuff they might have thought was necessary or cute when you really could have gotten something else. I'm purchasing all my own furniture, clothing and baby needs and using the gift cards and money for last minute things or to supplement our diaper supply for a few months after baby comes. For everyone stating that 'no gifts' is rude, you should reconsider all the times you complained about unwanted pregnancy advice. It's the same here. I don't want unwanted items! And whoever feels the same should feel free to express that on their baby shower invitation without people thinking she is the devil. If someone is doing a no gift baby shower and doesn't specify to bring giftcards or anything else then simply bring cash with your card or ask the mom if she has a favorite store to shop for the baby and give her a gift card for there. Seriously, I don't think it's a big deal. Just like weddings, baby showers should be about the people the event is for...not about the guests and their quirky thoughts or opinions. If someone sends you an invite that says no gift and you're really goin to feel that uncomfortable, then don't go!

Wait...what? So if someone took the time to come to your shower, brought you a $15 "card", and then still wanted to give you, say, an outfit/toy/diapers/stroller/whatever...you'd throw it back in their face and say "CASH ONLY!"?!
No.. What are you people thinking? The point is to list your preference/expectation on the card, not a RULE. If I said bring a baby book and a gift card and they brought all plus a toy then that's fine but if they ignored the invitation completely and just brought a rattle, then I would be annoyed. just like if I said everyone at my shower should follow the black and white dress code, if someone came in yellow I wouldn't slam the door in their face. My point is: STATING A STYLE FOR YOUR SHOWER IS NOT A CRIME. And if someone goes against your wishes, you're obviously not going to be a bitch and shove their present back in their chest.. If you guys are having a hard time understanding that a shower should cater the mom and not the guests, then that's your added drama to deal with when you're at your shower. But my sister is going to see to it that if we want to build a baby library then that's what we are going to say. LOOK IT UP. ITS CALLED A WISHING WELL WEDDING/SHOWER/PARTY and it's not rude at all.

@sparksfly22 There is a HUGE difference between stating a style for a shower (like a dress code) and dictating what kinds of gifts you would like, which is not actually a "style" but a list of demands. Stating that if guests want to bring a gift, that you really only want gift cards or money is so rude and tacky. And, btw, a book IS a gift, so yeah.

At least we're voicing our opinions because I'm sure that the people you invite will be thinking it. If even one of my friends thought I was being gift grabby, rude, tacky, whatever, I would be really embarrassed.

sparksfly22 · August 2014

@SpaceGirlSpiff‌ obviously I'm keeping my side and obviously you think that the mass is always right. Lol I think the problem here is that there aren't many engineers or science minded individuals here. Someone doesn't agree with you. Just accept it, all of you. I'm content with my choices and sorry to hear you all have such low self esteem and priorities that you have to complain about someone's baby shower.... I will post on other relevant, more mature discussions but I'm done here. You all can write a book about your bratty feelings when people don't OBEY you

Toodles. I really hope it's hormones forcing you to act this vain and irrational.

Milagros315 · August 2014

Damn. I would be so hurt if I was invited to a shower like that. The host is basically saying "I know you're incapable of buying a gift that I deem acceptable, so please don't burden me by giving me a shitty gift".

The guests should all buy the same book. They can't be returned or exchanged once the messages are written inside.

Julie1211 · August 2014

Demanding cash gifts at you shower is not a scientific or engineering point of view. Putting gift restrictions or requests on an invite is rude because it implies that gifts are expected. This is basic manners 101.

YaMrWhite · August 2014

sparksfly22 said:

@SpaceGirlSpiff‌ obviously I'm keeping my side and obviously you think that the mass is always right. Lol I think the problem here is that there aren't many engineers or science minded individuals here. Someone doesn't agree with you. Just accept it, all of you. I'm content with my choices and sorry to hear you all have such low self esteem and priorities that you have to complain about someone's baby shower.... I will post on other relevant, more mature discussions but I'm done here. You all can write a book about your bratty feelings when people don't OBEY you Toodles. I really hope it's hormones forcing you to act this vain and irrational.

To the first bolded: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

To the second bolded: Peace!

robsbabygirl08 · August 2014

@luvtakestaime I will be Team Green to the end ;-)

Disneygeek77 · August 2014

Oh sweetie, you would be getting a book from me, but it would be an etiquette book.

It is never ever polite to tell people how to spend their own money.

peggels24 · August 2014

sparksfly22 said:

magali1982 said:

1) you can still have a shower and make it clear on the invite "no gift allowed

absolutely not.

