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July 2014 Moms
BB/PPD/PPA Ongoing Thread
This discussion has been closed.
Re: BB/PPD/PPA Ongoing Thread
@TricksyPixie Glad you are feeling better!
My mom was here helping yesterday afternoon and while it was nice to have her help, it was frustrating to see how easily she can calm her down. Why can't I do that as easily? When will that ability come? It makes me feel like I'm failing.
Overall though, I do feel like I'm doing better. Not so much random sobbing, but DH hasn't gone back to work yet, so I'm trying to be cautiously optimistic.
I'm really grateful for this thread. It makes me feel a lot less alone, even though I'm sad that you are struggling too.
Hope you feel better.
This makes me so upset for you. PPD is hard enough, you don't need to be getting the run around from your dr.
That being said - my mom was here for the last week. It was so great to have her here and so helpful. I'm really sad she lives 3000 miles away and we won't see her til thanksgiving. This would be easier with family nearby.
Today is my first day home alone with LO. (My husband had a week off, then worked from home for a week, then my mom was here). Feeling very anxious about how today will go.
Hugs to everyone suffering. Hoping everyone starts feeling better and gets the help they need. This parenting stuff is not easy!
I fucking hate this. It feels like one step forward and 10 steps back. Everyone says it gets better, but it feels like it never will.
I have a 3 yo DD and the difference between her birth and DS is night and day. He's been a great baby do far and I do feel a bond with him that I didn't feel with DD until she was 6 months old or so. I'm hoping it's just baby blues but I'm having a really hard time feeling like I want to be around her and DH. I would really like to just lock myself in my bedroom with DS and not deal with toddler/husband issues. DH has been off of work but DD is in school until 3 each day and I'm bfing so all he does is watch golf. I'm actually ready for him to go back to work. At least he'll be doing something productive. The nights are the hardest. It's when I really feel the sleep deprivation and DD always wants me -not DH. So he ends up sitting on the couch with the baby while I do everything else. Maybe my hormones are making it out to be worse than it is but I feel so much resentment towards DH and even DD to a certain extent. I plan to give it another week and then talk to my doctor.
You're not a terrible mother and you can do this. Those feelings aren't you, they're PPD. Huge hugs to you!
It has officially gotten to the point that my SO told me he thinks I have PPD and if I don't call my doctor today he will. I knew something wasn't right. I cry all the time sometimes for nothing, most of the time because DS is crying and I don't know what to do. I have no appetite I eat because SO brings me something. I'm constantly exhausted but I can't sleep. My mood goes from mellow to super angry or sad really quickly. I feel like DS doesn't love me. Every time I hold him he cries unless I feed him, but if someone else takes him he's fine. I feel like such a crappy mother for saying this, but id rather other people hold him. I don't really want to because I know he'll cry, even thinking like this upsets me more. When he wakes up crying I just wait and hope he falls back asleep, or that SO will wake up and get him.
I recently had to start solely FF which really upset me. He was getting gas from something I ate, then the tummy drops made him constipated. So of course I blamed myself.
I feel nothing and everything all at the same time. I'm emotionless inside but super emotional outside.
Guess I'm calling the doctor.
I met with a therapist who specializes in PPD/A/OCD and PP trauma yesterday. I'm so glad that I went. It helped so much and I'm going to continue seeing her weekly at least until I go back to work.
It's been 2 weeks since I started on Prozac and I think it's starting to take some effect.
I'm still not feeling that bond with DD, but I'm trying to be patient and positive that it will come eventually.
This next week is the last week that DH is home with us. I have a lot of anxiety about him going back to work. I will be a mess that day for sure.
I'm having such a horrible day. My appointment was rescheduled by the doctor on Tuesday and moved to today. I'm 5 minutes from the office and they call to reschedule again because he has a delivery. At this point I'm in tears driving and on the phone and they asked "how bad do you think your depression is? Do you think you can wait until Monday" uhm no! I'm crying on the phone and I've been trying since Tuesday to see you. So they moved it until tomorrow morning.
I'm now at the point I don't even want to hold my son. I literally feel like the shittiest person ever. How am I supposed to get help if they keep rescheduling?
Felt a bit better after the lactation consult yesterday which went amazingly but I haven't mastered the tips she gave me on my own yet so feedings are still a bit frustrating. Tried nursing in bed last night but DD was making so much noise & DH wasn't a fan. Plus I'd still have to get up & bring her to the nursery for diaper changes.
Today DH had a 2pm job interview & is finally on his way home at 6pm. I've been going crazy - with every feeding Sammi is good & content for a little while but then she'll start fussing but won't re-latch & cuddling doesn't cut it either, so I'm crying every time she does cuz I don't know what to do. She finally went down for a bit in her vibrating rocker so I was gonna nap but my grandmother called as well as a local support group person (who is at least my mother's age so a lot of her mothering advice is outdated). By the time I got off the phone Sammi was up & hungry again. Speaking of which, I think I need to feed her again now. When does it end?
I know I'm my worst enemy since I jump straight to feeling guilt & failure when I can't meet Sammi's needs. Lately I don't wanna feed her, cuddle her or anything - I just want her to go back to sleep so I can sleep. Yesterday I went to Target with her & my mom to grab a few things but she woke up screaming because it had been 4 hours since she last ate. My mom rushed her to the car while I rushed to the register so we could get her home ASAP. That just wrenched at my heart strings - DH says it was a bit early to take her to a store like that. Yet he wants us to take her to a friend's in the evening (after their little ones are in bed around 8pm) but I'm afraid of the same thing happening - I feel like I can't go anywhere since she's only 2-1/2 weeks & still feeds quite often. I know it's supposed to get better & easier but this is definitely a rough season. I have no idea how I'm gonna do this when DH goes back to work (he's home 1 more week).
@ZeroZeroOne I've had those nights with DS which lead to me hysterical in tears begging him to stop crying. I really hope he sleeps better for you tonight so you can get some sleep. Those nights are exhausting physically and mentally. Hugs.
@mlacroix7 , don't be afraid to use the 'do not disturb' feature on your cell, or to just not answer. That's what I do when I need a nap, or just some quiet time.
As for the lack of bonding, and not wanting to hold the baby - yes. It's a terrible feeling to have and it does lead to guilt. But it is normal for PPD/PPA. We can only try to accept it until the babies get less crying and more responsive. Do your best until then and try to get all the help you can.
How is everyone else doing today?
Hope you both are doing well.