How much help after birth?

dal2aus · July 2014

I'll be a FTM with twin boys. My husband has 4 days of paid vacation that he'll be using after I deliver. My mom is planning to come from out of state around the time that I deliver, hopefully beforehand. I would rather my husband use his time off when I really need it. If I'm in the hospital for at least a couple of days, does he really need to take off work or would that time be better served after we come home? Also, how much help do you really need after you bring the babies home? Would it be overkill to have both my mom and my husband? I'm also concerned about bonding time. I'd like to have some private time so my husband and I can be with the babies. Or is that not as big a deal until later? With the limited time that everyone can take off, I just want to be sure that I'm putting everyone to good use.

raraavis28 · July 2014

People's answers will vary on this quite a bit, and a lot will depend on what kind of delivery you have, what your recovery is like, if your babies have any NICU time, etc. I will say that I was glad to have DH with me in the hospital. My first two days of recovery (C/S) were rough, and I was definitely on the overwhelmed side learning how to pump and BF two babies. He was a huge help. My mom also spent one night after we got home so we could get a little extra sleep, and she was around a lot at the beginning to lend a hand esp. with housework (she lives very close). It didn't interfere w/ bonding and I personally liked having the company.

It's up to you and your preferences, but I would definitely not call it "overkill" to have your husband and mom there for a bit at first.

diz1313 · July 2014

I only have experience with my singleton birth so far (only 19weeks along with the twins) but I liked having my DH with me at the hospital. That being said we had our son rooming in with us the whole time, so he was actually helping with the waking holding and changing. I had my sister with us the first week at home to help and my mom came the second week to help..... so I had quite a bit of a learning curve and it was nice to have the help spread out. My tentative plan this time around will kind of be similar. If the babies are in the NICU I won't have DH stay with me except maybe the first night for a little recovery support. Otherwise I rather he save his time off for when there are babies around to take care of. After all, the nurses and myself can handle me.

That is just my two cents though....

Rynleigh · July 2014

Like Rar said, it varies sooooooo much and depends very much on how you deliver and the needs of your family.... I had pre-e related hemorrhage and lost a LOT of blood, but I also delivered vaginally and was discharged on a Friday - so my partner just stayed home with me over the weekend and then went back to work as usual on that Monday. Because we work in the same building and we have a very baby-loving boss, I started coming back to work with my lil guys that same week because I felt safer being surrounded by coworkers who could help than I did with being at home alone with them, and we did that for about the first two months straight... so I always had several hands to help out if I needed it. I know I probably would have been alright with them at home by myself, but it would have been irresponsible of me to risk all of our safety by doing it all on my own because of how weak I was from that blood loss (if your hospital doctors advise you that you are two points off of needing an emergency transfusion and ask if you'd like one just to be safe, taking the transfusion is a good idea - I passed, but they didn't explain to me that it takes THREE MONTHS to restore your blood count to normal... I was nearly passing out for weeks).

Take all of the help you want to have, and try to remember that no matter how invincible you might feel in that home stretch, you are still human and there is nothing wrong with asking for all the support you can get. Even assuming that everything goes perfectly and you have no complications and your little ones are healthy and eating well, the emotional drain is still there and it is good to have people around.

12bailey18 · July 2014

My twins aren't here yet but I do have two singletons so I'll tell you what we plan on doing and what we've done in the past. My husband gets 10 days off and I definitely like him to be in the hospital with me so he can also spend those new hours bonding and being with his babies. I like this quiet time just for us. My mom has always come out to spend a few weeks with us after our babies are born. I've always appreciated the help, especially when DH goes back to work! Even if it's just cooking and doing laundry while I'm taking care of the baby. When my 2nd was born she was awesome at taking care of the other child while I tended to the new baby.

This time around, with twins, she is staying for 8 weeks, which sounds like a lot but with 4 kids 4 and under and 2 of them going to different schools I will definitely be welcoming her help! I've never felt it's too crowded with DH, her and myself. We quickly find our routine and nobody feels like they're stepping on toes or they're in the way. DH also likes home cooked meals, LOL. There's always something to be done! Also, I should note all of our family lives out of state so it just makes more sense for us to do long stretch visits because short weekend or 2-3 day visits are out of the question because of distance.

