December 2014 Moms
norweigan
member
Dealing with cousin rivalry
norweigan
member
I have a feeling my baby's cousins aren't too excited about his arrival.
A little background:
My husband is 1 of 7, 5 boys and 2 girls. It is a very "boy" family, where all the guys are very masculine, played/now always watch sports, ect. They all live within 20 minutes of each other and my inlaws, and are all very close. Out of those 7 came 7 nieces, ranging from almost 3-9 years old. No nephews. My baby is going to be the first boy.
My husband is 1 of 7, 5 boys and 2 girls. It is a very "boy" family, where all the guys are very masculine, played/now always watch sports, ect. They all live within 20 minutes of each other and my inlaws, and are all very close. Out of those 7 came 7 nieces, ranging from almost 3-9 years old. No nephews. My baby is going to be the first boy.
Those 7 girls are also very close. The ones closest in age are best friends. They all play together, and see each other all the time. They have also been pretty spoiled by their grandparents. Their grandparents like to take them on trips and buy them gifts all the time. My FIL was even going to buy 2 of them a new piano recently, until it got nixed by their mother because they didn't have enough room. They are used to having a lot of attention from my MIL and FIL.
Well, everyone is very excited for the first boy. It would be the same if there had been 7 boys and this was the first girl. However, I've noticed the girls seemed to not be all that excited. For instance, when we would start talking about me being pregnant or getting ready for the baby, their demeanor would change and sometimes they would even walk away. My 5 year old niece once said her 8 year old cousin wasn't all that excited for her birthday this year, because my baby is due 2 days before her birthday. I am pretty sure that the 5 year old didn't make that up herself, and had heard it from the 8 year old. They also all talked about how they all wanted another girl.
I do have to say the almost 3 year old does seem excited. She always asks about the baby, talks about how she is going to be able to hold him when he comes out, and even pats my belly.
So last night, I asked one of our nieces (who is also my husband's God-daughter and is 7) if she was excited about getting a new cousin. She said not really. She then went on to say that she isn't going to get any respect from him. Her dad, who was sitting right there, added that they were all nervous that the new boy was now going to get all the attention. I know I can't take what she said too seriously, but I am worried that their is going to be some rivalry with the baby.
I didn't know if someone has dealt with this kind of thing before, and if so what did they do? I don't want the girls to feel like the family is going to see my baby any differently than them. I want him to have the same type of relationship with them as they already have with each other. I don't want him to be excluded from cousin time because he is the only boy.
Sorry this is so long. Any advice?
Married 5/12/12
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Re: Dealing with cousin rivalry
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My nephew was the only grandchild on my side for 3 years. He was very excited for my son to arrive. He talked about it all the time. Push come to shove, baby arrived. He was NOT excited at all. He would not talk to me for an entire month! Would not come near me, give me a hug, high five etc and we were VERY close before this. He was jealous of the baby being my new priority. He was jealous about sharing his grandparents etc. Fast forward a month. Once I was able to leave my son for an hour I took him out to lunch. We talked. He got his attention and knew I'd always love him. Now he is obsessed with my son and they are best friends even at 1 and 4 years old.
Maybe after your son is born you can do something special with the girls to prove they still get attention and won't be forgotten about etc.... Can be small, just a "girls lunch" no boys allowed.