Gender speculations

jazzmhin08 · August 2014

Ok, I have been having these feelings that I am carrying a boy based from my symptoms and what I have been craving so far. My MIL and my mom thinks its a boy, most of our friends thinks its a girl. I do not want the baby to have gender identity issues growing up, so here is the thing: we are planning to keep the baby's gender a secret until our gender reveal/babyshower. My best friend tells me I should find out soon, but I do not want to spoil the surprise for ourselves and everyone. Plus we are planning to get gender neutral baby things so we can reuse them whether if its a boy or girl, is that wrong? has anyone planned the same thing while preparing the nursery or planning what baby things to buy?

Has anyone of you based from previous pregnancies that you felt what you were carrying and was accurate when you found out? Was it worth the surprise to keep it a secret until you actually got a result and told family or during a baby shower?

jaztastic · August 2014

jazzmhin08 said:

Ok, I have been having these feelings that I am carrying a boy based from my symptoms and what I have been craving so far. My MIL and my mom thinks its a boy, most of our friends thinks its a girl. I do not want the baby to have gender identity issues growing up, so here is the thing: we are planning to keep the baby's gender a secret until our gender reveal/babyshower. My best friend tells me I should find out soon, but I do not want to spoil the surprise for ourselves and everyone. Plus we are planning to get gender neutral baby things so we can reuse them whether if its a boy or girl, is that wrong? has anyone planned the same thing while preparing the nursery or planning what baby things to buy?
Has anyone of you based from previous pregnancies that you felt what you were carrying and was accurate when you found out? Was it worth the surprise to keep it a secret until you actually got a result and told family or during a baby shower?

QFP

jaztastic · August 2014

Lets start with why you think the baby will have gender identity issues growing up.

schnitz9 · August 2014

I'm bookmarking this one...can't wait to see where it goes!!!

bhjones1980 · August 2014

1. there is no way to determine Sex based on your cravings, feelings, etc.

2. many people do not know the Sex until birth and get neutral decor and clothes, and it all works out

3. if you want to find out the Sex go right ahead. It is the miracle of modern medicine

jazzmhin08 · August 2014

That gender identity thing did not come from me, my friend said that when I told her what I feel on the gender of the baby I am carrying.

bhjones1980 · August 2014

ChickenOnSunday said:

WTF?

schnitz9 · August 2014

Ducktale · August 2014

So I'm the first one to flame ridiculous posts but for some reason I'm missing it on this thread. Outside of the usual inappropriate use of the word gender but that's most threads.

OP I have no idea why but for some reason I think this baby is a boy. Nothing to do with cravings, etc (those are totally inaccurate btw), but just a hunch. I could be wrong, we'll see. I am finding out the sex but we're still buying neutral colored stuff, nursery, etc.

Being aware of the role parents and society play in gender identity formation is great. But I doubt they'd have an identity crisis from items of specific colors, etc. Just be mindful of gender stereotypes as you parent and allow the child to do what makes them comfortable.

It's totally up to you if/when you want to find out the sex and who you want to tell.

michelle142 · August 2014

ChickenOnSunday said:

It's like a potato morphing into a face.

kefttsc · August 2014

jazzmhin08 said:

That gender identity thing did not come from me, my friend said that when I told her what I feel on the gender of the baby I am carrying.

So your friend thinks that your kid will have gender identity issues growing up because you don't find out the sex of the baby until the shower? I'm so confused.

Or did you friend mean that if the baby only had gender neutral things that they would have gender identity issues?

Either way, your friend is nuts.

schnitz9 · August 2014

I think the main issue is why would you think your child would have gender identity issues if you had a gender neutral nursery. I had a yellow and green nursery growing up, but as far as I can tell I identify as being a women.

kefttsc · August 2014

My nursery was red and blue and I'm good to go! It was also filled with clowns, which is a whole other issue.

schnitz9 · August 2014

kefttsc said:

My nursery was red and blue and I'm good to go! It was also filled with clowns, which is a whole other issue.

Holy crap! I had a huge clown doll that played "send in the clowns" and the ceramic face with turn. I still have nightmares!

Ducktale · August 2014

schnitz9 said:
I think the main issue is why would you think your child would have gender identity issues if you had a gender neutral nursery. I had a yellow and green nursery growing up, but as far as I can tell I identify as being a women.

Ooooh I misunderstood, I thought OP wanted gender neutral stuff so to not give them an identity crisis ( which is still silly). But you mean you think if your baby girl doesn't get pink and flowery things as a baby she'll have gender identity issues?

FLAME AWAY. That's...just so stupid.

jazzmhin08 · August 2014

IMO, its the nurture of the parents and the environment.

kefttsc · August 2014

schnitz9 said:

kefttsc said:

My nursery was red and blue and I'm good to go! It was also filled with clowns, which is a whole other issue.

