How to deal with husband that is a slob?

psychdoc12 · August 2014

My husband is an absolute slob and it's driving me crazy. He's always been this way, but I guess now that we have a baby it bothers me more. Some examples: he'll make a sandwich in the kitchen and leave a pile of crumbs, trash (e.g. the wrapper from the lunch meat) and a used knife on the counter. Or he'll leave a pile of empty cans, granola bar wrappers and junk mail on a table in the living room. In fact, the table next to where he usually sits is covered in random shit right now. And when he "cleans," he often just moves to junk to a closet like we'll never have to deal with it again. Obviously I can pick up after him, but I'm sick of it. But if I leave it, it doesn't seem to bother him in the least. WWYD?

bkeane619 · August 2014

My husband has a tendency to throw his clothing all over the house. If he doesn't clean it up I throw it out. I'm soooooooo sick of it. Esp his dirty socks.

psychdoc12 · August 2014

bkeane619 said:

My husband has a tendency to throw his clothing all over the house. If he doesn't clean it up I throw it out. I'm soooooooo sick of it. Esp his dirty socks.

Yep he does clothing too. Dishes. Random shit from work. It's like every surface in the house is just a place for him to keep random piles of shit.

megs1409 · August 2014

Same issues here. I don't pick up any of the clothes anymore (it's normally socks strewn about the house). The worst offenses for me are the dishes in the sink (hi - we have a very capable dish washer), crumbs from sandwiches not cleaned up and random trash on the counter.

I was away on Saturday during the day and DH was with DS all day. I purposely didn't clean the sink from his dishes, and because I didn't do that, I couldn't wash DS' bottles (so DS had no clean bottles). When I got home, all the dishes were in the dishwasher, the dishwasher was running, AND all of DS' bottles were washed.

If just leaving it doesn't work, then I'd probably have a chat saying that you need some assistance and that cleaning up after yourself and one child is enough. He can clean up after himself (and provide examples). Short of that, I would say if he's generally a good DH and dad, focus on the good things and let the other stuff slide.

huntjul · August 2014

DH leaves clothing around, esp on the bathroom floor and sometimes next to the hamper but not in it. If I notice clothes on the floor, I ask him to put them in the hamper, but I don't do it myself. If he has a string of particularly bad days, then I will ask him to pick it up and say something like how "I appreciate you picking up your clothing when I ask you to, but it would be really great if you would do that without me having to ask."

WhenInRome11 · August 2014

I am convinced that I married the messiest man on earth. He just leaves stuff everywhere and then has blinders to all of the mess. I've found that DH needs specifics. I can't just tell him that he needs to clean up more. I need to say specifically, that he needs to clean his bathroom, and put the dishes in the dishwasher etc...

I sometimes even need to tell him what it means to clean the bathroom.

edaire · August 2014

DH is a bit of a slob too. When we put our house on the market I had a serious come to Jesus with him and said that our house has to be "showroom ready" (to a degree) at all times and that I need him to at least pick up after himself. He has done better, but I do have to lose my shit every now and then.

5speckledfrogs · August 2014

I've been doing the laundry that is in the hamper. If something is not in there that he wanted washed, it doesn't get washed. Then when he asks I say "how do I know it's dirty if its not in the hamper?" (Even if i knew it needed a wash) That has been working!

Jenball717 · August 2014

Sounds like you live with a man. The only solution is to marry a woman.

hlb622 · August 2014

So, what I'm learning from this tread so far is that there's no hope?! Because I think we're all married to the same man.

@Jenball717‌ Marry me?

Jenball717 · August 2014

hlb622 said:
So, what I'm learning from this tread so far is that there's no hope?! Because I think we're all married to the same man.

@Jenball717‌ Marry me?

It's not legal in my state yet, I guess we are moving in with you!

hlb622 · August 2014

Jenball717 said:

hlb622 said:
So, what I'm learning from this tread so far is that there's no hope?! Because I think we're all married to the same man.

@Jenball717‌ Marry me?
It's not legal in my state yet, I guess we are moving in with you!

