Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Mel&John2013
member
Re: Having an anger day
I'm angry at myself for being angry at that since she has struggled to get pregnant and had a miscarriage previously.
I'm angry at my coworkers who are talking about a baby in front of me.
We're queer. I'm 33, have severe stage 4 endo, and had both fallopian tubes removed. My love ("Manada" on the boards, 32) was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. We did Partner IVF (my eggs, her uterus). We lost our twins Tavin and Casey at 21 weeks gestation.
Our IUIs
with @Manada: IUI# 1-7 (December 2012- September 2013) all BFN. Tried natural, femara, clomid, puregon/follistim, clomid and menopur combo, both the ovidrel and HCG triggers.
Our IVFs:
IVF #1 my eggs November/December 2013: Cancelled IVF due to poor response
IVF #2 my eggs/Manada's uterus January/February 2014
BCPs and lupron overlap Stimmed: 1/22-2/2: Bravelle and Menopur (dosage ranged from B300 and M150 to B375 and M150 to B300 and M225)
2/4 retrieved 10 eggs. Endo was much worse than expected. Only 3 eggs fertilized; February 7 transferred two day 3 embryos, froze one. All great condition.
BFP eve of 6dp3dt; Beta 1 (11dp3dt): 110; Beta 2 (13dp3dt): 175; Beta 3 (15dp3dt): 348; Beta 4 (19dp3dt): 2222; Beta 5 (21dp3dt): 4255
1st ultrasound (3/6 6w 1d): TWINS!!!! Twin A measuring 6w1d with a heartbeat of 118bpm. Twin B measuring 6w0d with a heartbeat of 113bpm.
***July 18, 2014 we lost our beautiful babies at 21 weeks gestation. They were born too early. Tavin Sara T. and Casey Elizabeth T. are beautiful and precious and we will love them and miss them forever.***
FET #1 December 2014
8/12-Suprise BFP- Sweet Bunny Born Sleeping 11/21/12 (19 weeks)
-5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)
11/6/13- BO discovered at 7 weeks- natural MC 11/25/13
8/14- Surpise IF dx...low AMH (.24)- moving on to IVF
IVF #1- 11/14- 6R5M4F=2 perfect frosties
12/19/14- FET of 2 embabies = BFP!!! One Little Bean EDD: 9/3/15
Everyone Welcome.
Ticker warning (rainbow mentioned)
I get angry when I post a picture of my rainbow on FB, everyone likes it, comments on it....but when I post something about my angel, the only likes I typically get are close close family, and my two FB friends that have lost babies. I get that people don't know what to say to us, but how hard is it to click like?
I'm also angry at our friends that just had a baby. I was about 20 weeks along (and very close to our loss milestone so maybe that's what made me stabbier) with our rainbow when he announced they were pregnant, and he said "we're going to have a baby" in like a Na na na na naaah na" sing song...I know he didn't mean anything by it, but despite me being pregnant at the time I think he should have used a little more tact. I get that he probably had no clue he should be sensitive with his annoucement since we were expecting again, but knowing how he is, I know he wouldn't have been sensitive had we not been pregnant either.
I'm also angry at myself for feeling this way, because I feel like my anger free pass expired once my rainbow was born, and I shouldn't get to feel angry anymore. I know how lucky I am to have her, and I feel so guilty over still being angry and sad over our loss.
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!
TTC since 10/2010
IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
Thank you everyone for being stabby with me today. For what it's worth, I think all of our anger is legit. People are stupid and sometimes need punched in the face.
@healz413 Please don't be too hard on yourself or feel bad. You're allowed to be angry.
@angelsnight & @osuwifey09 I don't think a rainbow baby should erase the pain and anger. A rainbow shows there can be beauty after a storm, but it doesn't erase the devastation the storm caused.
I also get really angry at pregnant moms who don't follow the safety rules and then act all chill about it - like those rules don't apply to them (there was just a post about this on the PGAL board where I was lurking and I had to turn my computer off because I wanted to blast everyone commenting on it!). Again, with the assumption that a healthy baby is a given.
And really, any mom who complains about being pregnant or about her child really rubs me the wrong way. I've been there, and Parenting is tough, but still. I would take those complaints any day.