Holy crap! I had a huge clown doll that played "send in the clowns" and the ceramic face with turn. I still have nightmares!

That is just NOT okay! My sister had Beatrix Potter and I got clowns? They must have hated me. She's always been the favorite.

bhjones1980 · August 2014

jazzmhin08 said:

IMO, its the nurture of the parents and the environment.

transgender people are not caused by environment.

they are born that way.

*i'm not sure what we are even talking about anymore*

kefttsc · August 2014

jazzmhin08 said:

IMO, its the nurture of the parents and the environment.

So then what do you care what your friends think? If you think it is nurture and environment, why does it matter if you find out the sex now or when it comes out? If you don't want your girl to act like a boy, then don't buy her any trucks.

Mandig990 · August 2014

I just posted about this wow that's crazy my instincts keep changing id like to know if gut instincts on gender are right? Side note: regarding gender identity i would never expect a child to conform to to certain behaviours because of their gender. They kinda decide on their own what they like and what they don't like. When I was a guitar instructor I taught this boy who would always come to lessons in a skirt and his parent got tons of crap because people would say "are you trying to make him gay or something?" You can't make anyone gay and wearing a skirt doesn't necessarily making you gay anyway. It's just what he liked to wear. He liked hot wheels and skateboarding but he like wearing pretty clothes too. Gender identity is man made and changes all the time. I would advise decorate however you want

. Gender specific or non gender specific. But if in the future your kid expresses an interest in different things or clothes support them. Having everything unisex could be confusing or it could leave an open space for your child to decide what they want an what they like. It could go either way.

jazzmhin08 · August 2014

I am stopping now. My questions are not being answered, I am just being bashed on what I say. Good bye, forum.

kefttsc · August 2014

ChickenOnSunday said:

kefttsc said:

jazzmhin08 said:

IMO, its the nurture of the parents and the environment.

So then what do you care what your friends think? If you think it is nurture and environment, why does it matter if you find out the sex now or when it comes out? If you don't want your girl to act like a boy, then don't buy her any trucks.

My girl loves to push trucks around the house! Does this mean I'm going to be getting her fitted for a nut cup in her future?

Chicken please tell me that you have seen the picture of the little boy naked and COVERED in maxi pads. It could be worse, your little boy could use maxi pads.

bhjones1980 · August 2014

good call on the QFP Jazz!

iandebender · August 2014

jazzmhin08 said:

I am stopping now. My questions are not being answered, I am just being bashed on what I say. Good bye, forum.

bhjones1980 · August 2014

kefttsc said:

ChickenOnSunday said:

kefttsc said:

jazzmhin08 said:

IMO, its the nurture of the parents and the environment.

So then what do you care what your friends think? If you think it is nurture and environment, why does it matter if you find out the sex now or when it comes out? If you don't want your girl to act like a boy, then don't buy her any trucks.

My girl loves to push trucks around the house! Does this mean I'm going to be getting her fitted for a nut cup in her future?

Chicken please tell me that you have seen the picture of the little boy naked and COVERED in maxi pads. It could be worse, your little boy could use maxi pads.

I let my son play with tampons, he thinks they are the greatest! and I don't need them right now.

Hernsy · August 2014

Um, I have a question? If your child's sex is female will you have a problem if the child identifies as male? If you think you are going to love your child no matter what sexual orientation they choose I don't even understand why this is a problem?

kefttsc · August 2014

bhjones1980 said:

kefttsc said:

ChickenOnSunday said:

kefttsc said:

jazzmhin08 said:

IMO, its the nurture of the parents and the environment.

So then what do you care what your friends think? If you think it is nurture and environment, why does it matter if you find out the sex now or when it comes out? If you don't want your girl to act like a boy, then don't buy her any trucks.

My girl loves to push trucks around the house! Does this mean I'm going to be getting her fitted for a nut cup in her future?

Chicken please tell me that you have seen the picture of the little boy naked and COVERED in maxi pads. It could be worse, your little boy could use maxi pads.

I let my son play with tampons, he thinks they are the greatest! and I don't need them right now.

LOL!!! That is gross and hilarious all at the same time!!

schnitz9 · August 2014

@bhjones1980 is your sons nursery gender neutral? Perhaps that's why he's playing with the tampons.

bhjones1980 · August 2014

schnitz9 said:

@bhjones1980 is your sons nursery gender neutral? Perhaps that's why he's playing with the tampons.

