dont want to be a mom — The Bump
Postpartum Depression

dont want to be a mom

My son is perfect, two weeks old. He's beautiful... And I can't seem to have any mommy instinct. I feed him and pray he falls asleep. I just feel like I dont want to be a mom, I am on medication have been for a week. All I want is my husband, who works very long hours. I feel like I am indifferent to my child.

Re: dont want to be a mom

  • I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I am having some similar, but different symptoms.
    My little guy is 3 weeks tomorrow. I am getting used to the big change at this point, but I'm still struggling with missing my old life and ruining a good thing my husband and I had going. I loved my old life with just my husband and I. I never thought I would feel like this at all!
    Hang in there! This last week has made a big difference since my hormones are starting to come back. I'm not 100%, but I'm doing better. This is without meds, too.
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  • I'm missing what my husband and I had too. Feels like too much is gone and I miss it. I'm hoping you're right and next week is better. Thank you for responding, good to know I'm not alone. Means a lot to me.
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  • @shollan01‌ no problem!
    Reading these posts really helps me. I have been trying to respond to others as much as I can for that reason.

    I'm still upset about the change to mine and my husbands relationship, but I can tell you that the feelings aren't as strong this week. When I was pregnant I thought about how different it would be to vacation with a child and etc, but I was never upset like I have been lately. Now I feel more like when I was pregnant. Missing the old way if doing things, but not overwhelmingly.

    I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you are doing better soon.
  • I went out for the first time today, feel a little more human. Still dreading the nights with him up ungodly hours and still wishing I could just curl up with my husband like I used to. Keep talkingn to me if you can, you're a huge help. Good to know I'm not lost. Just so tired and waiting for that connected feeling.
  • Hang in there! Every week I get better.
    I'm just hoping I keep getting better from here.
    My husband went to his cousins high school graduation today and I cried after he left because I wished I could have gone and felt like we have separate lives. This was the first time I cried in the last week. It scared me to start crying again, but I've been fine since.

    I keep telling myself that this is gradual and I'm not going to be 100% over night.

  • @shollan01‌ you are not alone! I too feel disconnected from my DD. I so badly want to just feel this deep connection, but I don't. I often pass her off to my mom or sister who are here helping me (my husband works a lot). I also miss the life I used to live. It is such a hard adjustment. Everyone I talk to says that it will get better and that we will feel better. Please know that you are not alone in this.
  • I love my little guy, but I keep thinking that I always thought I would feel more deeply in love with my baby when he was born. Maybe it just takes time in some cases to bond, but I'm so surprised by it still. It makes me feel guilty. I keep telling myself that he's only 3 weeks and to give it time. They aren't even at that rewarding age yet where they smile, reach for you and have a little more personality.
  • I completely understand how you are feeling. I feel the same way myself. I don't even want to hold her or go to her a lot of the time, and I feel so incredibly guilty about it. I just want the anxiety to go away and feel like myself again.
  • That's what I'm struggling with too. Feelibgvlike I don't even want to deal with him a lot of the time. I don't mind diapers and feeding but I just don't have that hallmark love yet and I am desperately alone when my husband isn't here. I too have passed him to family as much as possible and feel quilty of that as well. I just want my life back.
  • Well it's 620am and here I go a 12 hour stretch alone. Hope it's better today. Wish you all luck.
  • Hope you had a good day.
    My husband works 12 hour shifts and isn't back to work yet. I'm worried for when he goes back.
  • I had him home for a weekend, so I started out kind of on my own, you just keep doing what you need to do. I had a good day, didn't cry. Still feel stressed. You'll be able to do it too.
  • Three weeks and still not where I hoped to be mentally. Just keep going, but it's hard. Hope you all had a good day.
  • Little guy is 4 weeks today and I'm not either:( I was really hoping that I would be better by now. I'm not sure what to do, but I don't think I can do anything to feel better.

    I was reading about depression and how blood loss(anemia) during delivery can cause depression. I had this happen and am currently anemic so I'm trying to concentrate on foods that will help my blood count.
  • I'm in the same boat! Taking an iron supliment but am just so tired all the time. I know exactly what you're talking about. Hang in there, mommy. We will get through this together.
  • Afterthought, everyone keeps telling me to make sure I get out of the house with the baby, have you yet.?
  • Yes!!! How old us your baby? I know everyone is different and some aren't comfortable with taking them out right away. We took him to the pediatrician two days after we left the hospital because of jaundice. After that we also went the first week to my OB/GYN due to my baby blues/PPD issues. We have been out other places ever since like food shopping, target, two family parties and etc.

