Let's have a good laugh at those well intended responses!

ktabs · August 2014

We have all been through it... The awkward moment when you have to explain to people that you are having trouble conceiving. (Side note- I am not an open book. I have never posted any of my pregnancies or m/c on Facebook so this awkward situation happens pretty much anytime I run into people in person) Probably 90% of the time the first thing they say is "have you thought about adoption?". While I understand that most people aren't prepared with a genuinely good response, I just giggle with the adoption thing...Of course I have thought about adoption (and surrogate and etc etc)! My response is always "no, what is that?". It seems that it makes them realize what a silly question it is and then we have a good laugh and that awkward moment is over

So my question is- what silly things do you hear most often? Disclaimer- I am just having fun with a light topic. I am fortunate to have people care enough to ask and by no means do I mean to offend any of you lovely ladies

Justone13 · August 2014

I always get "oh you are stressing too much" or "just relax and it will happen". Throat punch!!! Sometimes I go into a long story on how we have been undergoing ivf and every gross detail I can think of just for the hell of it.

airidh80 · August 2014

DH and I don't discuss it with other people. Period. It's too hurtful for us. Whenever someone asks us when we're going to have kids, we just say, "We'll see," and change the subject.

Also the phrase "just adopt" makes me want to burn something to the ground. There is no such thing as "just" adopting, you know?

ktabs · August 2014

@juststone13 that's hilarious! I feel the same way!
@airidh80 I understand that. Everyone has their way and every way works!

I want to burn something to the ground when they say "maybe it's just not your time yet". That one warrants a less friendly response such as "oh and you think it was yours??"

Hpearl · August 2014

I honestly had someone compare our IF fight to her yeast infection. It was EXTREMELY hard not to make a face.

My second favorite, the monthly call I have gotten from my newlywed friends about how hard it is each month that they aren't pregnant yet. They got married in May. They can totally relate to me now...don't ya know?

CMH25 · August 2014

I always get the "relax and it will happen". I always remind them that stress does not cause infertility. Lol

I can usually breathe and remind myself that they have no idea... They get pregnant by accident. What I can't handle is complaints about being pregnant.

ktabs · August 2014

Quit stressing! Haha

How about "if you really want kids then take mine for a day. You won't want kids anymore!" (I wonder if people realize how insensitive that statement is. I had one friend call me a few days later saying she realized it and apologized profusely)

I want to say "maybe you just aren't a good parent" but I usually keep quiet on that one:)

calbiz · August 2014

I hear the most absurd things too! A nurse told me to take Geritol. Yes, a nurse! Worked for her, so it will certainly work for everybody!

A friend says things like don't do anything unnatural, it will happen. It's hard not to lose my cool when she gets preggers if a man sneezes on her. Infuriating . . .

Hpearl · August 2014

ktabs said:

Quit stressing! Haha How about "if you really want kids then take mine for a day. You won't want kids anymore!" (I wonder if people realize how insensitive that statement is. I had one friend call me a few days later saying she realized it and apologized profusely) I want to say "maybe you just aren't a good parent" but I usually keep quiet on that one:)

I am a preschool director.... and I find this one extremely tough as well.

scooteriste · August 2014

I've found that pretty much every insensitive comment or ridiculous question can be replied to with the immortal words of Sweet Brown, circa 2010. Allow me to demonstrate.

Q: Have you considered "just adopting"?
A: Ain't nobody got time for dat.

Q: Isn't there a 100% chance that those meds will give you cancer?
A: Ain't nobody got time for dat.

Q: My kids are driving me crazy, I should just lend you one for a day so you can see how awful it is.
A: Ain't NOBODY got time for DAT.

missmarypoppins · August 2014

The "just adopt" thing makes me fume. And every time anyone brings up our struggle (we've told quite a few people) they bring up adopting. And these are educated people were talking about. How can they be so ignorant about adopting that they think it's easy and inexpensive. Grrrr

CMH25 · August 2014

I once had a friend tell me about another person she knew who couldn't get pregnant and was undergoing infertility treatments. She then told me her opinion is that her friend can't get pregnant because she isn't meant to have kids and doesn't seem like mom material. I'm not sure our friendship has ever been the same.

Justone13 · August 2014

baby_blessings said:
No, I don't want to take your children, your children are little shits.

