Getting worried about TTC! post deleted

nahw · August 2014

BethKate2 · August 2014

1. Please add a "child mentioned" warning to your title.

2. I've never given birth, but if you just stopped breastfeeding 4 months ago, I don't think it's abnormal for your cycles to be out of whack still.

3. This is a board for women who are struggling with infertility. You seem to be in the wrong place.

MrsS728 · August 2014

I don't think that this is the right board for your concerns. Even though I've just joined these wonderful ladies recently, I can tell you that they are wonderful, caring, fantastic, and supportive women, and unfortunately we have all been brought together for reasons everyone would trade, given the chance. Above all else, part of what I've learned so far is that there are rules and it is a balance of give and take with regards to support, but again there are rules to follow. Your title stated you were getting worried about TTC, when you've conceived one child already. 99% of the women here (myself included) have been unsuccessful in conceiving yet. My intent for this post is not to be rude or unfriendly, but it's important that you know. There are other boards on here that are probably more suitable for your questions and concerns. With that being said, I wish you good luck in your endeavors and that you find what you need....

MrsLolaSky · August 2014

I am trying to be sympathetic because I'd like to think that you did not mean to offend…. but if you had looked around on this board before posting, you would have seen that your entire post could come off as very offensive to many--especially the part about you being stressed that your plans for having children a certain number of months or years apart are being threatened by what sounds like a 4-month delay so far. Most of us here have had to throw out whatever "plans" we had in our minds before our TTC journey a LONG time ago.

That said, I hope you get some answers soon. I don't wish infertility-related stress on anyone. I also hope you find a board that is more suitable to where you are in your journey right now.

LindseyM2012 · August 2014

MrsS728 said:

I don't think that this is the right board for your concerns. Even though I've just joined these wonderful ladies recently, I can tell you that they are wonderful, caring, fantastic, and supportive women, and unfortunately we have all been brought together for reasons everyone would trade, given the chance. Above all else, part of what I've learned so far is that there are rules and it is a balance of give and take with regards to support, but again there are rules to follow. Your title stated you were getting worried about TTC, when you've conceived one child already. 99% of the women here (myself included) have been unsuccessful in conceiving yet. My intent for this post is not to be rude or unfriendly, but it's important that you know. There are other boards on here that are probably more suitable for your questions and concerns. With that being said, I wish you good luck in your endeavors and that you find what you need....

Well said. An additional piece of advice (and this goes for any forum board on which you hope to participate): if there is an announcement thread pasted to the top of the forum, READ THOROUGHLY before even thinking about posting a discussion. It will likely go over board etiquette. Since IF is such a sensitive topic for people, etiquette is that much more important in this community.

Hollowvic · August 2014

REALLY??? SMH......

gsancho · August 2014

You have every right to have concerns, but this is definitely not the place for them. I'm sure you just didn't familiarize yourself with the board at all before posting....but no, just no....I'm not even one to normally be bothered by posts with surprise BFP mentions and this one was upsetting

Chasity08 · August 2014

gsancho said:

You have every right to have concerns, but this is definitely not the place for them. I'm sure you just didn't familiarize yourself with the board at all before posting....but no, just no....I'm not even one to normally be bothered by posts with surprise BFP mentions and this one was upsetting

Ditto.

morganlmw · August 2014

I understand you are looking for someone else to talk to. Finding the right board can be difficult. .Most people lurke first.

BunnyBerry · August 2014

Oooh, you conceived your first the first month of BC?!!!? Yippee, I was hoping for some exciting news like that in my child-free haven today!

Your periods are out of whack a few months after stopping breast-feeding? Oh no, that's practically infertility right there. It's hopeless.

Somebody stop me. I'm balancing between pain and nausea.

nahw · August 2014

Obviously this post wasn't to hurt feelings, so everyone can just chill out. When you're TTC your first or fifth child, it's still stressful to us all, and no ones feelings deserve to get hurt.

AnnaClaire256 · August 2014

nahw said:
Obviously this post wasn't to hurt feelings, so everyone can just chill out. When you're TTC your first or fifth child, it's still stressful to us all, and no ones feelings deserve to get hurt.

No one thinks you came here to hurt our feelings. PPs are just letting you know you came to the wrong place and if you had spent ANY time lurking on this board you would know that.

