To breast feed or not to breast feed?

Trouble81 · July 2014

So a coworker of mine's wife had a baby a couple of days ago, and I overheard him talking about how his wife is not breast feeding. I understand to each their own, but the reason WHY just baffled me! He was almost bragging about how he isn't ALLOWING his wife to because he does not want her breasts to sag! Are you kidding me??? I wanted to start screaming at him! Is this a normal thing? Do other people think this way? Just curious I guess! I personally would breast feed any of my babies and I really don't understand why you wouldn't if you physically had nothing stopping you. I understand that it is time consuming, and unless you pump dad can't exactly help, and you could get back to work quicker if formula feeding, but I also see the benefits of breast feeding and wonder why people opt out (other than a medical reason/ sensitivity)?! Any opinions out there to help me better understand? Thank you!

starrynight1658 · July 2014

As long as the baby is fed, the reasons behind the decision are no one's business. I'm so fucking sick of hearing about it.

jennjilljo · July 2014

I hate when people don't BF for selfish reasons. There is SO much science supporting BF as healthier with benefits that reach from intelligence to lowered chances of behavioral problems in the future (the milk doesn't affect behavior, the parental bond does). I understand not being able to but I don't understand choosing not to.

Jay_Cee · July 2014

It's a personal choice. I loved breast feeding my daughter, and it was cheap to do. But I wouldn't judge someone for not breast feeding. Though if that man's wife wanted to breast feed, he shouldn't be a dick and say she can't because her breasts will sag. Pregnancy does that, not just breast feeding.

starrynight1658 · July 2014

jennwilhoite said:

I hate when people don't BF for selfish reasons. There is SO much science supporting BF as healthier with benefits that reach from intelligence to lowered chances of behavioral problems in the future (the milk doesn't affect behavior, the parental bond does). I understand not being able to but I don't understand choosing not to.

Growing up in a loving, secure home with loving, compassionate parents will get the same results. Breast milk is not a magic wand. Yes, it's the better choice, but formula doesn't harm babies.

animalcrckr · July 2014

He just sounds really uneducated about breastfeeding. Your breasts do not sag because of breastfeeding. It's been shown to be due to pregnancy. So unfortunately, he is mistaken. The breasts undergo all the changes while pregnant so the damage has already been done:)

You will find all kinds of opinions on breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is not any more time consuming than bottle feeding. In fact, I would think bottle feeding takes more time overall. I have been able to breastfeed all my children and worked full time with the both my boys. Even though I did all the nightly feeds and pumped during work hours DH found ways to help out to lessen the load (he washed all pump parts/bottles, etc). From experience, a supportive spouse is one of the main factors to successful breastfeeding.

psychobutthead · July 2014

People should be happy that the child will even be fed. BF isnt for everyone. I would rather someone make a "selfish" choice to not do it then to do it because they feel that have to. To each their own. As long as baby is fed who cares how they do it or why.

triplej9 · July 2014

Yeah, the reason you overheard your coworker give is irritating to me. Tits were put here for the purpose of feeding your child, not your husband's viewing pleasure.

I don't mind people who don't choose to breastfeed, it is their choice... but a husband 'not letting' his wife so her tits won't sag is ridiculous beyond belief.

ETA: IF that is the real reason...

smg2302 · July 2014

I couldn't agree more with @starrynight1685

Also, who gets to define what a selfish reason is? Families get to choose what's best for them. Choosing breastfeeding for your family is a great decision. Judging someone else for choosing not to breastfeed is not.

thegoodpotato · July 2014

Actually, they recently did a study. Other than the early benefits of passed-on immunity, breast feeding has no long-term benefits over formula feeding.

Know what? I don't enjoy breast feeding. This baby will be on formula. That's my decision. Why would it be anyone's business how I feed my baby?

KMac570 · July 2014

I breastfed LO for 15 months and would still be going strong if two doctors hadn't told me to stop once I became pregnant (given my history of loss and complications). It is not debatable that breast is best for baby. That was my choice, but I do not judge or criticize other mamas for making a different choice for their family.

