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PgAL - how to stay sane

brown101brown101 member
in March 2015 Moms
How do you guys cope with getting through these rough weeks? I'm trying to remain level headed knowing it could happen again, but at the same time I want to allow myself to get excited... It's truly a mind game and I feel like I'm the only one playing it... (Oh wait, I am! My hubby is the only one to know about our pregnancy until I hear the heartbeat).

Help me stay sane!!
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Re: PgAL - how to stay sane

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    wendyldwendyld member
    I think about this pregnancy and what could happen constantly. It's a never ending loop of crazy fear excitement.
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    A work in progress

    MMC April 2014 at 6w2d, D&C at 9 weeks

    MMC August 2014 at 9w1d, D&C at 12 weeks

    CP October 2014

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    jengalbraith818jengalbraith818 member
    I am scared to death of my first doctors visit. I read something the other day that said I no longer trust my body because it let me down once. And it's so true! Every little ache or pain I question. I just want to get through my first trimester and move on.

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    brown101brown101 member
    I just haven't felt pregnant these past couple days and I feel like I'm constantly overthinking and looking for clues....
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    JennyP0222JennyP0222 member
    I am terrified of my first check up. I feel like I jinxed my first pregnancy because I kept saying "I just don't feel pregnant." Then had that awful MMC and wondered if it was a self fulfilling prophecy. I know that is stupid but it is just one of those irrational after a loss thoughts. This time anytime I feel like I am trailing towards that line of thinking, I steer myself back to "I am pregnant." I know how silly that sounds but it helps me get through day by day. 
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    ngolimentongolimento member
    I'm odd, I take comfort in research. Though it's not completely effective because I am obsessed with the idea it might be ectopic. I have no idea why thst is what I am focusing on.
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    starsailorr26starsailorr26 member
    I just try to remind myself that if this works out, this will be our last pregnancy and I don't want to look back with regret that I didn't enjoy it.

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    bralex2007bralex2007 member
    I don't have any good advice, just here to say that you're not alone. I have bad days and I have better days. I have been trying to keep busy and fill up my schedule with things so my next appointment doesn't feel as far away. The only other thing I can think of that has helped me has been telling some friends. I went public with my miscarriage last time, and while I know that isn't the right choice for everyone, it was so healing for me and has really made me be more open with this pregnancy and my feelings about it. It helps that I can talk to people and don't have to keep everything to myself. Maybe there is a close friend you could confide in? If not, we're always here :)
    DD1 Sept 2010
    DD2 Dec 2012
    Natural M/C April 2014 (10wks)
    BFP July 4th 2014

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    JennyP0222JennyP0222 member
    Peledreamsofrain said:
    I'm odd, I take comfort in research. Though it's not completely effective because I am obsessed with the idea it might be ectopic. I have no idea why thst is what I am focusing on.
    Not odd! I do the same thing. It is the one thing you CAN control in a situation like this. Whatever will be will be when it comes to a viable or not viable pregnancy. But, there is comfort in taking some control and the research can fill that void. 
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    uneek1323uneek1323 member
    It really is hard. I try to be flexible with myself. It's all about survival. I try to do whatever it is I need in the moment  It's not always the same thing. Don't be hard on yourself. (((hugs)))
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    chucktgirlchucktgirl member
    I keep myself crazy busy so I don't have time to think about it... even though I think about it constantly. I'm having some VERY bad cramps, so every time I run to the bathroom, I'm certain I'm going to see blood. It sucks. I lost my last four pregnancies, so I'm just kind of waiting for the inevitable with this one. In the back of my mind, I still keep hoping that just maybe this is the one that will stick. Small milestones help, but they are so far in between!

    imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimage
    My BLOG: www.ivfbabyquest.wordpress.com -Update - old blog.

