PAL Check-in

Noethola · July 2014

Welcome to the Parenting After Loss check-in! Please feel free to ask questions (whether or not you are PAL) and get to know one another and the journey each person is on. Welcome to all those who had babies these last few weeks.

Introduce your new baby if you have recently delivered, or if you have recently joined us and have older children.

Do you have any upcoming milestones?

How has this week been for you?

QOTW: How have the milestones you face changed since having a rainbow baby? If you have older children, do you involve them in every milestone or do you have other outlets that help you grieve as you pass them? Do you grieve in silence?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Any questions for the group?

Noethola · July 2014

Do you have any upcoming milestones? Upcoming milestones are a few months away right now.

How has this week been for you? I had a really hard night last night, just missing my daughter and wishing she were here. A friend who was expecting the same as I was, posted a pic on FB of her daughter. She looked so grown up already, no longer a baby but a toddler/little girl. I wept thinking how grown up she would have been. (18months)

QOTW: How have the milestones you face changed since having a rainbow baby? If you have older children, do you involve them in every milestone or do you have other outlets that help you grieve as you pass them? Do you grieve in silence? It has changed. My focus is no longer soley on my daughter. I think about how to include my son. But there are also milestones that pass that I remain silent about. The little things, like how old she would be, what she would be experiencing, etc.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Do others think of her as often as I do? Even half as often?

Any questions for the group?

angelsnight · July 2014

Do you have any upcoming milestones? She'll be 4 months tomorrow, that's about it

How has this week been for you? Pretty good, but I got sucked into reading quotes about loss on pinterest the other night and they made me really sad and miss my angel a lot.

QOTW: How have the milestones you face changed since having a rainbow baby? If you have older children, do you involve them in every milestone or do you have other outlets that help you grieve as you pass them? Do you grieve in silence? I won't lie, Emily makes them easier. She doesn't take away all of the sadness, but I know I would be in absolute misery without her. Next week would have been Kayla's due date, so had she been born at term and survived she would be almost a year old. To torture myself I went to my old BMB to see all of their babies on their 1st and it made me so sad to see what a big girl Kayla should be by now. I'll likely grieve her would-be birthday in silence....it makes me sad and angry when I put something on FB and it hardly gets any likes.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Emily and Kayla shared many of the same features, at least as much as I could tell since Kayla was so tiny. I often will stare at Emily for a long time, wondering what Kayla would have looked like at this age. I'll be forever grateful for our baby girl, but I miss our other baby girl.

Noethola · July 2014

angelsnight said:

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Emily and Kayla shared many of the same features, at least as much as I could tell since Kayla was so tiny. I often will stare at Emily for a long time, wondering what Kayla would have looked like at this age. I'll be forever grateful for our baby girl, but I miss our other baby girl.

@angelsnight Oh yes. I am right there with you. At birth, both my daughter and son looked alike. I so wonder what she would have looked like at each stage.

stefuge · July 2014

@mrsgerman‌ - what you are describing is what, I think, is one of the hardest parts of PAL. I am coming at it from a different side, we have a sunshine son and no rainbow, but watching DS1 grow up, and having done all of the stages as a newborn, baby, toddler with him, make it even more clear what we missed and are missing with Colton. So many ((hugs)).

lexusolsen · July 2014

stefuge said:
@mrsgerman‌ - what you are describing is what, I think, is one of the hardest parts of PAL. I am coming at it from a different side, we have a sunshine son and no rainbow, but watching DS1 grow up, and having done all of the stages as a newborn, baby, toddler with him, make it even more clear what we missed and are missing with Colton. So many ((hugs)).

So true. I feel like I don't get to enjoy things with dd because it makes me sad to think about what we are missing with ds.

dadalou · July 2014

Do you have any upcoming milestones? Next Wednesday will be 6 months since Nathaniel was born.

How has this week been for you? This week has been really hard. I haven't felt well for days and I've been really emotional. There have been lots of tears lots of places.

QOTW: How have the milestones you face changed since having a rainbow baby? If you have older children, do you involve them in every milestone or do you have other outlets that help you grieve as you pass them? Do you grieve in silence?

I try to include DD as much as I can. We have "Nathaniel Days" when we do something fun each month on the anniversary of his birth. We have gone to the zoo, botanic garden, museums, and next week we will be going camping as a family. It's mostly for me to have something to look forward to that day, but I try to do something all day so DD is included in most of it.

I do not grieve in silence. I don't hide my grief. I want her to see that it's ok to be sad that her baby brother died. She is sad too.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? We just started TTC last week. I really want to get pregnant quickly so that DD has a living sibling. She was so excited to have a baby brother. She still talks about him all the time and tells people she meets that she has a baby brother. I'm sure that is really confusing for the strangers that she tells.

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