That said, this man's reasons are bullsh!t (and factually incorrect). I love my DH and we parent as a team, but I'm sorry, no way no how would I let him tell me whether I can nurse my child, ESPECIALLY for those reasons.

bhjones1980 · July 2014

CrazyCornball said:

I don't really care if you BF or not. I know people who just didn't want to, and that's fine. I don't really like hearing stories about how a husband won't let his wife breastfeed for cosmetic reasons, but we don't really know if that is the whole story. Maybe she doesn't want to BF for cosmetic reasons, too? Maybe she tried and it didn't work. Who knows. You're probably not getting the whole story.

who freaking knows, the guy could just be shooting off his mouth about the "reason" to appear "cool" to his work friends.

there could be some completely different reason she CHOOSES not to, maybe she just doesn't want to.

not our business.

schnitz9 · July 2014

As a FTM I'm oblivious. Hope this isn't a stupid question. If a women chooses not to breast feed doesn't the milk still come in in some way or another so you have to pump. I know you don't produce Milk for as long but wouldn't his wife still have to pump for a bit negating his "i don't want her boobs to sag". I had a friend who unfortunately lost her son at 6 months and he never left the hospital. She was never able to breastfeed and I know she was donating her milk. I think it should be a mothers decision and every women has a right to their choice and I would never judge either way. I am choosing to breastfeed if I can because I can save money on formula.

srcr2011 · July 2014

He is an idiot to say things like that at work. I would be upset if I were his wife. It is inappropriate to make comments about his wife's body and what he wants/doesn't want in her body/breasts at WORK.

Also BF doesn't make them sag, pregnancy does, as well as gravity and age.

bhjones1980 · July 2014

on another note, I would like to add, I have BFed my DS for 16 months (still working on weaning), and my breasts look fantastic, maybe even BETTER than they did before getting pregnant with him...

at least that is what I make my DH tell me....

"they are real and they are spectacular!"

thegoodpotato · July 2014

schnitz9 said:

As a FTM I'm oblivious. Hope this isn't a stupid question. If a women chooses not to breast feed doesn't the milk still come in in some way or another so you have to pump. I know you don't produce Milk for as long but wouldn't his wife still have to pump for a bit negating his "i don't want her boobs to sag". I had a friend who unfortunately lost her son at 6 months and he never left the hospital. She was never able to breastfeed and I know she was donating her milk. I think it should be a mothers decision and every women has a right to their choice and I would never judge either way. I am choosing to breastfeed if I can because I can save money on formula.

Yes, your milk still comes in, but if you don't use it, you lose it. It hurts for a while due to engorgement, but eventually goes away.

psychobutthead · July 2014

I think the husband was shooting off atthe mouth. Which some men tend to do when the wife isnt around. But reguardless.if he told her no because her tits will sag and she agreed to it for the same reason who cares? Theyre her tits he.cant actually force her not to.
There shouldnt be Bf Shaming or formula shaming. Who cares why its her choice.

michelle142 · July 2014

How your baby is fed is such a personal decision. I loathe when people get judgmental over a decision that has absolutely nothing to do with them.

As long as baby is being fed, THAT is what matters.

BF vs. FF is such a tired debate.

smg2302 · July 2014

thegoodpotato said:

schnitz9 said:

As a FTM I'm oblivious. Hope this isn't a stupid question. If a women chooses not to breast feed doesn't the milk still come in in some way or another so you have to pump. I know you don't produce Milk for as long but wouldn't his wife still have to pump for a bit negating his "i don't want her boobs to sag". I had a friend who unfortunately lost her son at 6 months and he never left the hospital. She was never able to breastfeed and I know she was donating her milk. I think it should be a mothers decision and every women has a right to their choice and I would never judge either way. I am choosing to breastfeed if I can because I can save money on formula.

Yes, your milk still comes in, but if you don't use it, you lose it. It hurts for a while due to engorgement, but eventually goes away.

This. DD was formula fed. My milk came in, but pumping didn't relieve anything (milk wouldn't come out). It took about 3.5 weeks for the milk to go away.

jennjilljo · July 2014

I know there are other ways to get positive behavioral results from kids. I do hate it when not BF is because of saggy boobs or just not wanting too. The benefits go beyond just immunity. I'm not judging people for not BF, I just think it's a bad decision if you don't when you're completely capable. That's my opinion.

That being said. I honestly don't care what everyone else does with their kids. Whether I think it's a bad decision or not, it in no way affects me or my family. My opinion is my opinion and nothing more so no need to get upset, angry or offended just because I don't agree.

srcr2011 · July 2014

bhjones1980 said:
on another note, I would like to add, I have BFed my DS for 16 months (still working on weaning), and my breasts look fantastic, maybe even BETTER than they did before getting pregnant with him...

at least that is what I make my DH tell me....

"they are real and they are spectacular!"

