BB/PPD/PPA Ongoing Thread

BBColt78 · July 2014

@lynjae2004‌ the hormones suck enough and then to deal with what you are dealing with? Your reaction is normal. I think your family needs to chat with hospital staff about what an emotional ride the NICU is and also about baby blues or pp hormones. You seem to have a very normal response.

Dealing with the Nicu has to be hard. There are many July moms dealing with this or have. You can always start a new post and ask those moms how to deal with everything. I'm sure they would live to offer some support.

Keep us posted

emy730 · July 2014

We had a rough night last night and I'm full of anxiety today.

DD needed to be fed at 9, so I made up a bottle and fed her, burped her and rocked her. After eating, she fought me entire time and just wailed. I felt like I was trying everything, but she wouldn't stop crying. I feel so overwhelmed - how am I supposed to do this when I can even get her to calm down?

We finally did some skin-to-skin and that seemed to help her calm down, but she still wouldn't sleep. Eventually she needed to eat again, so H took her and finally got her to go to sleep around 2.

I got up with her at 6 and she are and went right back to sleep. I was able to get some sleep, but then she started fussing again so H grabbed her and laid with her.

I feel so bad for DH. I cry all the time and he is so supportive, but I know it stressed him. I honestly feel like I'll never be able to do this and that I'll never fe connected to her the way he does. It is awful.

Csltdk · July 2014

When my sister had ppd she said the best advice she was ever given was when after she had just cried her eyes out to her friend about how worthless she felt and the anxiety and the baby always crying around her, her friend looked at her and reminded her of the most important thing my sister kept forgetting:

YOU created life.

I hope everything works out for you ladies, (hugs) to you all

TricksyPixie · July 2014

Thanks everyone. And hugs, T&Ps for all of you ladies too. I'm reading a lot of struggles and hardships in all of your lives. I see y'all. I feel your pain and stress. I hope things look up for all of you.

ksspiff · July 2014

@cko521, I love that you have friends that have been through it. Keep in touch with them! And yes, getting outside can really help.

@emy730, newborns are hard and not that fun, IMO. my husband said he didn't really feel a connection with DD until she was 9months old, when she could actually respond and had a little bit of personality. Honestly, at this age, just being present is enough connection for you and your girl. Try not to feel too bad for your DH taking care of you. You two are a parenting team, so sharing the effort is a good thing. (easier said than done)

@TricksyPixie and @ghostof5letters, How are you feeling today?

Me? I've been doing better. I saw my OB and she 'prescribed' that I not be alone for the next 2 weeks while we wait for my meds to get to working. That means my mom or my MIL have been with us. I am so lucky to have such a supportive (and nearby) family. I've actually been getting good sleep. However, I'm holding my breath because eventually I'll be expected to do it all on my own. I'm really hoping that by then lil dude will be on more of a routine and I'll be able to handle it.

kweaver123 · July 2014

I am 22 days pp and now that Dh has been back to work, I really feel like I am struggling. DD has been pretty gassy lately which in turn has made her a very fussy baby. My 2 year old has all of a sudden turned into a terrible listener the past few days and is starting to whine about everything. When both if them start fussing it gets very stressful for me and it eventually I'm in tears too.

BBColt78 · July 2014

@emy730‌ Things will get better. Young babies have that night/day confusion. Have you watched Happiest Baby on the Block? ReAlky worth the 45 minutes. I'm glad you tried skin to skin. Also, try swaddling. Even if baby acts like He/she doesn't like it at first. We also use organic gripe water for fussy/gassy times.

@ksspiff‌ I'm glad you have some help coming. Don't think about what's it will be like later. Try to think one day at a time if you can!

BBColt78 · July 2014

cko521 said:
Ugh, I felt so good earlier today. Now she's in her huge cluster feed fussy time and I'm so frustrated. I just want to cuddle with my husband. I'm so upset that he's going back to work tomorrow. And I just realized his main time around her will be her fussy cluster feeding time when she only wants me and my boobs.

My husband goes back tomorrow too, it sucks

likeanoldtimemovie · July 2014

Yeah, missing my husband is the reason I cry every afternoon/evening. I miss him like hell when he's at work.

emy730 · July 2014

cko521 said:
Last night was terrible. She screamed and blew through three diapers. I sent DH to sleep on the couch bc he has to go to work today and he needed sleep. Now he's gone and I sobbed while I nursed her this morning. I don't know what I'm doing. This is terrible. I have a hard time imagining it gets better.

We had an awful night too. Put her down at 11 after a bottle and she woke back up like 20 minutes later and screamed for hours. I am also having difficulties imagining that this gets easier. I just want to run away.

ghostof5letters · July 2014

ksspiff said:

@ghostof5letters, How are you feeling today?

