The best thing someone has said to you

CreechMommy · July 2014

I know we've all had people say insensitive things to us post m/c, but what about those friends/family members that have been really supportive? Let's take a moment and thank those wonderful people in our lives who have done it right.

1. I had a friend go to the store and buy me pads during my natural m/c (all I had on hand was tampons and I ended up buying the wrong pads when my DH and I went to the store after leaving the ER) It was so great not to have to make another trip

2. I had a friend buy us dinner and brought it over (unprompted) she just knew we needed help and took initiative.

3. The same friend that brought us dinner asked us a few days later if we needed anything from the store. We needed paper towels and toilet paper and she bought those for us (keep in mind, her DH just got laid off his job and they were not in the best place financially) She also bought us each a chocolate cupcake.

4. The night after we went to the ER, my mom drove an hour to come visit and cook my DH and I dinner.

5. My dad called the day of and told me he loved me and that he was there for me.

Thank God for the people in our lives who truly got it right!

LimaD · July 2014

Great idea!
*Warning: living child mentioned*

1. My SIL (who also has suffered a MC) came to visit and brought groceries with! She even prepped dinner and stuck it in the oven for me before she left. It was so thoughtful. And great because we were able to just talk about our babies together

2. One friend brought be flowers and a couple small books/pamphlets on grieving after miscarriage (for whenever I felt ready to read them)

3. Same friend mentioned in #2, came up to me at church and hugged me and cried with me. It was the day after my MC and we were singing about how God loves us through the good times and bad and I was trying not to cry and couldn't any hold it back anymore. Before I knew it I felt someone hugging me and crying with me and it was her. She is pretty awesome.

4. Another friend also got me some flowers (i love flowers!) and makes a point to say my baby's name. I love that.

5. My parents were a huge support and helped out around the house and with my DD. As soon as I told my mom what was going on, she and my dad drove 2 1/2 hours to stay with me for the weekend. Having them there was SUCH a blessing. It gave me the freedom to mourn my loss whenever I needed to be alone I could go to my room.

CreechMommy · July 2014

Thank the Lord for good friends and family!! What a blessing that you had such great support

cakergirl · July 2014

These are lovely!

expectingtofly · July 2014

the day i was sent home to take misoprostol i was panicking that i was going to make a huge mess and ruin furniture and carpets so my DH went out and bought me some depends (sounds silly i know but probably the most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me) it really made a world of difference taking that giant fear away from me at that time.

he was also right there with me through out it all helping me out more then i could imagine

a girlfriend of mine, next door, keeps on checking on me and calling just to chat which is really nice right now to take my mind off of things

my favorite auntie had a nice long talk with me and we shared some of our past experiences which felt relieving because there are not alot of people who know about my losses

agt104 · July 2014

My DH went to the stroe three times to get me the "right" pads (night time ones worked best) b/c I didnt even know where to start adn I hadn't worn a pad since i was 13.

It was very sweet that he took care of everything, cleaned the whole house, made dr apts and even called my family to tell them becuase I couldn't.

CreechMommy · July 2014

agt104 said:

My DH went to the stroe three times to get me the "right" pads (night time ones worked best) b/c I didnt even know where to start adn I hadn't worn a pad since i was 13.

Exactly how I felt. We went to the store after leaving the hospital to buy pads (after having to ask the nurse if they had any pads there because I didn't have any - talk about embarassing) at the store, I ended up grabbing the really thin ones. Realized when I got home that I had grabbed the wrong ones. I had enough from the hospital to get me through till the next day. That's when a friend of mine brought me some.

paintdadanta · July 2014

My parents and grandparents brought us several meals over the last several weeks. The only friend of mine who found out called to have a girls day with me and we spent the evening watching a Game of Thrones marathon. I think the best response I had was from my former sister-in-law which I mentioned on a previous post. She had experienced an infant loss as well as a miscarriage, but she told me that what comforted her the most was that she wouldn't have been able to have her other children without her losses. However, what was most important was that I should never let anyone tell me how or when to grieve and I will always be a mother to the child we had lost. Then after I had a really rough day, she sent me a Willow Tree figurine with an angel holding a child along with a really nice note. That really stands out to me above everything and made it seem a little easier knowing someone else understood.

agt104 · July 2014

paintdadanta said:

a Willow Tree figurine with an angel holding a child along with a really nice note. That really stands out to me above everything and made it seem a little easier knowing someone else understood.

