Is this out of line rude? UPDATED

queenbone · August 2014

Without going into too much detail, my flower girl has had a troubled life. She was adopted by a BSC narcissist. Her father (DH's best friend) wasn't married to the mother, but for all intents and purposes, he is this little girl's father. The woman he eventually married basically wanted nothing to do with his daughter though after they started having bio children. I pretty much hate this woman based on how she treated the daughter. She was a troubled girl, and when things got really rough in the teenage years her mother kicked her out. Her father's new wife had already said there is no room for her here anymore. As you can imagine a girl in this situation looks for love in all the wrong places.

DH and I ran into her earlier this year; I hadn't seen her in a long time. Her boyfriend was sullen and either he just doesn't have the social skills to make eye contact with adults or he was stoned. She was going to be turning 18 in a week. I was worried about her after that meeting and decided to friend her on fb so I could keep tabs on her. (I don't normally friend my friends' children.) I figure she is 18 now so she can make her own decisions and I frankly don't care what the wife thinks about it.

Recently she has been making some weird, vague posts on fb and I suspect she is pregnant. I have a mother from DS1's class coming over tomorrow to pick up a bunch of clothes DD has outgrown. I have a massive pile of baby stuff I was planning on taking in to donate next week after this mom goes through stuff. But now I'm thinking I should save it for my flower girl if she is in fact pg as I suspect. Would it be super rude of me to send her a message and ask her? I would tell her that I respect her privacy and would not disclose any info to her dad.

I've also been thinking about inviting her over for dinner ever since we ran into her, boyfriend included if necessary.

GAh! I just love this little girl so much and seriously HATE what her parents did to her. I feel completely helpless. But I want to help.

queenbone · August 2014

Woah, sorry! Maybe that was a lot of detail.

jesselayne8 · August 2014

I think a private message is okay. It's coming from a place of love.

kmc84 · August 2014

I agree!

Maybe you could try and meet up with her for lunch (hopefully without the db bf) and get a better feel of whats going on before you ask?

I sorry her life has been so rough; that's heartbreaking

pinkmickey24 · August 2014

I would message her about lunch or dinner as a night out for you and her. I don't think I would ask her out right in the message, but instead waiting until said lunch or dinner to see if she tells you. If she doesn't tell, I would say I've seen your FB posts and I am concerned. Please know that what I'm about to ask won't be repeated to your dad. It's strictly between us. Then ask your question. I don't think it's rude, it's out of concern.

mcgeeva · August 2014

pinkmickey24 said:

I would message her about lunch or dinner as a night out for you and her. I don't think I would ask her out right in the message, but instead waiting until said lunch or dinner to see if she tells you. If she doesn't tell, I would say I've seen your FB posts and I am concerned. Please know that what I'm about to ask won't be repeated to your dad. It's strictly between us. Then ask your question. I don't think it's rude, it's out of concern.

this!

MJC1116 · August 2014

mcgeeva said:

pinkmickey24 said:

I would message her about lunch or dinner as a night out for you and her. I don't think I would ask her out right in the message, but instead waiting until said lunch or dinner to see if she tells you. If she doesn't tell, I would say I've seen your FB posts and I am concerned. Please know that what I'm about to ask won't be repeated to your dad. It's strictly between us. Then ask your question. I don't think it's rude, it's out of concern.

this!

Double this. It sounds like you may be the only person who truly cares about her well being. She will probably open up to you since she doesn't have anybody but you looking out for her.

mdiblasi10 · August 2014

I also like pinkmickey's idea. Hopefully she will open up to you on her own. How very sad

itsmevkb · August 2014

I'm not sure I'd want someone outright asking if I am pregnant but some friendly concern can't hurt. I would probably word it as "is there anything you need right now or that you want to talk about/work through? I'm open for talking anytime and it would just be between you and me." Or, something along those lines vs asking her if she's pregnant.

queenbone · August 2014

Thanks, ladies! I will send her a message inviting her to a lunch date or something.

kmc84 · August 2014

Good luck qb! I hope she can confide in you; whatever the case may be!

queenbone · August 2014

**UPDATE**

Well, unfortunately my suspicions were right, she is pregnant. We had her over for dinner tonight and she told us. She is currently living in a foster home for girls, but she and her boyfriend plan to keep the baby and they are making plans to move in together. I'm not sure if he has a job or not. She doesn't.

So I'll pack up all our baby stuff and return it to the attic until she needs it. Sigh. It is just not a great situation. She has told both her dad and her mom. She said they are both mad at her right now and she hasn't spoken with either of them in several weeks.

Please send good thoughts her way. She needs all the cosmic support she can get.

kmc84 · August 2014

Oh, that is very unfortunate

many T&Ps for her situation to improve!

It's very kind of you to help her ❤

mcgeeva · August 2014

That's so sad

mdiblasi10 · August 2014

Very sad

I'm sure she appreciates having your love and support. I hope things work out for the best.

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