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No babyshower :(

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Re: No babyshower :(

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  • golfingdarwinfishgolfingdarwinfish member
    edited July 2014
    Nicb13 said:
    golfingdarwinfish said:
    As someone who has been there, this is actually a really upsetting topic. It's really easy to tell someone to move on, but in practice it's not quite that easy. And no, I'm not saying it's not easy to walk away from having a shower or to have a no-gifts party post arrival, I'm talking about the deeper feelings associated with topics of this nature, which is beyond the scope of showers or presents.
    Whoa, this is getting way too deep. I don't think anyone is being insensitive here, if anything, some folks are TOO sensitive about this topic because of these deep seeded issues you are referring to. My mind doesn't even go there when we are discussing baby showers.
    @nicb13

    I didn't mean to infer that anyone was being insensitive.  Apologies if my post came off that way.
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    5 cycles of "TTC" - 3 intentional, 2 not so intentional.  5 BFPs.  My rainbow arrived 10/15/14.
    TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.

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  • golfingdarwinfishgolfingdarwinfish member
    edited July 2014
    SPurp13 said:
    @golfingdarwinfish I hear you. I suffer from dysthymia. I know it's not easy (and I meant to say that in my post about it) to have feelings of despair that can be triggered by anything at all--especially things that are as seemingly trivial as a baby shower. To deal with feelings like you describe, I see a shrink, and I was medicated prior to pregnancy.

    I also think that, sometimes it can reflect not having a lot of friends, but in other cases, it doesn't. It just reflects that today's world is BUSY. I get upset all the time when I think about the fact that I will spend more time with my coworkers than my husband for my entire life. People don't have time to even GO to showers, let alone throw them. That's how I've broken it down when I was a little bummed about people not coming to my wedding shower or wedding. It just is what it is. My feelings were hurt. But logically, I know it doesn't mean a ton, but sometimes I still think about it and I'm bummed. And, yup. I tell myself it's a waste of time. And no, it doesn't always help or solve the issue.
    @spurp13

    I'm sorry to hear about your struggles.  Hope you've been feeling well during your pregnancy and have not been struggling. And, I hope you enjoy your shower, despite not knowing all the attendees! :)


    Loss Blog (finally updated)

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    5 cycles of "TTC" - 3 intentional, 2 not so intentional.  5 BFPs.  My rainbow arrived 10/15/14.
    TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.

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  • MuffinMom14MuffinMom14 member
    golfingdarwinfish said:
    SPurp13 said:
    @golfingdarwinfish I hear you. I suffer from dysthymia. I know it's not easy (and I meant to say that in my post about it) to have feelings of despair that can be triggered by anything at all--especially things that are as seemingly trivial as a baby shower. To deal with feelings like you describe, I see a shrink, and I was medicated prior to pregnancy.

    I also think that, sometimes it can reflect not having a lot of friends, but in other cases, it doesn't. It just reflects that today's world is BUSY. I get upset all the time when I think about the fact that I will spend more time with my coworkers than my husband for my entire life. People don't have time to even GO to showers, let alone throw them. That's how I've broken it down when I was a little bummed about people not coming to my wedding shower or wedding. It just is what it is. My feelings were hurt. But logically, I know it doesn't mean a ton, but sometimes I still think about it and I'm bummed. And, yup. I tell myself it's a waste of time. And no, it doesn't always help or solve the issue.
    @spurp13

    I'm sorry to hear about your struggles.  Hope you've been feeling well during your pregnancy and have not been struggling. And, I hope you enjoy your shower, despite not knowing all the attendees! :)


    Honestly? I've been great for the most part during pregnancy. It's weird. It's like the hormones fixed me the same as the therapy and medication did (because I can't take the meds during pregnancy). I've had a few panic freak-outs, but for the most part, I'm cool. So weird.

    And dude. I am going to try to enjoy it. I DO know I'm lucky. I just. I see these posts where people want a 3rd baby shower, and I'm like, dude, take mine. I don't even want that.
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  • pnwlover12pnwlover12 member
    Well I'll say it, I loved getting all the awesome gifts at my shower and I'm bummed we aren't having one for the second. My BFF offered to throw me one when I got my BFP, but I declined. I didn't want my friends and family spending more $$ on me when I had such a great shower with DD.