Sweet. I have MIL quarters in the basement. Can we stick both of them down there? Then we can live upstairs in happyland and summon them to the main floor as needed.

huntjul · August 2014

Also, forget separate sinks in a shared master bath. I want a separate bathroom altogether.

vvg28 · August 2014

No advice. I have a man who was raised by his traditional men-are-gods grandmother. Therefore he didn't have to lift a finger in the house. And I am not a "nagging" woman. I hate to nag/beg for help. Too prideful maybe? Or cutting off my nose to spite my face. Ha!

Anyways, I had a very constructive talk with my husband a couple of weeks ago about how so much is laid and expected of me while he comes home from work (mind you I work full time as well) and lounges. Then he expects me to want to jump his bones when DS goes to bed after I haven't stopped since I got home. He got very mad (another trait o can lay on in-laws....he does not know how to productively work through disagreements). But later that night he told me I was RIGHT! I nearly fainted. He has been a much better help over the past two weeks. I so hope it continues. [-O<

carawasa · August 2014

damn, I must be the man in our relationship...i'm looking around our bedroom now and all the clothes on the floor are mine. i should work on that :-\"

jennlin · August 2014

carawasa said:

damn, I must be the man in our relationship...i'm looking around our bedroom now and all the clothes on the floor are mine. i should work on that :-\"

this is me

stephl3055 · August 2014

I didn't know men came in non-slob varieties. Mine will leave trash on the counter, just mere inches from the trashcan. He will also set dishes on the counter top, right next to the sink. He decided that last week he needed to disassemble his bicycle in the breakfast nook, because it was too hot to do it in the garage.

My biggest annoyance is that he puts things on the side of the stairs, like his keys, cards, papers, etc. So we have all this crap hanging off the side of the stairs and sometime I kick it when I go upstairs.

psychdoc12 · August 2014

stephl3055 said:

I didn't know men came in non-slob varieties. Mine will leave trash on the counter, just mere inches from the trashcan. He will also set dishes on the counter top, right next to the sink. He decided that last week he needed to disassemble his bicycle in the breakfast nook, because it was too hot to do it in the garage.

My biggest annoyance is that he puts things on the side of the stairs, like his keys, cards, papers, etc. So we have all this crap hanging off the side of the stairs and sometime I kick it when I go upstairs.

I trip over my husband's shoes (which are huge, like size 13) all the freakin' time because he leaves them at the top of the stairs.

huntjul · August 2014

psychdoc12 said:

stephl3055 said:

I didn't know men came in non-slob varieties. Mine will leave trash on the counter, just mere inches from the trashcan. He will also set dishes on the counter top, right next to the sink. He decided that last week he needed to disassemble his bicycle in the breakfast nook, because it was too hot to do it in the garage.

My biggest annoyance is that he puts things on the side of the stairs, like his keys, cards, papers, etc. So we have all this crap hanging off the side of the stairs and sometime I kick it when I go upstairs.

I trip over my husband's shoes (which are huge, like size 13) all the freakin' time because he leaves them at the top of the stairs.

We have a shoe shelf off to the side at the top of the stairs. When DH leaves his shoes somewhere else, I tell them to put them in the "shoe corral" because "they are herd creatures and otherwise they get lonely".

MtnChickaD · August 2014

My husband is pretty clean....for a man but I am a total neat freak so we still butt heads. One thing that really helped was to spell out each of our cleaning duties for the week. Basically we each have "chores" that we are responsible for doing every week. DH cleans the bathrooms, vacuums the couch, sweeps and does the laundry. I dust, clean the kitchen, mop, brush/wash/groom the dogs, and clean the bird cage. Yes, I had to teach him how to clean the bathrooms but now he does almost as good of a job as I would. We also swap chores occasionally if one of us is sick of doing a certain task.

