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December 2014 Moms
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  • JulieSC81JulieSC81 member
    I agree with everyone...you need to call an OBGYN immediately. Pregnancy requires alot of medical care. If you do not have insurance, pregnant women are entitled to state funded insurance which most likely wont cost you anything. Your parents may be upset, but you are an adult and guess what? They are going to find out anyway. They are going to find out really soon actually so you may as well tell them and get treatment. Write them a letter if you have to. Your first concern has to be the baby now. Being a young mom is hard but at least you are out of high school so thats one big issue out of the way. Being a single mom isnt easy but it will be worth it. Try to get the support of your family and friends now to help you and maybe find mommy groups in your area to join. Good luck!
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  • AllTheTeaInChinaAllTheTeaInChina member
    Go to the doctor. If you aren't already, start taking a prenatal vitamin.

    Do you have a plan? How will you support yourself and your baby? It might be easier to tell your parents if you already have some things figured out.
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  • LilnNimoyLilnNimoy member
    Oh, Sweetie... Just focus on the first response and get your booty to the doctor. :)

    I'm 29 and I didn't wanna tell my folks. I dropped off a package with a specially labeled bottle of wine, ultrasound,and a note. My folks got to have their feelings and I got the call when there were calm and happy as per my instructions.

    Good luck! You'll be just fine!
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  • LadyRoarsomeLadyRoarsome member
    You're 20, which means you're grown, not a child. You need to get to a doctor now. You could very well be putting baby in harms way. I was 21 when I got pregnant with E and in no way felt I was a young mom. My mom was pissed, but I wasn't living with her, had my own job, and was engaged, she had no say in my uterus.

    Good luck with everything.


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  • ebilbaoebilbao member
    Well, it is definitely time to put on your big girl panties and deal with the situation. You can't pretend this isn't happening. Figure out your health insurance situation first. Make an appointment. Then tell your parents. At least you will have done some proactive things you can discuss with your parents, and they will be relieved that you are handling it. They might not be happy at first, so don't take their first reactions to heart. Give them some time to come around. Good luck.
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  • CandEChicagoCandEChicago member
    Tell your parents. Start taking pre natal meds. Get to a doctor.

    As others have already said this but this is no longer solely about you. You have a little one that you need to start taking care of now.


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  • MrsNash37212MrsNash37212 member
    Just a heads up, I don't know about where you live, but in my state not getting prenatal care can get you in trouble. CPS will be actively looking for evidence that you are not a fit parent. If you do not have insurance, a crisis pregnancy center might be a good place to start, but you need to get prenatal care ASAP.


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  • leoandethansmomleoandethansmom member
    I agree with the above pp, get to a doctor! Yes, with unplanned pregnancy there are a lot of scary details, I have been there, but ultimately this is about the LO you are carrying. Get to a doctor then worry about your parent's reactions and cope with being a "young mom." Young is a state of mind, I know several 20 year olds who work for me that act like they're 35 and then the 40 year olds who act like they're 17. Bottom line is, take care of your baby and yourself, deal with the rest later!

     

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  • wdraper32wdraper32 member
    FirstTimeMommy1219 said:

    Hi everyone. I'm a young girl (20) who is pregnant with my first child. I have a few issues. 


    First, I haven't told anyone except the father about my pregnancy, but we aren't together so he isn't much help. I haven't told my parents because I'm really afraid that they'll be upset with me. 

    Second, I haven't been to the doctor yet so idk how the baby is doing at all. I assume that I'm around 17 or 18 weeks along.

    I'm secretly very excited about this baby, but like I said I haven't told anyone so I don't really have any support. 

    I just want to know if any of you mothers or first time mothers haven any advice for me.

    Thank You.
    Don't be scared to tell your parents. I was 15 when I had my little boy. Yeah my mom was upset at first but I wouldn't trade him for the world. He loves me so much. His dad has never been a great one but I didn't need him I took care of braiden on my own. Of course I lived with my mom while doing. But either way you are quite a bit older than I was and I did so I know you can :) build your courage and tell the great news :) and get to the baby doctor. Good luck with it all and keep us updated :)

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  • allonsyalonsoallonsyalonso member
    edited July 2014
    First and foremost, seek prenatal care. You needed to look for a doctor when you got a positive test result. Are you at least taking prenatals?

    Second, when I was pregnant with my first it was hard telling my parents and I was 26. I don't think it's ever necessarily easy. Because for me at least, it's pretty much screaming "Here's indisputable evidence that I'm having sex." Weird.

    Last, at 20 you know how babies are made and while this may be an unplanned pregnancy you are an adult. It's time to take responsibility.