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  • MuffinMom14MuffinMom14 member
    BreandMikewedding said:
    I just kinda find it hard to believe that some people are sad because they just want to celebrate. I think it's just because they aren't getting presents. Because. We keep giving options on how to celebrate babies #2 and beyond but it's not enough.
    I'm not trying to be a bitch, but you don't understand because this is your first. I'm having my third and am not having a shower and I'm sad. I literally don't want anything as I have everything from my second and am having another boy. I have told my family not to buy the baby anything as we already have everything. It just makes me sad to not celebrate this baby as much as we did with my others. It isn't the same to throw yourself a party. It makes it special that someone else is excited for you and wants to celebrate your baby by throwing you a party.
    I do understand, and I hear what you're saying. But I bet once the baby's here, people will show you they are excited in other ways. It's just different. And you can't do anything about it other than try to work through being disappointed. Plus, how do you know someone isn't planning a surprise anyway? The only way to celebrate the baby at this point is for you to throw your own party. That's Plan B, because no one's throwing you a shower. I know it's not the same, but you can make it special, I promise. 
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  • slsl509slsl509 member
    edited July 2014
    I think FTMs should have a shower and if no one throws one for them, feeling sad is appropriate. Beyond first kids and a shower welcoming you to motherhood, no. My pregnancy and my baby is super important to me and DH. On the global scale? Not so much. Millions* of people are having babies. Having babies is neato but it's really not novel. I always send a card and small gift to my friends when they have babies, regardless of which # baby it is because I want to. There doesn't need to be a party to properly celebrate every baby's arrival. Really! The baby is still loved by those close to the family without needing a party to demonstrate that love. I don't understand the feeling of needing more than that. Just because my world revolves around my present and future kids doesn't mean everyone else's does and that is not a knock on me or my kids. It's just...life. *random #, no idea how many people actually have babies every year.
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  • KittymumKittymum member
    It's sad thet no one wanted to celibate any of her 3 baby's with her, my friend wanted to throw one for me but we can't cause of my baby's condition and I'm kinda sad I can't see my grinds excitement and joy at this huge thing going on in my life.
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  • caranicholecaranichole member
    Also, hi @Nicb13 :)
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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    Just because you are pregnant, that doesn't mean you can't have a BBQ or throw a party. Just don't mention a thing about the baby so as not to put your guests in an awkward position. Once the party begins, you can make a toast to the new arrival and then throw in some cute baby themed dessert. Boom ! you get to celebrate the pregnancy and no one thinks you are being gift grabby and tacky.
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  • chicitygirl7chicitygirl7 member
    For what it's worth, I totally understand where you're coming from. I think I'd be a bit hurt if I saw family or friends hosting showers for others and they didn't think to host one for me. Sometimes it's just about people that are close to you showing they care. It's hard not to over analyze it. Hugs to you!
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  • CloesCloes member
    If u want a baby shower do it yourself!! My family were messing around and I just thought you know what if you want a job doing properly do it yourself! And I have successfully arranged my single handedly!
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  • Emerald27Emerald27 member
    (:|
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  • MuffinMom14MuffinMom14 member
    Guys. No. Let the thread die again. I just can't.
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  • hgielrebmikhgielrebmik member
    edited August 2014
    Cloes said:

    If u want a baby shower do it yourself!! My family were messing around and I just thought you know what if you want a job doing properly do it yourself! And I have successfully arranged my single handedly!

    Trying to read this is making my brain hurt.
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         DD - 4/9/08      DS1 - 7/26/12     DS2 - 10/7/14


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  • SaragoeswestSaragoeswest member
    @starla487 Yes. It is.
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  • aminalexaminalex member
    Def do a little party. A pre-birthday birthday party for your lo. I asked the girls at my office for one primarily because I can't invite them to my actual shower (space limitations). It's going to be a baby celebration/going away party (right before mat leave).

    Since I suggested it, I made sure to say 'No gifts, just cake!' Which they are more than happy about. We're also a very small organization so there won't be that many people. Plus any excuse for cake and they are ALL over it. :)
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