    Getting out really is the only thing that makes me feel okay. Whenever I leave my house I feel better. I understand people wanting to keep baby away from germs and etc., but you need to take care of yourself, too.
    I was nervous going out with him, but it really isn't bad and it gets easier everytime I go out.
  • He will be four weeks on Wednesday. I have taken him with daddy to the doctor a few times and to my obgyn for ppd but I haven't taken him anywhere by myself yet. I kind of panic at the idea, but Wednesday I have a doctor's appointment I will have to go out with him, so that will be an adventure.
    I am so very proud of you, you are doing so great. Keep on keeping on my friend. You are really doing fantastic.
  • Thanks! You are, too. Hang in there!

    Going out by yourself for the first time is scary, but feels good after you do it. I felt like I accomplished something and it gave me confidence to go other places.
    Good luck on Wednesday!
  • Has anyone else had the issue of baby wants to be held all the time? My son doesn't want to sleep unless someone is holding him at 4 and a half weeks . Makes the nights even longer and sleep almost impossible for my husband and I.
  • He goes back and forth wanting to be held all the time and being fine. We will try warming his sheets, been chnaingn him into a heavier sleep shirt, seems to help. Also goingn to invest in a white noise machine. Thank you so much for the advice!!!
    [Deleted User]
  • I just wanted to reply to you and tell you that you're not alone and I feel the same way. My husband also works a lot and I get so anxious and overwhelmed when he's not here.

    But I reached out for help and I have someone like my mom, mil, or family friend check in on me once a day, usually lunch time. They give me food or prepare food and hold my daughter while I eat or take a shower. This has helped tremendously! I don't know if you have anyone that could do that for you. Or even have someone call you and check in, it's nice to have someone to talk to.

    Also, it can be helpful to make small goals for yourself throughout the day to pass the time while your hubby is away. I just started saying to myself, at 10 I will get dressed, at 11 I will listen to the radio while nursing or watch a show that I enjoy at 12 my friend is bringing me lunch, at 2 ill call my mom to chat. Making small goals to do or look forward to helps pass the time :) I hope this helps and if you ever need anyone to talk to id be happy to! You're not alone!
  • Hi ladies, 

    I realize this thread has been open for a few weeks now, but I wanted to chime in to offer my support. Everything you all have been writing about your early experiences with LO sounds a lot like my first few weeks at home with DD. I really struggled with bonding (it took WEEKS for me to bond with my baby) and felt so alone when DH returned to work after two weeks. I cried a lot, was exhausted, and didn't take care myself or my baby well. I had to ask for help, but didn't ask for it often enough. I felt as if I was supposed to be able to do this all by myself, without help. After all, all my friends do it without help and seem so happy. I was mistaken - I needed help, and I should have asked. So please ask for help! Keep calling your OB for advice or referrals to treatment if needed. And don't compare yourself to anyone else. You will bond with baby, and it may take time. And that's ok. 

    My DD is 6 months old and I'm still struggling with depression. It came back for me since I started weaning a few days ago. I called my OB for help. Please know you're not alone! 
  • @ajgreen78‌ I am still breastfeeding and I've been doing really well with my PPD. I'm nervous for when I start to wean that I might relapse, also. Did they give you any tips to prevent it or what to do?
    My LO is only 2mths so I have time before weaning anyway.
  • Hi. I got no tips or advice for weaning related to the PPD. I am planning to meet with a therapist on Monday to talk about this, so I'll try to remember to let you know if they give tips related to weaning. I'm so glad to hear you are doing well with breastfeeding! I think failing to adequately bond with my daughter in the beginning could have prevented us from having a strong breastfeeding relationship. You do have tons of time, no worries! And remember, breastfeed for as long as it works for both of you. Do what's best for everyone. 
  • I think some of those feelings are "normal" post partum. It's like, you've built up this expectation that your baby is born and all of the sudden you will feel an instant connection. It will be this wonderful time of rocking and cuddling and cooing ... and in reality, it's not. It's exhaustiong, overwhelming, emotional. You have this little person who just takes and takes from you without giving anything in return (yet). Hang in there. Give the medicine time to kick in, and maybe consider some talk therapy? I know that helps me out a lot. If your feelings get worse or you think about harming yourself or your baby, please reach out for help. 

    Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
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