Me? I've been doing better. I saw my OB and she 'prescribed' that I not be alone for the next 2 weeks while we wait for my meds to get to working. That means my mom or my MIL have been with us. I am so lucky to have such a supportive (and nearby) family. I've actually been getting good sleep. However, I'm holding my breath because eventually I'll be expected to do it all on my own. I'm really hoping that by then lil dude will be on more of a routine and I'll be able to handle it.

Hi there

Those two days were a hormonal mind fuck, holy smokes. I'm feeling much better, but things come and go in waves. The male CEO of my company that has never had children, sent me an obligatory "how you doing?" email and I just verbally threw up on him. LOL - He hasn't responded yet.

alyss0nl · July 2014

My anxiety has been unreal this past week. I started getting my new classroom set up, and lessons planned for my sub. It sucks having to miss the first weeks of school. Not having control of my classroom makes me so nervous.

Heather100612 · July 2014

alysson.lawless said:
My anxiety has been unreal this past week. I started getting my new classroom set up, and lessons planned for my sub. It sucks having to miss the first weeks of school. Not having control of my classroom makes me so nervous.

I'm the same way!! I'm missing preplanning- and while I'm not missing any actual school ( I'll be back the first day) my anxiety is through the roof. How do I even set up my room?!

For those that don't think it will get better- it does. I thought that the first couple weeks, but as I get more comfortable in my new role, I've started to see the light. It gets a little better each day. Hang in there!! I'm thinking about you all

alyss0nl · July 2014

Heather100612 said:

My anxiety has been unreal this past week. I started getting my new classroom set up, and lessons planned for my sub. It sucks having to miss the first weeks of school. Not having control of my classroom makes me so nervous.
I'm the same way!! I'm missing preplanning- and while I'm not missing any actual school ( I'll be back the first day) my anxiety is through the roof. How do I even set up my room?! For those that don't think it will get better- it does. I thought that the first couple weeks, but as I get more comfortable in my new role, I've started to see the light. It gets a little better each day. Hang in there!! I'm thinking about you all </div>

glad to know someone else is in the same boat as me! School starts Aug. 11 and I go back sept. 2, so I'm only missing the first 3 weeks, but those are so important! I brought DS2 for a couple hours with me while DS1 was at daycare. I wore him most of the time, but I feel like my back is against the wall.

Heather100612 · July 2014

alysson.lawless said:

Heather100612 said:

alysson.lawless said:
My anxiety has been unreal this past week. I started getting my new classroom set up, and lessons planned for my sub. It sucks having to miss the first weeks of school. Not having control of my classroom makes me so nervous.
I'm the same way!! I'm missing preplanning- and while I'm not missing any actual school ( I'll be back the first day) my anxiety is through the roof. How do I even set up my room?!

For those that don't think it will get better- it does. I thought that the first couple weeks, but as I get more comfortable in my new role, I've started to see the light. It gets a little better each day. Hang in there!! I'm thinking about you all </div>
glad to know someone else is in the same boat as me! School starts Aug. 11 and I go back sept. 2, so I'm only missing the first 3 weeks, but those are so important! I brought DS2 for a couple hours with me while DS1 was at daycare. I wore him most of the time, but I feel like my back is against the wall.

Yes, missing the first few weeks is going to be tough! I was worried about that if I had a c-section, I don't know how I would feel having a sub start off my year. At least you were able to get into your room though!! I'm not allowed on campus during my leave for liability reasons. So basically I have to go in next week for my 6 week appt. with my OB and beg her to release me a few days early, and if she does my principal will open up the school on the weekend to let me set up for the first day of school. For being such a type a person, this totally sucks. But I guess I have to just roll with it

I'll be thinking about you, and I hope your year gets started off as smoothly as possible!!

Katieryan13 · July 2014

Does anyone else have anxiety to where it makes them nauseous? I am 6 days pp and it is hard for me to do/eat anything. I just want to sleep. Breastfeeding is going pretty horrible and I really wish I could just switch to formula but I feel like I need to give it at least a week. I know everyone said newborns were hard but it really sucks right now.

BBColt78 · July 2014

@emy730‌ @cko521‌

I promise you girls that babies get easier!!!! It's stressful that's for sure, but the newborn phase will go. The first 6 weeks suck.

When those babies can't be settled, try skin to skin, swaddle, sushhhhing, and bouncing. Hopefully some of those work. Oh and sucking! So paci or nurse to calm.

You girls are doing great, hang in there.

BBColt78 · July 2014

@ghostof5letters‌ I'll be dying to know what he says.