-----------quote box-----------------------

Me too, I'm pretty small up top. I did get bigger when I was KU, and BF for 19 months. My itty bitties look as if nothing ever happened lol

mommy510 · July 2014

thegoodpotato said:

schnitz9 said:

As a FTM I'm oblivious. Hope this isn't a stupid question. If a women chooses not to breast feed doesn't the milk still come in in some way or another so you have to pump. I know you don't produce Milk for as long but wouldn't his wife still have to pump for a bit negating his "i don't want her boobs to sag". I had a friend who unfortunately lost her son at 6 months and he never left the hospital. She was never able to breastfeed and I know she was donating her milk. I think it should be a mothers decision and every women has a right to their choice and I would never judge either way. I am choosing to breastfeed if I can because I can save money on formula.

Yes, your milk still comes in, but if you don't use it, you lose it. It hurts for a while due to engorgement, but eventually goes away.

You don't have to pump or nurse, but it is very uncomfortable to be engorged. Also, I would think that the milk coming in would damage your breasts if you leave them swollen and engorged (maybe not, but I know I personally got quite a few stretchmarks while BF that were not there during pregnancy.)

thegoodpotato · July 2014

Like I said, the benefits don't go beyond immunity. They've done studies. Breast fed vs formula fed do not show stronger maternal bonds or higher IQs.

I could definitely nurse if I wanted to. But I don't. How is it right for you to say my decision to formula feed is a 'bad' one?

I'm so tired of sanctimonious breast feeding people.

starrynight1658 · July 2014

jennwilhoite said:

I know there are other ways to get positive behavioral results from kids. I do hate it when not BF is because of saggy boobs or just not wanting too. The benefits go beyond just immunity. I'm not judging people for not BF, I just think it's a bad decision if you don't when you're completely capable. That's my opinion. That being said. I honestly don't care what everyone else does with their kids. Whether I think it's a bad decision or not, it in no way affects me or my family. My opinion is my opinion and nothing more so no need to get upset, angry or offended just because I don't agree.

Ummm, this is judging.

bhjones1980 · July 2014

srcr2011 said:

on another note, I would like to add, I have BFed my DS for 16 months (still working on weaning), and my breasts look fantastic, maybe even BETTER than they did before getting pregnant with him...

at least that is what I make my DH tell me....

"they are real and they are spectacular!"
-----------quote box----------------------- Me too, I'm pretty small up top. I did get bigger when I was KU, and BF for 19 months. My itty bitties look as if nothing ever happened lol

Yeah, my post was sort of a joke.

but props to you!

jaztastic · July 2014

I really think he is just talking shit. But Im on the bandwagon of its no ones business either way. I personally dont want to "breast feed" in the sense of having a baby attached to my boob. But Im not against pumping and bottle feeding breast milk. And the reasons are I guess selfish. I dont want to be stuck with feeding duties all by myself. I want dad, and grandma, and grandpa, and aunties, and uncles to all bond with baby and feed him and soothe him. I dont feel comfortable (right now) with having a child be as clingy as Ive seen some children who are EBF. But thats just me and my opinion.

My boob, my baby, my life...

Trouble81 · July 2014

I am really glad I am getting so many responses! I hope I didn't come off sounding judgemental, I am just honestly curious! I haven't read anything about the controversy between the two before so I apologize if this is a repeat for you all. There was much more to my coworkers story as to why he was not allowing her to bf, and it was solely because of what her body would become. He is a jerk. He talks about his wife as a slave and demands things of her. I just didn't know if other people actually felt/thought this way. I am a formula fed baby and I bf mine like I said to each their own, just curious on reasons why.

lizjennings81 · July 2014

jaztaz1 said:

I really think he is just talking shit. But Im on the bandwagon of its no ones business either way. I personally dont want to "breast feed" in the sense of having a baby attached to my boob. But Im not against pumping and bottle feeding breast milk. And the reasons are I guess selfish. I dont want to be stuck with feeding duties all by myself. I want dad, and grandma, and grandpa, and aunties, and uncles to all bond with baby and feed him and soothe him. I dont feel comfortable (right now) with having a child be as clingy as Ive seen some children who are EBF. But thats just me and my opinion.

My boob, my baby, my life…

And that right there sums it up, folks.

(Excellent point about others feeding the baby, though. I definitely want my husband to have that, too.)

jennjilljo · July 2014

starrynight1658 said:

jennwilhoite said:

I know there are other ways to get positive behavioral results from kids. I do hate it when not BF is because of saggy boobs or just not wanting too. The benefits go beyond just immunity. I'm not judging people for not BF, I just think it's a bad decision if you don't when you're completely capable. That's my opinion.

That being said. I honestly don't care what everyone else does with their kids. Whether I think it's a bad decision or not, it in no way affects me or my family. My opinion is my opinion and nothing more so no need to get upset, angry or offended just because I don't agree.