Hahahahahaha!!! I'm so using that next time!!

ktabs · August 2014

Aw thank you! I didn't do an intro post... Well, I did on my August group. I haven't figured out the social graces of this site yet! This is my first topic to discuss but I commented on the "holy moly" thread earlier! My name is Kristi and I am in Fort Worth (NOT Dallas!) I am 32 and married for 2ish years. I hadn't considered IVF until I woke up from surgery with an info packet on some trial program I qualify for. Now that I know more- I am very fortunate for this opportunity! I am on day 8 of Lupron and start Menopur tomorrow. My IF is due to blocked tubes. I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2007 but have been told I have no signs of it currently. I have "severe and recurring" endometriosis (fun stuff right there) but it seems to have taken a rest for the time being. I have had 2 m/c and 1 ectopic. As for the fun stuff- I am a pinterest addict I can bake like your grandmother but I can't make any dish involving chicken. I am a bit of a fashionista but in a super frugal way

My husband is 34 but looks like he is 44 (salt and pepper hair is sexy, IMO!) I have a chocolate lab mix, Maddie. She is nice enough to let us live in her house and sleep in her bed! I am OCD and ADD which is an entertaining mix Every career I have had is a naughty costume for Halloween- US Navy Sailor, Flight Attendant, Realtor (currently) and yes, they had a naughty real estate agent costume at party city this year... I have an unhealthy addiction to cheese flavored snacks (cheez-it's, Cheetos etc) Legsinstirrups would be my American Indian name if I belonged to a tribe Haha just a few things

I guess I need to do an actual intro?

ktabs · August 2014

And technology rejects me! I put double spaces in my post and it all ran together when it published! And my little group icon doesn't show up! My apologies to the grammar crazies of the group (like me). I promise I had proper punctuation and spacing but I am computer challenged!

ktabs · August 2014

CMH25 said:

I once had a friend tell me about another person she knew who couldn't get pregnant and was undergoing infertility treatments. She then told me her opinion is that her friend can't get pregnant because she isn't meant to have kids and doesn't seem like mom material. I'm not sure our friendship has ever been the same.

@Justone13‌ I think your approach would be totally appropriate in this particular situation! @CMH25‌ that is UNREAL!

HCAMP123 · August 2014

OMG, I want to tear my hair out when people tell me relax it will happen, or stop trying so hard. Oh, and EVERYONE know someone who was trying for xx months/years and eventually gets pregnant, dont try to relate to me when u dont wth this is like!

fjamil1 · August 2014

PREGNANCY MENTIONED

Three women in my family got pregnant after trying a natural medicine from my country, and got pregnant the following month. so I get alot of try this and you will get pregnant too. try eating fish and dates for the whole month and it will happen. now I tell them we have stopped trying, but in reality, we have moves to IVF. only my DH, his sisters,and my brother know we are going to be doing IVF. I didnt tell my mom, since she has a big mouth and will tell my aunt, who has even bigger mouth.

sweetpotato123 · August 2014

We have been fairly open, but I've had some interesting ones recently.

I saw a new esthetician who informed me to stop trying and it will happen. I told told her that it doesn't work that way for us. She then tried to read my palm, unsolicited, and said she "may" have seen one child line, but couldn't be sure.

My grandmother, very well meaning, but doesn't totally understand the process, thinks the best way to open a conversation with me is to ask how my "frozen litter of babies" are doing.

And my MIL, shortly after our ER, let me know she wasn't getting any younger and hoped IVF worked quickly.

I just have to laugh.

alpCRNA · August 2014

We get a lot of the just relax and it will happen and stories of people conceiving naturally after quitting treatment or deciding to adopt. Considering it is not unlikely but IMPOSSIBLE for us to conceive naturally, it kind of get on my nerves. My mother offered to be a surrogate several times, which would not help at all. Depending on my mood, sometimes I find these statements funny and others they are just really irritating.

pblge · August 2014

Welcome to the board, @ktabs! We talk to very few people about IF, although we've still gotten some "there's always adoption" responses. It's mostly been from people I know who adopted themselves, so I understand their enthusiasm a bit more. For those who haven't adopted, I just ask if they've got $25,000 lying around that they'd like to give up so that we can afford it.

Some of the responses posted above make me feel violent. Seriously SMH. Sorry you've had to go through this, ladies!!!