That is very sweet, what a nice why to remember

LimaD · July 2014

@paintdadanta - I just bought the same willow tree figurine! It is so beautiful. What a thoughtful gift from your former SIL!

FmrAFBrat · July 2014

Living children mentioned and prior loss.

agt104 said:

paintdadanta said:

a Willow Tree figurine with an angel holding a child along with a really nice note. That really stands out to me above everything and made it seem a little easier knowing someone else understood.

That is very sweet, what a nice why to remember

That's what I sent my SIL last year, but it is the ornament version. I also purchased that ornament for myself for my ectopic baby.

People were much nicer to me with my recent miscarriage than with my ectopic. The nurse at the hospital prayed with me, this time even the hospital and my doctors office called me a few days later to see how I'm doing (versus no one at the doctors returning my call after I came home after 2 days in the hospital with my first loss...needless to say I switched practices and hospitals), and some moms in a play group I belong to brought me dinners some nights so I didn't have to cook for my family as well as some moms offered to watch my boys. My SIL sent me a CD that helped her through her miscarriage last year this time as well (they had a new baby when I had my first loss and didn't get it at that time).

ambmama · July 2014

**Ticker warning and living child mentioned.**

For me the best support I got was from my step mom and from DH. Step mom have me distance when I told her I wasn't ready to talk but 2 days later was ready to talk when I was. DH was just super supportive and when I questioned his desire for a 2nd LO and how not knowing stressed me out, he explained to me that he can't wait for us to try for #2 when I'm healthy. Seems like it should be obvious by it wasn't so the conversation made me feel great.

Asallade · July 2014

The best thing someone has said to me is a simple, unqualified "I'm so sorry" and a hug. So many people I've told start with I'm sorry and start adding all those terrible things we wish people wouldn't say. My two closest friends both responded with just that - I'm sorry. Followed by "What can I do?" or something similar. My parents also had three miscarriages before I was born so they are great sources of strength and wisdom. They really do understand what I'm going through.

kerbear135 · July 2014

The support I got from your ladies online and DH has been invaluable. Just the encouragement and knowing I'm not alone in this...nobody else besides DH knows about this loss, so I don't have any IRL stories.

Sunshine1116 · July 2014

I thankfully had more good comments this time around than bad. Most of them were the just I'm so sorry comments and providing support in anyway they could. I did have several people send us flowers after we got home and got a really nice arrangement from my team at work. Everyone at my office knew I was pregnant prior to my loss as I was showing and it was becoming obvious. I took a week off and when I got back everyone has been really awesome. Most stopped by to see how I was doing and just let me know I was in their thoughts.

ImJessesGirl · July 2014

My best friend took off of work because my husband couldn't and came and sat with me the day I was administered the misoprostal. She also bought me oreos and a coke that day, lol.

A good friend of ours also made us dinner and brought it over. That was really nice!

finally00 · July 2014

The best thing someone has said to me was from my sister in law who also went through 2 miscarriages. I was extremely upset and talking about how I don't think I'll get pregnant again. She said, "If it happened once, it'll happen again. I promise." Also when my DF said, "Don't worry hunny, we can start trying again" which told me he was still on board.

mommybear87 · July 2014

1.My Husbands Aunt and Mom, My aunt, My brother and my mom were all in the waiting room during my produre and went and bought me new clothes to wear home. ( My brother said I should be able to take something new home with me and he wanted to provide that for me. Sweet gesture.)

2.Our Friends were at the house waitng when we got home. Beer for my husband and a big pillow and love for me. ( two of our friends had a similar situation and knew our pain.)

