I often go back and forth between the stages of grief, and today it's anger. I realize it's not healthy, but anger is sometimes quite refreshing because I find it to be the easiest emotion to deal with. Sure doesn't make me pleasant to be around though.
In celebration of that, I'd like to offer this post as a way to freely discuss what is making you angry, however irrational or unfair it may be. I think sometimes we just need a really good rant to get it all out make us feel better, so I'll start.
1) I find it beyond irritating when people who haven't experienced a child loss post advice on this board. Fine, people read the posts here because there is some sort of fascination with loss, or maybe they're good people and read our stories so they can say a prayer for us, or maybe it helps them appreciate what they have. That doesn't bother me, I get it. However, I think they should keep their words and advice to themselves. If you've never been through the loss of a child then any advice you have to offer is useless.
2) I STILL can't get my signature to update.
Re: Having an anger day
I'm angry at myself for being angry at that since she has struggled to get pregnant and had a miscarriage previously.
I'm angry at my coworkers who are talking about a baby in front of me.
We're queer. I'm 33, have severe stage 4 endo, and had both fallopian tubes removed. My love ("Manada" on the boards, 32) was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. We did Partner IVF (my eggs, her uterus). We lost our twins Tavin and Casey at 21 weeks gestation.
Our IUIs
with @Manada: IUI# 1-7 (December 2012- September 2013) all BFN. Tried natural, femara, clomid, puregon/follistim, clomid and menopur combo, both the ovidrel and HCG triggers.
Our IVFs:
IVF #1 my eggs November/December 2013: Cancelled IVF due to poor response
IVF #2 my eggs/Manada's uterus January/February 2014
BCPs and lupron overlap Stimmed: 1/22-2/2: Bravelle and Menopur (dosage ranged from B300 and M150 to B375 and M150 to B300 and M225)
2/4 retrieved 10 eggs. Endo was much worse than expected. Only 3 eggs fertilized; February 7 transferred two day 3 embryos, froze one. All great condition.
BFP eve of 6dp3dt; Beta 1 (11dp3dt): 110; Beta 2 (13dp3dt): 175; Beta 3 (15dp3dt): 348; Beta 4 (19dp3dt): 2222; Beta 5 (21dp3dt): 4255
1st ultrasound (3/6 6w 1d): TWINS!!!! Twin A measuring 6w1d with a heartbeat of 118bpm. Twin B measuring 6w0d with a heartbeat of 113bpm.
***July 18, 2014 we lost our beautiful babies at 21 weeks gestation. They were born too early. Tavin Sara T. and Casey Elizabeth T. are beautiful and precious and we will love them and miss them forever.***
FET #1 December 2014
8/12-Suprise BFP- Sweet Bunny Born Sleeping 11/21/12 (19 weeks)
-5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)
11/6/13- BO discovered at 7 weeks- natural MC 11/25/13
8/14- Surpise IF dx...low AMH (.24)- moving on to IVF
IVF #1- 11/14- 6R5M4F=2 perfect frosties
12/19/14- FET of 2 embabies = BFP!!! One Little Bean EDD: 9/3/15
Everyone Welcome.
Ticker warning (rainbow mentioned)
I get angry when I post a picture of my rainbow on FB, everyone likes it, comments on it....but when I post something about my angel, the only likes I typically get are close close family, and my two FB friends that have lost babies. I get that people don't know what to say to us, but how hard is it to click like?
I'm also angry at our friends that just had a baby. I was about 20 weeks along (and very close to our loss milestone so maybe that's what made me stabbier) with our rainbow when he announced they were pregnant, and he said "we're going to have a baby" in like a Na na na na naaah na" sing song...I know he didn't mean anything by it, but despite me being pregnant at the time I think he should have used a little more tact. I get that he probably had no clue he should be sensitive with his annoucement since we were expecting again, but knowing how he is, I know he wouldn't have been sensitive had we not been pregnant either.
I'm also angry at myself for feeling this way, because I feel like my anger free pass expired once my rainbow was born, and I shouldn't get to feel angry anymore. I know how lucky I am to have her, and I feel so guilty over still being angry and sad over our loss.
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!
TTC since 10/2010
IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
Thank you everyone for being stabby with me today. For what it's worth, I think all of our anger is legit. People are stupid and sometimes need punched in the face.
@healz413 Please don't be too hard on yourself or feel bad. You're allowed to be angry.
@angelsnight & @osuwifey09 I don't think a rainbow baby should erase the pain and anger. A rainbow shows there can be beauty after a storm, but it doesn't erase the devastation the storm caused.
