February 2015 Moms

Loss.

I had my first ultrasound today. I wasn't the least bit excited, just nervous because that's how I always am. I think I do that because somehow I subconsciously believe that it's going to prevent bad things from happening.

Well, it didn't work because my worst fears were realized. As soon as she put the ultrasound thingy (paddle?) on my belly, I knew it was bad. You couldn't see anything. I'm supposed to be 11 weeks along. She started asking me if I was sure about my last period and if my periods were regular. She said I looked way earlier than the dates I had given them and that in order to see anything, she needed to do the internal US.

I immediately started crying and asked if somethibg was wrong. But she wouldn't tell me anything. She said people are off with their dates all the time. When she did the internal one, she snapped some photos and measured. She said I looked about 5 weeks and 5 days along. There was no heartbeat. Of course, if I was only 5 weeks along, it would be too early to see a heartbeat. But I know that's not possible. I'm fairly certain I had a positive pee test more than 5 weeks ago.

She sent me to this room where I waited for 45 minutes to see a dr. I already knew what had happened and I was expecting the dr to confirm it. It was hard to sit there that long waiting on the inevitable. But instead she just came in and said the same thing the us tech said. They made me another appt for 2 weeks ahead for another us. But she wouldn't come out and say that there wasn't much of a chance. It was like she was afraid to be honest with me.

I am so heartbroken. I didn't even expect to get pregnant so early after getting married, although I'll admit that I wasn't being very cautious. But once I found out, I was so excited. It was all I thought about. Now that it's gone... I know it isn't my fault, but I feel like such a failure. Hubby was really excited too and ended up telling more people than I wanted. I wasn't mad because it meant a lot to me how excited he was to start a family. But now we have to tell them all. It sounds silly, but I feel like I've let everyone down.

What sucks is that I have continued to have pregnancy symptoms. This morning, I had ms. I still feel pregnant. Only I guess I'm not really.

I guess I'm going to get a second us, but I think I'm going to go to a different dr. My experience today really left a bad taste in my mouth. I'm not holding out any hope, but I think it's a good idea to make sure. I just wish my dr would have been more direct. You'd think they would be better at delivering bad news...I'm sure it isn't the first time.

Anyway, keep me in your thoughts. I've really taken this hard and a few good wishes couldn't hurt. :/
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Re: Loss.

  • I'm so sorry you had such a rough appointment! T&Ps that everything turns out ok.
    Married 11.6.2010
    DS born 12.26.2012
    BFP 6.11.14 - EDD 2.25.15
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  • I'm so sorry

    But remember you are NOT a failure
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    IVF#1 - BFP 6/18/13 - Tommy born sleeping 10/1/13

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  • I'm so sorry you're going through this ((hugs))
    j & m
    married July 2012
    My Angel - Amelia Hope - 3/13/14, 22 weeks
    BFP #2 - 6/10/14     Hoping for our rainbow baby    due February 2015

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  • Your in my thoughts! I know how hard and upsetting this can be! Trust me!! I have 1 5 1/2 yr old son and I'm on my 6th pregnancy now!
    Quick question - did she order a HGC blood test?? Also if you left not feeling like answers were questioned and stuff then call tomorrow and ask for someone else. Also they can get a heart beat at 6weeks so if you are measuring 5, they should see you at least next week( to see if heart beat or even to see if sadly you are loosing this one) if call, ask for 2nd opinion now! And if you didn't get a HGC maybe see into that. They can take one now and again later to see how your #'s are going.

    Please please try not to get so upset, relax and try to stay positive still. I know how hard it is! Trust me! Maybe have hubby give you a back rub!
    Do you have pain? Blood?

    Thoughts are with you, I'm so very sorry
  • I'm sorry! This is a tough thing to go through. ((hugs)) Take care of yourself!
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  • You are not a failure. Don't even think that. I felt like that a lot after as well, but you are not a failure. Whatever your outcome is please take care of yourself. I am here to listen if you need to talk.
    "As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen." -Winnie The Pooh

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  • You are in my thoughts!



