Was I Mean?

jensriot · August 2014

My friend posted a picture of her son in the car ready for their road trip to another state, hundreds of miles away. He was sitting in a seat with a seat belt. He had a blanket in his lap, so I couldn't tell if he had one of those little boosters under him. He turned three earlier this year. He's tall for his age, but he's still only three. I posted that wow, I couldn't believe he was big enough for just a booster already, he's growing so fast! DH says it was mean. I feel I need to be more direct and intend to give her a pamphlet from our Dr (we use the same practice) that outlines the laws regarding seats in our state. I wouldn't say much typically, but I found out that the last time DD1 road with her, no seats were used. C is 6, but only 40 in and still legally needs a booster.

jensriot · August 2014

Kimbus22 said:

I don't think so.

I'm confused as to how she was driving your kid around with no seat though. That would make me livid. But I guess why wouldn't you send her with a seat?

I have no idea how this works. I don't let anyone drive my kids but me, DH and my mother lol

I've known her for years and both of us have extra seats and boosters. I assumed (incorrectly) that she was using the extra seat for my kid, like when we've carpooled to the zoo, etc. I dropped off my kid for a sleepover. She took them out to lunch and another activity, then drove her home. My kid told me about the no seat thing later. I love this friend and I think she might honestly not see it as dangerous. I want to inform her, but in a way that isn't too bitchy.

vlagrl29 · August 2014

feffany said:

I don't think it was mean, but I doubt she will take the hint. I always see kids on my FB with the chest clip over their belly and I never know if I should say anything.

You should. The first time I posted a pic on FB of DD in her FF carseat I didn't know. Someone told me and I thanked them honestly.

Arnegard · August 2014

I would talk to her about carseat/booster use before she ever takes me kid again. The girl's friends either have a spare or put their kid without to put my kid in one.

I am not anal about DD1 who is almost 9 sitting in one, but do on my dime.

zbeesma86 · August 2014

I don't think you sounded mean.

Has she commented back?

notreallyirish · August 2014

Kimbus22 said:

jensriot said:

Kimbus22 said:

I don't think so.

I'm confused as to how she was driving your kid around with no seat though. That would make me livid. But I guess why wouldn't you send her with a seat?

I have no idea how this works. I don't let anyone drive my kids but me, DH and my mother lol

I've known her for years and both of us have extra seats and boosters. I assumed (incorrectly) that she was using the extra seat for my kid, like when we've carpooled to the zoo, etc. I dropped off my kid for a sleepover. She took them out to lunch and another activity, then drove her home. My kid told me about the no seat thing later. I love this friend and I think she might honestly not see it as dangerous. I want to inform her, but in a way that isn't too bitchy.

I gotcha. That makes more sense. This is a sticking point for me. I'd have talked to her as soon as my kid told me what happened and asked her if she needed me to provide a seat for my kid in the future.

But I don't understand how any rational person can think it's okay to have a 3 year old in just a booster or nothing. I mean, you'd have to be willfully ignorant about it.

I don't think it's *willfully* ignorant necessarily. It's just ignorant-- uninformed, not understanding. Some people just don't know the laws or they don't understand the risks, or both. I have found most of the information I know about car seats by actively looking online. And I still learn new things I wasn't aware of. Most people are not that proactive and don't see any need to be. Ideally there would be better publicly available info (PSAs, mailings, idk) or pediatricians would make more of a point to inform their patients. As an individual you can inform people you see doing risky things or maybe write to government or professional groups (American Academy of Pediatrics for example) to encourage them to spread the word better. Or maybe stores could post information at the point of sale like with alcohol and cigarettes. Sorry, these are just some things I was thinking about.

vlagrl29 · August 2014

was it just a booster seat he was in. He needs to be in at least a high back booster.

notreallyirish · August 2014

Kimbus22 said:
I just don't understand how even a borderline crappy parent wouldn't be like 'Hey when can he be out of a carseat?' at a doctors appointment or something. I mean, this isn't researching how much tv does what to your kid's brain. It's basic safety. Really, really basic safety. Hence my "willfully ignorant" comment.

It just doesn't occur to people. The laws and products have changed vastly since today's parents were kids and a good bit even in the 4 years since my oldest was born.

My husband is a doctor, he works with people who all have at least some post-secondary education. He mentioned our 12 month old was in a rear facing seat and not a single one of his office staff was aware that he should be or that it was the law .

jensriot · August 2014

vlagrl29 said:

was it just a booster seat he was in. He needs to be in at least a high back booster.

I can't tell by the picture. He may have no seat at all. Apparently her 6 yo goes without anything all the time. The law here is 8 years or 4'11" (I may be off by a couple inches, I have to look again).

jensriot · August 2014

@zbeesma86 She hasn't responded.

