Good morning ladies
I hate to start the morning off like this and I hate even more that I am even writing this. I gave in last night and I tested at 11 DPT (for any newbies that don’t know my story, it is in my siggy). Something in my heart told me it was not going to be positive and to test then so I wouldn’t have to go to work in tears or break my husband’s heart on our anniversary tomorrow when we get our beta. DH and I sat together and prayed before I took the test and afterward I was too scared to even look so my husband had the unfortunate honor. I knew by his expression that it was a BFFN. I knew then that it was over but he wanted me to take another test from a different package (since the other package had been sitting in the cupboard since April 2013) this morning. Yet another BFFN. I think that was the most painful part- hearing the hope drain in his voice and hearing his heart break from the umpteenth time.
I feel shattered and empty but at the same time, I feel normal. I’ve realized just how abnormal and foreign the idea of having a baby has come to be and I hate that I even have that feeling. I have so much anger at my own body. Before I knew that my babies were unhealthy so in my heart and head I was able to eventually justify those losses, but knowing that these embryos were completely healthy but that my body rejected and killed them... I can’t comprehend that. I was able to get pregnant with abnormal embryos, why couldn’t I get pregnant with healthy embryos?? I wish I knew what the future holds, but I know in my gut that it will likely be having to accept life without being a mother.
Like I told my check-in ladies this morning, after 16 months of being on this board, and not anywhere closer to getting my rainbow, I think it is best for me to step back from The Bump. We’re not sure if we want to pursue embryo/egg adoption (if we decide to go that route) and it will likely take us a few years to save up since we have drained our bank accounts doing IVF. I just know I’m not in a good place to give support. I probably haven’t been for a while and I apologize for that. You ladies deserve so much that I just can’t give right now.
For all those on TTCAL now and for friends that have moved onto PGAL and PAL, words can’t describe how much you mean to me. You’ve helped me through the most difficult times in my life and there is nothing that I can say that can express my sincerest gratitude. You’ve encouraged me when I felt hopeless and lost, you’ve understood and shared my deepest fears, and you made me a part of a community when I felt so isolated from the rest of the world. For those that have sent PM’s along my journey, I am so appreciative of you and all your amazing support. You ladies mean the world to me. I’m so thankful that I found this board and I truly, truly thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Please know that I will be thinking of you often and wishing you all the very best. My deepest hope for all of you is that you get your beautiful rainbows. You deserve them and so much more.
TTC since April 2012
BFP #1, 10/03/2012 - EDD 6/15/2013 - MMC 11/15/2012 - D&C 01/04/2013
BFP #2, 04/06/2013 - EDD 12/17/2013 - MC 04/19/2013
6/12/2013 Diagnosed with Balanced Translocation (12 & 16)
IVF #1 with PGS: 10/2013: Canceled 9/27/2013 for issues with genetic lab
IVF #1.5 with PGS: 11/16/2013: Canceled. 11 eggs retrieved, 9 mature & 9 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos
IVF #2: 1/22/14: Canceled. 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 7 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos
IVF #3 with PGS: 5/10/2014: Switched to FET in July. 10 eggs retrieved, 9 mature, 8 fertilized, 2 healthy embryos!
FET #1: 7/31/2014: Transferred 2 nearly perfect (6AA, 6BA) healthy embryos- BFFN
Laproscopy: 10/2014: Healthy uterus
IVF #4: 12/8/2014: Canceled. 17 eggs retrieved, 15 mature, 10 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos
Everyone welcome on my posts
Re: Goodbye
Diagnosed w/ endometriosis 12/2010 Laproscopic surgery & 6 months of Lupron
BFP 12/17/2011,EDD 8/23/12,ectopic discovered 12/29/11 at 6 weeks recieved methotrexate
Dec '12 HSG & ultrasound showed abnormalities & more endo. Laproscopic surgery in January '13 showed significant damage & scar tissue from Endo. IVF is our best shot to concieve our rainbow.
June '13 Decided to go the adoption route!
***PGAL/PAL WELCOME***
Dx: Me: Recurrent Pregnancy Loss; DH: Low Morphology (2%)
BFP#1: MC 3/1/11 at 6w1d - EDD 10/21/11
BFP#3: MC 2/8/14 at 4w5d - EDD 10/13/14
BFP#6: CP 11/6/14 at 4w2d - EDD 7/14/15
IVF #1 with ICSI & PGS: May/June 2015, ER 6/3/15, 17R/17M/15F
IVF #2 with ICSI & PGS: July 2015, ER 7/16/15, 16R/11M/9F
PGS results = 6 normal embryos (4 boys, 2 girls)
FET 9/23/15 = BFFN
Love your husband. Love yourself and remember why you love each other. Many (((hugs))) and know how much you mean to us.
