FFFC

MississippiCatfish · August 2014

hmp1 said:

BPer said:

tinyhumantoe said:

BPer said:
I went straight to FFing this time around, and I'm pretty shocked by the judginess being thrown my way by randos.
I hope you have stockpiled some bitchy replies. Surely people know that can be a sensitive subject for some women (not saying it is for you, just in general). I would start sobbing and explain that both nipples were lost during birth. Make them feel really bad for being rude

It was a sensitive subject for me with Hannah, because I really tried, and just could not produce, plus she was the world's laziest nurser, basically a precursor to her shitty eating now. But now? It was my choice, and I'm happy with it. I'm a lot closer to feeling back to 'normal', whatever that is.

I beat myself up when I stopped BFing James. With Leo, it was like this isn't working time to bust out the formula and give half the overnight feedings to DH, holla!

This baby is a good sleeper, so I can't complain. But my S12 baby was TERRIBLE and I was so jealous of my SIL whose DH was giving MOTN bottles to their LO:) enjoy that perk!!

ETA: grammar. Who's vs whose. I think I have it right now??

kelbel527 · August 2014

MarisaKathleen said:

I'm so scared to try to BF again due to how poor our experience was last time that I've debated just starting off with formula. I got a breast pump and am hoping that I can do that like last time.

I imagine it's going to be more challenging this time due to having a 2 year old running around...

I struggled with Brody, but had an awesome time BFing Aedan (only gave it up because I went back to work and had a hate/hate relationship with the pump). It really really helped that I went into it thinking, if it doesn't work, I'm not going to beat myself up about it and move on. And the other part that helped? Aedan was much easier to BF than Brody.

You may be surprised with #2. Plusalso? Sometimes I actually loved being able to escape the 2 year old craziness, pass off big kid to DH and hide out and feed the baby.

hmp1 · August 2014

Holly_1007 said:

He has access to tons of learning tools, plus preschool. I knew it wasn't his strongest subject but I didn't realize how bad it was.

We started with spelling his name. That was his first sight word too. How are his writing skills? I have dry erase alphabet work books so he is learning to recognize letters and tracing/ writing them.

He really likes doing the sight word match game that I made. I print a picture of objects around our house (bad quality on just regular paper) and type out the word, cut them into squares and he has to match the word to the picture. At first I was doing words that started with different letters because that was the easiest way for him to find the word - I would ask him what does Bed start with, emphasizing the B when I said it. He would figure out B and then look for a word that starts with B. Now he is better at finding words based on their beginning and ending sound and finding those letters.

I made Leo a similar game of colors so he can sit with us and play the game too.

AKB090609 · August 2014

I bought slippers for the baby because DD1 has been getting upset/worried that we don't put shoes on DD2 when we go places. This is the most attention she's showed the baby so I jumped on it. DD1 picked them out and choose the ones that matched her own.

melody921 · August 2014

kelbel527 said:

MarisaKathleen said:

I'm so scared to try to BF again due to how poor our experience was last time that I've debated just starting off with formula. I got a breast pump and am hoping that I can do that like last time.

I imagine it's going to be more challenging this time due to having a 2 year old running around...

I struggled with Brody, but had an awesome time BFing Aedan (only gave it up because I went back to work and had a hate/hate relationship with the pump). It really really helped that I went into it thinking, if it doesn't work, I'm not going to beat myself up about it and move on. And the other part that helped? Aedan was much easier to BF than Brody.

You may be surprised with #2. Plusalso? Sometimes I actually loved being able to escape the 2 year old craziness, pass off big kid to DH and hide out and feed the baby.

Same here. I liked the quiet of nursing DD. And she was WAY easier to nurse than DS ever was. Completely different experiences that led to 4 months of nursing for DS and 14 months for DD.

BeebopandBuddy · August 2014

@Holly_1007‌ I just bought preschool workbooks for numbers and letters in the dollar bins at Target for Maya. They had them for animals and other things too.

