Mourning the sex your baby isn't?

bibliophiletory · July 2014

We found out our baby is a girl on Friday, which was a big surprise as I had been thinking boy throughout most of the pregnancy. After the initial shock I feel so excited for the little girl! However, part of me feels kind of sad, like I'm mourning the little boy I thought I was having. I get a little pang when I see boy stuff I love, for example. Do a lot of people mourn what they aren't having, or is it just because I had it in my head we were having a boy?

leoandethansmom · July 2014

From day one I believed LO was a boy and he is. I can't say I don't get a little sad every time I walk past the baby clothes and see all of the dresses and polka dots that we will not be purchasing again this time around though. I'm thankful I saved thousands of dollars on all of the stuff we do not need to buy for boy #2 but I do feel the mourning of the girl baby we are not having.

Cheekers2010 · July 2014

I think as others have said that no matter what you feel a pang for the lost possibility. This is very different from being disappointed that you are having a girl or having a boy. Before you know, all possibilities are open and you can dream of both.

ColeyCannoli · July 2014

It really is strange how you'll feel a sense of loss at the baby you won't have. I have thought I was carrying a boy the whole time and yet I still had this weird feeling of sadness for a second after I found out I was right. I'm very excited about my little boy but I also have to give up the little girl he could've been.

It seems like a really common experience.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

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Manateearmz · July 2014

I thought for sure this was a boy. I was wrong, it's our second girl. There was a brief moment of acceptance that we will never have a boy as this is our last. Before I had kids I wanted all boys. I'm beyond thrilled to have girls but I do understand getting used to the idea of having something you don't.

Eora3 · July 2014

I am right there with you ladies! I am having my third boy and I am so excited. But there is a part of me that is a little sad that I won't have all the "girl" stuff too. This is my last child so I won't ever get the opportunity to do those girly bonding things.

I will just have to pass on my womanly wisdom to my boys instead.

agsgrrl · July 2014

Eora3 said:
I am right there with you ladies! I am having my third boy and I am so excited. But there is a part of me that is a little sad that I won't have all the "girl" stuff too. This is my last child so I won't ever get the opportunity to do those girly bonding things.

I will just have to pass on my womanly wisdom to my boys instead.

The more men in the world that get that, the better!

As a FTM I will be super thrilled either way, although I have thought this was a boy the whole time I think I'll be a lil sad for the poofy lil dresses I've admired. Same if baby turns out to be a girl I'll have to rearrange my mindset from the last few months!

angeladowns1 · July 2014

I totally get this. For the first 3 months I felt like it was a girl, imagined the nursery and couldn't stop looking at baby girl clothes. It wasn't even that I wanted a girl more than a boy, I just imagined it being a girl. Then at 12.5 weeks at our NT scan the tech said she was 85% sure it was a boy. That confused me big time! My little girl I had imagined for months began to shift into a little boy. I began to not have any intuition one way or the other but gradually started *wanting* a boy. My husband has thought it was (and hoped for) a boy the entire pregnancy. I wanted my daughters to have a big brother. It would be the first grandson on both sides. I started seeing little boys everywhere and wanted one! All the way to the appointment last week I started getting so nervous my original intuition was maybe right and it was going to be a girl. I started to mildly panic! I wanted a boy for some reason. And lo and behold, my precious son flashed his goodies almost instantly! And yet....
I started to mourn the girl I imagined for 3 months. Even though 10 minutes prior I was hoping so badly it was a boy. And all of this for no good reason. It is so weird and I never expected any of those feelings but I'm glad they're "normal". :P

bibliophiletory · July 2014

Thanks for the support, gals. I'm defnintely not disappointed in having a girl, but it's nice to know I'm not alone in having those pangs about missing the other sex.

AngelSong76 · July 2014

Very normal, very common. Very human, as I said on a post last week. I felt the same way - briefly - when we found out was are having another boy. It's our second and last child, and I always pictured my daughter and the relationship we would have. So yeah, I felt some loss. It lasted about a day and then it was gone. Give yourself time to work through your feelings and to be okay with it. And you will be okay with it.

As an aside - my parents had two girls, but when we were young, they may as well have had two boys. My sister and I both played sports, ran around the farm barefoot and got into trouble the way all the boys in our family did. It wasn't until we became teenagers that either one of us cared much for "girly" things. So you just never know.

Prinycesa07 · July 2014

I had it with my second child. I wanted all girls. When i found out he was a boy I was happy that i would be able to experience having a boy and that i knew my husband was excited to have a boy but i also was sad that i wasnt having another little girl. I pictured my daughter having a sister and them growing up really close like my sister and I did. We thought we only were going to have 2 kids. Took me a little bit but i got over it. Now i'm pregnant with #3 and really really wanted a girl. DD will get her sister now

Meether · July 2014

I think it's only because you thought you were having a boy. I want all girls and my 2 so far are girls, so I never mourned or missed not having a boy.