Would you change day cares if you were me?

Alondrasilva10 · June 2014

I won't make this too long (I hope). I am just completely torn about what to do. My husband says we need to move her but I just don't know. I'll list the pro's and con's.

Pro's

- The staff are so sweet when I am there. They never have given me an attitude and one especially LOVES my child.

- There are staff that have been there since the daycare started (3 years ago)

- The day care is in a church. They are christian and sing christian songs and often read scripture to the kids. This is very important to us.

- I understand you cannot call about every bump and bruise. But they are good about calling us after a harsh fall or a big boo boo.

- She does learn at that day care. She's more advanced then other children her age I have noticed.

- The director truly cares about how the parents feel. She even held a staff meeting the very first time I brought something to her attention.

- They are not just stuck in the building all day. They don't drive anywhere, but they do walk around outside and play when the weather permits.

Con's

- They are totally unorganized. I remember when she was an infant they constantly lost bottle caps and bibs. They send home an item (clothes, toy, even pacifiers!) that are not hers. Sometimes, if I put her food in another pocket of her backpack where I don't normally put it in I notice that the food doesn't get eaten. I guess they don't think to check all the pockets?

- We have to sign them in when we drop them off. Apparently according to my sister in law they are the only ones who do that? and that normally its the teachers signing them in, not the parents? I don't really care about this one except for the fact that I hardly ever sign her in (I am in a hurry) and they do not notice. One time my mom picked her up. I called and informed the director but since I didn't check her in they made a big deal about it... they didn't notice I didn't sign her in until my mom was trying to pick her up.

- It's one teacher to sometimes ten kids. I understand this being maybe okay in the mornings when kids are being dropped off and one teacher is just waiting on the teachers to arrive, but when I randomly visit during lunch time or I pick her up early I still notice that one teacher is taking care of 7 or 8 kids. Not sure what the law is on that in Texas.

- And the last one: My mom picked her up last Tuesday and noticed this bruise (see attached photo). It was already a few days old, but it was in such a weird spot and it was L shaped. We have thought about everything it could have been and the only logical explanation is that someone pinched her out of frustration or anger. When I asked the daycare what happened, they could not tell me. The assistant to the director left a message on my phone saying that maybe she hurt herself with me in the car? But I thought 'No. If she would of hurt herself she would of had to cry and obviously I would try to see what happened'. Plus, she kind of made me feel like i should just turned a blind eye to it. She did say she would ask the staff to see if anyone knew what had happened. When i called her back the director answered her phone and when I began to ask her more questions she had no idea what I was talking about. No one had told her about the bruise. This REALLY upset me. Now I feel like I will have to contact the director before anyone else to make sure she hears about it. The director said she also did not know and that the teacher that is with her the most is on vacation but as soon as she gets back she would ask. Well, I saw the teacher two days ago and I have not received not one phone call from them. I guess they are hoping I will forget about it? or they really just think much of it?

I don't want to push this because my fear is that they will take it out on my child. Then again, this is the first time in 2 years to really make me fear about her being in their care. Maybe I am over thinking this? Idk. My head has been at war with itself for the past couple of weeks. I really do not know what to do.

dunlapbriggs · June 2014

Honestly the only problem I see is that the staff hasn't contacted you as requested and possibly the number of children per teacher (I do not know the law in Texas). My son has lost a number of cups and bowls at daycare - mostly because he throws them in the trash. The signing in at drop off is standard as far as I know and I do not consider it a hassle. As far as the bruise - things happen - my son bit himself once and cried about it, but other times has gotten bit and not said a word. Is it possible another child could have easily pinched your daughter and she not cried which is why the daycare didn't know about it?

ss265 · June 2014

Since your daughter is two, can you ask her how she got the bruise? If not, I would just monitor her and see if any other weird marks are showing up. It would concern me too though that they hadn't told the director about the bruise and seem to be ignoring your questions about it.

I just Googled student:teacher ratio in Texas and for 2 years old, it's 11 to 1 so it sounds like they are within ratio. If possible, I would check the younger rooms to see if the ratio is something they are strict about.

And signing in is pretty common - I do this every day at my DC. It doesn't take long.

dufferoo · June 2014

None of that seems like a big deal to me, but if you have a bad feeling that someone is abusing your child, then by all means listen to your intuition. Regarding the bruise, I can only say that I'm home with my son most days, and still he gets so many bumps, bruises and scrapes that I would never be able to account for. If I were trying to take care of ten his size, forget about it!

Alondrasilva10 · June 2014

jociejones said:

None of that seems like a big deal to me, but if you have a bad feeling that someone is abusing your child, then by all means listen to your intuition. Regarding the bruise, I can only say that I'm home with my son most days, and still he gets so many bumps, bruises and scrapes that I would never be able to account for. If I were trying to take care of ten his size, forget about it!

Well my intuition is saying it was for sure a pinch. But I just don't know who did it. Maybe a kid, or maybe a teacher, or maybe a weird toy. I think writing it all out made me feel a whole lot better. Like OP said, I will be monitoring her a lot more closely. I think we should be okay unless it happens again. Thank you ladies!

welly01 · June 2014

jociejones said:

None of that seems like a big deal to me, but if you have a bad feeling that someone is abusing your child, then by all means listen to your intuition. Regarding the bruise, I can only say that I'm home with my son most days, and still he gets so many bumps, bruises and scrapes that I would never be able to account for. If I were trying to take care of ten his size, forget about it!

