Will you have your older child present for your delivery?

aerotigergirl · July 2014

I have friends who had their two older children present for their home delivery of their third child. At the time, I think the older ones were 5 and 9? Would you have your older children present at your delivery? What age range do you consider appropriate for this?

FTR: DS will not yet be 4 when this little one comes along, and we are not planning to have him present for the delivery. However, it's not an idea that makes me squeamish. I just think our DS might still be a little too immature to understand what is going on, and it might scare him to see mommy in pain. I just thought I'd ask this question because I'm curious, and I thought it might give us a break from our other daily debates.

YaMrWhite · July 2014

My daughter will be 2.5 yrs and is quite needy and would not do well in that setting. She will be with my step-mom, dad, and brothers who live about 10 minutes from the hospital and when baby is here, they will promptly come over!

liladelphia215 · July 2014

DD will be just about 4. I think she's too young and it would be too scary for her. If I had a teenager and he/she expressed an interest, I wouldn't be opposed.

vjdk07 · July 2014

Our boys will be 15 and 7 when this one is born. They will not be present.

Beauxbaton · July 2014

Nom our son will only be 16 months old. He will come visit after the baby is born. And then stay at home with my parents. And come back when he needs a mom or dad hug.
I look back on the time alone we had with our son in the hospital and I'm really glad we had it. We didn't have to worry about anything but him. Once we got back to the house it was more visitors, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry. And back to work for my husband.

Disneygeek77 · July 2014

I was 9 when I saw my little sister being born. To this day I don't think I should have been there. I was really uncomfortable and didn't like seeing my mom in pain. But that is me, all kids are different.

mandikins27 · July 2014

I personally wouldnt. Last august i delivered my friends baby in my home her boys were here as well as my girls ages 12-8 and they were all pretty scared. And as for myself while delivering this one i dont want to divide my attention bc i know if they are present im going to worry about them

Mrs_Bennett · July 2014

Nope. My kiddos will be 4 and 2 when this baby is born, so they're definitely too young. I think the pain and blood could be scary, and it doesn't really seem like a memory that I would want them to have of me when they're older (even if they were older now!). I have absolutely no regrets that I did not see my mom birth my brothers. Plus, I have no intention of answering DS1's 400 "why?" questions when I'm in labor! Meeting their newborn sibling when we're both cleaned up and ready to go will be a memory that I will treasure forever, and is quite sufficient for me.

aerotigergirl · July 2014

@Disneygeek77- Interesting! I can definitely understand it being very scary to see a parent in a lot of pain. Was that the only reason you were uncomfortable?

letsgox · July 2014

Caroline will only be 2. I don't think it would be a great place for her. I'd rather her be at home with family and come down to the hospital when we are settled. As @YaMrWhite‌ said, she has more needs than I would be able to tend to right after childbirth. I think she will be happy to be with MIL.

YaMrWhite · July 2014

Also, god forbid something happens or I need to be rushed to OR or something along those lines. I'd hate for her to see that.

Samiantha101 · July 2014

This is actually a corcern of mine. I hope to deli ever during daycare hours, otherwise there is a good chance my daughter, who will be 2 and a half at the time, will have to be there. I hate the idea, and I sincerely hope I can find an alternative. With that said, I absolutely would not choose to have my older children present.

Disneygeek77 · July 2014

aerotigergirl said:

@Disneygeek77- Interesting! I can definitely understand it being very scary to see a parent in a lot of pain. Was that the only reason you were uncomfortable?

Uhhhh no, I also didn't like seeing my mom all spread eagle like that either. I imagine my brother didn't like it either.

But again, all kids are different. My other sister was 5 or 6 and I think she liked seeing the birth.

aerotigergirl · July 2014

Disneygeek77 said:

aerotigergirl said:

@Disneygeek77- Interesting! I can definitely understand it being very scary to see a parent in a lot of pain. Was that the only reason you were uncomfortable?

Uhhhh no, I also didn't like seeing my mom all spread eagle like that either. I imagine my brother didn't like it either.

But again, all kids are different. My other sister was 5 or 6 and I think she liked seeing the birth.

This is exactly what I was wondering. Though I like the idea of letting kids see the real birth experience, I've wondered if my friend's son (he was the one who was 9) felt weird seeing his mom's business at that age. I think I would feel weird seeing my mom's business now, and I'm 35.

ECATX · July 2014

My daughter will only be 18 months old, so no. I'm torn about even having her visit because she'll be upset when she has to leave without me!

