Dealing with cousin rivalry

norweigan

I have a feeling my baby's cousins aren't too excited about his arrival.

A little background:
My husband is 1 of 7, 5 boys and 2 girls. It is a very "boy" family, where all the guys are very masculine, played/now always watch sports, ect. They all live within 20 minutes of each other and my inlaws, and are all very close. Out of those 7 came 7 nieces, ranging from almost 3-9 years old. No nephews. My baby is going to be the first boy. 

Those 7 girls are also very close. The ones closest in age are best friends. They all play together, and see each other all the time. They have also been pretty spoiled by their grandparents. Their grandparents like to take them on trips and buy them gifts all the time. My FIL was even going to buy 2 of them a new piano recently, until it got nixed by their mother because they didn't have enough room. They are used to having a lot of attention from my MIL and FIL.

Well, everyone is very excited for the first boy. It would be the same if there had been 7 boys and this was the first girl. However, I've noticed the girls seemed to not be all that excited. For instance, when we would start talking about me being pregnant or getting ready for the baby, their demeanor would change and sometimes they would even walk away. My 5 year old niece once said her 8 year old cousin wasn't all that excited for her birthday this year, because my baby is due 2 days before her birthday. I am pretty sure that the 5 year old didn't make that up herself, and had heard it from the 8 year old. They also all talked about how they all wanted another girl. 

I do have to say the almost 3 year old does seem excited. She always asks about the baby, talks about how she is going to be able to hold him when he comes out, and even pats my belly.

So last night, I asked one of our nieces (who is also my husband's God-daughter and is 7) if she was excited about getting a new cousin. She said not really. She then went on to say that she isn't going to get any respect from him. Her dad, who was sitting right there, added that they were all nervous that the new boy was now going to get all the attention. I know I can't take what she said too seriously, but I am worried that their is going to be some rivalry with the baby.

I didn't know if someone has dealt with this kind of thing before, and if so what did they do? I don't want the girls to feel like the family is going to see my baby any differently than them. I want him to have the same type of relationship with them as they already have with each other. I don't want him to be excluded from cousin time because he is the only boy. 

Sorry this is so long. Any advice?

JaymeeLH

No advice, but in a somewhat similar situation, our daughter will be the second grandchild on H's side and the first new one in 8 years. His niece is used to being the baby of the family and the center of attention. She gets really weird whenever we talk about the baby and she cried when we found out we're having a girl. She's always been the apple of H's eye and I know it's only going to get worse when our little girl becomes the center of his world. It wouldn't bother me too much if she wasn't a spoiled, vindictive little brat (she hit one of her cousins on her moms side with a baseball bat during a disagreement).

hellopartyof5

That's really hard and I almost feel like their parents are the ones that really need to let them know that everythings still going to be great and theyll still get attention.  Maybe once baby is here try and see the girls one by one rather than all together and give them tasks to help with the baby? For the younger ones maybe small presents from the baby much like people do for older siblings?  Thats a tough position to be in, but I'm sure once everything calms down after the baby is born the girls will be fine don't stress too much about this! I'm sure if they really start acting up their parents will interfere and the problem will be dealt with.  It's nice of you to be so concerned about your nieces!

Heidig14

It sounds to me that they are just nervous about things being different. I'm sure once the baby comes they will all adore him. My nephew apparently our of they blue last night said to my parents, "are you guys happy?" they had no idea what he was getting at, but he went on to say that he was so upset that he is getting a baby girl cousin. That he wanted a boy cousin so they could wrestle and do "boy things".

norweigan

twolittledogs said:

ehhhh, they are kids. Babies are not that interesting to them, yet.

My 3 year old and I have this conversation often:
Me: Do you want a brother or sister?
Her: I want a brother.
Me: Oh, so you want a boy like (cousin X)?
Her: strange look on her face: No, I want a girl.
Me: Well, that means you'll have a sister.
Her: NO I DON'T WANT A SISTER. I want a brother.
Go four lines up and repeat the conversation.

So you're telling me I might be concerned about nothing? Story of my pregnancy...

mcr957

Within my family, we had a similar issue (although to a lesser degree since it was fewer children involved). My suggestion would be to have your husband talk to his siblings and parents (perhaps as two separate groups). My siblings and I have group meetings very often about different things and I've found them pretty helpful. I think it would be helpful for your husband to hear how his nieces are feeling (since they may be speaking more at home than around you both) and for them to brainstorm as a group how they can help the kids see the positive and make the transition a bit easier. It would be the same with the grandparents. That way, whatever positive messages you are communicating, can be reinforced by all groups. But yes, most of them are very young so it will take time. 

Once the baby arrives, you can involve them more and I'm sure they'll feel differently. I would also recommend getting them very small gifts from the baby to show how excited he is to have so many cousins (esp for the birthday girl). 

lionyloo32

I don't think you should worry too much. Little girls love babies. And they will love this baby, they just don't know it yet. I would also talk to the parents and ask if they had any similar behavior when the last niece, or the one before that was due. I'm betting they did. 

You will have to keep in mind though that at some point the relationship will be different, simply because he's a boy and they're all girls. Their interests may not be the same, and that's okay. 

norweigan

Thanks for the advice everyone. It does make me feel better. 

Shortstack06

I was 19 when my niece and nephew were born, I hate to say it but my sister totally favors her son and it is noticeable to me ( even now when they are 8). I have always overcompensated with her, I know it doesn't make it right, but that little girl is amazing. When I told her I was pregnant, she broke down into hysterics that I would love her less. I am going to try to do one night a month where it is just her and I, but I know it is a hard promise to keep.

LaxMOM44

If it's any comfort my 3 year olde nephew was hysterical with my first pregnancy because He wanted me to have a panda baby. The panda at the zoo had just given birth and he wanted a panda baby cousin. For months he said he hated the baby because she wasn't a panda. They love each other now. Kids are weird.

AZMagnini14

My nephew was the only grandchild on my side for 3 years. He was very excited for my son to arrive. He talked about it all the time. Push come to shove, baby arrived. He was NOT excited at all. He would not talk to me for an entire month! Would not come near me, give me a hug, high five etc and we were VERY close before this. He was jealous of the baby being my new priority. He was jealous about sharing his grandparents etc. Fast forward a month. Once I was able to leave my son for an hour I took him out to lunch. We talked. He got his attention and knew I'd always love him. Now he is obsessed with my son and they are best friends even at 1 and 4 years old.

Maybe after your son is born you can do something special with the girls to prove they still get attention and won't be forgotten about etc.... Can be small, just a "girls lunch" no boys allowed.