3. My Cousins brought me a pint of Ice cream for week I was home.( 4pints.)

4.My 3 year old nephew said " Tia, I love you." and gave me a BIG OL KISS. and buried his head in my hair.

5.My mom took a week off work to help me with all I need help with.

6.My father in law bought me maxi pads.

7. Family and Friends saying "We're here" and meaning it...

8.This ones my favorite. and something I want to remind my self every day; my husband said-"adventure is out there. And ours isn't over yet." which spoke volumes to me.

mommybear87 · July 2014

LimaD said:

Great idea!
*Warning: living child mentioned*

1. My SIL (who also has suffered a MC) came to visit and brought groceries with! She even prepped dinner and stuck it in the oven for me before she left. It was so thoughtful. And great because we were able to just talk about our babies together

2. One friend brought be flowers and a couple small books/pamphlets on grieving after miscarriage (for whenever I felt ready to read them)

3. Same friend mentioned in #2, came up to me at church and hugged me and cried with me. It was the day after my MC and we were singing about how God loves us through the good times and bad and I was trying not to cry and couldn't any hold it back anymore. Before I knew it I felt someone hugging me and crying with me and it was her. She is pretty awesome.

4. Another friend also got me some flowers (i love flowers!) and makes a point to say my baby's name. I love that.

5. My parents were a huge support and helped out around the house and with my DD. As soon as I told my mom what was going on, she and my dad drove 2 1/2 hours to stay with me for the weekend. Having them there was SUCH a blessing. It gave me the freedom to mourn my loss whenever I needed to be alone I could go to my room.

What an awesome group you have! ((hugs))

sfazar · July 2014

My amazing friend, who had herself suffered a MC, crocheted me a "prayer shawl" that she meditated over while making. I wear it when I need comfort or strength. She also included a card with a list of the things that helped her feel better after her MC. It is truly one of the kindest and most loving gesture I have ever experienced.

Mills0401 · July 2014

I would have to thank...
1. My DH...I know it wasn't easy for him to be 3 hours away out of town for the week for work to get a phone call from me saying the baby is dead. I can't even imagine what was going thru his head. He had to be away from me while I was going thru all this. He would call me up during the day just to see how I was holding up. He was able to get back in town before my D&C but still had to work the day I had surgery. He let me cry when I needed to and didn't ask questions. He was just there with unconditional support and love.

2. My mom...she just held me and comforted me in my time of need. She cried with me. Made me laugh and not feel so alone. She helped keep me hidden because I didn't want to see or be around anyone.

pugglemama7 · August 2014

1. My parents live 300 miles away, but sent my husband and I an Edible Arrangement

2. A good friend and work-out buddy e-mailed me with a list of restorative and candle-lit yoga sessions and planned an afternoon of yoga and tea.

3. My dogs sat with me during the entire natural m/c process and havn't left my side when I've been home since that night.

negritosmami · August 2014

hubby telling me we can try again..when initially he didnt even want to have another child was sooo great..hes been super awesome..as have my friends who have cooked and sent flowers...one coworker told me no one expects me to be over it and its ok if i cry at work...that took some pressure off cause trying not to cry at work sure is hard

foodieforlife · August 2014

after losing one of our twins having people use both the babies names and not try to forget we have 2 babies.
my best friend whom i haven't seen in over 2 years jumped on a plane and came instantly to keep me company on my bed rest.
a friend brought dinner 3 nights in a row, cleaned our house and did laundry
my parents stopped by daily to tidy up and bring whatever we needed since i was on bed rest for a month
my work for not docking my sick time during my 2 weeks leading up to the surgery while i dealt with the knowledge i would lose one of my twins. i would go to work for 2 hours and leave in tears and not one day was taken away from me.
coworkers and friends who conatsly stopped by to see how i was and visit.
our church family for their prayers, cards and support