TXUltraRunner · July 2014

I think you're looking at years of therapy for your kids. I don't want to see anyone going through labor much less would I have wanted to see my mom do it.

AlfiesMOM · July 2014

Nope! Ella is only going to be 2.5 I think that would be very confusing for her. Plus, its so unpredictable I had her at 9:30 at night. My parents are local and will take her and keep her on her schedule. They will come visit after the baby is born.

UberBiz · July 2014

Nope. I'll be having an RCS and all children will be with my parents while FI and I are at the hospital.

SpaceGirlSpiff · July 2014

No.. DS will be 3 and a few months and probably wouldn't behave, but even if he were older...ehhh probably not...it wouldn't be comfortable for me because I'd always be worried about what he's feeling/thinking/needing and wouldn't concentrate on myself and the task at hand.

He will stay elsewhere (probably with my IL's) and then come visit at the hospital after baby is here.

motherboy · July 2014

Nope nope nope. Wouldn't want to do that to my poor kid. He's going to be having a blast with his grandparents. Once I and the baby are de-gunkified, he can come see us. But pp brings up a good point about not being able to leave with him.. It might cause a huge meltdown. He'll be two.

aerotigergirl · July 2014

TXUltraRunner said:

I think you're looking at years of therapy for your kids. I don't want to see anyone going through labor much less would I have wanted to see my mom do it.

Haha! This may be true! Like I said, my DS will not be present for our delivery. But I'm sure they'll both require years of therapy down the line anyway.

ECATX · July 2014

wahooMOM13 said:

My daughter was 17 mo when I had my 2nd. We didn't even have her come visit at the hospital bc she was terrified of anybody with a white coat on. We brought her to one of my checkups where they just took my blood pressure and listened to baby's heartbeat during the 3rd trimester and she did not like it one bit. So we decided to just wait until we came home so she would be in a familiar environment when meeting her sister for the first time. This time my girls will be almost 3.5 and almost 2 and we'll probably wait for them to meet their little brother when we get home from the hospital.

This is good to hear! I've been thinking of not having my daughter visit, but I felt like maybe I was being weird about it. She'll be 18 months and is a bit time mommy's girl, but at the same time, she's totally used to me going out of town for work for 2-3 days at a time. It seems like it would be harder on her to visit and then not have me leave with her.

Stargirlb · July 2014

My daughter was 3.5 and at the homebirth but slept through the entire thing. I would have been totally fine with her watching, neither of my births were super dramatic. I had my mom on call to be with her though if there were any issues. Both my kids will be here this time but my mom will be staying with us to help with them.

LaBellaVida · July 2014

Nope. They wouldn't want to see it anyway, so it's not even an issue. Only DH will be there, that's all I'll need.

Eyefrog · July 2014

No.

moonfaerie · July 2014

I have c-sections, so it's not an option to have children present, but no, I wouldn't want them there if I were birthing vaginally.

longcat07 · July 2014

we don't have any responsible family in the area (SO's brother is around but he's not terribly reliable), so we may not have a choice in the matter, unless SO can get his dad to drop everything and drive 2.5 hours at any hour to come take care of DS while we're at the hospital (about 7min down the road). i really, really don't want DS to be there. he'll be a few months shy of 5 when i deliver and i can't imagine him being ok with seeing his mom in pain like that, plus i really don't want SO's attention divided, since i'm really going to want his support.

Mama Grande · July 2014

My daughter will be 6 and and is obsessed with pregnant women and birth. She even pretends with a ball up her shirt

She is curious about medical stuff too so I think she'd really be interested in coming but the hospital has a policy of no children under 16 in the delivery rooms.

jennkg3 · July 2014

wahooMOM13 said:

wahooMOM13 said:

My daughter was 17 mo when I had my 2nd. We didn't even have her come visit at the hospital bc she was terrified of anybody with a white coat on. We brought her to one of my checkups where they just took my blood pressure and listened to baby's heartbeat during the 3rd trimester and she did not like it one bit. So we decided to just wait until we came home so she would be in a familiar environment when meeting her sister for the first time. This time my girls will be almost 3.5 and almost 2 and we'll probably wait for them to meet their little brother when we get home from the hospital.

This is good to hear! I've been thinking of not having my daughter visit, but I felt like maybe I was being weird about it. She'll be 18 months and is a bit time mommy's girl, but at the same time, she's totally used to me going out of town for work for 2-3 days at a time. It seems like it would be harder on her to visit and then not have me leave with her.
--------- Yes that too. We didn't want to make her upset by visiting and then leaving without me. Big mommy's girl as well! Plus it'll be cold and flu season, so there's that to think about too.

