Questions, Rant, Advice & hug needed

Redmegeles · July 2014

I am concerned about the development of my 15 month old son. At our 15 month check up, my Dr did not seem concerned, except that he is a little behind in terms of words- and said that might change as he gets older. I'm wondering if it's to early to tell if there is a problem. He has always been very serious and had acid reflux as an infant.

Warning signs?:

* Covers ears or hides face under back of hands when upset

* Plays/tugs on ears

* Obsessed with tvs, computers, remotes, and wheels.

* Very sensitive

* Won't say mama, dada, hi, or bye bye on request

* Won't wave hi or bye bye

* Very serious and moody.

* Hates getting diaper changed

* Will not mimic sounds

* Will look at me to check in, but very little eye contact, usually just a glance then he looks away

* Constant red cheeks. I've read this is associated with autism. The Dr. said it was just eczema, but we've tried cream after cream, taken him to an allergist, nothing helps.

Things he does do:

* Walks, runs unassisted

* Loves to play with toys

* Pushes toys

* Points

* Will give me a high 5 if I ask for one.

* Understands where to look for things. If I ask "Where's your bunny?" He will go run and find it.

* Tries to feed me

* Self feeds

* If we try hard enough, he will laugh and smile.

* Will clap hands

* Occasionally babbles

* Will bring objects to mouth

* Will physically check in with me during play time and hand me toys

* Loves to be carried

* Will bring me a book and sit in my lap if he wants me to read to him

* Understands the functions of some objects, like a cup and straw or pencil and paper

* Will let me cuddle/hold him if we are watching tv.

* Has said "mama" "dada" and "CA!" (car?) but only a few times- and not by request.

* Can point to my belly button if I ask him where the belly button is.

I am unsure if this is just his personality- just a serious child who doesn't want to do things that he doesn't want to do. He is getting his 15th tooth, and it seems like he has been constantly teething. Maybe that is why he is fussy?

Also: I am newly pregnant (13 weeks), and the morning sickness has been beyond awful. I've lost 10 lbs. I'm super emotional and worried- so I'm wondering if this concern is somewhat the pregnancy hormones talking? I feel like a terrible mother because I let my 15 month old watch more Baby Einstein than I'd like- just because I can't make it off the bathroom floor. My husband is supportive and wonderful. But I just feel like I'm doing something wrong. I have so much mommy guilt. I am a stay at home mom - I feel like there is always something I can be doing with him, that everything should be a "teaching" moment. My son has been high maintenance, that I worry about having to entertain him and take care of a newborn. He'll be 22 months when the new baby comes. So I've been trying to let him have more free play because I want him to be more independent when the new baby arrives. Any suggestions? Is there something different I can be doing here?

I just need another mom who gets it- to just smack me across the face and tell me that everything is going to be okay- and hand me a glass of wine.

smfdjo · July 2014

I can't speak if your LO has autism but wanted to offer a hug. If you don't think your doctor is taking it has a concern you can always get a 2nd opinion for some added comfort. You are a good mom, wanting to do whatever possible for your child is the complete opposite of a bad mom.

tigerlynx31413 · July 2014

Also sending my hugs. If you are truly concerned I believe you can get an assessment through early development to see if he is actually behind, or if it's just his personality. Also, for what it's worth I know several second time moms who have indicated that the big speech leap tends to come around 18 months.

SarahRae85 · July 2014

FWIW, at least half of those things on your potential warning signs are things my DS does as well. When the doctor asked if he had any words yet at our last appointment I couldn't think of anything beyond "mom" and a stern "go" when he's talking to our dog. My pediatrician said it's not uncommon for boys to be slower at verbal skills than girls.

But I agree with pps, if you're concerned, a second opinion can do wonders for easing your fears, especially if you go to someone that specializes in some way. Avoid google, though. If you google too much, you can probably discover your DS has cancer, too. If your DS is autistic, google's not going to help, only a doctor will.

Ease up on the mommy guilt, too. Every moment does not need to be a teaching moment. My two daughters have learned so much more just by their own exploring (and hey, even from TV!) than you might expect. My oldest was only 1 when I had my 2nd, so I can relate to the idea of not doing enough in what most see as a critical time developmentally, but you know what? Even with my attention eaten up by a newborn during the toddler days, my oldest is amazing and super smart and extremely creative. She practically taught herself to read and write! Oh, and I'm still amazing in her world too.

Don't overthink the 2 kids, thing, either. How scary was the idea of having your first? But you handled it. And when the time comes and you're juggling the needs of 2, you'll handle that too. Just a word of advice I try to give every new mom of 2: It's okay if they cry for a little bit and you can't fix it right away. It's going to happen and that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.

Redmegeles · July 2014

I appreciate all of your feedback so much. Thank you for taking the time to write. I decided that I am going to go back to my doctor in 2 months to check in and see if there has been progress, if not, then we can start taking steps. I just need to relax and enjoy him until then. Thank you again!

jamu · July 2014

Just sending hugs! I think the others answered it better than I could. I hope the morning sickness eases up on you soon.

Jbunny100 · July 2014

Sending hugs as well. I agree with the PPs. Boys are typically much more physical before verbal according to my pediatrician. So sorry about the morning sickness. Luckily I wasn't that bad with my pregnancy, but the exhaustion was so hard when DS wanted to play and run all the time. I hope your 2nd trimester is better than your 1st.

nikkituli · July 2014

I wanted to jump in as well. I will say that my 15 month old little boy barely talks at all and I'm not concerned about it as we seem to figure out what he needs and wants pretty quickly without it. He also loathes having his diaper changed. I have no familiarity with autism, but it seems to me your little guy understands a lot! My son also had constant eczema and tugging on the ears. The eczema thing took us about 13 months to figure out the correct combo of products (I swear we went through everything in the drug store)to get it under control (we use only dove soap, cetaphil moisturizer and a steroid cream when we see the redness starting). As for the diaper changing and ear tugging, I've chalked that up to the fact that my son has terrible ears and constant ear infections - I've been told when he lays down on his back, it can sometimes cause ear discomfort. Lastly, Hunter's cheeks get red too, but I've noticed that it comes as his new teeth are about to break through. that's just my two cents - good luck!

wildflower75 · July 2014

Try not to worry so much... I always say to myself that babies all develop and learn at different stages and then they all turn 5 and are in kindergarten together and can pretty much do all the same things! Your little one will be fine! Good luck with your pregnancy!! I'm also expecting and have been reading a lot of the 2 under 2 board to prepare myself for it!

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