I'm the wife so it's my job, right?

SpaceGirlSpiff · July 2014

Those of you saying we're suggesting to separate or divorce because he doesn't do chores are missing the point...this is NOT about chores...that is a symptom of the problem... this is a character flaw in her husband that will continue to translate into a lack of reliability as they go through life.... when the baby comes, if nothing is addressed, I can guarantee you that is another thing that is going to fall FULLY on OP's shoulders... as life goes on, more responsibilities come up, more children, more challenges that she NEEDS HER PARTNER for....and he won't be there. And her allowing him to continue in this way only ingrains that character into him further...she's enabling it.

This relationship is NOT sustainable through the trials of life....it needs to be addressed NOW, or there is no hope as things go further and it gets harder to address. Soon it will not just be the OP depending on her husband, but their child and any future children....and that is not fair to them.... time for the husband to wake up and realize he's about to be a FATHER.

If he can't rise to the occasion, absolutely the OP needs to cut the weight... her child will need her to pull double duty while this H is in the house OR out of the house regardless, why continue to take care of him too?

Beauxbaton · July 2014

Disneygeek77 said:

CuppyCakes721 said:

JEMondy said:
Wow, so much hostility for the chore-challenged husbands while I was typing my response. If done of you ladies don't want to be married to a "lazy man child," then don't! But can you please assume that we didn't marry our men for their productivity?
This. I didn't marry my husband because he knows how to load the dishwasher.

Hey, that's fine, but you also lose the right to complain when you are the sole person taking care of the household.

Signed,

someone that is eternally grateful my husband knows how to load a dishwasher.

------
I guess I should add I stay at home and he works. But it wasn't always the case. And I don't lose the right to complain if he doesn't do the things I ask. I'm just saying that I think my husbands emotional support and help with our children are far more important than the housework. But that's how I feel about housework in general.

Signed,
Someone who is eternally greatful her husband knows how to load the dishwasher, just doesn't get super angry if he forgets.

vjdk07 · July 2014

CuppyCakes721 said:

Disneygeek77 said:

CuppyCakes721 said:

JEMondy said:
Wow, so much hostility for the chore-challenged husbands while I was typing my response. If done of you ladies don't want to be married to a "lazy man child," then don't! But can you please assume that we didn't marry our men for their productivity?
This. I didn't marry my husband because he knows how to load the dishwasher.

Hey, that's fine, but you also lose the right to complain when you are the sole person taking care of the household.

Signed,

someone that is eternally grateful my husband knows how to load a dishwasher.

------
I guess I should add I stay at home and he works. But it wasn't always the case. And I don't lose the right to complain if he doesn't do the things I ask. I'm just saying that I think my husbands emotional support and help with our children are far more important than the housework. But that's how I feel about housework in general.

Signed,
Someone who is eternally greatful her husband knows how to load the dishwasher, just doesn't get super angry if he forgets.

--------------------

But OP herself said she isn't getting the support she needs so......

Edited: bump quote fail

Beauxbaton · July 2014

@ladyamanuet‌ that's what I'm saying. He needs to deal with it. But I'm your first post where you said it it came across (to me anyway) that he just needs to up and get over it I'm a week. Because I agree. He needs to deal with it now before the baby gets here that way he can be helpful and enjoy fatherhood

SpaceGirlSpiff · July 2014

@CuppyCakes721 I really think your situation is FAR different from the OPs. This is not an attack on husbands that are not "perfect" house keepers. This problem is far worse, based on the info OP has provided.... again, the chores are merely one symptom.

Her husband is neither working outside OR inside the home..he's not contributing...well, anything! From what I can tell.

