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November 2014 Moms
People with long distance visitors (especially parents and in-laws)
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Re: People with long distance visitors (especially parents and in-laws)
But I also worked at hospital for 9 years, MIL was head trauma social worker, my mother was the charge nurse over ER so it was like a hospital event. Ha
@missnacholover that sounds very reasonable!
I was more curious as to who would be updating TB or rather there LB regarding labor and progress but not telling the family there in labor. That's all
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I assume it's because we can't stalk the hospital
She initially says to me that she and my FIL want to book their flights for Thanksgiving weekend. I patiently explained to her that while baby is in fact due 11.28, most likely he or she will not make an appearance for at least a week or so after that as I have read first time babies tend to come late and what a shame it would be if they came and went again without even meeting the baby because he or she didn't come yet. I recommended they book flights for mid December if they want to come see the baby. My MIL honestly looked at me like I had two heads and said, "but the baby is due the 28th. And Thanksgiving is what works for us because we have time off." We went around and around on this. I wanted to explode. This is her fourth grandchild so she should know how this works and know that I can't just magically pop a baby out to suit her timeline, but that's essentially what she was asking me to do. So I finally had to have DH talk to his mother and explain and he says she sort of got it. So now they are planning on coming mid December, but I told DH that it's really best if they stay in a hotel. Our home is tiny, tight quarters, bedrooms super close together and only one bathroom. It would just be easier and better for everyone for them to have their own space to go to at night (at least they can get some sleep that way because I'm sure we won't be getting any...) and they can come over during the day to help out or whatever. But now DH is all worried it's going to hurt their feelings being asked to stay in a hotel! I don't know what to tell him. I just can't imagine being expected to play hostess to my in laws when I am postpartum, recovering from the train wreck that is delivery, sleep deprived, and learning how to breast feed. I don't know how to do ANY of this and the idea of having in laws staying with us overnight in our tiny house while trying to figure it all out just sounds like a recipe for disaster. I know that to be at my best and to take care of the baby I'm going to need that space and that it isn't going to go well if they stay with us. Do you guys think this is mean or unreasonable? I go back and forth between feeling justified and angry to guilty and then back again. They were just so clueless about the whole baby due date/when to visit thing, I'm worried they will do the same thing when I tell them they aren't staying with us. I'm worried they will say stuff like, "we just want to help out," or "why don't you want us around?" Uuuugh. The whole thing stresses me out. On a more positive note, I guess at least I don't have to worry about them being there for L & D because they will be too far away. Sorry for the long rant. I'm feeling a lot of random and unexplained hormonal rage today especially and this has really been stressing me out! To the rest of you planning ahead to give yourself time and space when baby is born to get your head on straight- don't feel bad! I think you are being smart to think ahead to this. So many family members just tend to forget how damn hard it is in those initial first few weeks because it's been so long since they have done it themselves. (Again, not speaking
from experience but this is just what I hear.)
Edited for spelling because apparently I can't spell.
My family lives a 4 hour plane ride away and my in laws live 3 hours by car away. When I go into labor it will be DH and I, which makes me think it might be easier to handle but a HUGE part of me kind of wishes my mom could be there. She is a single mom and I am her only child, this will be her first grandchild and she is so excited.
We have been talking about when to schedule her plane ticket for since we don't want her to get here too early and have to extend or miss more work if the baby is late. I think that since I am due on the 19th and the following week is crazy Thanksgiving traveling week that we will opt for her coming the first week in December. That way we can be sure LO would have arrived.
As far as my ILs my MIL has taken a week off for around the time of the due date of her other 2 grandkids. Not sure if she plans to do the same, but it would be a mess in our house if both families were there at the same time. They get along great it is just A LOT of people. Since my mom is so far away, I want her to be able to get some 1:1 time with the baby before she has to go back to Florida.
I am sure we will figure it out, I would just say if you have similar situations don't be afraid to speak up and let the families know what your preference would be. I am sure most families would understand.