When you realize that your post has CLEARLY struck a chord with the ladies here, your response should be an apology.

nahw · August 2014

Why should I have to lurk at all to post? Is that a rule too?

Hollowvic · August 2014

IF is a sensitive subject, if you don't understand why these people are so offended, even more the reason this the wrong board for you.

AnnaClaire256 · August 2014

nahw said:
Why should I have to lurk at all to post? Is that a rule too?

Yes. It is. There's a newbie blog at the top of the page.

Step 1: read blog
Step 2: follow the rules
Step 3: for you...realize this is not at all the place for you and find a different forum

DharmaChick · August 2014

BunnyBerry said:

Oooh, you conceived your first the first month of BC?!!!? Yippee, I was hoping for some exciting news like that in my child-free haven today!

That's the part that really got to me. If there's anything that infertile women love, it is someone mentioning how easy it was for them to get pregnant. 8-|

OP - I understand that you are looking for info, and might be frustrated with your situation. So I really do hope that you find the right place for this discussion, and get the answers that you need.

However, there are two sticky posts, with subject lines written in all caps, requesting that you read them before posting here. They are there to prevent situations like this. Completely disregarding those guidelines, by posting something that is upsetting for a lot of women here (most of which have spent years TTC #1, and have gone through several expensive and invasive medical procedures and/or medications trying to do so) is not going to get a positive response.

Lurking here would have helped you to understand the nature of this board, but simply reading those "Welcome" posts would have clarified things.

theholmanherd · August 2014

Okay, @nahw. I understand you feel ganged up on, I do. However, you're the one who chose to post a forum before getting a feel for its culture first. Yes, a lot of people responded and told you the same thing, and a couple people were snarky, but mostly we wanted you to change your title to include a warning and perhaps apologize. If you indeed intend on becoming a part of this board, I suggest you start with what I stated in the aforementioned "want" sentence and then take a break from posting for a couple days and LURK before introducing yourself. Honestly, though, it sounds like this isn't the board you need and maybe you should try a board more suited to your needs, such as TTGP or TFAS. And please, if you care at all about staying the bump, don't get snarky and defensive about this. Just apologize, change the title, and move on. Good day to you.

nahw · August 2014

Having to read all the "rules" of posting in this forum is a bit ridiculous. If some women "are" allowed and others "aren't", then this forum shouldn't even exist. There should only be an IF and TTGP board. I have friends who have IF issues and I never have had to tip toe around them like I do on here. I don't see any reason to apologize. If I have to apologize, then so should every other poster who made rude/b*tchy comments to me because it's still uncalled for, no matter what the situation.

theholmanherd · August 2014

Okay, now you're crossing a line. First of all, you posted the exact same thing on 3 different boards. One of which told you you should not have posted this on 3T (yes, I saw the post on April13). Secondly, you don't need to censor one letter from a cuss word. Third, NO ONE WAS RUDE TO YOU. And lastly, I'm going to stop here because it's been a long fucking day and you just pissed me off. Bye, Felicia.

DharmaChick · August 2014

If you didn't feel like reading through those welcome post, perhaps you could have simply read the forum description at the top of the screen:

"Are you new to Trouble TTC? This is a forum for those who have been trying to conceive for 12+ months (or 6+ and AMA) Because this board is a child-free safe haven, please include “child mentioned” or “siggy warning” in your title if applicable."

AnnaClaire256 · August 2014

nahw said:
If some women "are" allowed and others "aren't", then this forum shouldn't even exist. There should only be an IF and TTGP board. I have friends who have IF issues and I never have had to tip toe around them like I do on here.

First of all, each board serves a separate purpose and each board has a set of rules and guidelines. This is not something unique to 3T.

Secondly, the description of this board clearly explains who should post here. If you don't meet those guidelines...then it would serve you well to find a board where you do. This board does serve a purpose. We have all been trying for 12+ months (or 6+ over 35) and/or have an infertility diagnosis. TTGP is not a good fit for us...we are having trouble. Same with the IF board...it's pretty much for women perusing IVF, which most of us are not.

Lastly, no...I'm sure you don't have to tip toe around your friends suffering from IF because they know you and are invested in your story. We do not.

gsancho · August 2014

AnnaClaire256 said:

Lastly, no...I'm sure you don't have to tip toe around your friends suffering from IF because they know you and are invested in your story. We do not.

This.