JEMondy · July 2014

Do I wish he did more around the house: yes. But that is only one small aspect of a relationship. I'm sorry that your husbands treated you like crap, and that lead to a divorce. I'm not going to try to tell you it shouldn't have because I don't know you, your ex, or the relationship you had. In the same respect, you don't know my relationship. The only thing you know is that he doesn't do an equal share of chores. That doesn't mean he doesn't support me when I need help. If I'm sick, he's there for me. He took almost a full week off of work when I went through my miscarriage, everyday he calls me beautiful and goes out of his way tomakeme feel special, but he just doesn't do it through chores. If his "selfish/manipulative" behavior leaked into the rest of our relationship (never listening, verbally degrading me, etc) then yes, maybe I would consider separation. But I have no doubt in my mind that my husband loves me, he just has trouble expressing that love through "acts of service." (5 love languages, look it up).

Disneygeek77 · July 2014

Hey I SAH too, but your husband is not like the OPs husband. There is a difference between focusing our your children as opposed to household chores and focusing on goofing off all day and household chores.

I know you are trying to see where the OP is coming from, but her husband is not like yours.

Beauxbaton · July 2014

@SpaceGirlSpiff‌ most of that rant was in reference to men who don't do housework aren't contributing to the relationship or that they aren't equal partners. I agree the OP's husband isn't giving her what she needs. But I think he has other issues to work through that need to be addressed.

SpaceGirlSpiff · July 2014

Yes, but we are reading between the lines too not just the rant at face value...and that's where our advice is coming from.

At least, I am... I wont speak for everyone else, but I think that's where they're coming from too

SpaceGirlSpiff · July 2014

Sorry I think I misunderstood what you meant at first...

But anyway... again, I'll just reiterate, I am reading her OP and picking up that this is more than chores... but I'm still coming to the same conclusion... if he doesn't shape up, it could absolutely be grounds for separating or divorce.

Beauxbaton · July 2014

RobertJane33 said:

CuppyCakes721 said:

gingerygirl said:
@CuppyCakes721‌ honestly, now that I think about it, he might be. He's been unemployed for a long time and his mother recently passed away. Up until then, she always took care of things for him (laundry and such before we lived together, bailing him out of money troubles, etc.) He's very used to being taken care of and now that that luxury has been taken away, I don't think he knows how to cope with it.
It might be good for him to seek counseling for himself alone then. And also couples counseling isn't a bad idea wither. Just remember in couples counseling just because you say it there doesn't mean he might act fine there and then get mad at home. I'd have a serious conversation about the death of his mother and if he is feeling depressed. Depression can manifest its self a lot of different ways. He could be feeling humiliated and shitty for not being able to provide. But I'd definitely sit down and have a serious talk with him. If nothing changes or go to counseling. And if that doesn't work then I'd start considering other options.

I think try counseling/couples counseling/etc. It really does sound like he may be depressed.

I've been in a similar position - I lost a job and was totally lost, didn't know what to do or how to find a new one. I sat at home all day playing video games and watching T.V. K was kind and patient enough (to a point) to help me get through it and come out the other side.

That said, how unusual is this pattern of behavior for him? Did he used to help out around the house, then stopped? Or has he never helped out, and now you are expecting him to?

--------
I think k this last paragraph is important information to know. Before the death of his mother and unemployment was he emotionally there and more invested, just perhaps not helpful? Or has he always been like this?

aerotigergirl · July 2014

Well, crap. It sounds like there's more to this story than I'd hoped, honestly. I didn't remember this similar post from early June, and I didn't remember this conversation about him getting angry when she didn't want to have sex.

I think I need more thorough information from the OP about some of the assumptions being made about the other aspects of her relationship. If it's true, as many are assuming, that her husband is disrespectful in all these other ways, then maybe a divorce is the best option. I agree that it's better to be on your own than in a crappy relationship that has no hope of changing (BTDT, though we didn't make it to the altar, just to engagement). But if OP has just misrepresented her husband, and he's horribly disrespectful (and co-dependent) in this way but is awesome in a lot of other ways, then maybe the relationship is worth saving.

@gingerygirl, this is your chance to backpedal. Otherwise, I'm sort of thinking that maybe a divorce is your best option after all.

