Pre-school birthday party invite advice please

SusieBW · August 2014

Just looking for some WWYD input, I guess.

DD started at her new school about a month ago, and this week received her first invite to a 3rd birthday party for someone in her class. The party is in 3 weeks. I haven't really met any of the other parents yet, other than to smile and say good morning or whatever, and I'm not even sure which kids are in her class as opposed to the other two classes on her floor (she is in "pre-school jr", the transition room for about-to-be 3 year olds, but they also spend mornings and afternoons (drop-off and pick-up times) with the pre-school and pre-K classes, so when I'm there, they're all together). She's had sort of a rough time with one kid in her class, but overall is happy with her new friends and with the school.

I'm torn about this party. Part of me thinks that since DD is still the "new kid" it might be good for her to go and play with the kids in her class outside of school for a couple of hours. And part of me feels like DD was only invited because the whole class was invited, it's not like she's good friends with the birthday boy. But, what better chance for her to become better friends with these kids, than by going to the party? But part of me has social anxiety and DH wouldn't be able to go with us, so I wouldn't know anyone there at all and that freaks me out a little. But the same thing applies to me - how will I ever get to know these people if I don't get over my anxiety and try? The school/daycare is around the corner from the elementary school in our town, so a bunch of these kids are probably ones that DD will go to school with forever.

The party is at a park/zoo and the invite says picnic and cake in the park, followed by zoo admission and play at the zoo's splash pad. It' 11:30 - 1:30 on a Saturday. Am I overthinking this? WWYD?

Cherryblossoms07 · August 2014

You are over thinking it! Go! If it is that horrible when you get there then make an excuse that you need to leave early. I am sure it will be fine though.

ashiscute · August 2014

I would be super uncomfortable about that too. For some reason it seems so much harder to make new friends once you have kids. Like everything is competitive or something.

Anyway, I'd probably make myself go. There will be other moms who are uncomfortable that you can try to bond with. And if things get really awkward you are at a place where you could go off a bit pretty easily.

greyt00 · August 2014

I am terrible at making friends (serious introvert) and I hate parties. But I don't want my kids to have the same issues I have if I can help it. I want them to have friends and they won't do that staying at home all the time (I'm not saying *you* stay home a lot -- I do!) DS2 has been invited to 2 birthday parties already and he is only turning 2 this weekend. I declined the first (I think it was actually not a good day for us) but I plan to go to this next one. I won't know anyone there (besides my son), and I will hate it at first, but he needs to be exposed to these types of things, at the least. Go, I say! ;-) Ours is at a nearby park with their house as the rain location just in case. I am anxious about it also because DS2 doesn't like new people and I'm afraid he will just avoid everyone the whole time.

zeptattoo · August 2014

You are over thinking it, but I was in your position this time last year. I asked my son if he wanted to go and he said yes, so we went. It was that simple.

SusieBW · August 2014

Thanks for the feedback, everyone. We will probably end up going. DD is the opposite of me - I'm an introvert and slow to make friends, but she's all up in everyone's business and wants to play with everyone, so I'm sure she'll love it. And you're right, I can always beg off early if it's that awful.

shannm · August 2014

Yes you are over thinking. Just go or don't. It is two hours and an hour after, it will be no big deal.

fitmom82 · August 2014

I guess this doesn't help you because I'm very social, I probably get more excited when my kids get invited to parties than they do. I love the opportunity to talk to other parents, and love watching my kids interact with other kids.

DD got invited to her 1st party when she was about a month into a new daycare. I know she got invited because the whole class did, but I'd hate for the kids to be talking about it later and her feeling excluded. We went, she hung out with me most of the time, and I go to spend time with her and talk ot some parents. If your LO is anything like mine, you'll have a built in friend. Now she runs around with the kdis and I just make small talk.

ASmallWonder · August 2014

The only way I ended up really getting to know any of the "daycare/preschool" parents is by going to parties. I say go for it

junebugrbig · August 2014

zeptattoo said:

You are over thinking it, but I was in your position this time last year. I asked my son if he wanted to go and he said yes, so we went. It was that simple.

This.

blu-eyedwife · August 2014

I've been on both sides of this fence - we were invited to a birthday party right after my son switched rooms. We went and it was great for him to be able to play with kids at school he knew, and I got to know the parents a little better. We've gotten closer to a couple families from his school that way, so in retrospect, I'm glad we went.

I've also been the mom that invited the newer kids to his birthday party, because I didn't want to just invite half the kids in his class. I was really glad when a couple of them showed up, even though I didn't really know them, because it gave the parents the opportunity to see their kids interact in ways we don't usually get to, and meet some of the other parents.

SunAndRain · August 2014

I can see how anxiety could make this difficult for you. But I really hope you go. Even if you make a goal of meeting just two parents before you make your excuses and leave, that is great progress towards making new friends.

I've realized just how important it is to have friend with kids of similar or slightly older ages as my DD. With DD being an only child it gives her weekend playmates. And I have more experienced parents as resources to help me navigate the parenting, activities, summer camps and educational worlds.

I've found that other parents I've met are just as interested in making new friends. Even though we all seem to have busy calendars, there are birthday parties and school functions that we see each other at.

One way I broke in to the social scene at DD"s school was by joining the PTO. I had no idea what I was getting in to and ended up contributing way more of my time than I realized I would but it was totally worth it.

SusieBW · August 2014

Thanks again, everyone. I think we'll probably go. Whenever I ask DD which kids at school she plays with, the birthday boy's name is usually one of the first ones she mentions, so At least I know she likes playing with him (there's one kid that I know she doesn't like). It'll be good for her, and probably also good for me, I suppose.

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