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
EDD 5/2/14, NMC 9/11/13
EDD 10/15/14, CP 2/8/14
IF Diagnosis: PCOS, MFI
Current Cycle: 5 mg Femara/1000mg Metformin + TI = BFP, EDD 4/23/15 Please be our RAINBOW
**ALL AL/IF Welcome**
My Chart
My Ovulation Chart
I am so sorry. My heart is breaking for you and your husband. This road is so incredibly hard.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
BFP #1: 1/4/13, EDD 9/8/13, Missed M/C confirmed 2/8/13, Misoprostol
2013: Three CPs w/ EDDs: EDD 2/10/14, EDD 3/24/14, EDD 6/24/14
IVF/ICSI #1 (Antagonist) - Jan 2014- 19R, 14M, 11F, 3 penguins (6BB, 4BB, 6BC) PGD tested- All Normal!
IVF/ICSI #2 (Antagonist) - Feb 2014 - 23R, 11M, 10F, 1 penguin (3BB) - Another Normal!
FET #1 - March 26, BFN
FET #2- Beta #1 (9dp5dt) -332, Beta #2 (11dp5dt) -1027, EDD 1/30/2015, Missed M/C, D&C 6/19/14
IVF/ICSI #3 (Lupron Down Reg) - Oct 2014 - 38R, 28M, 27F, 20 frozen on day 5, 16 normal penguins!!
FET#3 - February 1, 2015, Prep begins 1/13
All Welcome!
4 Losses (2003, 2008, Apr 2012, & Oct 2012)
All RPL and IF testing with multiple REs = normal
5 IUIs = BFN
All AL are welcome

DH & I are both 28 Together: 12 years Married: 09/24/2011
BFP#1: January '12 - DD1 09/16/2012
Preterm labor 31 weeks. Monitored for Hellp and diagnosed with oligohydramnios July '12
BFP #2: 06/25 - EDD 03/05/15 MMC confirmed 8/1 - D&E 8/4 retained tissue discovered 8/20
BFP #3 11/24 - 12/15 Heartbeat detected - DD2 07/29/15
DX Endometriosis 2/2002 (lost left tube due to a cyst), PCOS 6/2010
BFP - 10/18/2012, EDD - 6/26/2013, Baby Girl lost at 22 weeks (T21), D&E 2/15/2013
BFP - 4/23/2014, EDD - 1/2/2015 Twin Boys lost at 12 weeks, M/C 6/25/2014
My chart here All ALers welcome!
BFP #1: EDD 05/27/2014 (D&C 10/17/2014)
BFP #1: 6/25/09 EDD 2/13/10 @ 6 weeks- Saw HB @ 9 weeks - DS born 2/11/10 (39w5d)
BFP #2: 2/20/13 EDD 11/4/13 - Saw HB 3/19/13 (7w2d) - MMC discovered 4/13/13 (10w5d) - Est. loss @ 9w3d - D&C 4/14/13
BFP #4: 9/10/14 (3w6d) EDD 5/21/15 - natural MC 9/23/14 @ 5w5d
BFP #5: 11/23/14 (3w3d) EDD 8/4/15 - Please be our Rainbow!
TTC#2: started June 2014; BFP on 7/22/14; EDD 3/31/5; MC 8/3/14
CRB (aka L): born 3/21/11 (35 weeks, 5 weeks in the NICU)
I will continue to keep you in my thoughts. And am here for you always. Much love and big (((hugs)))
TTC since Sept 2012
M/C on 5/01/13 at 8 wks
AF finally appeared 11 wks later per Provera
Diagnosed with PCOS on 7/29/13
Three Failed Medicated Cycles, NTNP Indefinitely
BFP #2 9/14/14, EDD 5/23/14...MMC discovered @ 9w2d; D&C 10/23/14
My Chart
***** All ALers welcome *****
Dx: PCOS/Unexplained
July '13 - Mar '14 - Letrozole and TI - BFN
April '14 - HSG - All clear - Letrozole, Trigger and IUI - BFP
May '14 - Miscarriage 5w 3d
July '14 - Letrozole, Trigger and IUI - BFN
Aug '14 - Letrozole, Trigger and IUI - BFN
Sept '14 - Letrozole, Trigger and IUI - BFP
Beta 1 - 87 Beta 2 - 193 Beta 3 - 441
SA - All good
ALL Welcome
DS2 born 2/22/13
MMC 5/16/14@8w2d
DD due 5/9/15 Please be our RAINBOW
PgAL welcome
Married 6/11/2011
Me & Hubby: 34
TTC journey started 12/2012
BFP #1 6/5/2013, MC confirmed 6/26/2013 @ 7 wks
BFP#2 8/25/2013 MC confirmed 10/16/2013 @ 12 wks (D&C 10/18)
Diagnosis: unexplained RPL, unexplained IF.
Also have hypothyroidism
Started TTC again 12/2013
IUI#1:Clomid CD 3-7, Trigger'ed CD 12. IUI CD 14. BFN
IUI #2:Letrozole CD 3 - 7, Follistim CD 9, Trigger CD 10, IUI CD12. BFN
Current plan: IVF with PGD. Antagonist - Vivelle Protocal. Stim start 12/1. ER 12/14.
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/502498
Me: 31, DH: 30, Married July 2013
TTC since March 2014
BFP#1 5.17.14, EDD 1.26.15, MMC (measuring 6w3d at 8w3d), D&C 6.26.14
BFP#2 9.19.14, EDD 5.29.15, AF on 9.23.14 CP
BFP#3 12.17.14, EDD 8.25.15, AF on 12.21.14 CP#2
Current plan: TTC while waiting for RPL results to come back
Stalk my ute
TTC #3 since June 2013
BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14
IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
Grab a hold of your husband tight these next few days.