ETA: tag

oboeodo · July 2014

First of all, you are wrong. It is not your job to take care of the whole house and work two jobs while he "looks" for a job and plays video games all day. This is a symptom of a greater problem. If it was just chores, you could remind him one time and he would then be doing chores. The fact that he keeps forgetting or is purposely not helping out is extremely disrespectful to you. He is not an animal, he has to be able to see your busy, stressed, and pregnant but is choosing not to do anything about it. If he doesn't see it, that's also a big problem.

I know from personal experience how a job loss can effect a man. It is very old fashioned, but it does seem to hit hem harder than it can women. That being said, my husband took ANYTHING when he couldn't find a job and ended up working for a factory, and it was 6 months before he even got there. Lots of part time work, weird temp agency jobs, and searching.

The fact that your husband is also grieving his mother who was a major support for him makes me believe he is depressed whether or not he can vocalize it or even realize that is what is happening. Now what happens to you if you lose ago job? What will happen to your lives, your home, and your baby? He needs to shape up and if you aren't ready for a divorce, I see on other option but to go to counseling. Talk to him about these things. And I mean TALK. Not yell or argue. I find it helpful to write out he things that I want to say first even though I am not going to read that price of paper. It helps me get out everything I need to say and then I can work on how to say it in a way that the other person will understand and hear.

Good luck with everything. I really hope things get better for you. They can. I truly believe that people live the life they want and that goes for both you and your husband. He is living the life he wants, but are you?

Edit: Somehow this came out as a giant block of text. So annoying.

NatureLovers · July 2014

CuppyCakes721 said:

RobertJane33 said:

CuppyCakes721 said:

gingerygirl said:
@CuppyCakes721‌ honestly, now that I think about it, he might be. He's been unemployed for a long time and his mother recently passed away. Up until then, she always took care of things for him (laundry and such before we lived together, bailing him out of money troubles, etc.) He's very used to being taken care of and now that that luxury has been taken away, I don't think he knows how to cope with it.
It might be good for him to seek counseling for himself alone then. And also couples counseling isn't a bad idea wither. Just remember in couples counseling just because you say it there doesn't mean he might act fine there and then get mad at home. I'd have a serious conversation about the death of his mother and if he is feeling depressed. Depression can manifest its self a lot of different ways. He could be feeling humiliated and shitty for not being able to provide. But I'd definitely sit down and have a serious talk with him. If nothing changes or go to counseling. And if that doesn't work then I'd start considering other options.

I think try counseling/couples counseling/etc. It really does sound like he may be depressed.

I've been in a similar position - I lost a job and was totally lost, didn't know what to do or how to find a new one. I sat at home all day playing video games and watching T.V. K was kind and patient enough (to a point) to help me get through it and come out the other side.

That said, how unusual is this pattern of behavior for him? Did he used to help out around the house, then stopped? Or has he never helped out, and now you are expecting him to?

--------
I think k this last paragraph is important information to know. Before the death of his mother and unemployment was he emotionally there and more invested, just perhaps not helpful? Or has he always been like this?

.....................

She's already answered this by stating that he's never been responsible for himself because prior to her death, his mother did everything for him. Now he's transferred that responsibility to his wife. This is who he is as a person, he was groomed to be this way. Men like this don't change.

Beauxbaton · July 2014

@NatureLovers‌ they can and do change. It just depends on the person. My friend is married to a guy who his mom was like that, in fact she also just thought other people would take care of her. It took a little while and a lot of discussions but he is getting better. I guess its about how much they both want to put into the relationship.

Stargirlb · July 2014

People are also often in denial about having a shit partner because divorce seems scary, or it feels like failure.

I felt that way with my first DH. But then I came out on the other side and was FREE! Never felt better. Didn't realize how much mental/emotional energy of mine was being drained just coping with the partnership.