Hormones suck and are a mind fuck like you said. I had Tatum Tuesday with a friend earlier. Hope this helps

ksspiff · July 2014

@BPaws‌ , my daughter had silent reflux and would cry and scream for hours. It's HARD to listen to. You have all my sympathy for dealing with that and another kid at the same time.
And yeah, someone screaming at you all day does not lend itself to bonding. Focus on keeping averting safe and healthy, and wait for the bonding until he can he can at least smile. ~hugs~

ksspiff · July 2014

Katieryan13 said:
Does anyone else have anxiety to where it makes them nauseous? I am 6 days pp and it is hard for me to do/eat anything. I just want to sleep. Breastfeeding is going pretty horrible and I really wish I could just switch to formula but I feel like I need to give it at least a week. I know everyone said newborns were hard but it really sucks right now.

Yes, my anxiety makes me nauseous with loss of appetite. Not alone in that.

I gave myself a two week goal for BFing, met it, then decided it was too stressful to continue. Setting short term goals is VERY smart, IMO. We all should do more short term goal setting.

emy730 · July 2014

BPaws said:
4 weeks pp
I'm still having a really hard time bonding with LO. I was feeling guilty about my strong relationship with Ds1, but now with Ds2 and his colic, I'm finding it even harder. He screams. For hours and hours. With no relenting. dS1 is forced to play by himself in a corner while I try everything under the sun to calm Ds2. He just screams. By the time he finally passed out, I don't want to touch him anymore. I feel guilty because I should want to snuggle him. But I don't. I keep handing him off to DF when he gets home so I can play with Ds1. I actually dread the moment he wakes up. Feeling so awfully about him is making me depressed. We wanted this angry little baby so bad, but nothing we do makes him happy. I'm so frustrated and sad and feeling isolated from everyone. Mike doesn't understand when I say I can't handle hours and hours of straight screaming while I pace the house bouncing a grumpy baby- He's at work all day, so he only sees a few hours at a time. I don't even think anti depressants would help, because he's still going to be screaming!

I feel you on the bonding thing. I feel so detached and after I finally get her calmed down, I just want to be away from her. I also feel isolated and sad and like I just want to run away. I am on antidepressants, but I'm not sure how they're supposed to help either when all she wants to do is scream in the middle of the night. I just feel hopeless and helpless.

emy730 · July 2014

BBColt78 said:
@emy730‌ @cko521‌

I promise you girls that babies get easier!!!! It's stressful that's for sure, but the newborn phase will go. The first 6 weeks suck.

When those babies can't be settled, try skin to skin, swaddle, sushhhhing, and bouncing. Hopefully some of those work. Oh and sucking! So paci or nurse to calm.

You girls are doing great, hang in there.

Thank you for your kind words. I really hope you're right because it does not feel like things are going to get easier. I'm trying to keep the faith that you're right, but it's hard as hell.

ghostof5letters · July 2014

For those who feel detached from their children. My oldest daughter was a total stranger invader in our home. I felt detached the entire pregnancy and for the first 3-4 months. It wasn't until about 9 months until I got into my groove.

Why don't they ask about detachment in the PPD screenings?

All that being said, it did pass, and my DD1 and I are super close. I'm sorry you're going through all that is happening, but it passes. Talk to your doctors, I really wish I had, but since the screenings really only mentioned hurting myself or the baby, I didn't think I was suffering. I was suffering.

You're all doing great. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's just a super sucky long ass tunnel.

alyss0nl · July 2014

I want to echo that by 9 months, I really truly enjoyed my DS and my PPD was well managed with antidepressants. I think that was the best age out of his first year of life.

Jbosarge85 · July 2014

I'm 6 days pp. Been crying every day the past few days. I just feel really guilty over DD, afraid she'll feel unloved. DH had been taking DS for a bit each morning so I can play with her and that has helped. I still cry just holding her some times. DH and I have also been fighting so I've been crying over that too. I'm hoping it ends soon.

sarahdallen · July 2014

@BBColt78‌- BF is physically easy but mentally so hard. My family ( not DH) but my mom aren't supportive. I'm heavier with a huge rack and she thinks it's a inappropriate for ME to bf in public or on the couch. Again pretty isolating. We are on vacation with her for three weeks! On the flip side I do have a heart condition where I won't be able to bf for very long anyway that we are going to be transitioning to formula within a few weeks.

Mentally the thought of formula makes me feel so relieved. I've had lots of help these past few days with DS so that has kept me even and sane with no yelling. Trying to be positive and honest. I go to the doctor tomorrow where this all will be discussed at length.

Hope to check in more regularly too...

emy730 · July 2014

Having a rough morning here. She did okay last night and we were able to get some sleep, but I just don't want to get out of bed. I just feel very empty right now, like I want to cry but can't.

