Pros and cons for trying again after twins

keating-martinez · August 2014

I have two year old twins after a long road of infertility treatments. My husband and I go back and forth about wanting more kids. Part of me feels bad because the twins already share our attention. I'm not sure if I would feel guilty putting another kid in the mix. But the other part of me always wanted a big family and I know kids adjust.

For those who had more kids after twins, what are the pros and cons and is there a good age to start trying again?

Thanks!

ppants · August 2014

My b/g twins are 8 now. They were spontaneous and I was 28 when they were born. I thought *if* we were going to try again, we would by they time the kids were 5.

Once the kids hit school age, I went PT at work to better accommodate their new schedule so it was pretty much a done deal that we weren't going to try again. I'm honestly afraid that we'd have twins again, and now at 36, I can't imagine having a baby(ies) with sleepless nights, teething, etc. Plus, my two were reflux babies on meds past the age of 1 yr so they weren't easy babies either. While I was pg and when the kids were little, I kept telling myself "This could be my last pg" or "This is the last bottle". It's made it easier to come to terms with them getting bigger.

It has made me sad in the past that they didn't get to experience another sibling, but kids are expensive and we'd like to help them with college in the future so more kids=less $ all around. Having two kids the same age is great for us, but I do dread when they both leave home.

Good luck with whatever you decide is best for your family!

Lyndsey13 · August 2014

We have almost 2 year old twin girls (they'll be 2 in 10 days). I'm also 6 weeks pregnant. I've always wanted a big family and having twins just didn't seem like a complete family. We'd like to have 2 more. I felt like a 2 1/2 year age gap would be good, so that's what we went for. We did IVF so planning was pretty easy to do.

CNYBride05 · August 2014

I want a 3rd, but not really a 3rd and 4th and our girls were spontaneous ID twins from a single embryo transfer, so I'm a little timid... My husband is perfectly content with our amazing duo. And there's the $$ issue for sure!

carrotcake06 · August 2014

We had a singleton first and our fraternal twins are spontaneous, so I have an increased likelihood of conceiving twins again. We were always in the 2-maybe-3 camp, so I'm content w my 3.

We are right now using long-term bc (I have an IUD). We are v lucky to be able to get pg very easily, so going without is not an option. At the same time, I'm not on board w anything permanent, though the increases chance of twins again pretty much eliminated the chance we'd ever TTC again.

sasky · August 2014

I have the opposite situation with 2 month old twins and a 4 1/2 year old. In terms of when to start...we would have liked to have them closer in age, but IF didn't let that happen. As it is, I am so glad it worked out this way. DS1 has been incredibly helpful, both during pregnancy and with the babies. He's very independent, and while I try to give him as much attention as possible, it's not like I have to keep an eye on him all the time. He also understands when I can't always respond to him right away.

My sister had her 2nd when her first was 2 1/2 and I watch her chase him while carrying the baby. It seems exhausting. He's not really old/mature enough to help, and he does show some jealous tendencies. I know this could just be situational, and this is the age gap for a lot for people. I personally can't imagine with twins in the mix!

Jenn06L80 · August 2014

I am the opposite. I had my singleton first. She was 3.5 years when my twin girls were born. The age gap is perfect for us. DD1 is more independent and is really good with the twins.

Even though this may be obvious having one baby is SO much easier than two. At least for me! So if you have twins first adding one baby later could be a breeze.

mrs.peeps · August 2014

I think that this is such a hard question to answer. My DH was very happy as a family of 4 but I wanted one more. We had to do an IUI to become pregnant with our first set so we assumed that we would need to see our RE to become pregnant again. When the girls turned one we started talking about going back to the RE (I was ready, my DH wanted to wait until the girls turned 2, but he still wasn't convinced that he wanted more). So we were shocked when we found out that we became pregnant on our own (the g/g twins were 15 mo old) and of course we were beyond shocked that it was twins again. At the time we were so overwhelmed but now I can't imagine our family without our b/g set.

I don't have any real advice except that if you do decide to try again you will figure out how to juggle everything. My struggle is trying to find time to spend with each kid individually, with my DH , with my friends and even find some time alone. Now that the kids are a little older I've found a balance (some days are better than others) and I'm sure you will too!

PGwithNo3 · August 2014

CNYBride05 said:

I want a 3rd, but not really a 3rd and 4th and our girls were spontaneous ID twins from a single embryo transfer, so I'm a little timid... My husband is perfectly content with our amazing duo. And there's the $$ issue for sure!

We have B/G twins that we conceived with injectcibles+IUI. I would love a 3rd but I don't want another set of twins. The RE suggested IVF with 1 egg and I said no. We are trying IUIs again as 1 IVF would use up my IF coverage in 1 shot.

For me, I wanted a bigger age gap and we will have 5 years. I also have no help. I work FT and don't want to be overwhelmed so we decided on 4 years minimum (but now we have IF, again).