Not saying this is the case with you, OP. I have no idea about your relationship history or how you feel mentally/emotionally in this relationship. You should feel fed and cared for by it, though, and if that's not the case, it's not at all clear that "it will get better." This could be how you spend the better part of the next 10 years. Then what?

motherboy · July 2014

I think I missed a bunch of responses, but whatever. Jesus, reading the bump makes me appreciate my husband SO much. I think he is going to get a "just because" bj when he gets back from his work trip. OP, your husband is showing you through his actions what kind of person he is. BELIEVE HIM. These actions are unacceptable. Guilting you when you say no to everyday sex? Unacceptable. Telling you to do the ONE thing you asked him to do after you've busted your ass all day? Unacceptable. Don't let him treat you like this. YOU DON'T DESERVE IT. Please tell yourself that until you believe it. Look, I don't know if he's depressed or just a lazy p.o.s., but things can't keep going on like how they are. "Venting" to an online message board doesn't equal taking action, because it doesn't look like anything's changed. Talk to a counselor or someone at your Church if you want to salvage this, but it's time you put your baby and your needs in front of his. I'm sure it sucks to hear all this stuff about a manyou love, but the way he is treating you is BULLSHIT. Don't take it anymore.

YaMrWhite · July 2014

Stargirlb said:

People are also often in denial about having a shit partner because divorce seems scary, or it feels like failure. I felt that way with my first DH. But then I came out on the other side and was FREE! Never felt better. Didn't realize how much mental/emotional energy of mine was being drained just coping with the partnership. Not saying this is the case with you, OP. I have no idea about your relationship history or how you feel mentally/emotionally in this relationship. You should feel fed and cared for by it, though, and if that's not the case, it's not at all clear that "it will get better." This could be how you spend the better part of the next 10 years. Then what?

Not to mention your future child (children if you decide to have more) will feel the effects of any marital strain in the future if this isn't handled now. My husband always wondered why his parents didn't just divorce while he was growing up. Instead, they made their children's lives miserable (inadvertently) by remaining bitterly married to each other until the kids finally went to college.

Edit: bolded what I was referencing.

AlfiesMOM · July 2014

I think at a minimum starting point you need to have a serious conversation with him. This will only get more difficult once you have a child. Both DH and I work full time and we have to both field the various responsibilities of the household. Once you have a kid there is an extra layer that gets put on doctors appointments, child care, what if the baby is sick, activities for the kid. Both of us do so much we don't end up stopping our day till 8 or 9 o'clock, I couldn't imagine if I had to take all of that on alone. If you have zero support plus taking care of him and your baby you are going to end up resenting him. You need to bring it up now and get help if he won't listen.

Disneygeek77 · July 2014

Uhhhhhh, I've also been doing some cyber stalking, and I have to ask ? What happened to his night security job ?

I hate to say it but between this post, the security job post and the sex posts, I just can't shake the feeling that this isn't just a simple thing that can be fixed, these are deep rooted character flaws.

I truly am sorry that he lost his mother. I understand what grief can do to your mind. However, again, I can't shake this feeling that this goes beyond grief.

ShuShubee · July 2014

You need better communication and he needs to HEAR you, which he has failed to do up to this point. There is no way I would ever put up with that. His behavior is not okay, but you are enabling him by putting up with it. Cut off the internet. Cut off his fun things. He sounds like he needs to be treated like a child to get a point across, so do it. I am guessing that this is not new though, especially if his mother did everything for him. You must have known he had certain expectations of a wife when you got married.

Lanatir · July 2014

CuppyCakes721 said:

@NatureLovers‌ I'm not saying they always need to be treated like that. But sometimes they need a kick in the pants. Also I guess I don't see housework for grounds for divorce. Not at least without trying other things to get him to do it. @gingerygirl‌ is it possible your husband could be depressed? My brother went through a similar thing. He had a good job and then tore his acl so he had to quit that job (it was oil field.) Then after all the rehab for his knee he had a hard time finding a job. I think he was jobless for 2 years. He tried really hard at first, then as he kept not getting jobs he just felt shittier and shittier about himself. He stopped taking care of himself, wasn't really helpful. We lives together at the time and I worked full time. My mom was paying his bills. But he never cleaned up after himself and was just pretty much lazy. Then he knocked up a girl who was just a friend and got his shit together and became a CNA then got a job where he met his current wife.