    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!
    Me: 42, Hubby: 35, TTC since Jan 2010. Dx: DOR due to advanced maternal age. Also: Hypothyroidism (100mcg Levothyroxin). Positive for MTHFR (hetero-C677T), Factor V Leiden, and Fragile X (on DH side). Taking pre-natal vitamins    .
    First natural PG 9/27/11; mc: 1/20/12
    First RE visit: 8/8/12, Saline Sonogram: 8/28/12, IVF injection class: 10/11/12, add FaBB Tab for FVL, +Vitamin D.
    IVF #1: 10/17/12 Baseline: FSH- 9.4, E2- 24, LH- 3.7, Prog- 0.3 The u/s showed 6 follicles in my right  & 9 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 10/21/12: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning.
    ER 10/28/12: 13 Retreived. 7 Mature. 6 Fertilized. 5 Made it to PGS. ET 11/2/12: CANCELED. All 5 came back from PGS as having "severe abnormalities."
    IVF #2: 1/7/13 Baseline: FSH- 8.8, 4 follicles in my right & 6 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 1/11/13: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning. hCG Trigger 1/16/13
    ER 1/18/13: 9 Retrieved. 5 Mature. 5 Fertilized. 2 Made it to PGS. ET 1/23/13: CANCELED. All embryos (he even sent the ones not growing) came back from PGS as having "multiple severe abnormalities."
    IVF #3:     NEW RE! 3/1/13 Baseline: FSH- 9.6, E2- 61, Prog- 0.94, 3 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle& 150 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/7/13: Add Ganirelix SQ in AM. hCG Trigger 3/9/13 SQ.
    ER 3/11/13: 6R, 2M, 2F. Day 3: one 8 cell, grade 0.  Five day ET 3/16/13: one early blast, grade Fair. 3/24/13 AF came a day before beta. BFN
    IVF #4:     (Added acupuncture to this cycle.) 3/25/13 WTF & Baseline: FSH-11.8, E2- 56, Prog- 0.84 3/26/13 Start stims. 3/30/13 u/s: 5 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 225 Bravelle& 225 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/31/13 Add Ganirelix SQ in AM.hCG Trigger 4/3/13 SQ.
    ER 4/5/13: 5R, 3M, 3F naturally. Day 3: two 8 cell, grade 0, one 8 cell, grade 2 (Scale 0-best to 3-worst). Five day ET 4/10/13: two blastocysts (the 3rd stopped growing.) Beta 4/18/13: 2.5 BFFN. RE recommends we stop trying and focus on living childless, due to the extremely poor quality of my eggs.
    ***Decided to stop trying and live CFNBC. I couldn't adjust. So, six months later...
    IVF #5: Changed RE. Going to one of the big name clinics now. OWDU: 10/29/13. Update: HORRIBLE experience. Disgusted and distraught at their complete unprofessionalism and how much money and precious time they cost us. Sickening. Have now changed RE again. New Patient appt. 1/30/14.
    BFP! Out of nowhere, I got KU the old fashioned way! POAS 1/26/14 - Positive! FDLM 12/30/13. Beta #1 16dpo= 373. Beta #2 18dpo= 801. EDD 10/6/14
    2/4/14 1st U/S revealed a 5wk2day sac but no fetal pole. Started 200mgs of progesterone suppositories daily
    2/11/14 2nd U/S revealed a perfect 6wk1day "diamond ring" embryo with a beating heart! 138bpm! Add 1mg folic acid and 40mg Lovenox
    2/25/14 3rd U/S: perfect 8w1d embryo, 178bpm. 3/6 start spotting. 3/11 10w1d U/S shows no heartbeat. Scheduling D&C. The Stork has forsaken me again.
    IVF #5.2: New in-state RE. Supplement priming for 1.5 cycles prior to start of cycle, including DHEA 50mg (stopped 5/15), CoQ10 200mg 2x/day, L-Arginine- 1000mg 2x/day (stopped 6/5 due to cold sore!), myo-inositol- 2g 2x/day, melatonin- 3mg, and Neevo (prenatal for MTHFR).
    5/16/14 Day 2 bw cycle prior: FSH- 12.22, E2- 38.37, Prog- 1.35, LH- 9.46. 6/2/14 Day 19 bw: Prog- 23
    6/12/14 Baseline: E2- 122.7, Prog- 0.4. 5 follicles in left, 4 follicles in right. Start stims: 375IU Follistim & 150IU Menopur. 6/19 Increase Follistim to 425IU, Menopur still 150IU. 6/18 add Ganirelix. 6/23 Ovidrel trigger SQ. 6/25 ER: 8R, 8M, 5F naturally. Start Medrol & Doxy. 6/26 Start Endometrin. 7/2 Start Lovenox.
    7/8/14 Beta= 137.4 BFP!!! (My first from IVF!) E2- 1109, Prog- >60. Stop CoQ10, myo-inositol, and melatonin. 7/9 2nd Beta= 281.4. TSH- 2.70. Increasing Synthroid to 100mcg daily. 7/24 6w3d u/s measured 6w3d, hb: 121bmp! 8/5 8w1d u/s measured 8w3d, hb: 164bpm! Graduated from RE to OB. Now I just need to find an OB!
    EDD 3/18/15!