Hyaline · August 2014

MarisaKathleen said:

I'm so scared to try to BF again due to how poor our experience was last time that I've debated just starting off with formula. I got a breast pump and am hoping that I can do that like last time.

I imagine it's going to be more challenging this time due to having a 2 year old running around...

What if you go into it with a "nothing to lose" mindset? I imagine that with Nancy you really wanted to make it work and felt that it not working was "failing"--what if this is a "nothing ventured, nothing gained, and if it's not working, eh. Formula's cool, too" mentality?

I'm not trying to shame the choice to go formula from the beginning, but if you want to BF, that's cool, and you don't need to pile pressure on yourself. Let go and see what happens

pharmer78 · August 2014

kelbel527 said:

MarisaKathleen said:

I struggled with Brody, but had an awesome time BFing Aedan (only gave it up because I went back to work and had a hate/hate relationship with the pump). It really really helped that I went into it thinking, if it doesn't work, I'm not going to beat myself up about it and move on. And the other part that helped? Aedan was much easier to BF than Brody.

You may be surprised with #2. Plusalso? Sometimes I actually loved being able to escape the 2 year old craziness, pass off big kid to DH and hide out and feed the baby.

This was totally my experience too, especially the bolded. And I started supplementing with formula sooner with Cruz but ended up breastfeeding longer.

pharmer78 · August 2014

My FFFC: I start crying every time I see the preview for the new Annie movie. Why???? No idea, but I seriously had to deep breathe to get it together before the Planes movie started yesterday.

MarisaKathleen · August 2014

Thanks @kelbel527 & @melody921. I think with Nancy I was just so stressed about doing everything right that I felt like such a failure when it wasn't working out. This time I've already said if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work and that's ok. I just have to get out of my own head.

My co-worker just had a new baby around 2mo ago and her daughter is just over 2. The stories she's been sharing with how stressed she's been because her 2y/o is so naughty now that the baby is here are enough to raise my blood pressure. I just keep praying that it's because our parenting styles are very different (she doesn't believe in saying "no") and Nancy won't suddenly become a hellion when #2 gets here.

hmp1 · August 2014

pharmer78 said:

My FFFC: I start crying every time I see the preview for the new Annie movie. Why???? No idea, but I seriously had to deep breathe to get it together before the Planes movie started yesterday.

Annie was my favorite movie! I didn't know they were making a new one. Off to google the preview.

Holly_1007 · August 2014

hmp1 said:

Holly_1007 said:

He has access to tons of learning tools, plus preschool. I knew it wasn't his strongest subject but I didn't realize how bad it was.

We started with spelling his name. That was his first sight word too. How are his writing skills? I have dry erase alphabet work books so he is learning to recognize letters and tracing/ writing them.

He really likes doing the sight word match game that I made. I print a picture of objects around our house (bad quality on just regular paper) and type out the word, cut them into squares and he has to match the word to the picture. At first I was doing words that started with different letters because that was the easiest way for him to find the word - I would ask him what does Bed start with, emphasizing the B when I said it. He would figure out B and then look for a word that starts with B. Now he is better at finding words based on their beginning and ending sound and finding those letters.

I made Leo a similar game of colors so he can sit with us and play the game too.

he can write his name, but he has just memorized how to make the shapes, not that they are letters. He does recognize his name when he sees it written. I guess I've just been way too lax with his letter recognition because, like I said, he has access to toys, and they work on it at school. I really need to spend some time with him on it.

AlinnJo · August 2014

@holly_1007 PLEASE don't worry. If he isn't interested, don't push. He will show an interest when he is ready. Do your best to talk about it when you are out and about but don't stress and don't force. I have had multiple Kindergartners come into school not knowing any letters. And most of them were boys. All of them TOOK OFF after a couple of months. They just didn't have any interest before. It will come when he is ready!

AKB090609 · August 2014

MarisaKathleen said:

Thanks @kelbel527 & @melody921. I think with Nancy I was just so stressed about doing everything right that I felt like such a failure when it wasn't working out. This time I've already said if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work and that's ok. I just have to get out of my own head.