I also get really angry at pregnant moms who don't follow the safety rules and then act all chill about it - like those rules don't apply to them (there was just a post about this on the PGAL board where I was lurking and I had to turn my computer off because I wanted to blast everyone commenting on it!). Again, with the assumption that a healthy baby is a given.
And really, any mom who complains about being pregnant or about her child really rubs me the wrong way. I've been there, and Parenting is tough, but still. I would take those complaints any day.
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!
I also get angry at my SIL when she constantly blabbers about how she wants twins. I get that twins is a popular thing to wish for, but from my perspective I don't see cute little twins, I see high risk, I see pre-mature, I see incompetent cervix....if she has to go on and on about it, don't talk about it to the person who is high risk and wishes she weren't (not that she can choose to have twins, but if she could I'm sure she would). It also bugs me why she wants twins....because she is older and wants two kids so it would be "ideal to have them both at the same time".
Yeah in a perfect world I would like two living children, and we may try again, we may not, but if it doesn't work out for us we will be forever grateful for the one we have. I view pregnancy as a complete miracle and it irks me that she can't just be happy with one miracle.
Ok one more and then I am done....I can't stand when people say, I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's healthy. And God forbid, if it's not healthy, are you going to ask for a refund?
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!
@stefuge I saw that post title on PGAL and didn't read it because I knew what it was going to say. I couldn't stand it. If those moms had even one day of knowing how we feel they'd be singing a different tune. Once you've seen first hand that those bad things people say barely have a chance of happening really do happen, then everything changes. The doctors don't think anything I did caused Lincoln's problems, but you can sure as hell bet that now I understand things really do happen and I'd do ANYTHING in my power to avoid the ones I can avoid.
Oh, and the people who complain about their kids! I cannot tolerate it. Oh yea, I know having kids is hard. Try spending 2.5 months straight living in a hospital. You know what? I didn't complain about it, I was happy every day to go to whatever place was keeping my peanut as healthy as he could be. His smile was the best thing I've ever seen, nothing about him on this earth was too hard. So shut the flip up. If you need to complain about how hard having kids is, I am not your girl.
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
I'm angry my "best friend" had twins and is sad that I won't get to know them in the capacity she wants me too. I'm angry that I can't even know my own baby.... Sorry but eff her kids right now.
I'm angry that I can't be around any newborns without completely losing my shit.
I'm angry that we probably won't be trying again for another. And I'm. Angry when people ask me if we plan to have another.
I'm angry that I was pretty much told to suck it up and life goes on and I have to learn to deal with things.
I'm angry someone made the assumption I wanted them. To cover up their pregnant stomach.
I'm angry about all of the stupid crap that comes out of people's mouths. I lost my son.... Not my laptop.
Sometimes I wish there was a bereavement relocation program- where you get a new life and a new identity. Sick of being the crazy lady with the dead baby. The elephant in the room.
I am angry at a friend of mine but I feel bad for being angry. What she is doing is really bothering me..
I will tell the story the best way I can.
She is in her early forties and has had a partial hysterectomy (still has her tubes)
She knows about my losses. Today at church I asked her how she was doing. She told me "i had another tubal" very nonchalantly. Like it was the norm. This has been her 3rd tubal. That's what she says. She knows that the baby will not survive yet she continues to refuse to use protection.
me- "Have you tried bcp?" Her-" it doesn't work for me, because I drop tWo eggs"
me- " well what if your dh gets a vasectomy ?" her- "He did but it didn't work"
Her- "Doc said I could use male and female condoms, but I don't want to"
me- " did they say anything about a complete hysterectomy?" her- "He said if he did that it would take ten years off of my life"
OMG.........
I don't get it.
She knows that she won't be able to carry the baby (she has no womb)
I feel she has no desire to use protection and she will continue to get pregnant and the babies will .continue dying. It reallllllly upsets me, because I know what it is to lose my babies/
***Sig warning***
I agree with so many of these! It's nice that we aren't alone.
Also, it makes me so angry when people, especially ones that I know pretty well, have babies and then bring them out in public or around people who are sick when they are super little. My son died because he caught a random virus, and we didn't even bring him out in public! It was just terrible luck, so why would you tempt fate, knowing that it can easily happen?
Me 32 (Stage IV Endometriosis, short luteal phase) DH 38
Married 5/2010
January 2014- DS born healthy at 35.4 weeks
February 2014- DS passed away due to complications from adenovirus
February 2015- Rainbow baby DD born at 36.3 weeks
My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/42fd32