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!
I also get angry at my SIL when she constantly blabbers about how she wants twins. I get that twins is a popular thing to wish for, but from my perspective I don't see cute little twins, I see high risk, I see pre-mature, I see incompetent cervix....if she has to go on and on about it, don't talk about it to the person who is high risk and wishes she weren't (not that she can choose to have twins, but if she could I'm sure she would). It also bugs me why she wants twins....because she is older and wants two kids so it would be "ideal to have them both at the same time".
Yeah in a perfect world I would like two living children, and we may try again, we may not, but if it doesn't work out for us we will be forever grateful for the one we have. I view pregnancy as a complete miracle and it irks me that she can't just be happy with one miracle.
Ok one more and then I am done....I can't stand when people say, I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's healthy. And God forbid, if it's not healthy, are you going to ask for a refund?
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!
@stefuge I saw that post title on PGAL and didn't read it because I knew what it was going to say. I couldn't stand it. If those moms had even one day of knowing how we feel they'd be singing a different tune. Once you've seen first hand that those bad things people say barely have a chance of happening really do happen, then everything changes. The doctors don't think anything I did caused Lincoln's problems, but you can sure as hell bet that now I understand things really do happen and I'd do ANYTHING in my power to avoid the ones I can avoid.
Oh, and the people who complain about their kids! I cannot tolerate it. Oh yea, I know having kids is hard. Try spending 2.5 months straight living in a hospital. You know what? I didn't complain about it, I was happy every day to go to whatever place was keeping my peanut as healthy as he could be. His smile was the best thing I've ever seen, nothing about him on this earth was too hard. So shut the flip up. If you need to complain about how hard having kids is, I am not your girl.
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
I'm angry my "best friend" had twins and is sad that I won't get to know them in the capacity she wants me too. I'm angry that I can't even know my own baby.... Sorry but eff her kids right now.
I'm angry that I can't be around any newborns without completely losing my shit.
I'm angry that we probably won't be trying again for another. And I'm. Angry when people ask me if we plan to have another.
I'm angry that I was pretty much told to suck it up and life goes on and I have to learn to deal with things.
I'm angry someone made the assumption I wanted them. To cover up their pregnant stomach.
I'm angry about all of the stupid crap that comes out of people's mouths. I lost my son.... Not my laptop.
Sometimes I wish there was a bereavement relocation program- where you get a new life and a new identity. Sick of being the crazy lady with the dead baby. The elephant in the room.
I am angry at a friend of mine but I feel bad for being angry. What she is doing is really bothering me..
I will tell the story the best way I can.
She is in her early forties and has had a partial hysterectomy (still has her tubes)
She knows about my losses. Today at church I asked her how she was doing. She told me "i had another tubal" very nonchalantly. Like it was the norm. This has been her 3rd tubal. That's what she says. She knows that the baby will not survive yet she continues to refuse to use protection.
me- "Have you tried bcp?" Her-" it doesn't work for me, because I drop tWo eggs"
me- " well what if your dh gets a vasectomy ?" her- "He did but it didn't work"
Her- "Doc said I could use male and female condoms, but I don't want to"
me- " did they say anything about a complete hysterectomy?" her- "He said if he did that it would take ten years off of my life"
OMG.........
I don't get it.
She knows that she won't be able to carry the baby (she has no womb)
I feel she has no desire to use protection and she will continue to get pregnant and the babies will .continue dying. It reallllllly upsets me, because I know what it is to lose my babies/
***Sig warning***
I agree with so many of these! It's nice that we aren't alone.
Also, it makes me so angry when people, especially ones that I know pretty well, have babies and then bring them out in public or around people who are sick when they are super little. My son died because he caught a random virus, and we didn't even bring him out in public! It was just terrible luck, so why would you tempt fate, knowing that it can easily happen?
Me 32 (Stage IV Endometriosis, short luteal phase) DH 38
Married 5/2010
January 2014- DS born healthy at 35.4 weeks
February 2014- DS passed away due to complications from adenovirus
February 2015- Rainbow baby DD born at 36.3 weeks
My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/42fd32