It might seem silly to give a grown man chores but he specifically asked for it and it has really stopped us from fighting about cleaning.

tashad18 · August 2014

DH isn't that messy, but he does leave his dirty laundry where ever he takes it off and he has a habit of leaving his empty water bottles around. Between this, DS1's typical pre-teen boy messes, and LO being a little tornado, I will never have a clean house again.

stephl3055 · August 2014

MtnChickaD said:

My husband is pretty clean....for a man but I am a total neat freak so we still butt heads. One thing that really helped was to spell out each of our cleaning duties for the week. Basically we each have "chores" that we are responsible for doing every week. DH cleans the bathrooms, vacuums the couch, sweeps and does the laundry. I dust, clean the kitchen, mop, brush/wash/groom the dogs, and clean the bird cage. Yes, I had to teach him how to clean the bathrooms but now he does almost as good of a job as I would. We also swap chores occasionally if one of us is sick of doing a certain task.

It might seem silly to give a grown man chores but he specifically asked for it and it has really stopped us from fighting about cleaning.

MtnChickaD We do this to an extent. He cleans the bird's cage weekly while I vacuum (what kind do you have...just curious). The cage is huge, so it takes him a while. If he is done first, he takes our cordless vacuum and cleans up the bathroom or another small room. I like vacuuming the floors because I'm a little more picky about them and make sure everything is cleaned up.

SHAWNACPA · August 2014

My husband thinks he is clean, and he almost is. I say almost because his clothes are in front of the hamper, his dirty plate and cup is next to the sink, his shoes are in front of the shoe rack. You know, "almost" where they belong.

Lee81 · August 2014

hlb622 said:

Jenball717 said:

hlb622 said:
So, what I'm learning from this tread so far is that there's no hope?! Because I think we're all married to the same man.

@Jenball717‌ Marry me?
It's not legal in my state yet, I guess we are moving in with you!
Sweet. I have MIL quarters in the basement. Can we stick both of them down there? Then we can live upstairs in happyland and summon them to the main floor as needed.

Woah, woah, woah @Jenball717‌! I may not have a sweet MIL quarters to stick the men folk in, but I thought we had an agreement

(

ballygirl · August 2014

I am probably a bit more messy than DH. He has one chair in the bedroom that he throws all his dirty clothes on, but its limited to that chair and he does all the laundry, so I'm not going to complain about that! He is really good about cleaning the kitchen. We do have an issue with shoes. We both take our shoes off when we come in the door but he just has way more pairs of shoes than I do, so there is basically a pile of his shoes at the door.

Lee81 · August 2014

Is there something that you could make dh's responsibility that he can take care of in exchange for you picking up after him? Dh has a tendency to leave shit laying around, but it doesn't bug me that much because if I keep it picked up, he'll run the vacuum.

psychdoc12 · August 2014

Lee81 said:

Is there something that you could make dh's responsibility that he can take care of in exchange for you picking up after him? Dh has a tendency to leave shit laying around, but it doesn't bug me that much because if I keep it picked up, he'll run the vacuum.

He already does laundry (well, drops it off to be done recently) and grocery shopping. So maybe it's fair already? I just wish the place wasn't so... it's not even messy. Messy I can deal with. It's trash and crumbs everywhere and spills that aren't wiped up and crap like that. Ugh.

sleepy33 · August 2014

My H has stepped up his game slightly since the baby was born, partly b/c he watches Cam and so he sees firsthand that he has to pick up the crap from the coffee table, etc, or the baby will get into it. Also, the chain reaction of stuff like @megs1409 mentioned where I can't wash the bottles because there are dirty dishes in the sink because he hasn't done his chore of emptying the dishwasher. I also have mentioned that we both need to get our shit together because there are behaviors that we both engage in now that we don't want our kid to emulate. I don't want my kid to grow up thinking mom is the one that does all the housework, follows her husband around cleaning up his messes, etc.

Lee81 · August 2014

psychdoc12 said:

Lee81 said:

Is there something that you could make dh's responsibility that he can take care of in exchange for you picking up after him? Dh has a tendency to leave shit laying around, but it doesn't bug me that much because if I keep it picked up, he'll run the vacuum.