I do get just not knowing years ago. The "rule" was 12 mo and 20 pounds when C was a baby. I turned her right at 12 mo because I didn't know any better. Now the Dr reminds us at every visit of the safest seating for all three kids. We see the same Dr.

I think I'll hand her the pamphlet from the Dr office and say "hey, Dr. X gave me this and I thought I'd share. I'd hate to see you get a ticket or the kids get hurt." and just drop it. It's up to her then.

I've also learned my lesson. My kid takes her seat with anyone from now on.

vlagrl29 · August 2014

jensriot said:

vlagrl29 said:

was it just a booster seat he was in. He needs to be in at least a high back booster.

I can't tell by the picture. He may have no seat at all. Apparently her 6 yo goes without anything all the time. The law here is 8 years or 4'11" (I may be off by a couple inches, I have to look again).

The law is 8 years old here as well. I kid you not we were driving behind a car a few weeks ago and there was a kid in the backseat, maybe 5 or 6 and he didn't have a seatbelt on at all and was hanging is head out the window like a dog. The car was being driven by grandparents…..really?

bumpuser924057 · August 2014

I'm always kind of amazed by how many people are totally clueless about it, but I forget that not everyone has a community online that makes them hyper-aware of this issue. The friends I know IRL who have turned their kids FF super early, buy used/expired car seats, or stop using seats too early are nice, educated, intelligent people, but if you don't actively research and just go by what Grandma says about how poor little junior looks cramped back there, the correct info doesn't just drop into your lap. And things change so quickly that people who get most of their advice from friends with older kids are certainly getting outdated info.

notreallyirish · August 2014

Kimbus22 said:

notreallyirish said:

Kimbus22 said:
I just don't understand how even a borderline crappy parent wouldn't be like 'Hey when can he be out of a carseat?' at a doctors appointment or something. I mean, this isn't researching how much tv does what to your kid's brain. It's basic safety. Really, really basic safety. Hence my "willfully ignorant" comment.
It just doesn't occur to people. The laws and products have changed vastly since today's parents were kids and a good bit even in the 4 years since my oldest was born.

My husband is a doctor, he works with people who all have at least some post-secondary education. He mentioned our 12 month old was in a rear facing seat and not a single one of his office staff was aware that he should be or that it was the law .

Oh good grief. I'm not a parent who is a stickler for researching everything to death but COME ON. I hope at least the people with small kids knew what he was talking about.

The one he was speaking directly to has a 10 year old. Idk about the others.

I just think that this is a massive public health issue and maybe getting people the information should be made a priority. Parents and all the friends, relatives and others who drive kids shouldn't have to even ask. (Edit: I mean they shouldn't have to ask in that they should be told over and over like all the stuff about wearing a seatbelt or you will get a ticket. That works better than wear a seatbelt or you will die.) It wouldn't solve everything, but having a poster hanging in every doctor's office, school or store that sells children's products would be a start. There shouldn't be an excuse not to know, but right now there seems to be. Maybe we can and should do something about that.

jensriot · August 2014

scatteredtrees said:

It was a little passive aggressive but it wasn't mean. I don't think she'll get the hint, either.

You're right on both points. I'm just going to give her the pamphlet instead of posting like that again. I'm afraid it won't change anything, but I feel bad not saying anything at all. Hopefully something from the Dr will have some impact. At least she could do it to avoid tickets if she doesn't see the danger? Do people actually get tickets for improper restraints? I've never personally heard of anyone getting ticketed.

vlagrl29 · August 2014

jensriot said:

scatteredtrees said:

It was a little passive aggressive but it wasn't mean. I don't think she'll get the hint, either.

You're right on both points. I'm just going to give her the pamphlet instead of posting like that again. I'm afraid it won't change anything, but I feel bad not saying anything at all. Hopefully something from the Dr will have some impact. At least she could do it to avoid tickets if she doesn't see the danger? Do people actually get tickets for improper restraints? I've never personally heard of anyone getting ticketed.

Yes you can but I'm not sure what the fine is.

la79al · August 2014

I had a clients grandmother years ago get a ticket because the child was not in a carseat (at age 7). I believe it was about $50. The cop was sitting right outside the elementary school. Obviously they don't do that anymore because DD goes to that school now and I am appalled at the number of kids (8 and under) that not only don't use seats but also climb right into the front seat in the car rider line. And I'm not sure how often incorrect carseats are due to ignorance and how often they are due to what is easier/cheaper.

fancynewbeesly · August 2014

feffany said:

I don't think it was mean, but I doubt she will take the hint. I always see kids on my FB with the chest clip over their belly and I never know if I should say anything.

Or my daughter that just learned the trick of lowering the chest clip to her belly. Granted, she HATES it over the chest, and I think it puts pressure on her port which is on her chest. But we have the safety lecture ALL the time.

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