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    mrsmichigandermrsmichigander member
    My last pregnancy was right after a mc. It was a constant battle with fear through the entire thing. I allowed it to rob much of my joy. My comfort was in scriptures I taped around the house that I could apply to pregnancy (Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. I walk by faith not by sight. Etc.) Strangely I have a new peace this time. No matter what happens , I want to enjoy this miracle every second because you just don't know how long it will last.
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    Yasm33naYasm33na member
    I really wish pregnancy wasn't so long- 9 months of worrying is definitely not healthy :p. but @kschref is right. Every day that our little ones are still with us is precious- try to enjoy each day as it comes, plan to do something different every day of the week so the time goes faster,and give and take hundreds of thousands of hugs and kisses and cuddles from your SO.... He likely needs it too :)

    And we're always here too, of course :). The ladies on TB have helped me through some horrible times with words of comfort and wisdom (and sometimes a healthy slap in the face when panic takes over :p) ... So just enjoy the time you have :) and hopefully all of us will get what we wish for.
    Beatrice- bfp September 16 2013, born February 1 2014 died later same day.
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    missypups33missypups33 member
    I pray all the time that this one will be ok. As worried as I am I also I trying to be excited too. No matter what if something happens I will be just as devastated if I am excited nowoor not. Also I feel like every baby deserves me to be excited for him or her.
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    maisonduchoco2maisonduchoco2 member

    It's tough, but you are not alone. I try to stay positive and remember that yes, today I am pregnant. Hang in there everyone.

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    brown101brown101 member
    One more day down and it was a better day. Gotta get through today to get to tomorrow!
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    cesquercesquer member
    Here's how crazy I am. H and I got into an epic fight tonight over something very insignificant. But it escalated to the point of madness. I screamed at him at the top of my lungs and since then I have been terrified that we screwed up this pregnancy. Terrified. I feel like I am cramping. Need to breathe.
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    chucktgirlchucktgirl member
    Hang in there @cesquer! You're probably cramping from the rush of emotions. The pregnancy will be okay. Can you get in the car and take a ride with the windows down? I don't know where you are, but it's a beautiful night here. It might clear your mind. In any case, I hope tomorrow morning brings you peace and resolve! <<hugs!>>

    imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimage
    My BLOG: www.ivfbabyquest.wordpress.com -Update - old blog.

