We lost our son

SummerB0607 · August 2014

I was having a fairly normal pregnancy, I'm young and healthy and so was baby. We found out we were having a boy, best day of our lives

Today at 23 weeks and 3 days I gave birth to that beautiful boy. He didn't even make it through the delivery. He was so perfect, I don't understand. What did I do wrong? It must have been me. I feel like I failed him. The one thing I was meant to do right now, keep him safe inside until he was developed, I couldn't even do. I don't know where to go from here. How do you live through this?

VyD81 · August 2014

*siggy warning*

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby boy. Please don't blame yourself, you didn't do anything wrong and be gentle with yourself. The hurt is unbearable at first, but I can assure you that it does get easier to manage. You will miss and think about your boy everyday, as I still do.

Carolee · August 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. You didn't do anything wrong. The pain is unbearable in the beginning, and I asked myself all the time how I was going to live through it. I don't know how I did, I just did. I still think of my son every day, and it still hurts, but I can think about and talk about him now without crying. Talking to others who had experienced loss helped me the most. I hope you'll post here and that this board will help you.

dadalou · August 2014

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure it was nothing you did that caused him to die. Blaming yourself will not bring him back.

Mel&John2013 · August 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss of your beautiful baby boy.

You did nothing wrong. A terrible thing happened but you did everything you were supposed to and everything you could.

I don't know how any of us live through this. We just carry on the best we can. That's all you can do. I'm so sorry you have to go through this!

lexusolsen · August 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's normal to want a reason or a person to blame for the loss of your child. Unfortunately, sometimes these things just happen (it's not an consolation, I know). Your baby's death was beyond your control. You would have done anything you could to prevent it.

I hope this board is as helpful to you as I have found it to be these last four months.

SummerB0607 · August 2014

Thank you everyone. We named him Gentry Larry Wayne

msunshine123 · August 2014

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Gentry Larry Wayne. Please be kind to yourself. You did nothing wrong - you did your best. You would have done anything in your power to save him, but it wasn't in your control. You just take it moment to moment in the beginning - you'll feel a lot of emotions like you are on a roller coaster. You will never stop missing and loving your son, but the sharpness of pain lessens with time.

angelsnight · August 2014

Ticker warning

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. I hope you can find peace and not blame yourself, but I completely know the guilt you are feeling. I went into pre-term labor with my daughter last year at 22 weeks 2 days and she too died during delivery. My PTL was due to incompetent cervix and/or chorio (infection) so there was nothing wrong with her, my body just couldn't keep her in and she was too tiny to survive in this world.

Even today, a year and four months later I still question the senselessness of it all. I don't know if I would feel any different if there had been something wrong with her, something that would keep her from being able to survive, but there wasn't. She was perfectly healthy and could have made it to term had it not been for the fact that I couldn't protect her, and as her mother, and that being my number one job that my body failed at, her loss was so hard for me to accept.

The guilt lessens over time, but I am not sure it will ever be completely gone. When your body doesn't do the very thing it is supposed to do, it is difficult to not feel guilty. But you did not choose this and you would have done anything to prevent it. I haven't read the other replies so someone may have already suggested this, but this article from Still Standing has helped me so much, and I keep it in a handy place so I can read it any time I need the reminder. Big hugs mama, you will be able to breathe again, and smile at the thought of your son. It may take a long time, but the women here are proof that you can get through it, and we're here to support you whenever you need it.

https://stillstandingmag.com/2013/06/why-you-didnt-fail-as-a-mother/

shandorfml2 · August 2014

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Gentry (beautiful name). No one should have to live through what we are living through. It will be a long, tough road, but you will make it. I am a year and a half out. It does get better with time. You will always miss your baby, and will have tough days, but as time goes on it will be less intense. Huge hugs mama, lean on us when you need to

stefuge · August 2014

I am so sorry for your loss of Gentry. Please don't blame yourself - you did everything you could and his death is not your fault. Be gentle with yourself and take it moment by moment, and then day by day. The pain is unbearable and unbelievable in the beginning, but it will get easier to carry. I don't know how, other than we have no other choice. I think about my son, talk about him, do things for him daily - I still mother him, just different than I had thought I would. We are here whenever you need us, and I hope you will find support here. These ladies have been an incredible source of strength and encouragement for myself this last year, and we are here whenever you need us.

Noethola · August 2014

***Ticker***

You may ask yourself all your life if there was anything you could have done to save your baby, but please do not let it eat you alive. You loved your baby and did the best that you could. I am so very sorry that he left you too soon.

soulcupcake · August 2014

Many hugs to you and yours, mama. (((hugs))) I'm so very sorry for the loss of your son Gentry. The pain is so heavy during the early months. It's such a heartbreaking and devastating loss. It's been almost six years since I lost my first son, and while there are still days that are challenging, especially with the fear in the back of my head, it becomes easier to carry. The weight becomes bearable and you adapt to your new reality. You don't "move on," but you learn to live again admist all the pain and heartbreak. It takes time for the heart and soul to heal. I hope you have a great support system.

Remember that you're not a failure, and you're not broken. You are a loving and nurturing mother to a beautiful baby boy lost too soon.

AshersMom11 · August 2014

I am so sorry for you loss. We lost our angel due to a complete loss of fluid, so I completely understand the overwhelming grief and guilt you are feeling, but please know that this is not your fault. I still struggle with the fact that my baby was perfectly healthy and my body failed. I'm not sure if that ever goes away, but everyday the pain does lessen a little bit, or at least I am learning to live with it.

This is a great place to place to find comfort from those that have been where you are, or just to vent when you are having a bad day. We are here whenever you need. Hugs

Maybe Joleisa · August 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little boy, Gentry. Like the others, I'm not sure the guilt will ever go away. I still replay the days leading up to our loss and go over what I might have been able to do differently. Our loss was due to an incompetent cervix with silent PTL. I felt nothing and know in my head that there is/was nothing I could physically do to keep my twin boys in with a fully dilated cervix, but it doesn't stop the over active mind and nonstop what ifs.

Your hurt right now is unbearable and I'm so sorry. ((Hugs))

LyndseyTS · August 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Gentry. The guilt is something that all of us have likely felt at one time or another. I remember asking myself all of these what-if questions (most of them beginning with "what if I had...") but it doesn't help. I know that's not a consolation and I'm convinced that this is one of the hardest things (if not THE hardest) that anyone ever has to go through, but I say that to say be kind to yourself. There is so much that even doctors don't know about pregnancy and the likelihood that you did anything wrong that would have caused this is so minimal it's virtually non-existent. Sending lots of hugs your way.
Edit: Spelling

jml2nd · August 2014

HUGS!!!!!!!!

We lost our son

Re: We lost our son

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