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Parenting
RondackHiker
member
Etiquette type question- parent death mentioned
RondackHiker
member
in Parenting
I've mentioned my friend Anna before. She lost her fight to cancer this past week. Her children are now 18 months and three and I wanted to send them a card.
I kind of lost it in the card aisle because there weren't child appropriate loss cards and especially not for a parent death. A nice lady helped me find a book instead... But now what?
Do I wrap it? What would I wrap it in? Doesn't wrapping make it seem like celebrating? Do I write something in it? What?
I'm at a loss.
I kind of lost it in the card aisle because there weren't child appropriate loss cards and especially not for a parent death. A nice lady helped me find a book instead... But now what?
Do I wrap it? What would I wrap it in? Doesn't wrapping make it seem like celebrating? Do I write something in it? What?
I'm at a loss.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Etiquette type question- parent death mentioned
Holy hell. How sad- I can't even imagine.
I probably wouldn't wrap it, but I think it's a nice idea to write something about your friend in the book for the children to read whan they are older.
Hugs.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
I'm so sorry, it's so sad!
People are already organizing a memory book of letters and photos and stories.
I ended up with the book because I couldn't find a card and kind of lost it in the card aisle. Another shopper helped me get it.
I'm so sorry. Those poor babies & father.
Harry Styles = Life Ruiner
There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
Without you I'll never make it out alive
But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing
When my brother passed, his kids where little, like 2u2. And I remember them having a little teddy bear each with a poem or something about how much daddy in heaven loves them. They carried it with them for quite awhile.
I know you weren't asking for other ideas, sorry
I wouldn't wrap the book. Just give it to them.
~*~*~You're Such A Pretty Melody, I'm Just Another Tattooed Tragedy~*~*~
About the book- I wouldn't wrap the book. Do you have a picture of your friend? Maybe one her family doesn't already have? You could put that in the book and on the inside cover write a funny or special memory that you want to share with their kids. If you wanted, you could also write a note underneath letting her kids know that if they ever want to talk about their mother or hear a story about her to ask you. They may not have anything to ask or say for several years, but I think it would be a sweet note to them and offer them some comfort when they are older and miss their mom. JW is just getting to an age now (just over 3) that he wants to talk about his dad, but he doesn't always want to ask me. I try and let him know who he can talk to if he wants to know about his dad. When DH passed away, it seemed like no one wanted to talk about him or share stories about him- so for me, not only was he not here, but people wanted to pretend like he didn't exist because its "easier" for me. It still happens and its been over a year since he passed away.
I know you didn't ask about this, but hopefully it helps your friend's husband. Sorry if its totally jumbled. The first few months after losing a spouse is brutal. Some of this advice is probably basic, but widow(er) brain is worse then pregnancy brain. Tell him its okay if his kids eat pizza or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day because its hard to find the energy to do anything else. Its normal to forget everything. I would drive to the grocery store and sit in the parking lot with no idea what I came to buy. Make lists and keep your list in the same spot every time. There is so much paperwork to do- tell him to keep a notebook for all the phone calls he has to make and write down whatever they say and who he spoke to- otherwise, he'll probably forget. Make a file for all the paperwork for the estate. Grief comes in waves. Good days are usually followed by a few bad ones. Its easier to feel the grief then try and avoid it. I keep a journal, maybe that would help him too. Oh, the memory thing isn't just for bills, grocery lists, and boring stuff, it also happens with happy memories. Tell him to write them down while he remembers or thinks of them. The good memories do come back, but its nice to read them if he is feeling forgetful or having a bad day. His kid will probably say things that will throw him off guard. JW has told me to go to the store and buy him a new daddy. Its hard to hear, but they deal with things differently then we do. For every one of the difficult things JW has said, he usually has a sweet one to say too. After a few weeks, it will feel like family and friends have moved on, gone back to work, to their regular routines, and it feels like they move on without you. Its hard, but he and his family will find a groove. Tell him not to let anyone tell him he should be over it or grieving faster or over it already. It takes as long as it takes and that's that. Maybe none of this is helpful, but hopefully something in here is. Big hugs to all of you!!! If there's anything I can do, please let me know.
Thank you so much for your words and wisdom. I will be passing your wisdom on to Brian.
Thank you all for your advice.