Ummm, this is judging.

I'm not saying it makes you a bad parent or that you don't love your kid. I just think it's a bad choice. I think it's a bad idea to put blankets and stuffed animals in the crib but people still do and are still excellent parents. I think not vaccinating is a bad choice but there are tons of great anti-vaxxer parents out there who love their kids very much. Disagreeing with someone's choice isn't judging them. It's just disagreeing.

kismetjess · July 2014

The moral of the story: Men are stupid. And this girl is stupid for letting her husband dictate what she can/can't do with her body.

I don't care what people decide to do. I mostly BF and supplemented with some Formula due to low supply. I made it 10 months. The first 2 months were hard and DH not being able to help out with feedings was difficult, but in the long run I found it easier than formula. At night, I could pick up DD, lie her next to me in bed and dose on and off while she nursed. If she was on bottles I would have to go downstairs, make a bottle, warm it, and come back up to feed her, all while fully awake. I also hated washing bottles. Like...loathed it.

Anyways, do what works for you when baby comes.

bhjones1980 · July 2014

jennwilhoite said:

jennwilhoite said:

I know there are other ways to get positive behavioral results from kids. I do hate it when not BF is because of saggy boobs or just not wanting too. The benefits go beyond just immunity. I'm not judging people for not BF, I just think it's a bad decision if you don't when you're completely capable. That's my opinion. That being said. I honestly don't care what everyone else does with their kids. Whether I think it's a bad decision or not, it in no way affects me or my family. My opinion is my opinion and nothing more so no need to get upset, angry or offended just because I don't agree.

Ummm, this is judging.
I'm not saying it makes you a bad parent or that you don't love your kid. I just think it's a bad choice. I think it's a bad idea to put blankets and stuffed animals in the crib but people still do and are still excellent parents. I think not vaccinating is a bad choice but there are tons of great anti-vaxxer parents out there who love their kids very much. Disagreeing with someone's choice isn't judging them. It's just disagreeing.

You should probably just stop posting on this topic

comparing FF to people who are engaging in potentially risky behavior (like increased risk of suffocation and SIDs with blankets) or non-vaxer (don't even get me started), is really insulting.

momma2nubs · July 2014

I have a friend who chose not to for no real reason. Just that she didn't want to. I was very careful not to be negative toward her because I am pro-breast feeding! She ended up regretting it on her own and said with baby #2 she will atleast attempt!

thegoodpotato · July 2014

bhjones1980 said:

jennwilhoite said:

jennwilhoite said:

I know there are other ways to get positive behavioral results from kids. I do hate it when not BF is because of saggy boobs or just not wanting too. The benefits go beyond just immunity. I'm not judging people for not BF, I just think it's a bad decision if you don't when you're completely capable. That's my opinion. That being said. I honestly don't care what everyone else does with their kids. Whether I think it's a bad decision or not, it in no way affects me or my family. My opinion is my opinion and nothing more so no need to get upset, angry or offended just because I don't agree.

Ummm, this is judging.
I'm not saying it makes you a bad parent or that you don't love your kid. I just think it's a bad choice. I think it's a bad idea to put blankets and stuffed animals in the crib but people still do and are still excellent parents. I think not vaccinating is a bad choice but there are tons of great anti-vaxxer parents out there who love their kids very much. Disagreeing with someone's choice isn't judging them. It's just disagreeing.

You should probably just stop posting on this topic

comparing FF to people who are engaging in potentially risky behavior (like increased risk of suffocation and SIDs with blankets) or non-vaxer (don't even get me started), is really insulting.

This. Comparing formula feeding with reckless endangerment? Not cool. REALLY not cool.

starrynight1658 · July 2014

jennwilhoite said:

jennwilhoite said:

I know there are other ways to get positive behavioral results from kids. I do hate it when not BF is because of saggy boobs or just not wanting too. The benefits go beyond just immunity. I'm not judging people for not BF, I just think it's a bad decision if you don't when you're completely capable. That's my opinion. That being said. I honestly don't care what everyone else does with their kids. Whether I think it's a bad decision or not, it in no way affects me or my family. My opinion is my opinion and nothing more so no need to get upset, angry or offended just because I don't agree.

Ummm, this is judging.
I'm not saying it makes you a bad parent or that you don't love your kid. I just think it's a bad choice. I think it's a bad idea to put blankets and stuffed animals in the crib but people still do and are still excellent parents. I think not vaccinating is a bad choice but there are tons of great anti-vaxxer parents out there who love their kids very much. Disagreeing with someone's choice isn't judging them. It's just disagreeing.