This. Always, ALWAYS trust your mommy gut!!!

None of the other things seem too terrible or unusual. The one thing that might make me leave is that since it is in a church, there probably isn't video cameras. There have been a few times that something has happened and our director has reviewed video footage for me. I really like that I have this as a backup. Another thing to consider is how you might feel at a more "corporate" daycare. Christian music and scripture probably won't be part of the curriculum. Is that something so important that you're willing to tolerate some disorganization?

I think you should just pay very close attention to things and see how you're feeling. Watch DD to see if her attitude about DC changes and watch for any new/different marks or bruises. Discuss your concerns with the director until you feel like they've heard you and are taking you serious.

jnnfrrose6 · June 2014

I'm not following how a pinch makes an L shaped bruise. I agree with PPs that bruises and bumps happen and the teachers may not even be aware of it, so all you can do is ask, though it would concern me that they didn't at least get back with that they don't know where it came from and it's pretty awful to try and put it on you on the car ride home. We have to sign DS in and out of DC everyday, so I don't see the issue there, though I think they also get checked in once they're in the class room. Ultimately, it sounds like you just need to trust your gut.

valeriegp · June 2014

With kids that age in a group, I think it's pretty easy for a kid to pinch or something like that and the teacher not notice, especially if your child didn't cry or fuss about it. We sign in and out every day on a computer and sometimes it doesn't happen and isn't a big deal. I think it is more for emergencies.

spring_time · June 2014

I agree with others, if something feels off then I would change. I think it is important to always go with your gut. However, I don't think most of your cons are even cons at all.

1. Food in other pockets of the backpack? Of course they are going to look where you usually put the food. Lunch time is crazy at a daycare, they don't have time to search through every child's backpack to figure out where mom packed the rest of the lunch for the day.

2. Mixed up bottles and such? That is why you need to label it. DS was sent home with items that did not belong to him at a daycare that only had 6 kids. It happens.

3. Sign in and sign out? It is your responsibility to sign in and sign out your child. It is for their own safety, they use that list if there is an emergency. It takes 30 seconds to sign a kid in. You are upset that they are not properly monitoring your actions as an adult. Seems unfair to blow off your own responsibility as not having time when presumably you are only dropping off one kid, but hold them accountable for not double checking your actions when they are busy caring for 20 children.

4. Ratio? You can easily check state laws.

5. The bruise? Eh, it happens. DS constantly has odd shaped bruises all over his body. Half the time he doesn't even know he has them, or what he did to get them.

Honestly, it sounds like there is something you don't like about the daycare, but can't put your finger on the reasons. Most of your cons are pretty nitpicky, and if you were totally happy with the daycare, they wouldn't bother you. We removed DS from his first daycare because it just didn't seem right. There was nothing blatantly wrong with it, I just never felt like it was a good fit. If that is your feeling, you don't need a reason, just look for something else. For us, an in-home daycare was a better fit. Look around and see if you can find something that helps you sleep better at night.

ASmallWonder · June 2014

I honestly don't even get how a bruise forms in that shape so I don't know why you're assuming a pinch and moreso, I don't know why you jumped to a "pinch out of anger or frustration." You're making a statement for intent and you don't even know where it came from. It could have been a toy, a fall/crash into something, another kid, an accident of some other kind - you just don't know. At two, I think your daughter could/would tell you if a teacher pinched her hard. I'm all for trusting your gut but I also think you have to be careful about jumping to conclusions over one bruise.

Lolapop29 · June 2014

If you don't like the daycare leave. You don't need a reason other then having a bad feeling. I think your "Con" list is really odd though. Label your things, sign your kid in (Honestly I would be concerned about NOT having to sign my kid in). Bruises are so normal on toddlers I personally wouldn't think twice about that bruise, but if you really have a bad feeling about it trust your gut.

tig594 · June 2014

If you absolutely fear for your child's safety then move her. I would be a little pissed that you reached out and they never followed up. I'd make it a point to talk to the director about that again. But if you fear any caretaker would take it out on your kid then you should probably move her.

I sign DD in and out every day. As a PP said, I'd be more concerned if I didn't have to.

My DC center doesn't have cameras but I am comfortable with the fact that they are secure enough (DD's dad can't legally contact us for 2 years but that doesn't mean he won't/doesn't) and that they know what's going on with her. I also communicate with them regularly about important issues.

There is a biter/scratcher in DD's room at DC. EVERY time she's been "hurt" at day care it has been documented, signed by me and the director and it goes in her file. Even when she's pulled a toy down from a shelf and it bonks her on the noggin. This is state regulation in MI.

My DC can also be unorganized and, to someone like me who is just the opposite, I can see where it can be maddening at times. However, overall, DD is happy there with her little friends and she is learning new things daily. Her current teachers are all very nice and her head teacher just adores her.

The kids also have outside time every day, weather permitting. I think this is also state regulation but not 100% sure. Regardless, they go outside to play.

Keep in mind no day care is perfect. You'll probably find things at a new day care that bug you, too.

jcrising · August 2014

I think most things are pretty normal for a larger daycare. If you want a lower ratio and more personal attention to your child's things, you should consider an in-home daycare with only 5-6 children (assuming you can find someone highly recommended). Daycare is a very personal choice and every child, every parent, has different needs and expectations. If your gut says it's not working (for whatever reason), then find someplace else.

Would you change day cares if you were me?

Re: Would you change day cares if you were me?

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