October 2014 Moms

Hormones! Oh my Gosh *Update*

Sockgnome78Sockgnome78 member
edited August 2014 in October 2014 Moms

I am over here bawling because I am looking at our fiances and well. Until the next pay day we have a small amount of money.

H makes me feel guilty when I (SAHW) order something to be delievered. But then I see him taking people out to lunch based on the bill in our account.

Can I just cry for a while.

 *Update*

After an ugly cry and well yelling at both H and the dog, I calmed down. Cleaned the house at the same time.

DH came home, he let me vent a bit more and was able to understand where I was coming from. No we did not start a budget, but we did get most of the bills paid and still have some money left over. I think I opened H eyes to we need to be saving money not spending it. Although I do have to admit that I have been guilty of just buying things on a whim when I have the car. So we are both at fault and need to get better at it.

So we moved on with the night and DH and I taped off the nursery and DH is painting it.

So we need a second coat of one of the color and then we can start on the other two walls next weekend. Then we can start to bring stuff in.

So yes we are not on a budget but we are both aware that we need to stop spending money like it grows on a tree in the backyard.

Thanks for the support and listening ladies. This is my first break down like this since BFP. So  6 and 1/2 monthes without a complete break down is pretty good in my book.

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Re: Hormones! Oh my Gosh *Update*

  • No advice but I'm sorry! Money is the worst stresser for me too. ((hugs))
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  • Money is by far the biggest stressor in my marriage. I truly don't think we argue about anything else.

    It's ok to cry! The way money is spent needs to feel fair to both parties. Hope you work it out! ((Hugs))
  • Eh I hate bills!
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  • Im sorry :(

    Could you put a place in your budget for his and her "blow" money? Even if it is just $10-15 each a week, you would know you are allowed to spend it on whatever and then you wouldnt have to feel guilty about it.

    Hugs.
  • Thanks ladies for the support. H and I are going to sit down tonight and work this out.

    Sorrynotsorry to H with the last comment I told him on the phone. He kinda got told and said that he was not sure what he had done to make me so mad. I just kept telling how much money he spent over the past 2 days.

    So I think he knows a discussion is coming. Although we do get a clean house out of the deal. Since most time I clean when upset and the dining room and kitchen look a ton better. As for the nursery that is still another story.

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I blew up at DH over finances this week too. And then sobbed over spreadsheets as he stared at me blankly. You are so not alone.
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  • cmac6186cmac6186 member
    edited August 2014
    I don't know your specific monetary situation but I really like the system DH and I use for finances. I looked over our bills for a 3 month period and figured out how much our household bills/groceries cost per month.  Then, based proportionally on our salaries, I determined how much we would each need to contribute per pay period to cover the monthly amount.  This amount gets put into our joint account to pay the bills.  The leftover stays in our separate accounts to spend on whatever.  I find it's a lot less stressful because DH spends money on dumb shit but he'd probably say that about my shoe/purse habit too lol!

    ETA- for clarity
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    Married 11/5/11
  • I stay at home now too, and I find myself stressing about money as well.  I've started amusing myself by seeing how much I can save on the things I need/want to buy.  Couponing websites are kind of crazy, but do have some good tips.

    Although if my DH ever got mad at me for ordering food (which I rarely do) we would have some words.  Sometimes everyone needs a little treat.
          

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  • Stressing about finances sucks! I hope you feel better soon & that you and your DH can get something worked out!

    photo: YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US!

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  • I hope you can work it out. Since we are moving and I'm going to be a SAHM, my last day of work was yesterday and I just cashed my final paycheck today...it is a little hard knowing I'll continue to spend money but won't be making any for the foreseeable future. I don't think my husband will make me feel guilty on purpose but I'm sure the dynamic will change a little bit.
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  • Ugh- just re-read your post after @ohioloveyou 's post.  My system obviously won't work for you.  Sorry for my pregnant brain fart and hope you work something out!
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

    Married 11/5/11
  • I feel your pain. Money is the devil - it makes people angry and irrational. Being pregnant makes it way harder to deal with too.





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  • He does not so much say it as it is his actions.

    I have stayed home the last few years and it has been and adjustment. I just keep thinking it is not just us any more and we need to have money. So H can get the supplies he needs to build the crib. We need to find a rocker or glyder, a changing table,all sorts of diapers and such and a bassinet to allow me to keep LO in our room at night. We have not done much shopping for LO. It is not like we have ton of time left.

    Bills are important to be paid on time. We are still looking at getting a second car. Which is going to be another expense. So I have seen the light. Just need to get him on the same page.

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  • cmac6186 said:

    I don't know your specific monetary situation but I really like the system DH and I use for finances. I looked over our bills for a 3 month period and figured out how much our household bills/groceries cost per month.  Then, based proportionally on our salaries, I determined how much we would each need to contribute per pay period to cover the monthly amount.  This amount gets put into our joint account to pay the bills.  The leftover stays in our separate accounts to spend on whatever.  I find it's a lot less stressful because DH spends money on dumb shit but he'd probably say that about my shoe/purse habit too lol!

    ETA- for clarity

    This is basically what we do. One joint account that we both contribute to base on our bills and what we each make. Like if DH makes 80% of our total income he contributes more toward the bills than I do. Then we get whatever is left over for ourselves to do with as we please!
    ~Miss K born 1/8/2011~Miss I born 1/3/2013~2 angels~
    Baby #3 is on the way!  EDD 10/29/14


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  • That is a bummer. I hope you guys have a good talk.  Money is a huge stressor and is a hard subject to discuss sometimes. 
  • Just chiming in to commiserate too. I've been out of work for about a year now and he doesn't really make great money, especially for our high cost of living area. We're renting now and I get a bit depressed thinking about how long it will take us to realistically buy a home of our own. I try to just think of all the benefits the kids are getting with not having to go to daycare(not knocking working moms who have to use daycare, I've been there too, just didn't have good experiences with them). We definitely have to get better with managing the money though. Like, NO eating out and cutting back on non essential utilities, etc. Definitely makes it more challenging facing the struggles while pregnant. Hang in there!
    BabyFetus Ticker} Mom to 3 with one on the way. EDD 10/04/14
  • Hang in there, hun. I feel your pain. I have to recoup for bills/gas that FI can't afford and it makes my bills tighter. My sister swears by YNAB (You Need a Budget) and she's a SAHM w/3 kids and her DH works and they seem to do fine. its an idea...*hugs!
  • I get it. Right now I'm a sahw as well. I definately feel guilty whenever I make a purchase. Budgeting has been a huge conversation between us. And all the finances are my job so it's scary. Hang in there!
    ~First time mama, strikingly handsome husband, comedic pooch, krumpin' baby girl on her way~

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  • Money sucks. Sorry you got so stressed out about it.
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  • Glad you are feeling better! 6 1/2 months is a long time without a meltdown! Please post pics when the painting is finished!
  • I didn't read the first post, but just the second one with the update. I just want to say that I totally feel your pain over money/finance issues. In my life, I have gone through SO MUCH to try and be happy. I changed my career from one I loathed. I then changed my job from a job I hated. We've been able to move into a wonderful house, in a great neighborhood, we're having a sweet baby boy and I can honestly say I am the happiest I've ever been in my life - EXCEPT for finances. Recently we were able to re (re)- Finance one of my loans and I can't explain what a burden off my shoulders it has been to have that extra $250/mo around. Money issues are so stressful, and can really ruin relationships and lives. I try to keep reminding myself that. 

    Glad you had your meltdown and have a bit of a plan. We're painting the nursery today too!

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