IUI#4 1/23/13 on 75iu x9 Follistim = BFP then chem preg m/c (Feb 2013)
IUI#5 BFN (April 2013)
S/PAIFW , S/PALW
My Blog
08/2011: Clomid 50mg, IUI --> BFN ,
10/2011: Clomid 100mg, IUI --> BFN
04/13: Clomid, IUI BFP --> MC at 6w1d
05/13: Femara 2.5mg, IUI --> BFN , 08/13: Femara 2.5mg --> BFN
03/14: Femara 5mg, IUI --> 1 follicle @ 27d --> BFP! EDD 12/02/14--> blighted ovum, missed MC 6w6d --> D&C
4/23: D&C...starting over again, with a little part of my heart broken off
7/14: Femara 5mg + brevelle + menopur + IUI --> converted to IVF, ER 7/28 --> ET cancelled due to severe OHSS.
9/20/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP--> EDD 6/6/15 --> MC at 5w3d
10/16/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFN
2/6/15: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP --> MC at 5w4d
3/20/16: PGS-tested Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP, Living Child born 12/1/15
6/6/17: Fresh IVF Cycle --> Severe OHSS, 5 PGS-tested embryos frozen
2/23/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
3/30/18: Cancelled cycle due to lining 4.2mm
October 2011 - DS (7)
July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)
August 2015 - DD (3)
April 2018 - 5 week loss
I wish I could give you a real one. I am so sorry.
MAY '15 DEC. SIGGY CHALLENGE- FAV. CHRISTMAS MOVIE
Dating- 3/1/1999 ~ Married- 10/10/2004
DD#1- Sweet Pea ~ Born on her Due Date 3/1/2007
DD#2- Pumpkin ~ Due 9/29/2010 Arrived 10/1/2010
~ BFP: 6/12/2013 EDD: 2/21/2014 NT Scan: 8/5/2013 (11w3d) MMC D&C: 8/8/2013 ~
~BFP: 3/15/2014 EDD: 11/24/2014 CP 4 weeks 4 days ~
~BFP: 7/2/2014 EDD: 3/15/2015 CP 4 weeks ~
~BFP: 8/31/2014 EDD: 5/10/2015
*All are Welcome*
THE DARK SIDE IT IS
and GBCB
BFP 8/2/12 EDD 4/9/13 Addie was delivered 1/4/13 at 26 weeks due to Eclampsia
BFP 9/15/14 EDD 5/28/15 Please be our R A I N B O W take home baby BOY
~All AL always welcome~
DX: Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant
DH: 34
MFI due to Testicular Cancer
Married March 2012
IVF w/ICSI #1
10 little polar bears
FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN
FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!!
Beta 1= 276
Beta 2= 662
4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel
5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel
5/3/14 ~ D&C
FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014
October 13, 2014 ~ BFN
Fur Children: Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y
January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL
Animals Interacting with Snow
Married August 2012. Me: 41 DH: 42
Daughter from previous marriage: 20
BFP 12/19/12: Ectopic discovered at 8 weeks, right tube removed 01/18/13
June 2013 Testing Results: Progesterone: 31.7, LH: 5, FSH: 5, Estradiol: 161
Clomid cycles Nov. 2013 and Jan, Feb, and March 2014
TTC journey over as of the end of October 2014
TTCAL BLOG
All ALers welcome!
TTC#1 since June 2012
Dx: Unexplained Infertility / AMA
BFP after 4th IUI cycle with Gonal F + Ovidrel on March 2014 | EDD 12/7/14 | MMC on 4/14/14
IUI#5 with Gonal F and Ovidrel trigger on 6/6 - BFN
On to IVF #1 with a new RE. Started Gonal F and Menopur on 8/15. Added Ganirelix on 8/24. Trigger on 8/26 for ER on 8/28. 8R 7M 3F. Transferred all 3 on 8/31. BFP on 9/11 | EDD 5/20/15 - Beta #1: 56.7. Beta #2: 97. Beta #3: 1148. Beta #4: 3559. Beta #4: 7678. MMC confirmed on 10/13. D&C on 10/14 at 9w. Confirmed male with Trisomy 14.
On to IVF #2 in March. CCS Testing on 2 embies. No go. Waiting to start IVF #3 in July. Surprise BFP on 6/14! EDD - 2/20/16 - Beta #1: 121.4. Beta #2: 236.4. Beta #3: 2014.
TTC #1 since Sept 2011
BFP#1 1/31/12. Empty sac discovered 3/5/12. MTX due to location in uterine horn.
BFP#2 2/27/13. Empty sac confirmed 3/20/13. Mifepristone + Cytotec.
Operative hysteroscopy to remove septum 9/18/13.
BFP #3 12/24/13. Natural m/c 1/17/14.
BFP #4 3/20/14. Natural m/c 4/3/14.
Blog Chart
Formerly known as MrsE07
PgAL/PAL Welcome