SweetieShellieH · August 2014

@CaterinaC My MIL's fertility doctor (don't know if it was an RE??) told her after their failed IUIs to adopt then she'd get pregnant! Now OK, this was back in the late '70, and IVF wasn't around yet (They adopted their first son a couple of months before the first IVF baby was born, DH is their second adopted son 3 years later) but still....the doctor said it!! Things haven't changed much when it comes to the dumb things people say! I also get that comment from lots of people at work because that happened to one of the women I work with. She is probably the only person who doesn't tell me that. She knows it doesn't really work that way, and she didn't adopt in order to get pregnant, she adopted to raise that child!

This one I'm sure all you ladies will LOVE:

One lady at work tells me I need to feed my husband goat penis soup and it'll make his boys swim. I work in a medical lab, so it's not like she's dumb or anything, but really??????? Penis soup?????????

Aimothy · August 2014

@SweetieShellieH Is it wrong that I want to feed my husband goat penis soup? Since he's gotten away pretty easy when it comes to this fertility stuff? "But the doctor said..."

Ha!

airidh80 · August 2014

One lady at work tells me I need to feed my husband goat penis soup and it'll make his boys swim. I work in a medical lab, so it's not like she's dumb or anything, but really??????? Penis soup?????????

ktabs · August 2014

Goat penis soup? Did know there was such a thing! I am all about convenience though- does Campbell's make it? Otherwise I don't know that I have access to goat penis. Easily and legally anyways.

ktabs · August 2014

Oh and egg white for lube... TGIF, girls! I want updates on Monday!

AMShark · August 2014

ktabs said:

And technology rejects me! I put double spaces in my post and it all ran together when it published! And my little group icon doesn't show up! My apologies to the grammar crazies of the group (like me). I promise I had proper punctuation and spacing but I am computer challenged!

If you need help adding the Tropical Ovaries badge to your signature, check out the instructions on the Bump FAQ page.

I think there used to be a link on the "READ FIRST" thread at the top of this forum, but I don't think it's working. If anyone has that link, please share it, because it was a really nice tutorial, very easy to understand.

AMShark · August 2014

And as per this topic, I was lucky enough to be just one of two female at a BBQ this weekend who was not either pregnant, or currently nursing children. I got the "When are you guys having kids?" question, to which I said we'd like to soon... and had to go back with, well yes, we are trying.... and then, well, it's harder for some than others.

And after all of that awkwardness, someone else hit me with the, "Well, you can have one of mine."

I was about ready to tuck that sweet little boy under my arm, and walk out of the party loudly stating, "You all heard her! You're witnesses - You heard her! No take-backs!!"

But instead, I just sucked loudly on my beer, like it was the most delicious thing I'd ever tasted, and secretly hoped they were all jealous of my ability to consume alcohol.

pblge · August 2014

@AMShark said:
I think there used to be a link on the "READ FIRST" thread at the top of this forum, but I don't think it's working. If anyone has that link, please share it, because it was a really nice tutorial, very easy to understand.

?? It's there and works!

And lol about stealing the kid! I almost did that at a family affair recently when one of OH's cousins (or something) named their kid freaking Justinian. I wanted to save the kid from more child abuse like that.

Hpearl · August 2014

IFinTN said:

I honestly had someone compare our IF fight to her yeast infection. It was EXTREMELY hard not to make a face.

;
Ok, I gotta know, what is the yeast infection comparison? @hpearl? I seriously can't make a connection so I know this has got to be good.....

Well, there wasn't really one. That's the beauty of it all! Had two of my closest girlfriends over after my myomectomy back in May and we were talking about how much this whole IF thing sucks, and one of them in an attempt to relate shared that she had a "wicked yeast" issue.

My face looked something like this:

Good times!

CML11 · August 2014

@Hoping4LO‌ lol I probably would say this if the opportunity presented itself! That's awesome!
I get a lot of "just relax", "I think you are just over thinking it" and the newest one "plan an expensive vacation, then you get pregnant and can't go". Thanks for the genius advice.
Oh and I love the magic supplements that somebody's friends cousins sister-in-law tried and got pregnant. Then they start searching for something on their phone so I can be blessed with this magic too.

AMShark · August 2014

pblge said:

@AMShark said:
I think there used to be a link on the "READ FIRST" thread at the top of this forum, but I don't think it's working. If anyone has that link, please share it, because it was a really nice tutorial, very easy to understand.

?? It's there and works!

And lol about stealing the kid! I almost did that at a family affair recently when one of OH's cousins (or something) named their kid freaking Justinian. I wanted to save the kid from more child abuse like that.

Hmmm.... I must be doing something wrong. Is this the URL?

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12047702/need-signature-help-click-here/p1

When I go there, I get a "Discussion not found" message.

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