He already does laundry (well, drops it off to be done recently) and grocery shopping. So maybe it's fair already? I just wish the place wasn't so... it's not even messy. Messy I can deal with. It's trash and crumbs everywhere and spills that aren't wiped up and crap like that. Ugh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, if it's bothering you, I'd say it's not even. In my case it really doesn't bother me to pick up whatever gets left laying around. I think most people get annoyed because they see the mess and think "it only takes 30 seconds to just put the trash/socks/dishes in the trash/hamper/sink, why the hell would he leave it laying where he did". I see it and think "it's only going to take me 30 seconds to clean it up and now i don't have to vacuum".

megs1409 · August 2014

I'm thinking about starting to spend as much time in the bathroom as DH does on a daily basis and seeing what things just don't get done. #forscience

Jenball717 · August 2014

Lee81 said:

So, what I'm learning from this tread so far is that there's no hope?! Because I think we're all married to the same man. @Jenball717‌ Marry me?
It's not legal in my state yet, I guess we are moving in with you!
Sweet. I have MIL quarters in the basement. Can we stick both of them down there? Then we can live upstairs in happyland and summon them to the main floor as needed.
Woah, woah, woah @Jenball717‌! I may not have a sweet MIL quarters to stick the men folk in, but I thought we had an agreement (

I just consider us a package deal, it was implied that you would be joining us. And @nryan55 has to come too because she is already my sister wife. So, yeah, sister wives unite!

EmJ&B · August 2014

Well, I left him so . . . .

;-)

#divorcehumor

taylormarie923 · August 2014

I like to clean once during the day. The rest of the time I live much like your husbands. Life is too short to constantly be picking up after myself. I will eventually load up the dishwasher, so if the dishes wait on the counter by the sink for a few hours then so be it.

hlb622 · August 2014

Jenball717 said:

Lee81 said:

So, what I'm learning from this tread so far is that there's no hope?! Because I think we're all married to the same man. @Jenball717‌ Marry me?
It's not legal in my state yet, I guess we are moving in with you!
Sweet. I have MIL quarters in the basement. Can we stick both of them down there? Then we can live upstairs in happyland and summon them to the main floor as needed.
Woah, woah, woah @Jenball717‌! I may not have a sweet MIL quarters to stick the men folk in, but I thought we had an agreement (

I just consider us a package deal, it was implied that you would be joining us. And @nryan55 has to come too because she is already my sister wife. So, yeah, sister wives unite!

I want to marry #allthebumpies, deft.

And @SweetTooth87 has to join us so she can decorate the fuck outta the house and I can feel like I live in a magazine. That's a must.

MtnChickaD · August 2014

@stephl3055‌

I have two little old parakeets that I have moved all over the country with me.

Lee81 · August 2014

hlb622 said:

Jenball717 said:

Lee81 said:

hlb622 said:

Jenball717 said:

hlb622 said:
So, what I'm learning from this tread so far is that there's no hope?! Because I think we're all married to the same man.

@Jenball717‌ Marry me?
It's not legal in my state yet, I guess we are moving in with you!
Sweet. I have MIL quarters in the basement. Can we stick both of them down there? Then we can live upstairs in happyland and summon them to the main floor as needed.
Woah, woah, woah @Jenball717‌! I may not have a sweet MIL quarters to stick the men folk in, but I thought we had an agreement (

I just consider us a package deal, it was implied that you would be joining us. And @nryan55 has to come too because she is already my sister wife. So, yeah, sister wives unite!

I want to marry #allthebumpies, deft.

And @SweetTooth87 has to join us so she can decorate the fuck outta the house and I can feel like I live in a magazine. That's a must.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This just keeps getting better and better!

sweettooth87 · August 2014

Hahahah omg I love you guys. I'd love to decorate #allthehouses. Spending other peoples money is much more fun. I'm currently doing one of my good mommy friend's houses.

BTW - my husband used to be a slob, kinda still is, but we've worked a good system. He does REALLY well w/ lists, sorta like honey-do lists. He likes to know exactly what is required. I make one on the weekend w/ chores for both of us. We also try to do 15 minutes every evening of cleaning that is above the typical clean the kitchen, getingt together daycare bottles, etc.

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