Dealing with SS parents

bethybeach · July 2014

Just need to vent.

I know it could always be worse and I knew going into this relationship it wouldn't be easy but there is seriously no voice of reason coming from SS mother. A year ago she had a great job making very good $ gave her the ability to get SS on the bus and off the bus. She walked out of the job because her boss was 'getting crazy' as she puts it. Mind you SS was 9 and knows she quit with no job lined up and just bought a house. Well know she tried to open a store with her friend more than an hour from where she lives, works at a bar some nights, both of which are across the bridge from where she lives. The store isn't making it we have no idea how she is paying her bills. Her fiance is the most immature person I have ever met I could go on with that for hours.

My DH suggested that he go to school in our district, DH is 5 minutes from home and my in-laws live with us, so we have a good support system. There is no discussing as an adult with her. Always an arguement, always my fault and no way would it be the best interest of her son, this is ONLY benefiting us according to her. I get this is tough I really do. But the 'good' relationship she says she has always wanted to portray with her son has been because she always threatens and my DH backs down. He backs down because he has a daughter in which he was destroyed in court and pays child support and only gets to see 70 days a year because she lives in Florida. MD is notorious for siding with the mother, as in DHs previous case.

I just don't know how to support my DH and do what is best for SS, we are all in the same county, I don't discuss with her it is all up to DH because I told him I would always be supportive but this is his discussion with her I have yet to get involved. Just hated seeing DH last night and his frustration and feeling like he can never win and he is an incredible father to all of his kids. To see the relationship he still shares with his daughter that lives in Florida and is 17 is truly amazing, that their relationship is as strong as it is. Sorry ladies I know it isn't baby related but so so frustrated.

MrsLaLaBug · July 2014

unfortunately, some people really just suck at life. I'm so sorry you are caught in the middle of this but you are a strong woman for taking this on. Not everyone can!

MrsKasel10 · July 2014

Dealing with a step child's crazy mother is maddening! I have been dealing with one for 9+ years. I wish I could tell you that it gets better. My step daughter is almost 18 (senior in hs) and its really bad right now because she doesn't want to follow rules so she just goes to her mothers home where she has no rules. (obviously lots of back story, but thats the gist)

Kudos to you for trying to do whats best for your SS, I hope things improve! I tend to stay out of the situation unless DH asks for my opinion otherwise I find we end up fighting about it also. Just try to support DH and his decisions when it comes to his son, I know how you feel.

bethybeach · July 2014

The conversation is always with DH and her, I don't think it is my place either. I know it won't help either but very hard when it is hurting DH and possibly our children together. Just a pain.

mrsdanielleM2010 · July 2014

Just wanted to wish you well, sounds like you and dh try hard to put the kids first. I'm sorry ss's mom isn't doing the same.

LifeofCat · July 2014

No experience, but both my sister and close friend have had similar encounters as stepmothers. All I can say is keep your chin up and remember that your intentions and actions are what's best for your stepson. Sorry that you're going through this during your pregnancy, on top of everything else!

amom2four · July 2014

So sorry. This is difficult. My sd is 16 and her mother is bsc! We have been dealing with this kind of stuff for 8 years. Although more recently it been sd that is being the difficult one. We have rules and expectations here and her mother doesn't so we aren't seeing her often at the moment, not to mention she (sd) was awful to my toddler on a trip with extended family and I scolded her for it when dh wasn't there. Things that have been happening lately have actually caused me to say that I do not feel comfortable being alone with her. She twists what I say around to start fights.

As for what to do, talk with yh. Bring it up in a more how's it going way and then when he asks what your thoughts are, be honest but compassionate because it is his child. Do not talk to his ex about any of it. You don't want I get stuck in the middle of that. I get all the calls from the bm because she "can't remember" dh's phone number. That's not a fun position to be in.

Hope things get resolved soon. This is never any fun for anyone involved.

bethybeach · July 2014

thanks ladies!! Luckily we do our best to not fight about it with each other, we have to support each other. Sad though SS is the one hurt in all of this. The feeling of no control is overwhelming and is hard to take.

bear1984 · July 2014

Don't get me started on birth mother with my step daughter it's never about her daughter it's all about her and what's best for her arrrr we will wait and when she is old enough she will understand . All I can say don't be negative around the child and show him where the stable home is

bethybeach · July 2014

@bear1984 that is what we have experienced with SD, my DH has never said one bad word and SD is realizing things for herself, so will SS. However SD has always been good in school and stable overall, we are worried SS isn't getting what he needs we don't want him to suffer. But we have no ability to fight, courts are not in his favor. Her financial situation could wind us up in losing AND paying child support. So I have to be thankful we aren't paying that so we know it could be much worse. No matter what we never trash talk any of them in front of the kids, that would be acting like them for sure.

rlyttle · July 2014

Wow, what a tough situation. Hopefully your SS is happy and doesn't see the craziness around him. I hear so many of my friends talk about their exes or their step children's mothers and they all sound crazy. It would be nice if all mothers could actually make decisions that are best for their child even if it's not exactly what they want. Crazy women out there! gL!

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