DH goes back to work on the 18th and I can't stop thinking about that. We are so blessed that he was able to have that much time, but I'm afraid of how I'll cope.

I made an appointment with a counselor for next Thursday who specializes in PPD. She initially didn't have any openings until the end of August, but worked me into her schedule. I'm very thankful for that and I hope it is successful.

Sorry for the brain dump, just feels better to get it out. I hope you are all doing okay today. This has to get better eventually, right?

ksspiff · July 2014

Yes, we just need to keep telling ourselves. It gets better.

Today I feel like a zombie, I'm tired and emotionally shutdown. I'm ok with that, if it helps me get through the day.

emy730 · July 2014

ksspiff said:
Yes, we just need to keep telling ourselves. It gets better.

Today I feel like a zombie, I'm tired and emotionally shutdown. I'm ok with that, if it helps me get through the day.

I think you're right. Sometimes just identifying our feelings can help push us through.

ksspiff · July 2014

Is anyone having problems falling asleep for naps?

TwizzyG · July 2014

This thread has made me feel better. I'm 2 weeks PP and completely miserable. Wondering why I ever thought it was a good idea to have a baby combined with swearing off any additional ones in the future.

Between lack of sleep, random crying (me), and a baby who only seems to be happy when she's attached to my boob...I feel so helpless. I get so frustrated when she finishes eating and it seems like 15 minutes later she's screaming again...and when she won't sleep in her swing or rock n play, but naps on my chest (sleeps fine in her crib at night though). I don't feel like myself and I can't get anything done and it's driving me nuts.

And then I feel worse cause I look at her and she's beautiful and I feel like a horrible mother for even thinking anything bad about her.

This is a roller coaster of emotions I was not prepared for.

It helps to know I'm not the only person going through this. And it helps that those who have experienced this all say it gets better. But right now it's just really really hard.

emy730 · July 2014

ksspiff said:
Is anyone having problems falling asleep for naps?

Yes, I'm having a terrible time napping. And then I get anxious about the fact that I'm not sleeping and round and round it goes.

lindslalala · July 2014

6 days PP and I was finally able to have a tear free evening yesterday!

It was our first day with basically no visitors and we had what I'd consider a "normal" day as a family. I realized that all the people who've been taking my 2yo for an hour here or there are actually doing more harm than good. I'm not used to being away from him so often and it was really upsetting me despite their good intentions.

I'm so happy to have identified what was causing my issues, and now I think I'll be able to handle it better going forward.

kweaver123 · July 2014

Today was actually a really good day for me. 3 weeks pp. We went to the beach for the day with my dh's brother and our niece. It felt amazing to get out of the house and do something fun. Our little one was great the whole time and no tears from me!

earichar23 · July 2014

Spoke with my Dr today and am on the fence about starting Zoloft. How do you know if what you're feeling is BB or if you really have PPD?

emy730 · July 2014

earichar23 said:
Spoke with my Dr today and am on the fence about starting Zoloft. How do you know if what you're feeling is BB or if you really have PPD?

I found this link really helpful: https://www.postpartumprogress.com/the-symptoms-of-postpartum-depression-anxiety-in-plain-mama-english

I'm on mobile so that might not have linked.

ksspiff · July 2014

BB only lasts for the first two weeks or so. If your doc recommended Zoloft, I'd highly consider it. Zoloft helped me after my first, and it's safe for BFing

TricksyPixie · August 2014

Hey ladies. Well. Yesterday was DH's grandpa's funeral. Still can't cry. Antidepressants do that to me. I loved him though. Always made me laugh and feel like part of the family. We got our old car running, insured and tagged. So at least we can get where we are going. Have to see my doctor Monday, and I'm seeing my old LC just to say thanks afterward. Is it weird that I fantasized about kissing her. Wtf?

Depression seems to be subsiding, but I dread my DH going to work tomorrow. I got spoiled to having him here for 8 days.. Still hate being alone. Still hate bottle feeding.

Hoshikitsune · August 2014

emy730 said:

Spoke with my Dr today and am on the fence about starting Zoloft. How do you know if what you're feeling is BB or if you really have PPD?
I found this link really helpful: https://www.postpartumprogress.com/the-symptoms-of-postpartum-depression-anxiety-in-plain-mama-english I'm on mobile so that might not have linked.

Thank you for the link. I am calling my doctor tomorrow.

ARogers26 · August 2014

4 days pp.

I hope this is exhaustion. Had an un expected csection. That also makes me worry. H is worried. I have dealt with depression in the past. I just feel tired and overwhelmed. Nursing is hard. No sleep. Blah. I have a follow up appointment tomorrow. I am going to ask for help/if this is normal sand for a lactation consultant rec. I think I would feel a bit better if I knew he was latching properly.

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