Wishing35 · August 2014

We used IUI and clomid to conceive our girls. They where born in August and I was pregnant by Febuary after having sex maybe 2 times! We werent activly trying although not preventing, I really thought we would need assistance again and it was a total- but happy shock. I sometimes wonder if we should have waited longer because already the girls have to share our attention but I think in a few years I will be happy that we had them all close together. I think if you want to have more there may not be a "perfect" time, you just have to think about it and make the choice thats right for your family.

megs2011 · August 2014

We always thought we would be done at 2 kids. We got pregnant with spontaneous identical girls. I told DH that I didn't feel like our family was complete and he didn't want anymore. He was happy with our family of 4. Then he changed his mind and I went back to 2 is fine with me. Well we had 1 night of unprotected sex abs boom pregnant. The girls were 15 months old at the time. I'm currently 34 weeks pg with baby boy. Ideally I would have liked to wait till the girls were closer to 3 when squish was to arrived but I'm sure as they get older this gap will be a nice size. I'm thinKing 1 baby will be easy after dealing with 2 at the same time.

caden · August 2014

Honestly, if my kids did not need ST I probably would have TTC (via IVF) again. That said, now that my kids are almost 4 and starting school FT it's way easier having just 2, esp at the same age. I feel like I'm finally getting my life back. Also we are vacationing more and it's much easier with 4 people than 5+. We are looking at cruises and hotel rooms abroad (we live in Asia) and many room occupancies are 4 max unless you really want to spend a fortune. Vacations would not be the deciding factor of course. I just mention it because it was an unexpected "con" for having 1+ more.

owlet3 · August 2014

My b/g 6 year olds have an almost 4yr old brother. Cons: Three kids under 3 was tiring. The two toddlers were not really old enough to help, or were able to do too many things independently, of course. The new baby slows you down-here you are getting your first taste of independence with the old ones, starting to sit down and actually have full conversations with your friends again, the kids have better reasoning skills---potty trained. And then you are back at it again. All three of mine shared a room until the big kids turned 5 ---and I think they really loved that. I have this feeling---and it will never leave me that I was better to my youngest then to my first two when they were babies. I feel without the singleton I would never have felt sad about their babyhood. I don't know if other moms of three with twins first feel this way. You are juggling needs in the beginning and I just don't feel I nurtured or bonded to them as early as my singleton. Maybe I did and just don't remember because you are under that multiples fog for awhile. Which leads me to the pros. Pros Having another baby gave me a shot to see what it was like to care for one and I am so glad I had that experience, even if at times i feel oddly sad over it. The little one is close enough in age to share experiences. I don't think the younger one has ever felt left out or couldn't hang with his big siblings. They all play together. They share friends. That said I always wanted my kids to be close in age. But my brother and I are 8 years apart and we are very close. So I don't think there is a perfect age. Within reason, all spacing has its benefits.

KDR1979 · August 2014

Before infertility, DH & I said we'd have 3 kids and consider a 4th. Then...we went through 12 embryos over 5 transfers. We FINALLY had b/g twins after the 5th embryo transfer! They turned 2 in April. I didn't feel "done" after having them, but also knew how lucky we were to have kids at all. I have been asking my friends, "How do you know when you are done having kids?" Everyone is so different...and it is even harder for us because we really don't get to make the decisions since we need IVF to conceive. Even if we had a singleton (instead of twins), we would not have gone back for another fresh IVF cycle because we've spent WAY too much money on infertility and we're still paying off our student loans.

I upgraded to an SUV with a 3rd row when I was pregnant with the twins. We've made a lot of plans for the future (like taking a big Disney trip when they turn 5). Well, we had 1 frozen embryo left from the same IVF cycle that gave us our twins. We knew we would use it b/c it didn't feel right not using it (ie-donating to science, another couple, etc). It had a 65% chance of surviving thaw and if it survived thaw, a 27-30% chance of pregnancy. Well, it seems to have worked! My beta on Monday was over 600 and I have an ultrasound on 8/25. We are shocked! We really didn't think it would work. If this really means we are having a 3rd baby, we are happy and excited....but also didn't really see it happening! So, now that SUV that we thought would accommodate 3 kids before we actually had any...is too small for 3 kids in rear facing car seats....and our house would also get even smaller with a 3rd child in it! That Disney trip we were planning will be VERY different if we are also celebrating a 2nd birthday when the twins turn 5 (I am due the week of their 3rd birthday).

So, I think the answer is different for everyone. I definitely have no interest in going through a fresh IVF cycle EVER again! It was such a stressful time for us. But, if we won the mega millions and could easily afford it (and night nurses and nannies), maybe I would change my mind.

mirnb · August 2014

I haven't been around in a while (due to having our third child) but like others have said it is a personal decision. Our third son was born on the day our older boys turned 2.5. I thought that was a nice spread but in retrospect a little bit longer I think would have been better….at 2.5 they want to be independent but they aren't quite ready, they need to be potty trained or are in the process, they still struggle with jealousy which I think would not have been such an issue if they were a bit older…don't get me wrong I love our family and I know this is the way things are supposed to be but most days are pretty exhausting for my husband and I! This too shall pass but go in with your eyes wide open, yes one baby is easier but its still hard and you have the needs of the other 2 as well. As a mom it is easy to feel pulled in many different directions all day every day!

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