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  • FirstTimeMommy1219FirstTimeMommy1219 member
    Thank you all for you thoughts. I am taking a prenatal vitamin. And I live at school on campus so I have to figure out what I'm going to do about my living situation. As far as telling my parents, I think I'm just going to write them a note and leave it for them. A few of you said 20 is not young. I am aware of that, but this pregnancy is just new to me. It's something I've never had to deal with before. So having to become an "adult" is something I'm learning how to do. I'm sure all of you weren't completely mature at the age of 20 either. And a few of you said that it's irresponsible for me to not go to the doctor, but I have no insurance at the moment so that is something I have to figure out as well. Again, thank you all for your thoughts and comments.
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  • JulieSC81JulieSC81 member
    If i were you, i would speak with your assigned advisor at college. Im sure they have guided other students through this. As i said, you should definetly be able to get state covered insurance through your welfare program. Check online or visit your nearest welfare agency. You can get your healthcare ID # before you even get your card. You could go to a clinic in the mean time. If you get loans or financial aid, you could choose to have the funds pay for you to live off campus instead. Or possibly move in with a relative/move home and transfer your credits if you think you need extra help. Many colleges have on-site daycares. IF you end up having to take a semester off, just get back on track as soon as possible. Just throwing alot of ideas at you but def talk to your advisor asap, apply for state healthcare, and visit a clinic if u need to. Having a baby at 20 while in college is definetly harder than having one with a supportive significant other as an older woman with a degree. But we are also all concerned for the health of you and your baby because, well, we are moms.
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  • ElaVeeElaVee member
    I'm a FTM and I'm 20 as well. Yeah I was scared but I knew telling my mom was something I had to do so I sucked it up and did. Yeah she was upset and disappointed but she moved past it and was there for me. She went with me to my first appt and she was actually at my ultrasound yesterday as well. Her mood has definitely changed now and you can tell she is a bit more excited about it.

    Like others have said you have to go see a doctor ASAP. Maybe that's something you can even tell your mom about and she might be helpful in finding a doctor for you or going with you like mines did.

    And of course, good luck!! :)
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  • CandEChicagoCandEChicago member
    FirstTimeMommy1219 said:

    Thank you all for you thoughts. I am taking a prenatal vitamin. And I live at school on campus so I have to figure out what I'm going to do about my living situation. As far as telling my parents, I think I'm just going to write them a note and leave it for them. A few of you said 20 is not young. I am aware of that, but this pregnancy is just new to me. It's something I've never had to deal with before. So having to become an "adult" is something I'm learning how to do. I'm sure all of you weren't completely mature at the age of 20 either. And a few of you said that it's irresponsible for me to not go to the doctor, but I have no insurance at the moment so that is something I have to figure out as well. Again, thank you all for your thoughts and comments.

    Being pregnant is new to many of us as well and is presenting things we have not dealt with before. So from one FTM to another...Welcome to the club.

    Doesn't your university have campus health care? Also since you are still a student, dependent of your parents and under 24 years...many insurance providers would likely include you on your parents policy.


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  • CandEChicagoCandEChicago member
    edited July 2014
    FirstTimeMommy1219 said:
    Thank you all for you thoughts. I am taking a prenatal vitamin. And I live at school on campus so I have to figure out what I'm going to do about my living situation. As far as telling my parents, I think I'm just going to write them a note and leave it for them. A few of you said 20 is not young. I am aware of that, but this pregnancy is just new to me. It's something I've never had to deal with before. So having to become an "adult" is something I'm learning how to do. I'm sure all of you weren't completely mature at the age of 20 either. And a few of you said that it's irresponsible for me to not go to the doctor, but I have no insurance at the moment so that is something I have to figure out as well. Again, thank you all for your thoughts and comments.
    Careful with your generalization.  Only 1 person actually used the word irresponsible.  Large generalizations don't go over too well on this board.   Just an FYI. 


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  • weezy29weezy29 member
    I agree with you, 20 is young. However, lots of people have dealt with pregnancy at a young age and your situation is no different.

    While it is scary to tell your parents, it is something you have to do. Face to face is ideal but if you can't do that, at least write a letter or send an email. I am sure they won't be thrilled but after a while their feelings will probably change. If you are living on campus housing, I'm assuming your parents are at least financially able to help you?! You need help right now!!

    Most important, you MUST see a Dr. Not only for the health of the baby but for your health, too! There are many pregnancy related conditions that must be monitored for the health of the mother and baby. Go to a Planned a Parenthood or local community healthcare center if insurance is an issue. They can guide you on how to get state funded insurance.

    Now is the time to take some responsibility for the situation you created. Please, please tell your parents and do not wait any longer.
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  • beachy6beachy6 member
    edited July 2014

    I want to wish you the best of luck. I was only 23 when I was pregnant the first time and now that I'm 35, I realize how young I was. However, I did it and so can you. I'll be a little more open and honest and tell you that at your age, I was in college and partying, staying out late, etc. Typical college behavior. But, that doesn't mean you can't mature now. You need to for your baby.