1) point of the shower is to shower the mom-to-be with gifts

2) It's rude to put "no gifts"
Umm I think the point of a baby shower is to prepare mom for baby's arrival. If she doesn't want gifts, it's not at all rude to say that on the invite so peole don't waste money buying dumb stuff that a mom didn't even ask for. For my shower, it's going to be wishing well/book party. People will bring books instead of greeting cards and put their message to baby in the book and then if they would like to bring a gift only money or gift cards would be accepted. No one follows registries and they wait until the last minute then bring you stuff they might have thought was necessary or cute when you really could have gotten something else. I'm purchasing all my own furniture, clothing and baby needs and using the gift cards and money for last minute things or to supplement our diaper supply for a few months after baby comes. For everyone stating that 'no gifts' is rude, you should reconsider all the times you complained about unwanted pregnancy advice. It's the same here. I don't want unwanted items! And whoever feels the same should feel free to express that on their baby shower invitation without people thinking she is the devil. If someone is doing a no gift baby shower and doesn't specify to bring giftcards or anything else then simply bring cash with your card or ask the mom if she has a favorite store to shop for the baby and give her a gift card for there. Seriously, I don't think it's a big deal. Just like weddings, baby showers should be about the people the event is for...not about the guests and their quirky thoughts or opinions. If someone sends you an invite that says no gift and you're really goin to feel that uncomfortable, then don't go!

Am I the only one who would show up to a "no gift" shower with a card and no gift? I've been to "no gift" parties before and that has always meant just bring yourself. I'm so confused.

Also - a "wishing well" shower to me means to bring a small gadget (rattle, pacifier, small toy, wipes, baby lotion) in addition to a big gift - not bring money.

robsbabygirl08 · August 2014

Well, I know what I WON'T be doing, but as mentioned in my OP, I would be super embarrased to dictate what my friends could/couldn't bring.

SRose1005 · August 2014

sparksfly22 said:

@SpaceGirlSpiff‌ obviously I'm keeping my side and obviously you think that the mass is always right. Lol I think the problem here is that there aren't many engineers or science minded individuals here. Someone doesn't agree with you. Just accept it, all of you. I'm content with my choices and sorry to hear you all have such low self esteem and priorities that you have to complain about someone's baby shower.... I will post on other relevant, more mature discussions but I'm done here. You all can write a book about your bratty feelings when people don't OBEY you Toodles. I really hope it's hormones forcing you to act this vain and irrational.

What on earth does knowing about engineering or science have to do with knowing about manners or etiquette?

NatureLovers · August 2014

What the hell happened here? Sparksfly just went off the deep end. Jesus. Dictating gifts is always rude, always. Don't even get me started on refusing someone's gift to their face! I would die of mortification just watching it.

Lanatir · August 2014

Haha can we open this can of worms?

"*insert person's name* only requests the presents of your presence."

Throw down. What do you think? We got this on a 1st birthday party invite one year. haha.

Cbeanz · August 2014

For my shower I'm asking people for cash only - and they must bring it in all coins. Then everyone will watch me dive into piles of money.

But it's not rude, it's just the style of shower I prefer (I'm a scientist).

robsbabygirl08 · August 2014

@excitedmama2 I was so entertained I forgot to finish my charting on one of my patients and then had to scramble before my relief came in to take over.

motherboy · August 2014

Cbeanz said:
For my shower I'm asking people for cash only - and they must bring it in all coins. Then everyone will watch me dive into piles of money.

But it's not rude, it's just the style of shower I prefer (I'm a scientist).

DUH! It's called a scrooge mcduck shower! Haven't you immature ladies heard of it?

SpaceGirlSpiff · August 2014

sparksfly22 said:

@SpaceGirlSpiff‌ obviously I'm keeping my side and obviously you think that the mass is always right. Lol I think the problem here is that there aren't many engineers or science minded individuals here. Someone doesn't agree with you. Just accept it, all of you. I'm content with my choices and sorry to hear you all have such low self esteem and priorities that you have to complain about someone's baby shower.... I will post on other relevant, more mature discussions but I'm done here. You all can write a book about your bratty feelings when people don't OBEY you Toodles. I really hope it's hormones forcing you to act this vain and irrational.

Lol .... Yes... there are no "sciency minded" people here so THAT'S the problem. Hun, I do finance and accounting and am FAR more logical than emotional when it comes to most things in life...and my hormones aren't forcing me to do anything.

You're wrong. You're just wrong, about this entire thing. It is not a disagreement..it's just pure blatant FACT that dictating how someone should spend their money on gifts for YOU, is outright rude. You will never be right about this no matter how much you argue.

But hey...continue to look like an idiot, here and in front of your friends and family. Be my guest.

Lanatir · August 2014

motherboy said:

For my shower I'm asking people for cash only - and they must bring it in all coins. Then everyone will watch me dive into piles of money. But it's not rude, it's just the style of shower I prefer (I'm a scientist).
DUH! It's called a scrooge mcduck shower! Haven't you immature ladies heard of it?

Scrooge McDuck shower?!?!? I'm only coming and bringing money if I can swim around in it, too.

BookitBoo · August 2014

motherboy said:

Cbeanz said:
For my shower I'm asking people for cash only - and they must bring it in all coins. Then everyone will watch me dive into piles of money.

But it's not rude, it's just the style of shower I prefer (I'm a scientist).
DUH! It's called a scrooge mcduck shower! Haven't you immature ladies heard of it?

What is the dress code for this shindig? I don't want to show up in a yellow speedo when the expectations are CLEARLY black and white triangle tops only.

SpaceGirlSpiff · August 2014

And LOL @ her calling me/us vain.

Oh.

I do not think that means what you think it means.

motherboy · August 2014

Just like all the ducks, tops only, no bottoms! The mother to be will be wearing her top hat to show her place of honor.

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