NO it is NOT gender neutral. It has GUNS and TRUCKS and SPORTS!

iandebender · August 2014

jennjilljo · August 2014

Most confusing thread for me yet. My son loves girly stuff and playing babies. It's so cute when he swaddles his dinosaurs and rocks them to sleep while wearing one of my dresses and a hat. He does it because he's learning to soothe others like I do to him not because he's confused about being boy. It'll be a few years before we cross the boy/girl bridge.

jaztastic · August 2014

@bhjones1980 my initial response was:

But then I said, let me just see where this goes and opted to QFP. I just had so many questions and was so very confused.

lizjennings81 · August 2014

This post has my brain combusting. Never was a post in more need of editing than this one.

Then again, see my FFFC2. OP is not good at parsing out topics.

(I figure I can say it since she's GBCBing.)

schnitz9 · August 2014

After reading this post I'm all

jennypolkadots · August 2014

I don't believe one bit any of the old wives tales about cravings, carrying high/low, morning sickness, etc. I have heard so much contradictory stuff. Like for example, less morning sickness is supposed to be a boy. MIL had her worst sickness when she was carrying DH after 2 girls. My mom had none and had 2 girls. My grandma had 4 boys and thought every last one of them was a girl.

I have zero cravings as I have no appetite and have to force feed myself lol so perhaps I am having a giraffe?

The only inking I have is that we may have a boy because there are so many boys in both of our families. There are girls too, so it is a possibility... but I always imagined a boy first. Who knows though. We are team green to the end and will find out in February. No preference here!

WanderingA · August 2014

OP, please point me to someone "bashing" you. Your post was just very confusing and you were asked for more information about how you thought your child would suffer from "gender identity issues". Do you mean you are afraid they will be confused if they don't have a nursery that's pink or blue?

To answer your question (maybe...I'm just guessing here)...we found out the sex of our daughter at 20 weeks. I chose to decorate her nursery in blues and greens because I like the ocean. She shows a preference for purple, enjoys digging in and eating the dirt, playing with her toy kitchen, putting on necklaces, and eating dog fur. I'm not sure what that all says about how comfortable she is about her "gender identity" but I'm thinking she's pretty secure and happy with who she is?

iandebender · August 2014

My daughter loves to play with baby dolls, dinosaurs, and monsters. :-bd Her nursery was pink when she was born. Now its blue. I will never stop her from playing with cars, dirt, or any other boy toys. She's still the girliest girl I know!. Kids why have gender-identity issues are born with them. Its not something you can change or affect. Come on.

jennypolkadots · August 2014

LOL I don't understand the idea that infants have a sexual/gender identity. We have been buying clothes and things. Some are more masculine or feminine, but I love them and don't care. I have a mint striped onesie with a little mouse holding a pink balloon. Or this little one that is gray with firetrucks all over it. Adorable! Will put them both on a son or daughter, I do not care and do not think for a second they will be scarred for life.

I think your kid is more likely to have a gender identity issue if you force them into a gender role before they are old enough to express their true nature. Gender and sexuality are not one and the same. My son wearing the mouse holding the pink heart balloon pjs is no more likely to be homosexual than yours, or even more effeminate. He is just more likely to feel welcome and loved talking to us about his true identity. That is what we want for our family though, I know others feel differently.

biaher16 · August 2014

I don't remember my nursery color but I can tell you as a kId I was always playing with trucks and getting dirty. I dint start playing with dolls untill my little sister was 4 and I was 9. I was a real tomboy but dint get me gender confused or anything actually I'm more comfortable with who I am. Anyways I'm soooooo confused with this question or if its even a question at all. I would restate it and make sure you correctly indentify sex and gender because thier not the same thing.

bhjones1980 · August 2014

jennypolkadots said:

LOL I don't understand the idea that infants have a sexual/gender identity. We have been buying clothes and things. Some are more masculine or feminine, but I love them and don't care. I have a mint striped onesie with a little mouse holding a pink balloon. Or this little one that is gray with firetrucks all over it. Adorable! Will put them both on a son or daughter, I do not care and do not think for a second they will be scarred for life.

I think your kid is more likely to have a gender identity issue if you force them into a gender role before they are old enough to express their true nature. Gender and sexuality are not one and the same. My son wearing the mouse holding the pink heart balloon pjs is no more likely to be homosexual than yours, or even more effeminate. He is just more likely to feel welcome and loved talking to us about his true identity. That is what we want for our family though, I know others feel differently.

When did Sexuality come into this convo, I thought we were discussing gender vs sex...

gender idenity is completely separate from sexuality.

I do not even want to tip toe down the sexuality path for another 13 or so years.

schnitz9 · August 2014

@sugahcookie01 I was wondering when you were gonna chime in on this thread. All your favorite subjects were brought up. Gender vs Sex, gender identity, and gender reveal parties.

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