Beyond all this dd was 23 months when ds was born and was bored out of her mind. I think my dad didn't even meet ds till he came home because everytime he showed up at the hospital we were begging him to take dd lol. I want them to come but not stay.

So, no I wouldn't choose to have my kids at the birth. Ironically dd was there for ds's because it was an accidental homebirth. She was roaming the house lol. There was so much going on, until my parents arrived (they were coming so we could get to the hospital but came a bit late oops). She was very excited and still talks about it, however; because it could have gone much differently I would have never chosen to do it that way.

Beauxbaton · July 2014

@longcat07‌ if you don't want your daughter in the room when you actually deliver could you talk to a nurse at the hospital about staying in the waiting room when it comes time to push? A lot of the time the nursing staff is awesomely accommodating. But then if she is doing fine and everyone feels comfortable she could stay in the room.

Eta my phone keeps correcting in to I'm

longcat07 · July 2014

CuppyCakes721 said:

@longcat07‌ if you don't want your daughter in the room when you actually deliver could you talk to a nurse at the hospital about staying in the waiting room when it comes time to push? A lot of the time the nursing staff is awesomely accommodating. But then if she is doing fine and everyone feels comfortable she could stay in the room. Eta my phone keeps correcting in to I'm

son, not daughter, lol. i'm not even sure what my hospital's policies are about kids in the labor and delivery rooms, so i'll have to check on that, but doing something like that is a possibility. ideally, i'd go into labor during the day (or labor slowly enough that if it happened at night, we could wait it out till morning when FFIL could get here so i wouldn't have to take DS to the hospital at all, but labor rarely cares what would work out best in a given situation. lol. we'll figure something out.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

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TheMrsRN · July 2014

Here is a great video that shows how siblings can be included. However, a hospital setting just doesn't work very well to allow a child to come in and out and be comfortable. My son will be 3 and will be at the birth center. He can play in the playroom downstairs with family and come in and out of the birth suite. However, he will be prepared and know what the process entails. As a childbirth educator, he is already familiar with the process and as he says he can't wait for "baby comes out and drinks milk!" if the link doesn't show up, just google ceci birth video romy

Cbeanz · July 2014

Not at her age (2).

However I think it could be a great experience for an older kid who might be interested in biology or medicine.

Beauxbaton · July 2014

@longcat07‌ ugh. Sorry, I read your post. I read DS and "he'll." I think my brain put in daughter cause it was in the post directly above me.haha

KJsbabe · July 2014

No way! DD will be 2.5 and I'll be having a RCS, so she's not allowed in the OR anyways. But even if she was allowed, knowing her personality, she would be scared to death. Same with if I were to have a vaginal birth. She would be scared and crying and want mommy to hold her. She's a very shy, timmed girl and it would just be a bad situation all around. She'll be much better off spending the morning with MIL and visiting later after all is said and done.

And quite honestly, even at 29, I would not want to see my own mom give birth! Somethings are better left unseen!!

BookitBoo · July 2014

DS is two and a half so we wouldn't allow him to be in the room even if he could (RCS).

My mom nearly gave birth to my sister in the car on the ride to the hospital. She was wheeled into her room and less than 5 minutes later my little sister was born. Didn't even have time to start an IV or get her into a hospital gown and out of her clothes. It was pretty traumatizing for me, and I was 18. My mom is a very strong woman and I had no idea how to process the amount of pain she was in. Her water broke in the car (MY car) and I'm still not sure how we cleaned all that amniotic fluid out of the upholstery...

that was actually the perfect birth control. I never wanted to have babies after that, until I met my husband.

Stargirlb · July 2014

omg amazing birth video..... SOOOOO beautiful. I love it!

LadyXaverian · July 2014

No. DD will be just a couple of months shy of 4. I don't think it would be appropriate because she wouldn't like to see me struggle, and she would have a hard time understanding why she couldn't be up in my arms. She's a snuggle baby. I'll likely have a RCS anyway.

I teach high school freshmen, and last year, one of my students' moms had a baby. Not only was he present, but he cut the cord. I'm not sure what age I would consider appropriate, but he was thrilled to be there and see his brother being born.

mellie86041 · July 2014

NO.

DD will only be 2, and the last thing DH and I need during delivery is to have to babysit her too! Or worse... MIL would have to be there to keep an eye on her and there is no way in hell that's happening!

bigbobdole · July 2014

My daughter will be 8. She already told me she just wants to be in the tv room(waiting room) when I have the baby. She said she would come see it when it's not naked.

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