My co-worker just had a new baby around 2mo ago and her daughter is just over 2. The stories she's been sharing with how stressed she's been because her 2y/o is so naughty now that the baby is here are enough to raise my blood pressure. I just keep praying that it's because our parenting styles are very different (she doesn't believe in saying "no") and Nancy won't suddenly become a hellion when #2 gets here.

I wouldn't worry about it, I think it is mostly about parenting. DH has a co-worker who had #2 2 days after we did, our transition has been easy and an overall much more positive experience than the co-workers. DD2 is a much higher needs baby than DD1 was, but we know what to do/expect now.

Our biggest thing has been getting DD1 out of the house and not forcing interaction with the baby. As long as we can get outside DD1 has been fine.

DH's. Co-worker has a 2 year old as well, they only leave the house on the weekend now and they are trying to have the older child super involved in everything so she is hyper aware of the baby and has been acting out to a great extreme.

watercolor5 · August 2014

MarisaKathleen said:

Thanks @kelbel527 & @melody921. I think with Nancy I was just so stressed about doing everything right that I felt like such a failure when it wasn't working out. This time I've already said if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work and that's ok. I just have to get out of my own head.

My co-worker just had a new baby around 2mo ago and her daughter is just over 2. The stories she's been sharing with how stressed she's been because her 2y/o is so naughty now that the baby is here are enough to raise my blood pressure. I just keep praying that it's because our parenting styles are very different (she doesn't believe in saying "no") and Nancy won't suddenly become a hellion when #2 gets here.

It probably is parenting style. Sophia was much younger when Julia was born (15m) but she was mad at me for a week for lost attention, but then kind of just ignored the new baby until she was able to sit up/play with toys/interact with her sister. It honestly was much easier than I anticipated once life normalized after new baby craziness.

Add me to the list of women whose second baby was MUCH easier to BF than my first. I think it is just a totally different experience with each baby, or maybe my experience BFing before actually did help.

Hyaline · August 2014

Call me a bitch, but no, I don't think that ease of transition to two/how well the older kid transitions is entirely due to parenting. Do I think parenting helps? Yes, but I also think that kids have personalities, and that some personalities are less adaptable to change. Some need more attention. Some are more easy-going. Some test boundaries more constantly, despite parents doing things "right." If you have an easy-going kid who adapts to change well, pat yourself on the back for "good parenting" in encouraging that if you want, but in all honesty, you also have a kid who was naturally inclined to be that way. And the parent with the more high-needs or less adaptable kid isn't necessarily doing a worse job than you. (But they may just have a harder job than you, so maybe think about that before judging them.)

I'm not trying to freak you out, marissa, but I also think seeing a struggling family or difficult kid and assuming "must be their parenting style" isn't always accurate or fair.

MississippiCatfish · August 2014

Hyaline said:
Call me a bitch, but no, I don't think that ease of transition to two/how well the older kid transitions is entirely due to parenting. Do I think parenting helps? Yes, but I also think that kids have personalities, and that some personalities are less adaptable to change. Some need more attention. Some are more easy-going. Some test boundaries more constantly, despite parents doing things "right." If you have an easy-going kid who adapts to change well, pat yourself on the back for "good parenting" in encouraging that if you want, but in all honesty, you also have a kid who was naturally inclined to be that way. And the parent with the more high-needs or less adaptable kid isn't necessarily doing a worse job than you. (But they may just have a harder job than you, so maybe think about that before judging them.)

I'm not trying to freak you out, marissa, but I also think seeing a struggling family or difficult kid and assuming "must be their parenting style" isn't always accurate or fair.

This x100. DS1 has always been a rascal, but before DS2 I had 100% of myself to monitor, prevent, intervene. Now, I can't watch him every second and that means that I'm finding him halfway through naughty things that, a month ago, I could just prevent. It is a little exhausting, but it's not because DS1 changed all of the sudden. ETA: And neither did my parenting style. Kids are all just different.