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    Kylee Elizabeth 11/19/09
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    Married the love of my life 1/7/06




  • Please know that you and your husband are in my heart and prayers. ((Hugs))
  • I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself and if you can see another Dr I would.
    ~I give up. No siggie for me~
  • Thoughts and prayers.

    PP was right. No matter what you are not a failure. Take care of yourself.
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  • I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope your next visit is less stressful and whatever the outcome, I hope you get your baby in the next year! ((Hugs))
  • I am so sorry you are going through this. You and your husband will be in my T&P's.
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  • I'm so sorry. You did not fail. Take care of yourself.
  • I am so very sorry. T&Ps for you and your husband.
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  • I'm so sorry you're going thru this. You'll be in my thoughts. Hugs to you.
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  • I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself! >:D<

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  • I'm so sorry for your loss
    -------------------------------
    Sarah, 35 bumping from NE Ohio
    Married my love 4/22/2006
    DD born 10/12/2009
    DS born sleeping 2/23/2013 full trisomy 18
    Baby 3 due 2/13/2015
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  • I'm so, so sorry ((hugs))

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  • I'm so sorry.  Sending you T&P.
    Our first little one is getting big!
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  • ((Hugs)). I'm so sorry for your loss.
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    TTC since 3/2011 Adenomyosis, LPD, hypothyroidism. 
    BFP on 7/20/12 after 4 cycles Clomid + IUI 
    2 large subchorionic hematomas & no heartbeat at 7w6d   
    D&E 8/18/12 Sonohysterography found septum and necrotic tissue.   
    Hysteroscopy to remove both 10/5
    IUI #5-7 50mg Clomid + trigger = BFN  
    IUI #8 Femara + Bravelle + HCG + Progesterone = BFP 3/27/13
    Beta 1 (13dpo) = 169  Beta 2 (17dpo) = 1073  No heartbeat at 9w3d. 
    D & C 5/10/13  Triploidy 69 (paternal inherited)
    IVF #1 with ICSI and PGS 11R 8M 5F 2 biopsied/frozen
    PGS results = 1 with trisomy 13 & 1 good embryo for FET 
    FET #1 EV, estrace, nitro patches.  Cancelled due to thin lining
    FET #1.2 oral estrace, f'ing nitro patches and no delestrogen.  Transfer 12/31. BFN
    PAIF/SAIF welcome
    Surprise BFP on 6/13/14  Our only unmedicated bfp ever.
    Beta #1 339  Beta #2 649 44 hour doubling time
  • I am so sorry :(  You are in my thoughts and prayers!
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  • So so sorry. I went through the same thing this winter. Everything you're feeling is totally normal and just know there will be a day when you'll feel better. I don't think I'll ever get rid of the guilt feeling. It's inexplicable because in our heads we know it's not possible. Hang in there. Don't give up hope yet. Wishing you all the best.
  • Thank you all for your kind words.
  • So sorry! :( You are in my T&Ps!
  • Prayers to you. So sorry you're going through this.
  • I'm so sorry, I will keep you in my T&P.


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  • Im sorry. The limbo of not having a definate answer always is hard. Wait a few weeks and see what they say. Also like mentioned are they testing you hcg levels? Theyre suppose to be because theyre suppose to double every two days. If you feel like your questions werent answered call them back and if you still dont get answers call them switch doctors.
    Pregnancy #1 DD 08.30.2007
    Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014
    Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015
    Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019
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  • I'm so sorry you are going through this.

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  • I'm so sorry. Thoughts and prayers..

    ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
    Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive.  Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)

    DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN  DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!


     

     

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  • Sending thoughts and payers your way .



  • Thoughts and prayers for you as you sit in this waiting time.
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  • Thinking of you!
  • So sorry! T&P to your and your DH!
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  • I'm so sorry...T&Ps are with you during this very difficult time.


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  • So sorry to hear this :(
  • So sorry...T&P to you.
  • So sorry.  T&P



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  • I'm praying for the best for you momma.
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  • I'm so sorry for what you are going through, you are in my thoughts.
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  • I'm sorry. Take care, it's not your fault. 
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