    Start by seeing the on-campus clinical doctor. If this isn't possible, you need to look into getting state aid to help so you can get the care your baby's needs. Once you hear from your doctor and get a plan in place, talk to your parents. I think if you can show them that you've been to the doctor and are taking this seriously, they'll be able to see that you can handle it, after they calm down, of course!

    I'm sure there were lots of us here who were anything but mature at the age of 20! No one expects that you are either. But, it is time to start making decisions for another person and that is part of the maturation process. I'm sure you'll be okay!

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  • krystrist2014krystrist2014 member
    JunkieBrewster said:
    Just an FYI - if you're pregnant, you're eligible for medicaid most likely, especially if you're a student. Most states allow you to sign up online, as well.

    Another tip that might help - most Universities have clinics with lower rates/costs for students compared off campus doctors.
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  • krystrist2014krystrist2014 member
    mightymango said:
    If you live on campus and are attending classes, you've paid your health fees. You should see a doctor ASAP and you can do that at the student health center. While you're there you can ask about birth control options for after delivery. They make this affordable and easily obtainable to students.
    Woops... my bad, didn't see that someone had already mentioned student health care options! 
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  • eliza329eliza329 member
    Hey,

    Congrats :). My advice to you is to get to the doctor as soon as you can. Prenatal vitamins are sold over the counter, atleast start taking those until you can set an appointment and really get everything checked out. I'm 23 and this is my first child, I was nervous and scared to tell my mother because I was concerned about her reaction and figured she would see me as a disappointment. One day I actually got the courage to tell her and although she expressed her disappointment she is my number one supporter. If you don't get the support from anyone it will definitely be from your parents. Tell them because if you wait any longer it will just be harder for you. Having their support and knowledge is one of the best things to have. In the end they will be almost more excited than you lol. But anyway, I agree with everyone and suggest that you see a doctor SOON. Good luck with everything.
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  • hollycnhollycn member
    Hi,

    I'm 21 and am having an unplanned pregnancy also. My situation isn't exactly the same as yours... But I definitely can relate to your stress.

    A support system is very important during this time. Especially because you do not have the support of the baby's father, it is SO crucial that you tell your parents. I waited until I was around 16 weeks to tell them. I'm 19 weeks now and they have finally come around from wanting to disown me to actually asking me how I'm doing and offering to help me with baby expenses. Your parents will come around, you just need to cringe through the first rough parts.

    Also, seeing a doctor is extremely important. Are you currently covered under your parents' insurance plan? You need to find out if they cover prenatal care because some do and some don't. If you are not covered, you will need to apply for Medicaid assistance. Most hospital clinics will either help you apply or they will see you before you are approved for Medicaid, so you can get an appointment within the next couple weeks.

    Hang in there.
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  • LadyRoarsomeLadyRoarsome member
    FirstTimeMommy1219 said:

    Thank you all for you thoughts. I am taking a prenatal vitamin. And I live at school on campus so I have to figure out what I'm going to do about my living situation. As far as telling my parents, I think I'm just going to write them a note and leave it for them. A few of you said 20 is not young. I am aware of that, but this pregnancy is just new to me. It's something I've never had to deal with before. So having to become an "adult" is something I'm learning how to do. I'm sure all of you weren't completely mature at the age of 20 either. And a few of you said that it's irresponsible for me to not go to the doctor, but I have no insurance at the moment so that is something I have to figure out as well. Again, thank you all for your thoughts and comments.

    No one has dealt with pregnancy before when they're on their first child. A lot of women grow up fast over pregnancy. If you're this far along how haven't you researched options? If I were pregnant with no insurance my first call would be to a family planning center, or whatever it is you have in town, the same day I got a positive pee stick. They verify and send you in the right direction. A simple Internet search tells you that. Also, I'd be livid if my child felt grown enough to have sex, yet not grown enough to tell me in person about a pregnancy. Think of a plan and tell your parents the plan at the same time. The note isn't a good idea.


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  • ebilbaoebilbao member
    FirstTimeMommy1219 said:

    Thank you all for you thoughts. I am taking a prenatal vitamin. And I live at school on campus so I have to figure out what I'm going to do about my living situation. As far as telling my parents, I think I'm just going to write them a note and leave it for them. A few of you said 20 is not young. I am aware of that, but this pregnancy is just new to me. It's something I've never had to deal with before. So having to become an "adult" is something I'm learning how to do. I'm sure all of you weren't completely mature at the age of 20 either. And a few of you said that it's irresponsible for me to not go to the doctor, but I have no insurance at the moment so that is something I have to figure out as well. Again, thank you all for your thoughts and comments.

