Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
CreechMommy
member
The best thing someone has said to you
CreechMommy
member
I know we've all had people say insensitive things to us post m/c, but what about those friends/family members that have been really supportive? Let's take a moment and thank those wonderful people in our lives who have done it right.
1. I had a friend go to the store and buy me pads during my natural m/c (all I had on hand was tampons and I ended up buying the wrong pads when my DH and I went to the store after leaving the ER) It was so great not to have to make another trip
2. I had a friend buy us dinner and brought it over (unprompted) she just knew we needed help and took initiative.
3. The same friend that brought us dinner asked us a few days later if we needed anything from the store. We needed paper towels and toilet paper and she bought those for us (keep in mind, her DH just got laid off his job and they were not in the best place financially) She also bought us each a chocolate cupcake.
4. The night after we went to the ER, my mom drove an hour to come visit and cook my DH and I dinner.
5. My dad called the day of and told me he loved me and that he was there for me.
Thank God for the people in our lives who truly got it right!
Ashleigh (26) and Darren (26)
Married 8-10-13
TTC since February 2014
BFP #1 4-22-14 EDD 1-1-15
8w u/s 5-22-14 Baby measuring 6w1d. Heartbeat detected
Went to Dr. 5-30-14 due to bleeding. Prescribed progesterone
Went to ER 6-1-14 2:30 AM - diagnosed with incomplete m/c
6-6-14 natural m/c completed
10-24-14 BFP #2 EDD 7-6-15 **Please** be our Rainbow
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Re: The best thing someone has said to you
*Warning: living child mentioned*
1. My SIL (who also has suffered a MC) came to visit and brought groceries with! She even prepped dinner and stuck it in the oven for me before she left. It was so thoughtful. And great because we were able to just talk about our babies together
Born in June, three weeks early
BFP #1 05/19/14, EDD 01/19/15, MMC 06/12/14
BFP #2 10/10/14, EDD 06/19/15
Born in June, three weeks early
That is very sweet, what a nice why to remember
That's what I sent my SIL last year, but it is the ornament version. I also purchased that ornament for myself for my ectopic baby.
People were much nicer to me with my recent miscarriage than with my ectopic. The nurse at the hospital prayed with me, this time even the hospital and my doctors office called me a few days later to see how I'm doing (versus no one at the doctors returning my call after I came home after 2 days in the hospital with my first loss...needless to say I switched practices and hospitals), and some moms in a play group I belong to brought me dinners some nights so I didn't have to cook for my family as well as some moms offered to watch my boys. My SIL sent me a CD that helped her through her miscarriage last year this time as well (they had a new baby when I had my first loss and didn't get it at that time).
For me the best support I got was from my step mom and from DH. Step mom have me distance when I told her I wasn't ready to talk but 2 days later was ready to talk when I was. DH was just super supportive and when I questioned his desire for a 2nd LO and how not knowing stressed me out, he explained to me that he can't wait for us to try for #2 when I'm healthy. Seems like it should be obvious by it wasn't so the conversation made me feel great.
BFP #1: 05/2012 DS born 12/30/12
BFP #2: 02/2014 Natural M/C 03/2014 @ 7 weeks
BFP #3: 06/2014 EDD: 02/17/2015 M/C @ 7w2d, D&E 7/15/14
BFP #1 - 1/15/14 MMC/D&C 3/6/14
BFP #2 - 6/29/14 - on our first wedding anniversary! NMC 7/8/14
BFP #3 - 2/11/15 - Also found out I have MTHFR deficiency - taking Foltx for more folic acid!
BFP #1 12/02/11, M/C 12/08/11
BFP #2 04/06/12, DD born 12/20/12
BFP #3 06/09/14, M/C 06/15/14
BFP #1 3/7/2010 - DD born 11/16/2010
BFP #2 12/20/2012 - CP 12/22/2012
BFP #3 1/10/2013 - Blighted Ovum 2/7/2013
BFP #4 8/22/2013 - D&C 10/22/2013
RPL testing discovered blood clotting issue
BFP #5 3/9/2014 - Discovered baby no longer had a heartbeat at 20 week U/S, Induced Delivery & D&C 6/27/2014
Awaiting Genetic results to determine steps forward
A good friend of ours also made us dinner and brought it over. That was really nice!