So if you walked into a support group in real life (where no body knew you), then they let you know you were in the wrong place and what you said wasn't appropriate for this particular group...you would just say the support group is in the wrong and you in no way take responsibility? OK

TTCBabyJ · August 2014

I just don't understand how the capital letters and bold font does not attract a person's attention.....really?! Read the rules. When in Rome do as the effing Romans or leave Rome!!!

BunnyBerry · August 2014

nahw said:

Having to read all the "rules" of posting in this forum is a bit ridiculous. If some women "are" allowed and others "aren't", then this forum shouldn't even exist. There should only be an IF and TTGP board. I have friends who have IF issues and I never have had to tip toe around them like I do on here. I don't see any reason to apologize. If I have to apologize, then so should every other poster who made rude/b*tchy comments to me because it's still uncalled for, no matter what the situation.

I am sorry for my sarcastic comments. I knew at the time that even though it would be appropriate to point out some ways that your post was offensive, there was no reason for me to put it that way. I apologize, and offer the explanation that I am on opiates after surgery a couple days ago.

I hope some time you choose to search out and read some posts on TTC where women share the hurtful things that their friends say to them because they lack sensitivity to IF. A whole of it relates to acting as if a few months of struggling TTC equates in any way to an IF diagnosis, and another whole batch of it relates to hearing how quickly and easily a friend conceived. Another big part of the way that friends hurt their infertile friends is not respecting the reality that hearing about a pregnancy or child, even of a friend, is often very painful and they may need some space from that. It hurts that IRL friends often feel very offended by the idea that their child/pregnancy is not always a welcome topic.

I don't know you, but your comment about your IRL friends with IF really makes me wonder if you're completely aware of the effect you have on them, simply because in one post you "violated" all 3 of those areas, and clearly have no concept that it is hurtful and inappropriate. So I do encourage you, at some point, to seek out those posts and really listen and see if some self-reflection is in order.

(Edited because the quote got all messed up)

BethKate2 · August 2014

NariaDreaming said:

nahw said:

I have friends who have IF issues and I never have had to tip toe around them like I do on here.

I also wanted to address this. If you're complaining to your friends who are infertile about the fact that you're only 4 months post breastfeeding and dealing with "infertility", they're probably as pissed off as we are. They just have to keep a happy face and pretend like they don't care because a lot of people aren't as confrontational as some of us.

I had this same thought. My guess, OP, is that you are just unaware of how your comments are affecting those friends because they're being polite.

nahw · August 2014

DharmaChick said:
If you didn't feel like reading through those welcome post, perhaps you could have simply read the forum description at the top of the screen:

"Are
you new to Trouble TTC? This is a forum for those who have been trying
to conceive for 12+ months (or 6+ and AMA) Because this board is a
child-free safe haven, please include “child mentioned” or “siggy
warning” in your title if applicable."

I only use this as an app, not on a computer. That doesn't show up at the top of the board on the app.

nahw · August 2014

NariaDreaming said:

nahw said:

I have friends who have IF issues and I never have had to tip toe around them like I do on here.

I also wanted to address this. If you're complaining to your friends who are infertile about the fact that you're only 4 months post breastfeeding and dealing with "infertility", they're probably as pissed off as we are. They just have to keep a happy face and pretend like they don't care because a lot of people aren't as confrontational as some of us.

They have since had children.

nahw · August 2014

IFinTN said:

@nahw if you are not going to apologize and act like a human, then stop trolling this board. Go away. Or keep trolling and get banned from the entire site. Your choice.

Like I would care...anyone can start an account.

nahw · August 2014

NariaDreaming said:

@BumpJackie

How's the whole creation of the Trouble Trying to Conceive a Sibling board coming? Because this is exactly the situation we are trying to avoid by having that board.

Can you tell your tech team to hurry please?

This exactly. It is unfair that there is no board for women like me to post in, who are having trouble conceiving a sibling.

If I came to the wrong board then only 1 or 2 people could have told me, and not the entire board. It only got more out of control.

With that being said, I apologize to everyone I offended and wish you all the best of luck.

MrsS728 · August 2014

Thank you for apologizing to us, but you did let this continue for way too long. I responded to you early on and very nicely and politely explained that this probably wasn't the board you needed and then wished you the best of luck. I encourage (and hope) you to post on TB with a board that better suits your needs. However, please learn from this experience and read the sticky notes at the top of the board to better acquaint yourself with the culture and type of community you are joining.