I couldn't have said either of those better myself. My comment was actually going to be depression related and I don't think just because a guy doesn't have a job and has become lazy means automatic grounds for leaving or divorcing.

I know it's 2014, but many men still have a lot of their ego tied to their work identity. If a man has chosen to stay at home, then that's one thing, but being unemployed if he actually wanted to work will eventually take a toll.

The computer and games ARE an excuse to waste time, though. I know they stimulate the pleasure systems of the male brain (and sometimes female, depending), there have been studies that show that, but there have also been studies that show people who can play games or watch tv for hours straight don't function the same way as someone who has an actual job (out of the house or even as the actual caretaker in the house of the house itself or small children, dependents, etc).

And maybe this has been said since I'm still on page one... haha. If he's like this now, don't be surprised if there is another phase similar when the new baby comes. It is NOT ok that he is being lazy, but I feel like there's more going on than straight up laziness.

Lanatir · July 2014

Aaaaand now I'm coming across more info and it's sounding like depression linked with co-dependency. Co-dependency is horrible to deal with.

*climbs onto my high horse* Please, ladies, for the love of anything good left in the world, give your children chores. It doesn't have to be unreasonable, but adults shouldn't have to fight having an ingrained behavior that they don't have to do basic dishes, laundry, not letting mold grow in the toilet (yes, while dating my H and his roommate let that happen). *climbs down off of high horse*

Christina_Diane · July 2014

Wow. I'm sorry. I agree that he could be depressed. But, he still needs to help out. He has shown you multiple times that he does not respect you or what you do for your family.

Roxycc55 · July 2014

I have depression. I also work with clients with depression (which is beside the point, but I see it a lot). I know what it's like to not feel able to get out of bed. To feel exhausted or like things seem pointless or too overwhelming. However, no matter how much I have experienced this, (yes sometimes added on to by grief, etc), I always made my best effort for my husband. Sometimes this was nowhere near the full amount I'm sure he would hope for. If that was the case, I always expressed that I felt bad about it and wanted to help myself get better. My point is this: depression can add in barriers, definitely. But I think respecting your partner, even when you're struggling with depression, still shows some amount of effort or at least caring about what they do, etc. It does not sound like he cares about all of the work you're putting in. Saying 'can't you just do it?' About the laundry is showing that.

Samiantha101 · July 2014

I wouldn't suggest that you should divorce the guy, because that really isn't anybody's place, but I sincerely hope you understand that once the baby is born, things are going to change immensely. Your frustrations could easily build up to a whole lot more.

AlfiesMOM · July 2014

mrsjoslyn16 said:

Okay, I had to a little cyber stalking before I put in my "two cents".

@gingerygirl You've been married less than a year, were on the pill and given a "surprise, you're still young (yes, not always a factor), you've had to take a second a job, and your DH just lost his job and his mom. This sounds like a darn rough year for the both of you. It sounds like you're both under pressure and showing your feelings in different ways. While you feel disrespected (which is 100% valid) you also need to take your DH's feelings into consideration too. A marriage is a partnership (not just in chores) and he probably has some pent up feelings of his own and might not be able to express them to you the way you want. That's okay, this isn't just about you. It's about both of you and finding a way to make things work. Yes, you're working really hard and carrying all of the weight and you're tired and fed up which can lead to resentment of the other spouse.

I'm a big advocate for talking things through but sometimes you have to be sensitive of how you choose to say things. I don't know how your husband is truly feeling. My guess is he is utterly overwhelmed and regressing back into his fun, youth. Not good for a marriage with a baby on the way. But maybe try and talk just about his feelings, let the chores argument and resentment you're feeling die for a couple days. If my husband always brought up how hard he worked, and i just stayed at home, and left me a chore list to follow, and called while he was at work to see my progress, and threatened to cut of my allowance and internet I'd feel like a worthless POS whose being "mommied" by my spouse. Just remember, while what you both are feeling may be different from the other they are still valid. I don't agree with some of my DH's feelings and ideas in life but I love and respect him enough to validate him.