    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!
    Me: 42, Hubby: 35, TTC since Jan 2010. Dx: DOR due to advanced maternal age. Also: Hypothyroidism (100mcg Levothyroxin). Positive for MTHFR (hetero-C677T), Factor V Leiden, and Fragile X (on DH side). Taking pre-natal vitamins    .
    First natural PG 9/27/11; mc: 1/20/12
    First RE visit: 8/8/12, Saline Sonogram: 8/28/12, IVF injection class: 10/11/12, add FaBB Tab for FVL, +Vitamin D.
    IVF #1: 10/17/12 Baseline: FSH- 9.4, E2- 24, LH- 3.7, Prog- 0.3 The u/s showed 6 follicles in my right  & 9 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 10/21/12: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning.
    ER 10/28/12: 13 Retreived. 7 Mature. 6 Fertilized. 5 Made it to PGS. ET 11/2/12: CANCELED. All 5 came back from PGS as having "severe abnormalities."
    IVF #2: 1/7/13 Baseline: FSH- 8.8, 4 follicles in my right & 6 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 1/11/13: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning. hCG Trigger 1/16/13
    ER 1/18/13: 9 Retrieved. 5 Mature. 5 Fertilized. 2 Made it to PGS. ET 1/23/13: CANCELED. All embryos (he even sent the ones not growing) came back from PGS as having "multiple severe abnormalities."
    IVF #3:     NEW RE! 3/1/13 Baseline: FSH- 9.6, E2- 61, Prog- 0.94, 3 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle& 150 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/7/13: Add Ganirelix SQ in AM. hCG Trigger 3/9/13 SQ.
    ER 3/11/13: 6R, 2M, 2F. Day 3: one 8 cell, grade 0.  Five day ET 3/16/13: one early blast, grade Fair. 3/24/13 AF came a day before beta. BFN
    IVF #4:     (Added acupuncture to this cycle.) 3/25/13 WTF & Baseline: FSH-11.8, E2- 56, Prog- 0.84 3/26/13 Start stims. 3/30/13 u/s: 5 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 225 Bravelle& 225 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/31/13 Add Ganirelix SQ in AM.hCG Trigger 4/3/13 SQ.
    ER 4/5/13: 5R, 3M, 3F naturally. Day 3: two 8 cell, grade 0, one 8 cell, grade 2 (Scale 0-best to 3-worst). Five day ET 4/10/13: two blastocysts (the 3rd stopped growing.) Beta 4/18/13: 2.5 BFFN. RE recommends we stop trying and focus on living childless, due to the extremely poor quality of my eggs.
    ***Decided to stop trying and live CFNBC. I couldn't adjust. So, six months later...
    IVF #5: Changed RE. Going to one of the big name clinics now. OWDU: 10/29/13. Update: HORRIBLE experience. Disgusted and distraught at their complete unprofessionalism and how much money and precious time they cost us. Sickening. Have now changed RE again. New Patient appt. 1/30/14.
    BFP! Out of nowhere, I got KU the old fashioned way! POAS 1/26/14 - Positive! FDLM 12/30/13. Beta #1 16dpo= 373. Beta #2 18dpo= 801. EDD 10/6/14
    2/4/14 1st U/S revealed a 5wk2day sac but no fetal pole. Started 200mgs of progesterone suppositories daily
    2/11/14 2nd U/S revealed a perfect 6wk1day "diamond ring" embryo with a beating heart! 138bpm! Add 1mg folic acid and 40mg Lovenox
    2/25/14 3rd U/S: perfect 8w1d embryo, 178bpm. 3/6 start spotting. 3/11 10w1d U/S shows no heartbeat. Scheduling D&C. The Stork has forsaken me again.
    IVF #5.2: New in-state RE. Supplement priming for 1.5 cycles prior to start of cycle, including DHEA 50mg (stopped 5/15), CoQ10 200mg 2x/day, L-Arginine- 1000mg 2x/day (stopped 6/5 due to cold sore!), myo-inositol- 2g 2x/day, melatonin- 3mg, and Neevo (prenatal for MTHFR).
    5/16/14 Day 2 bw cycle prior: FSH- 12.22, E2- 38.37, Prog- 1.35, LH- 9.46. 6/2/14 Day 19 bw: Prog- 23
    6/12/14 Baseline: E2- 122.7, Prog- 0.4. 5 follicles in left, 4 follicles in right. Start stims: 375IU Follistim & 150IU Menopur. 6/19 Increase Follistim to 425IU, Menopur still 150IU. 6/18 add Ganirelix. 6/23 Ovidrel trigger SQ. 6/25 ER: 8R, 8M, 5F naturally. Start Medrol & Doxy. 6/26 Start Endometrin. 7/2 Start Lovenox.
    7/8/14 Beta= 137.4 BFP!!! (My first from IVF!) E2- 1109, Prog- >60. Stop CoQ10, myo-inositol, and melatonin. 7/9 2nd Beta= 281.4. TSH- 2.70. Increasing Synthroid to 100mcg daily. 7/24 6w3d u/s measured 6w3d, hb: 121bmp! 8/5 8w1d u/s measured 8w3d, hb: 164bpm! Graduated from RE to OB. Now I just need to find an OB!
    EDD 3/18/15!