In life, people make mistakes, but it is how you handle those mistakes that matters most.

Good luck with everything and have a good weekend.

Chasity08 · August 2014

One last thing on my part as well - the TTTC a sibling board ALSO would not be appropriate for you...because you're not having TTTC...you're just hormonal. Give your body a chance to regulate for crap sake. Sheesh.

nahw · August 2014

iPutKetchupOnKetchup said:

nahw said:

NariaDreaming said:

@BumpJackie

How's the whole creation of the Trouble Trying to Conceive a Sibling board coming? Because this is exactly the situation we are trying to avoid by having that board.

Can you tell your tech team to hurry please?

This exactly. It is unfair that there is no board for women like me to post in, who are having trouble conceiving a sibling.
If I came to the wrong board then only 1 or 2 people could have told me, and not the entire board. It only got more out of control.
With that being said, I apologize to everyone I offended and wish you all the best of luck.

Hate to break it to ya buttercup, but life isn't fair.. and you are complaining about fairness to the wrong group of ladies. For the fucking bazillionth time: Know. Your. Audience.

One last lil tidbit: you can't come in and request how many members of our community elect to respond. Guess that falls into the "it just isn't FAIR" category, and I think this is the first time I've actually said this, but based on not only HOW long it took you but also HOW you went about it, I don't accept your apology. You whine too much.

(If I am being a super bitch I accept, in advance, a potential warning Rumbera and Naria, no need to interrupt your Friday plans)

You don't have to accept it. That's your prerogative. Whatever floats your boat.

MrsS728 · August 2014

@murrt Thank you. I will have to attribute it to being a middle school math teacher. LoL.

nahw · August 2014

iPutKetchupOnKetchup said:

nahw said:

NariaDreaming said:

@BumpJackie

How's the whole creation of the Trouble Trying to Conceive a Sibling board coming? Because this is exactly the situation we are trying to avoid by having that board.

Can you tell your tech team to hurry please?

This exactly. It is unfair that there is no board for women like me to post in, who are having trouble conceiving a sibling.
If I came to the wrong board then only 1 or 2 people could have told me, and not the entire board. It only got more out of control.
With that being said, I apologize to everyone I offended and wish you all the best of luck.

Hate to break it to ya buttercup, but life isn't fair.. and you are complaining about fairness to the wrong group of ladies. For the fucking bazillionth time: Know. Your. Audience.

One last lil tidbit: you can't come in and request how many members of our community elect to respond. Guess that falls into the "it just isn't FAIR" category, and I think this is the first time I've actually said this, but based on not only HOW long it took you but also HOW you went about it, I don't accept your apology. You whine too much.

(If I am being a super bitch I accept, in advance, a potential warning Rumbera and Naria, no need to interrupt your Friday plans)

You have to accept it. That's your prerogative. Whatever floats your boat.

iPutKetchupOnKetchup said:

nahw said:

iPutKetchupOnKetchup said:

nahw said:

NariaDreaming said:

@BumpJackie

How's the whole creation of the Trouble Trying to Conceive a Sibling board coming? Because this is exactly the situation we are trying to avoid by having that board.

Can you tell your tech team to hurry please?

This exactly. It is unfair that there is no board for women like me to post in, who are having trouble conceiving a sibling.
If I came to the wrong board then only 1 or 2 people could have told me, and not the entire board. It only got more out of control.
With that being said, I apologize to everyone I offended and wish you all the best of luck.

Hate to break it to ya buttercup, but life isn't fair.. and you are complaining about fairness to the wrong group of ladies. For the fucking bazillionth time: Know. Your. Audience.

One last lil tidbit: you can't come in and request how many members of our community elect to respond. Guess that falls into the "it just isn't FAIR" category, and I think this is the first time I've actually said this, but based on not only HOW long it took you but also HOW you went about it, I don't accept your apology. You whine too much.

(If I am being a super bitch I accept, in advance, a potential warning Rumbera and Naria, no need to interrupt your Friday plans)

You don't have to accept it. That's your prerogative. Whatever floats your boat.
Good lord, SHUT UP.

Ok

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Getting worried about TTC! post deleted

Re: Getting worried about TTC! post deleted

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Getting worried about TTC! **post deleted**

Re: Getting worried about TTC! **post deleted**

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Getting worried about TTC! post deleted

Re: Getting worried about TTC! post deleted

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!