I do think there is a difference between what you said here and what she said. If she is pregnant and working two jobs the least he could do was help out around the house. I think asking someone to put away laundry that YOU did is not asking for too much. I agree she shouldn't have to make a chore list he should just be doing all these things but since he isn't I think she has every right to ask for specific actions.

banana2020 · July 2014

My life is not perfect and things could change at any time. But I can't comprehend living like this.

I've watched this same type of scenario play out with people I love. It doesn't end well. Someone close to me basically lost 10 years of her life living with resentment, anger, downright hatred and fear of change. And the older her child got, the harder it was for her to change the situation.

IMO, the disregarding of household responsibilities is a control issue along with a lack of respect. Those are two elements of a relationship that should be deal breakers for most people. You can justify it any way you want, that's really just human nature and I don't blame you for that at all. It's hard to see our relationships objectively! You can say he's a decent man (he may be). You can say he is loving (he may be). You can say he's funny and witty and great to be around (all may be true). But if he's lazy, has no respect for you and is perfectly fine making you feel like shit... that's not a good person (right now). Maybe he'll change, but what if he doesn't? You want to nip this in the bud now before you have another element (baby!) in the mix. Then the anger manifests into resentment and you won't like that feeling very much (that is, if it hasn't gotten to that point already).

I think we often try to talk ourselves out of reality. You know, we sit around and say, "Oh, it's not THAT bad. I'm probably just emotional. Or tired. Or stressed out." Damn right you are.

Sit down and write out a list of the things you do and the list of things he does. Maybe you'll see just how disrespectful the lack of equality is in your relationship.

Not saying divorce is the answer. But if you keep things at status quo, you'll never be happy and that's just no way to live.

((hugs)) because this can't be easy.

Lanatir · July 2014

Wait. I have totally been missing posts. Her husband GAVE UP his job instead of being let go?

Can I delete my previous posts and retract anything I said about he might be in a depression state? Quitting your job and losing your job are two different things and if he just gave it up, yes, there are HUGE problems here.

I won't say straight up time for a divorce, but if you haven't started exhausting options (counseling, changing your approach in talking to him, idk communication things), you need to NOW.

texasmama786 · July 2014

SpaceGirlSpiff · July 2014

I must have missed that too....he gave up his job rather than lost it??

What the eff yo.

Beauxbaton · July 2014

I think @gingerygirl‌ should come back and clear up a few things. I mean if she wants to. I think we are missing some huge pieces of this story.

moonfaerie · July 2014

I agree that jumping to divorce right away isn't the answer, but someone who is happy with a situation and has no desire to change to improve it for their partner's benefit WILL NOT CHANGE. You can ask someone to go to counseling all you want, and they may go for show, but still not make any effort to improve the relationship. OP's H sounds like this sort, if she even gets him to counseling. My XH flat-out refused, because he wasn't the one who had a problem with how things were. She really needs to make it known how serious she is, to get an answer as to whether he has any interest in her happiness/well-being.

aerotigergirl · July 2014

nursesouder said:

I think I read in her history that the husband said he was sleeping on the job and she told him not to or he would lose his job, then he quit.

WHAT? Oh boy. This is worse than I thought.

SpaceGirlSpiff · July 2014

Yeah. This is going to be...tough.

Roxycc55 · July 2014

Whoa.

Lanatir · July 2014

nursesouder said:

In "How do I kick hubby's butt into gear":
"But now, I need him to pick up the slack and he gets mad when I remind him to. He recently picked up an overnight watch guard job (yay!) but he just told me that all he does is one round, then sleeps the rest of the time! So of course I got on his case about how he needs to do his job so he doesn't get fired and he got all mad and defensive! "
I think you married a child, no amount of nagging is going to improve this.