Hyaline · August 2014

SIL and her family are coming up to visit this weekend. She's pregnant and makes a giant deal out of everything about being pregnant (because she likes to be the center of attention). Like last weekend she was talking about how she couldn't have hot dogs at a cookout she had been to because she's pregnant and I thought, in this order, a) Bwahahahha b) Eyeroll c) Go try bringing that one up on the Bump. Anyway, FFFC1: I'm not sure how long my idiot fuse is going to be for stuff like that this weekend.

and

FFFC2: I was thinking about this because I ate a hot dog for lunch.

melody921 · August 2014

MarisaKathleen said:

Thanks @kelbel527 & @melody921. I think with Nancy I was just so stressed about doing everything right that I felt like such a failure when it wasn't working out. This time I've already said if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work and that's ok. I just have to get out of my own head.

My co-worker just had a new baby around 2mo ago and her daughter is just over 2. The stories she's been sharing with how stressed she's been because her 2y/o is so naughty now that the baby is here are enough to raise my blood pressure. I just keep praying that it's because our parenting styles are very different (she doesn't believe in saying "no") and Nancy won't suddenly become a hellion when #2 gets here.

My kids are 2.5 years apart, and I realize that half a year can make a big difference, but it was a smooth transition for us. DS was never one to lash out at DD or act like a hellion while I was tending to her.

MarisaKathleen · August 2014

Hyaline said:

Call me a bitch, but no, I don't think that ease of transition to two/how well the older kid transitions is entirely due to parenting. Do I think parenting helps? Yes, but I also think that kids have personalities, and that some personalities are less adaptable to change. Some need more attention. Some are more easy-going. Some test boundaries more constantly, despite parents doing things "right." If you have an easy-going kid who adapts to change well, pat yourself on the back for "good parenting" in encouraging that if you want, but in all honesty, you also have a kid who was naturally inclined to be that way. And the parent with the more high-needs or less adaptable kid isn't necessarily doing a worse job than you. (But they may just have a harder job than you, so maybe think about that before judging them.)

I'm not trying to freak you out, marissa, but I also think seeing a struggling family or difficult kid and assuming "must be their parenting style" isn't always accurate or fair.

I can completely get the bolded. I'm not trying to come off as judging. I'm cool with however anyone wants to parent their own kids, even they would never work for us. And I don't think I'm a better parent by any means. I'm just really hoping that we have a better transition than they did, which is the point I was trying to get across.

hmp1 · August 2014

I credit my ease with #2 to keeping James in daycare (and Leo being a super chill kid). His schedule stayed exactly the same. Sure the first couple weeks it was like 9am by the time we left the house, but for the most part, his 22 month old life didn't change. He doesn't do well with change. He was super into meeting Leo at the hospital but when we were home he pretty much left him alone. If I put Leo down on the floor, James would go play next to him but never was really curious about him. He was still into the helping stage so asking him to get me a diaper was all in good fun for him. But if he was playing nicely with something, I didn't bother him to help. I think Leo was like 3 weeks old before James even asked to hold him and it was very rare that he asked. And on weekends we made sure to do some one on one time with James. I took him to the grocery store usually for my time.

They fight and pester each other but for the most part they are great friends. DH went to TX this weekend to see family and I asked him if he wanted to take Leo so I would get a bit of a break too. But then I thought, it is actually easier when they have each other to play with.

watercolor5 · August 2014

Hyaline said:

Call me a bitch, but no, I don't think that ease of transition to two/how well the older kid transitions is entirely due to parenting. Do I think parenting helps? Yes, but I also think that kids have personalities, and that some personalities are less adaptable to change. Some need more attention. Some are more easy-going. Some test boundaries more constantly, despite parents doing things "right." If you have an easy-going kid who adapts to change well, pat yourself on the back for "good parenting" in encouraging that if you want, but in all honesty, you also have a kid who was naturally inclined to be that way. And the parent with the more high-needs or less adaptable kid isn't necessarily doing a worse job than you. (But they may just have a harder job than you, so maybe think about that before judging them.)