LimaD · August 2014

foodieforlife said:

after losing one of our twins having people use both the babies names and not try to forget we have 2 babies.
my best friend whom i haven't seen in over 2 years jumped on a plane and came instantly to keep me company on my bed rest.
a friend brought dinner 3 nights in a row, cleaned our house and did laundry
my parents stopped by daily to tidy up and bring whatever we needed since i was on bed rest for a month
my work for not docking my sick time during my 2 weeks leading up to the surgery while i dealt with the knowledge i would lose one of my twins. i would go to work for 2 hours and leave in tears and not one day was taken away from me.
coworkers and friends who conatsly stopped by to see how i was and visit.
our church family for their prayers, cards and support

Sounds like you have a wonderful support system. So sorry for your loss. ((Hugs))

cbmikk · August 2014

My mother in law and sister brought me flowers and my favorite snacks the day I came home from my D&C.

But the best thing some actually said to me was my friend who told me "YOU are a mother"

It completely melted my heart. I believe you become a mom when your pregnant since you are caring and protecting the baby from the beginning. But after losing it you find yourself questioning being a mom or not. In ways I may not be but to hear someone else say I am was heart warming.

daniosaur · August 2014

1. My husband didn't really say much at all because he didn't need to. He was just there to cry on. And he has been doing everything he can to take care of me. He has been wonderful.

2. My mom was also there for me through everything. She came over and made sure we had everything we needed. She bought me pads because I didn't have any on hand. She hugged me and told me it was okay to cry. She said she didn't know why this happened and was very angry at the universe--as opposed to the classic "it just wasn't meant to be/it's God's plan/everything happens for a reason." I'm so grateful for her.

3. Our church family, (my husband is a pastor) have been very supportive as well, our closest 3 friends especially, who have had losses in the past, even with their own stuff going on. And when they don't know what to say they just tell us something like: I don't have any special words because I know nothing can fix this, but our hearts ache with yours, we're praying for you, and we're here if you need anything.

The people who let you grieve however you need to seem to be the most helpful.

Eveiii · August 2014

I love you

jddonahue · August 2014

I just discovered I had an exotic pregnancy yesterday and was given methotrexate. This was mine and my husbands first and I never anticipated this at age 24. I have never felt so physically and emotionally drained. One minute I'm in a birth club and the next minute I'm crying uncontrollably over the loss we've experienced. My wonderful DH went to the store to buy me pads and to get my scripts filled. His wonderful parents provided us with dinner. My mother was in the ER with me while my father was at home supporting me over the phone as he is recovering from surgery. My sister spent the night in our spare bedroom to keep checks on me throughout the night (she's a nurse). My husband and I have mounds of support around us but only God can fill this void that we are experiencing. I have never been so scared before and I pray that one day our rainbow baby will come.

CreechMommy · August 2014

cbmikk said:

My mother in law and sister brought me flowers and my favorite snacks the day I came home from my D&C. But the best thing some actually said to me was my friend who told me "YOU are a mother" It completely melted my heart. I believe you become a mom when your pregnant since you are caring and protecting the baby from the beginning. But after losing it you find yourself questioning being a mom or not. In ways I may not be but to hear someone else say I am was heart warming.

Exactly. We lost our LO between Mother's Day and Father's Day. We announced to family on mother's day, so I got a lot of attention and got told happy mother's day by everyone (even got a few presents) by the time father's day came around, our baby was gone. I could tell my DH was feeling sad so I bought him a father's day card and got him a little treat. I wanted him to know I still see him as a father.

soulcupcake · August 2014

Strangers sharing their own stories and tragedies. A few years ago while getting a pedicure the technician asked about the footprints on top of my feet. I explained to him that they're my first son's footprints, and that he died the month before he was due.

His expression changed from one of curiosity to one of empathy and sadness. He looked as if he could relate. That's when he said he and his wife lost a son when she was 6 months pregnant.

Another occasion, a Burger King employee asked about the memorial tattoo on my left forearm, and I told her about it. She gave me a mournful smile. A look of sadness and recognition. She shared she lost a baby to SIDS.

My mom and other baby loss mamas have been the best in terms of love and support.

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