At this point, it sounds a lot like co-dependency with what I quoted above coupled with the fact that his mom used to do everything for him. Until he admits there is a problem and gets counseling for it, you will most likely continue having the same types of problems over and over again and he may not even realize what he's doing is wrong, even though it is, simply because co-dependents are so used to life being taken care of for them. It is NOT ok to be complacent with a co-dependent unless you are happy being taken advantage of, which the posting here would suggest you're not.

gingerygirl · July 2014

More info as requested: he got fired from his job because he didn't show up one day. He told me that his boss had told him he didn't have to work, he told his boss that he had to take me to the doctor. His boss didnt tolerate unreliable people. As for the security job, it was only a temporary job that lasted two weeks. He didn't wuit and he didn't get fired.

No, we didn't live together before marriage. (Religious stuff)

And yes, his behavior has always been this way but has gotten worse in the past few months.

It's not like I don't try to stick up for myself or put my foot down, he just had a way of turning everything back around on me. (Emotional abuse symptom, I know.)

It's exactly like someone else said earlier, this is more like a mother vs. ornery teenager relationship. I don't want to separate or divorce him (again, religious stuff), but after reading all these responses I'm starting to realize that might be in order. I've mentioned counseling multiple times and each time it gets shot down. Is there a point where someone is past-helping?

MichaelSC28 · July 2014

gingerygirl said:

I don’t like to talk badly about my husband. But sometimes I just need to vent.  I work two jobs. My husband is unemployed (hopefully hearing back from a job soon?) I am pregnant (duh). I work hard every day to earn the money we need for survival. He sits at home and watches hulu all day. Or goes across the street to play Call of Duty with his friend. He’s been trying to find a job, but nothing has happened yet. If I ask him to do something while I’m at work, he says he will do it. About 99% of the time I’ll come home from work to find that it hasn’t been done. Example, three days ago I asked him to put away the clean laundry while I was at work. This morning it still hadn’t been done. I found him on the computer watching a show. I asked him if he would go do put the laundry away and fill up the basket again so I could wash some more clothes. He acted like I had asked him to climb a mountain. All I asked was for him to put away some clothes. He asked me why I couldn’t just do it. Well, I could. But the point is that I asked him to do it three days ago. The point is that I work two jobs an the least he can do is some housework while I’m gone. If he had a full time job and stayed at home, that’s what I would be doing. Because I’m the wife. It’s my job. But here the roles are reversed. I work, he doesn’t. It’s not fair for him to think he doesn’t have to do anything. He said he would do it when his episode was over. It had just started. He constantly says "I'll do it later." I told him no, he can go do it now. I didn’t want to wait another hour for it to be done and I needed to use the computer for some things I had to get done today, my one day off. I have a lot to do today, I don’t have time to sit around on my butt. I’ve tried many different approaches with him about how I need him to be more helpful around the house. I’ve tried sitting him down and talking with him, I’ve tried getting angry, I’ve tried just not doing anything and letting chores pile up to see if he would do it on his own. Nope. Nothing. I don’t know how to get through to him. I can’t do everything. Working two jobs while pregnant is hard enough. Being on my feet all day kills me and all I want to do when I get home is relax. Not make dinner. Not do laundry. Not wash dishes. I make money so he can eat. Maybe I should just let him starve.

whew...let it go girl...L E T IT GO!!!

I have been very close situation with my DH and well the house is just horrible. I actually have had to take a day off of work to do a good cleaning cause I tried the if you won't I won't. I just try and stay strong and remember my mother said "I am the stronger one, just hang in there" He sometimes gets better but recently he hasn't really done anything.

aerotigergirl · July 2014

Yep, this guy isn't worth the effort. I'm sorry to say that @gingerygirl, but I don't think it's helpful to sugarcoat it at this point. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

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I'm the wife so it's my job, right?

Re: I'm the wife so it's my job, right?

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