Mrs.McIrish · July 2014

I still have inside babies but this is my "plan". There's no way to know when the babies will arrive and if they will need NICU time etc. DH will definitely be there when I'm in the hospital. But he'd go back to work if they need NICU time to save that time for when they come home. My mom is going to stay with me for a week or 2 but I'm going to time that based on when the girls come home. I also want to stagger her time with DH's time off-- while it might be nice to have both on hand, I'd rather stagger them to be separate to lengthen the time before I am totally alone with the babies. So I'd have DH take some time off after my mom goes home. It all depends on who you have to help. I don't have a lot of options due to distance and people working.

dal2aus · July 2014

Everyone's perspective is so helpful, and gave me things to consider that I had not thought about, like if the LO's need NICU time. I think I'm most concerned with timing my mom's arrival from out of state for when I'll really need her. It would be nice to have a crystal ball, and know for certain when these little rascals are going to make their debut.

Jenn06L80 · August 2014

My girls were in the NICU for two weeks. We also have a daughter who is almost 4. My husband got really overwhelmed so I got tons of help from my parents. I stay at my parents all the time with the girls.

I personally would take all the help you can get if you know the person can help you. My mom did everything and anything I needed - laundry, cooking, cleaning, feeding babies, washing bottles.

chickaboo1974 · August 2014

Like others said it really varies- I am pretty independent and while a FTM, I was pretty sure about what I was doing since I was 36 and helped raise my sister's kids.

My boys were delivered on a Friday night and my husband stayed with me the entire hospital stay- 5 days. I had a c-section, drug reaction, and continued high BP. My boys were born at 34w3d- they spent 17 days in the NICU. My husband went back to work the day after I was discharged. My mom came to stay for 3 days to drive me to the NICU since I was still under Dr's orders to rest until my BP got under control. My boys came home on a Monday night at 7pm, and my husband was back to work at 6 am on Tuesday. I didn't have any other help but my husband's when he got home at night. And I think it worked for me- maybe not for everyone.

Glow360 · August 2014

If this is your first pregnancy, take all the help you can get! My mom stayed for three weeks and my husband used up all the time he could. It didn't feel long enough. If you have access to help, use it. I can honestly say, my son not only doesn't remember it, but it didn't do a thing as far as my son not being able to bond with me. You have lots of time for that. Now that I am pregnant with twins, my husband is taking two weeks off, I have hired night help three days a week for three months and my mom is coming to stay for three weeks. I am calling in reinforcement and bringing a team in, because I choose to not try to kill myself dong it all myself. This is because I learned the first time around that it is okay to need help, A LOT OF IT.

AJC&Maggie · August 2014

My boys are 8 weeks and my mom is still here helping. I NEED her! I couldn't imagine doing this alone!
DH works M-F

Bigboneded · August 2014

I wonder will your husband have more time when you deliver? Can he take half days, for 8 days? It is up to you, but I might use my mom first and then have hubby 1/2 day it for a transition to get used to being on my own. That said, my DH is a nurse 12 hour shifts and that will not be an option, but he should have several weeks of PTO by December.

I think I am going to need more help....

Millimeter · August 2014

I had a reaction to a medication so I was out of it for half of the hospital stay. My husband was amazing and would bring me a baby so I could help feed, but he did everything else.

We also bonded a lot in the hospital. He went back to work after almost a week off. My mom then came over every day for 4 hours so I could get a few hours of straight sleep, do laundry, and run errands. We did that until I went back to work when they were 8 weeks.

My mom coming daily was a life saver. I was actually able to sleep and shower.

StacyH0507 · August 2014

If you have a c/s you will want someones help the first night in the hospital. I was not even able to get the baby out of the bassinet without his help. We had one twin in the room and one in the NICU and it was nice because DH would go check on our son in the NICU when I could not and bring me back pictures. The second night was much better and he went home that night because we had dogs and he was running back and forth.

Cassi215 · August 2014

I had my b/g twins four months ago. My husband stayed the first night in the hospital then my doctor recommended he go him for about 6-8 hours to sleep which was great advice. I kept babies in my room. I had a natural birth so I was able to move around. My mom came over the first 3 days and that was about it. Besides my mom and husband I found it much easier not having anyone around. I also have two dogs so they were much calmer when no one else was around.

skeppler1 · August 2014

My babies were 5 weeks early so not prepared just quite yet for their arrival. Was able to have a vaginal delivery so I was only in the hospital for 3 days. Babies had to stay for 2 weeks.
I went into labor in the middle of the night so DH didn't get any sleep that night so he went home to sleep the first night and then stayed the other nights to wait til I was discharged.
He went back to work for a week and then the week they came home he took off again.
My mom had flown in 2 days after delivery and she stayed 6 weeks. I wish she stayed longer because I really needed her.
I would get as much help in the beginning as possible but still try to do things to figure them out yourself since it will be you and the babies sooner or later.
Just slowly prepare yourself with what is to come so it isn't so over whelming for you when the time comes.

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