DD: 10 (born August 2004)
Married 03/01/14
TTC#2
BFP: 05/17/2014 EDD: 1/25/15 MMC: 06/30/2014
1.My Husbands Aunt and Mom, My aunt, My brother and my mom were all in the waiting room during my produre and went and bought me new clothes to wear home. ( My brother said I should be able to take something new home with me and he wanted to provide that for me. Sweet gesture.)
2.Our Friends were at the house waitng when we got home. Beer for my husband and a big pillow and love for me. ( two of our friends had a similar situation and knew our pain.)
3. My Cousins brought me a pint of Ice cream for week I was home.( 4pints.)
4.My 3 year old nephew said " Tia, I love you." and gave me a BIG OL KISS. and buried his head in my hair.
5.My mom took a week off work to help me with all I need help with.
6.My father in law bought me maxi pads.
7. Family and Friends saying "We're here" and meaning it...
8.This ones my favorite. and something I want to remind my self every day; my husband said-"adventure is out there. And ours isn't over yet." which spoke volumes to me.
What an awesome group you have! ((hugs))
Me (34); DH (35)
BFP 11/25/13; Heard strong heartbeats for 3 weeks; Natural MC (1/15/14)
BFP 11/11/14 EDD 07/21/15 hoping for our rainbow!
1. My DH...I know it wasn't easy for him to be 3 hours away out of town for the week for work to get a phone call from me saying the baby is dead. I can't even imagine what was going thru his head. He had to be away from me while I was going thru all this. He would call me up during the day just to see how I was holding up. He was able to get back in town before my D&C but still had to work the day I had surgery. He let me cry when I needed to and didn't ask questions. He was just there with unconditional support and love.
2. My mom...she just held me and comforted me in my time of need. She cried with me. Made me laugh and not feel so alone. She helped keep me hidden because I didn't want to see or be around anyone.
~TTC #1 Since 3/2014
~BFP #1 6/2014 EDD 2/11/15
~MMC 7/31/14 @12weeks ~D&C /2/2014
my best friend whom i haven't seen in over 2 years jumped on a plane and came instantly to keep me company on my bed rest.
a friend brought dinner 3 nights in a row, cleaned our house and did laundry
my parents stopped by daily to tidy up and bring whatever we needed since i was on bed rest for a month
my work for not docking my sick time during my 2 weeks leading up to the surgery while i dealt with the knowledge i would lose one of my twins. i would go to work for 2 hours and leave in tears and not one day was taken away from me.
coworkers and friends who conatsly stopped by to see how i was and visit.
our church family for their prayers, cards and support
But the best thing some actually said to me was my friend who told me "YOU are a mother"
It completely melted my heart. I believe you become a mom when your pregnant since you are caring and protecting the baby from the beginning. But after losing it you find yourself questioning being a mom or not. In ways I may not be but to hear someone else say I am was heart warming.
2. My mom was also there for me through everything. She came over and made sure we had everything we needed. She bought me pads because I didn't have any on hand. She hugged me and told me it was okay to cry. She said she didn't know why this happened and was very angry at the universe--as opposed to the classic "it just wasn't meant to be/it's God's plan/everything happens for a reason." I'm so grateful for her.
3. Our church family, (my husband is a pastor) have been very supportive as well, our closest 3 friends especially, who have had losses in the past, even with their own stuff going on. And when they don't know what to say they just tell us something like: I don't have any special words because I know nothing can fix this, but our hearts ache with yours, we're praying for you, and we're here if you need anything.
The people who let you grieve however you need to seem to be the most helpful.
His expression changed from one of curiosity to one of empathy and sadness. He looked as if he could relate. That's when he said he and his wife lost a son when she was 6 months pregnant.
Another occasion, a Burger King employee asked about the memorial tattoo on my left forearm, and I told her about it. She gave me a mournful smile. A look of sadness and recognition. She shared she lost a baby to SIDS.
My mom and other baby loss mamas have been the best in terms of love and support.