I'm not trying to freak you out, marissa, but I also think seeing a struggling family or difficult kid and assuming "must be their parenting style" isn't always accurate or fair.

I don't disagree with any of this, but I think the chance that a kid acts like a "hellion" raises greatly when that child never hears the word "no"

DD2 was an easier kid than DD1 entirely because of personality. It easily could have gone the other way. But I know many moms of 2u2, and almost all of them said it was easier to become a family of 4 than they expected it to be, so there's reason to hope for the best.

Flamingemu · August 2014

I really want to go home and take my meds (given for yesterday) and have a glass of wine. Does that make them more or less effective?

Hyaline · August 2014

MarisaKathleen said:

Hyaline said:

Call me a bitch, but no, I don't think that ease of transition to two/how well the older kid transitions is entirely due to parenting. Do I think parenting helps? Yes, but I also think that kids have personalities, and that some personalities are less adaptable to change. Some need more attention. Some are more easy-going. Some test boundaries more constantly, despite parents doing things "right." If you have an easy-going kid who adapts to change well, pat yourself on the back for "good parenting" in encouraging that if you want, but in all honesty, you also have a kid who was naturally inclined to be that way. And the parent with the more high-needs or less adaptable kid isn't necessarily doing a worse job than you. (But they may just have a harder job than you, so maybe think about that before judging them.)

I'm not trying to freak you out, marissa, but I also think seeing a struggling family or difficult kid and assuming "must be their parenting style" isn't always accurate or fair.

I can completely get the bolded. I'm not trying to come off as judging. I'm cool with however anyone wants to parent their own kids, even they would never work for us. And I don't think I'm a better parent by any means. I'm just really hoping that we have a better transition than they did, which is the point I was trying to get across.

And while I definitely think you'll make this transition with aplomb, if things are rough at spots or Nancy gives you extra trouble some days, I don't think it's fair to yourself to blame your parenting and I'd hate to see you get bummed because you're blaming yourself. Toddlers are tiny people with giant personalities and opinions. No amount of good parenting changes that!

willy_gert · August 2014

kelbel527 said:

I just teared up in my bosses office. I hate that I'm so tired and stressed out right now that every time I have a tough conversation I end up crying. I used to pride myself on never crying at work. Ugh.

Since having Luci I can't handle it and have cried at work probably 5 times. Yesterday was so stressful and people were being such idiots that I ugly cried while on the phone with a VP and the CFO.

Consequently, after I pulled myself together and got EVERYTHING done for them, the CFO told me to just tell him what I want and he will make it happen, because I did such a great job and he felt bad for making me cry.

So, good thing? Maybe?

BPer · August 2014

What meds? I've missed a lot.

amandad715 · August 2014

I've watched the almost entire 2nd season of Call the Midwife on my iPad & headphones in our hotel room during nap time and after the boys have gone to sleep. Well, that and napped myself.

I *should* be walking myself down to the fitness center to work out and have some me time. Or reading on my Kindle but I read entire book on our way here, so I got really burnt out on reading. And being at a fancy resort with DH gone for 1/2 the day is making me tired. I have to make sure we're all dressed appropriately for the different dining areas' dress codes and behaving/using manners/acting like civilized people. Oh and not to mention keeping a 4 y/o and almost 2 y/o busy. And I'm also a little obsessed with finishing this season.

cmarie520 · August 2014

I've been absolutely swamped at work for the last month (we got audited) so I'm only now coming back to down to breath. I'm not doing anything at work today. I have one more client to go for the day and then I'm leaving. I've worked overtime (not paid) for the last 3 weeks and I don't feel even the least bit bad to dick off at work all day today.

Flamingemu · August 2014

BPer said:

What meds? I've missed a lot.

I assume this is directed at me? I was prescribed hydrocodone after a failed hysteroscopy to remove some scarring from having L. I have been airing all my dirty laundry in the TTC thread to keep it mostly off of the main threads. I am just mad and sad today, so I didn't feel like censoring.

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