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    brown101brown101 member
    @cesquer‌... Been there... Done that! Just relax and tell yourself you need to calm down to have the best frame of mind to take care of you and you babe! We've all been there and I doubt this will be the last time!!
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    cesquercesquer member
    @chucktgirl‌ @brown101‌ thank you ladies. Sniff. I appreciate the support. Xxoo
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    jap618jap618 member
    Let me know if you find something. I'm in freak out mode after 5 calm weeks. Just trying to take one breath, one moment at a time ((hugs))
    Married the love of my life June 18, 2011 -- Me (28) DH (29)
    TTC #1 since June 2012
    BFP #1 6.29.12 EDD 3.12.13 MMC discovered 8.11.12 9w5d D&C 8.15.12
    BFP #2 11.2.12 EDD 7.14.13 MMC 6w5d discovered 8w6d 2 failed rounds miso D&C 12.27.12
    BFP #3 8.5.13 EDD 4.18.14 MMC 7w4d discovered 9.25.13 at 10w6d -Trisomy 13- 1 round miso & emergency D&C 10.2.13
    RPL Testing. DX Asherman's November 2013. Low AMH (0.44) January 2014. 
    Operative Hysteroscopy January 2014 to remove scar tissue.
    BFP#4 6.18.14 EDD 3.3.15 Team Pink
    --AL always welcome--
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    rubylocks7rubylocks7 member
    You are not alone.  I am also keeping my pregnancy a secret, although we are going to wait until at least 13 weeks.  I'm not letting myself get my hopes up until we see a heartbeat.  I don't know how I'm going to stay sane other than to keep busy.
    View Raw Image" style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: bold; font-size: 10px; line-height: 10px; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; color: rgb(51, 102, 153); cursor: pointer; outline: 0px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">
    TTC since Feb 2013
    BFP #1 EDD Dec 2013 (blighted ovum discovered during u/s on 4/26/13)
    BFP #2 EDD 7/17/14 (SCH, 12/4/13, 7w5d)
    BFP #3 EDD 11/13/14 (chemical pregnancy, 3/14/14, 5w2d)
    Testing done in May 2014, no clear cause for losses.
    BFP #4 EDD 3/26/15 Beta #1 1350 @ 18 DPO. Beta #2 4950 @ 21 DPO.  Ultrasound #1 @ 28 DPO 103 BPM!

    image        image 

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    rita213rita213 member
    My last pregnancy at end of 2010 after knowing for a week started having severe pain and a week later we were terminating because it was a tubal and once you've had one the chances increase so once we got pregnant this time every twitch in that area had me worried, but my doctor was great they did HCG levels and u/s at 5 and 6 weeks and it's a good pregnancy so far and I am just trying to enjoy every day I can.
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    sdion27sdion27 member
     
    brown101 said:
    I just haven't felt pregnant these past couple days and I feel like I'm constantly overthinking and looking for clues....
    I haven't "felt" pregnant the last couple of days either...until lunch time toady when BAM nausea came on like crazy. nothing tasted good, even water.  Symptoms come and go (i'm sure you've heard that a thousand times) so just try and stay positive.  What is meant to be will be. I totally believe that everything happens for a reason :)
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