Please tell me you aren't equating formula feeding with other decisions that could endanger a child's life? Because that's sure as hell what it sounds like, and that's really fucking offensive.

bhjones1980 · July 2014

momma2nubs said:

I have a friend who chose not to for no real reason. Just that she didn't want to. I was very careful not to be negative toward her because I am pro-breast feeding! She ended up regretting it on her own and said with baby #2 she will atleast attempt!

someone didn't read all the posts in this thread.

schnitz9 · July 2014

For those FF feeding moms. What was your average cost of formula per month? Would like to breastfeed (still have to see if I can as I am a FTM) due to the fact that its basically free. Having a little more freedom does sound nice though. But we just built a brand new house, bought a new car, and will no paid leave for 3 1/2 months need to be a bit more budget conscious. Heard formula can be very expensive. Was there a way you kept the cost down?

michelle142 · July 2014

FWIW, I BF my son for 16 months.

Personal decision.

My BFF FF her son from day 1.

Guess what? Our kids are equally awesome.

michelle142 · July 2014

starrynight1658 said:

jennwilhoite said:

jennwilhoite said:

I know there are other ways to get positive behavioral results from kids. I do hate it when not BF is because of saggy boobs or just not wanting too. The benefits go beyond just immunity. I'm not judging people for not BF, I just think it's a bad decision if you don't when you're completely capable. That's my opinion. That being said. I honestly don't care what everyone else does with their kids. Whether I think it's a bad decision or not, it in no way affects me or my family. My opinion is my opinion and nothing more so no need to get upset, angry or offended just because I don't agree.

Ummm, this is judging.
I'm not saying it makes you a bad parent or that you don't love your kid. I just think it's a bad choice. I think it's a bad idea to put blankets and stuffed animals in the crib but people still do and are still excellent parents. I think not vaccinating is a bad choice but there are tons of great anti-vaxxer parents out there who love their kids very much. Disagreeing with someone's choice isn't judging them. It's just disagreeing.

Please tell me you aren't equating formula feeding with other decisions that could endanger a child's life? Because that's sure as hell what it sounds like, and that's really fucking offensive.

FF =/= to anti-vaxing.

Anti-vaxing exposes your child and others to risk of deadly diseases. FF? Not so much.

jennjilljo · July 2014

2013JEM said:

jennwilhoite said:

I hate when people don't BF for selfish reasons. There is SO much science supporting BF as healthier with benefits that reach from intelligence to lowered chances of behavioral problems in the future (the milk doesn't affect behavior, the parental bond does). I understand not being able to but I don't understand choosing not to.

And uhh...I am pretty effing bonded to my kid, mmmKay? Thanks. That is an awful thing to say.

What is BF doesn't work out for you---will your child not be bonded to you? What about your baby's daddy? Does his bond not count?!

It's just an example from a study that I've read. Of course it's possible to bond without BF. Here is a link to a whole host of studies I've read. These are the studies I've read for the past few years about the subject.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/search/?q=Breast+feeding&x=-201&y=-49&display=search

starrynight1658 · July 2014

schnitz9 said:

For those FF feeding moms. What was your average cost of formula per month? Would like to breastfeed (still have to see if I can as I am a FTM) due to the fact that its basically free. Having a little more freedom does sound nice though. But we just built a brand new house, bought a new car, and will no paid leave for 3 1/2 months need to be a bit more budget conscious. Heard formula can be very expensive. Was there a way you kept the cost down?

It ran us about 70 bucks a month until he was three or four months old, and then around 100 bucks a month after that. We bought Similac because that's what worked, but there's definitely cheaper options. A lot of the bigger companies will mail formula checks for 5 bucks, so that helps too.

momma2nubs · July 2014

bhjones1980 said:

momma2nubs said:

I have a friend who chose not to for no real reason. Just that she didn't want to. I was very careful not to be negative toward her because I am pro-breast feeding! She ended up regretting it on her own and said with baby #2 she will atleast attempt!

someone didn't read all the posts in this thread.

That is not true. Just because I chose to ignore the "bitching" back and forth and respond to the original thoughts does not mean I didn't read.

My comment was meant to be positive on allowing people to make their own decisions. My friend didn't regret giving her daughter formula. She regretted not trying to breast feed for herself. In some ways I think breast feeding is more about the mom that the baby. Yes I know science says breast feeding is best or whatever but if it's not best for the mom it's really not best. We'll all have saggy boobs eventually

Want a personalized experience?

To breast feed or not to breast feed?

Re: To breast feed or not to breast feed?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards