OP, just want to say I'm sorry you've received so many ignorant responses and I hope you are able to come to a decision that works for you and your family. Very best of luck.
I think you need to really rethink your priorities. This is a human life you are ready to just flush away because you are worried about what your family will think? And no offense, but who cares about a wedding? It's one day vs. your baby's entire life of memories. Quit letting it stress you out. You created a human life, take responsibility for it. If you aren't ready to grow up and make being parents work, give the baby up to someone who can. There are waaaaay too many couples out there that want so badly to be parents but can't. Think about it. I could say a lot more, but I will stop here.
Did you really use the term flush? Wow, you are just a special kind of dumb aren't you?
I think you need to really rethink your priorities. This is a human life you are ready to just flush away because you are worried about what your family will think? And no offense, but who cares about a wedding? It's one day vs. your baby's entire life of memories. Quit letting it stress you out. You created a human life, take responsibility for it. If you aren't ready to grow up and make being parents work, give the baby up to someone who can. There are waaaaay too many couples out there that want so badly to be parents but can't. Think about it. I could say a lot more, but I will stop here.
Did you really use the term flush? Wow, you are just a special kind of dumb aren't you?
I did, didn't I? I just love all of the swearing and name calling that goes on here. It' s like high school all over again FUN! You all are going to set some great examples for your children!
You mean we should all set examples of being narrow-minded instead? Because I would much rather my child curse like a sailor.
I think it was taken MUCH worse than I meant it by many others, but regardless, I don't want anyone to feel put down by anything I say here. Never was it or would that be my intention.
~~~Big brother 11.29.05 & Little Brother 6.18.09~~~
I just wanted to say that things weren't ideal for us either. My now husband and I were engaged but in a really rough place when we found out I was pregnant, and for a few weeks I was teetering on the idea of having an abortion because I didn't want to be a single mom, thinking he might leave me. But we knew what we had to do and got our shit together and here I am sitting in my glider with my 10 week old sleeping on my arm with a titty in his mouth and wanting to punch 10-week-pregnant me in the face for even considering that because I love my boy so much and I love the crap out of his daddy. I don't regret it for a second. That's just my two cents.
I think you need to really rethink your priorities. This is a human life you are ready to just flush away because you are worried about what your family will think? And no offense, but who cares about a wedding? It's one day vs. your baby's entire life of memories. Quit letting it stress you out. You created a human life, take responsibility for it. If you aren't ready to grow up and make being parents work, give the baby up to someone who can. There are waaaaay too many couples out there that want so badly to be parents but can't. Think about it. I could say a lot more, but I will stop here.
For some reason I find this hysterically funny, I am imagining this lady sitting all huffy at her desk surrounded by plastic fetus dolls that they hand out while protesting in front of abortion clinics. This is why I can't take pro-life people seriously anymore.
LOL.
Not to mention the idiocy behind the comment about there being so many couples willing to take a child. Really. Then why are so many in foster care and never get adopted? Oh.
I was also going to make a comment about all the children waiting to be adopted! I'm not saying it's a bad decision, I'm just saying not all children that are given up are adopted. Adoption is seriously expensive and not everyone that wants a child can afford that.
That being said...
OP, you have a few choices, none of them easy. Others have given you a lot to think about. Of course, only you and your FI can make the decision. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best. Good luck to both of you!
Oh, I have to give advice to the OP to respond? My bad. OP- Ignore the fuckwads that are acting holier than thou about you being unsure of how to proceed, and sit down and decide with your SO what is your best course of action. For some there may not ever be a perfect time, but there are absolutely times when adding a baby to the mix would be such a financial and emotional upheaval that it is an absolutely awful idea and could literally ruin your life. Whether you are in that place or not is yours to decide.
Just because others have made different decisions and there are others that would welcome a baby doesn't mean you have to be overjoyed. This is a major life event and will literally change your entire life. There is nothing wrong with being concerned about that and having reservations. Please do not let someone else's misguided attempt at shaming you into making what was the right decision for her weigh heavily or make you feel guilty for whatever you decide is right.
Only you and your husband can make this decision, don't let expectations of what friends or family may think sway that. I mean if you took that into account they may be upset you had an abortion before and were considering one again, ya know? You don't know what their opinions may or may not be and honestly their opinions shouldn't matter here.
If you decide to have another abortion just remember you can never take that back, though you know that since it would be your 2nd. I would definitely take more precautions with birth control from here on out so you don't end up in this position again. if you decide to keep it, obviously that's quite a commitment, a lifetimes worth. We planned our first 2 children and this 3rd BFP was a total surprise. It's definitely been harder on me mentally, but I know it will be OK, they will just be closer in age than we originally had planned for.
Best of luck to you with whatever you and your fiancé decide.
Well I'm pregnant at sixteen. I'm a honers student and was terrified when I told my mother. The day after I told her she came around and was actually kind of excited. My boyfriend has been with me through thick and thin and I know with the help of the both of them though there not to fond of each other we will have a happy healthy (hopefully small) baby lol and maybe they will bond in the future
Well I'm pregnant at sixteen. I'm a honers student and was terrified when I told my mother. The day after I told her she came around and was actually kind of excited. My boyfriend has been with me through thick and thin and I know with the help of the both of them though there not to fond of each other we will have a happy healthy (hopefully small) baby lol and maybe they will bond in the future
I call shenanigans. You cannot be "a honers" student and write like this. I won't even touch the other ridiculousness of your post.
Hey, I'm having an unexpected pregnancy, too! Things weren't great with my boo, but we don't believe in abortion so we're having a baby! Mom is going to raise it - awesome! I hope my baby doesn't rip my vag!!
Hey, I'm having an unexpected pregnancy, too! Things weren't great with my boo, but we don't believe in abortion so we're having a baby! Mom is going to raise it - awesome! I hope my baby doesn't rip my vag!!
Well I'm pregnant at sixteen. I'm a honers student and was terrified when I told my mother. The day after I told her she came around and was actually kind of excited. My boyfriend has been with me through thick and thin and I know with the help of the both of them though there not to fond of each other we will have a happy healthy (hopefully small) baby lol and maybe they will bond in the future
Whew! I just read through this whole thing. What a shit show!
OP - I am guessing you won't come back, and if you do I hope you don't read much past page 2 because it will just stress you out with the decision you are trying to make...In the off chance that you do read my comment: my advice is to really get your SO to discuss this with you, maybe even with a counselor. It sounds like he is trying to take the easy way out by having the decision be completely yours when it needs to be made by both of you. There is no way that he can truly be "neutral" and quite frankly he comes across as immature in the way that he is leaving the decision up to you. Having a counselor help mediate your discussion might be needed.
To everyone else - I don't even know where to begin...I will say that it is really stupid to tell someone who is pregnant that they should have had better birth control. How is that advice really relevant? It's not exactly feasible to go back in time and fix it.
This is a heavy decision. My advice is: No time is ever perfect. We make it perfect.
There are times that are a lot more perfect and times that are damn near detrimental to a person. That's not for anyone but the parents to decide. If your life is in shambles it's not that easy to just "make it perfect."
OP, you sound like a very good friend I know. Getting married in November, just moved into an apartment, and just found stable jobs (same age too- I'm secretly wondering if you're her now).
If she were to come to me, and ask for advice, I would of strongly suggested to her to keep the baby. Yes, it might be financially difficult at first, but it seems like you and DH have a good head on your shoulders. We made it work in our 1 bedroom apartment with our 1st- and it's not the first time that's ever happened. Their's never a right time to have a baby, but you can try to be prepared as possible before it gets here. And, I wouldn't think about your family either. I think they would be more heartbroken if they found out you had an abortion versus a baby out of wedlock 3 months from your wedding. If you want to PM me, I will gladly talk to you. I wish you the best.
And FYI: I've had two abortions. One at 18 that was forced on me by my parents, and one at 31 because I was raped and....get this .... ON THE FUCKING PILL.
I said I would side eye anyone who had more than one oops whether they kept the baby or not. I like how you think you can tell me what my beliefs are. People can choose whatever they want, but at some point you need to be held accountable for your actions. I don't think anyone wants to see someone have abortion month after month and use that as their birth control. And if you use the pill and condoms you can pretty much prevent pregnancy ALMOST 100%
This irritates me. 3 of my 5 were "oopses". My first two, I was married and on the pill. 99.9% effective my ass. #3 I was in a long-term relationship and on the shot. Yup....
And FYI: I've had two abortions. One at 18 that was forced on me by my parents, and one at 31 because I was raped and....get this .... ON THE FUCKING PILL.
I said I would side eye anyone who had more than one oops whether they kept the baby or not. I like how you think you can tell me what my beliefs are. People can choose whatever they want, but at some point you need to be held accountable for your actions. I don't think anyone wants to see someone have abortion month after month and use that as their birth control. And if you use the pill and condoms you can pretty much prevent pregnancy ALMOST 100%
This irritates me. 3 of my 5 were "oopses". My first two, I was married and on the pill. 99.9% effective my ass. #3 I was in a long-term relationship and on the shot. Yup....
And FYI: I've had two abortions. One at 18 that was forced on me by my parents, and one at 31 because I was raped and....get this .... ON THE FUCKING PILL.
I am sorry.
I had one, as well. I was 24 and not in a place where I was sane enough to have a child. I was also on the pill at that time.
Re: need advice, unsure about pregnancy
Yes, you proved my point. Good job!
I apologize for the harshness of my opinion. Good luck with your decision.
I think it was taken MUCH worse than I meant it by many others, but regardless, I don't want anyone to feel put down by anything I say here. Never was it or would that be my intention.
If you decide to have another abortion just remember you can never take that back, though you know that since it would be your 2nd. I would definitely take more precautions with birth control from here on out so you don't end up in this position again. if you decide to keep it, obviously that's quite a commitment, a lifetimes worth. We planned our first 2 children and this 3rd BFP was a total surprise. It's definitely been harder on me mentally, but I know it will be OK, they will just be closer in age than we originally had planned for.
Best of luck to you with whatever you and your fiancé decide.
(hopefully small) baby lol
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Whew! I just read through this whole thing. What a shit show!
OP - I am guessing you won't come back, and if you do I hope you don't read much past page 2 because it will just stress you out with the decision you are trying to make...In the off chance that you do read my comment: my advice is to really get your SO to discuss this with you, maybe even with a counselor. It sounds like he is trying to take the easy way out by having the decision be completely yours when it needs to be made by both of you. There is no way that he can truly be "neutral" and quite frankly he comes across as immature in the way that he is leaving the decision up to you. Having a counselor help mediate your discussion might be needed.
To everyone else - I don't even know where to begin...I will say that it is really stupid to tell someone who is pregnant that they should have had better birth control. How is that advice really relevant? It's not exactly feasible to go back in time and fix it.
I am sorry.
I had one, as well. I was 24 and not in a place where I was sane enough to have a child. I was also on the pill at that time.