    If you are in a college campus, I bet there's a Planned Parenthood around there somewhere. If not, go to student health and they will set you up. But this needs to happen ASAP. Like Monday.
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  • saltsandwatersaltsandwater member
    There are even married women on here that were not looking forward to telling their parents. I was one. My mom haaaaaated my then fiance (now husband), and I was 29 when I told her at 12 weeks! She has come around and is my most helpful supporter and hasn't said a single negative thing through the whole process. Babies can really change things. That doesn't mean it will make it any easier for you to tell them, but you can do it. I'd recommend getting to student health services or planned parenthood first thing Monday then contacting your parents once you have an initial check up done and a degree of a plan in place. Keep us posted. The support here is excellent. You can do it.
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  • GradSchoolPrincessGradSchoolPrincess member
    Another idea: most/all campuses have counseling centers that offer sessions free with professional therapists and sometimes psychologists. It could be a good place to start to get the support to tell family- probably better than the internet. And they would likely help to connect you with campus health too.


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  • danab1210danab1210 member
    Hey, I'm a first time mom as well and recent college grad (I'm 21). Telling your parents can be nerve racking, especially when having a strict family, but it'll have to come out eventually. Keeping in such a secret is stressful and can lead to high blood pressure.. Mine was through the roof until I spilled the beans, now I'm completely relaxed and can enjoy the bliss of being pregnant.
    Best wishes to you
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  • FirstTimeMommy1219FirstTimeMommy1219 member
    edited July 2014
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  • FirstTimeMommy1219FirstTimeMommy1219 member
    gradschoolmom1234 said:
    Thank you all for you thoughts. I am taking a prenatal vitamin. And I live at school on campus so I have to figure out what I'm going to do about my living situation. As far as telling my parents, I think I'm just going to write them a note and leave it for them. A few of you said 20 is not young. I am aware of that, but this pregnancy is just new to me. It's something I've never had to deal with before. So having to become an "adult" is something I'm learning how to do. I'm sure all of you weren't completely mature at the age of 20 either. And a few of you said that it's irresponsible for me to not go to the doctor, but I have no insurance at the moment so that is something I have to figure out as well. Again, thank you all for your thoughts and comments.
    This response to the comments you got here shows a lot of immaturity. What did you expect in response to your original post? Pity and sympathy? You'd get a lot more of it if you were making wiser choices. Your excuse for not visiting a doctor is that you don't have health insurance (which is in violation of current law), so what's the plan? Are you planning on giving birth in your dorm room to avoid hospital fees? No vaccinations for baby because they're expensive? It's a baby, not a cold. You can't take some vitamin c and wait for it to run its course. As others pointed out, you have several options, which you should have been investigating from the moment you suspected pregnancy. Planned parenthood, campus health services, and your parents insurance are all likely options. By 16-17 weeks pregnant there is almost no excuse for not getting to a doctor. You are 20, not 12, girly. You might not be fully mature and you might feel like you're still trying to figure it all out. But it's time to step up and take responsibility. You didn't terminate the pregnancy, you kept it, so now you need to deal responsibly with your choice. If there are some extenuating circumstances that you didn't share here, and you're suffering from abuse or rape, that's a different story but indicates an even greater need for medical care. Most colleges also offer mental health services to students for free - counselors are GREAT and if you're struggling at all with dealing with the pregnancy, either because of violence or because you just aren't ready, then you should definitely consider seeking their help!
     you don't know me or all the details of my situation enough to call me immature so I would appreciate it if you kept any more of your opinions to yourself because you're not much help. Thanks
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  • FirstTimeMommy1219FirstTimeMommy1219 member
    gradschoolmom1234 said:
    You asked for opinions, you're getting them based on the information you provided. One of my friends in college lost her mom to cancer. While she was grieving, she slept with an ex-boyfriend and ended up pregnant. You know what she did? Got medical care and told her dad. Now she's a lawyer, married, and has two lovely children - things worked out great for her. But she had to step up and get it together even while she was grieving for her mother. If she could do it, you likely can too. But the first step is to stop feeling sorry for yourself and looking for sympathy, and to start taking action. My advice may not make you warm and fuzzy, but trust me, it will make you happier and healthier in the long run. If you don't want advice, then I suggest you don't go to online forums asking for it.
    Okay. Bye. 
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  • BrideLindsBrideLinds member
    So what is your situation? Why don't you have insurance if you are under 26 and still in school? Regardless, why haven't you been to the health department or planned parenthood? I hope you will heed the good advice here and seek some medical attention tomorrow at the latest. You are growing an innocent human and you owe it to the baby to take care of yourself.



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