What do you wish you had known that you know now?

dirtyvegas · July 2014

Tons of great advice here, and I feel like I'm learning things all the time from all of you. Thought it might be helpful for the newbies (since it seems like there's a lot of them) to start a thread about: "What do you wish you had know then that you know now" topic. This is totally self-serving as well since I definitely consider myself in the newbie bucket!

I'll get things started. I wish I had known ...

How often I'd be in the damn doctor's office. It's great to be getting treatment, but having to go in for appointments 3-4x a week sometimes has been such a huge pain in the butt with work, fighting traffic all the time, scheduling, etc. I wish I had known what kind of time commitment we were talking about before we got started -- I would have tried to get an appointment earlier since the holidays are typically a slow time for work.

What to expect in terms of timeline from appointment -> treatment. I saw the RE in January for my first appointment, and because of all the testing, appointments, monitoring, etc. we just finished our first IUI. I didn't realize it would take so long to *really* get things started.

More about the different medications, possible issues, etc. before having my RE appointments. She was super nice and helpful, but I'd still walk about of the office, go home and Google/research stuff, and then wish that I had known more going in so that I could have asked better questions while I was in the office.

I will say that I was pleasantly surprised that giving myself injections of medication wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I thought it was going to be way more painful than it actually was.

What do you wish you had known then that you know now?

ronniesgirl1981 · July 2014

I wish I had known that it wasn't the physical pain that hurt the most.

Pintobean39 · July 2014

I wish I'd had know how lonely this whole process is. I've distanced myself from a ton of people in my life because it's hard enough dealing with the ups and downs and having certain people in my life is just to draining. I wish I'd cut them out a long time ago. I have a handful of family and friends that are supportive and that's it.

bravegrace22 · July 2014

I wish I had known that my new insurance (recently switched to hubby's) will not cover any infertility testing or treatment. Once a diagnosis of infertility has been made, all costs are out of pocket. Had I known, I would have pushed to start everything sooner to try to cut down some of the expense.

I also wish I had known how difficult it is for others who do not have experience with IF to relate to you, I am still struggling a bit with balancing giving people updates and not making them uncomfortable.

Thank you for this post, I'm excited to follow and gain some good know how

StacyLH24 · July 2014

***c/p mentioned***

I wish I would have known how this whole process would change my life. I ended a very long friendship because I just couldn't deal with the drama any more. We were best friends for years and years but started to grow apart. After my c/p, my ability to deal with any extra drama in life went out the window.

I wish I had known how draining this would all be...not that it would have really helped I suppose.

I wish I had not lived our first year of TTC in those two week increments. I didn't think that would be me, but it sure was.

TTCBabyJ · July 2014

I wish I would have known before months of trying on my own that I only had one correctly placed ovary. I have had Pap smears and pelvic exams since I was 18 years old and no one ever told me I don't feel your right ovary....never!

chicory · July 2014

I wish I had known sooner that I'd have to develop a thicker skin...that being overly hopeful only makes the disappointment greater. I wish I had known that no one really understands this process and the struggle it brings unless they've experienced it themselves. Or, if we're being really practical, I wish we'd known years ago that we were infertile so that we could have not wasted the first years of our marriage on doubled up forms of birth control and instead had saved our money for IVF. LOL I sure sound bitter today, don't I?

TVLily · July 2014

I wish I knew how much this process changes you. Changes your thoughts, your relationships, your plans and your beliefs.

I also wish I knew just when you think you are settling with all the protocol and dx a wrench can get thrown in and make everything feel so complicated again.

emmuffy · July 2014

I wish I'd known how much better the success rates were with IVF at the outset (compared to IUI). Be sure to ask for stats associated with all potential options so you are informed in your decision-making. Many repeated IUIs are very draining from an emotional perspective. Furthermore, depending on how many you do, the cost difference between IVF vs many IUIs begins to disappear.

BunnyBerry · July 2014

I had the same experience as you with the timeline...I'm feeling stuck in some twilight zone time warp since seeing the RE in January, and no chance of an IUI until September now...that's crazy, I expected to have at least about a 50% chance of being KU by now.

What I wished I had known - how hard it is on DH, which translates into it being harder on me...I thought he would just take it all in stride and do his "part" without much complaint, since it's not so bad for him, but I've had to be stronger and put up with some crap.

Sha259 · July 2014

I wish I had known, when DH and I made the decision to try to start our family back in Dec 2011, that 3 years, 2 surgeries, and 100 injections later, I'd still be at square one. Maybe it would have made that year of not even a glimmer of success more tolerable.

I wish I had known that I didn't need to worry about holding off on babies until I established my career, or finished my Master's, because trying to get that baby after holding out so long is soooo hard.

drstef · July 2014

I wish I would have known that the IF process would be so emotionally draining. I also ditto what @TVLily said, it can change your beliefs. Personally, my religious beliefs have changed drastically since starting this process. BUT, I wouldn't change one thing that I have done to date. No regrets!

shirleymaeby · July 2014

I wish I had known I wouldn't get pg right away and kept it to myself that we were TTC. I wish I'd joined this board a very long time ago instead of wallowing in my own grief and misery for the last four years thinking I was the only one who feels like this. I wish I had known my OB didn't know WTF they were talking about and gotten a referral to an RE 2 years ago. I wish I had known I didn't need to bother with the BCP all those years.

ebliss444 · July 2014

Lindy&Billy

Also, I wish I'd learned sooner to keep the mindset that it's BFN until proven otherwise. Getting your hopes up each month just makes the monthly disappointments hurt more.

Now my TWW mindset is totally different. No phantom pregnancy symptoms, no early pregnancy tests -- Had them all before and the result is the same. Now I just anticipate the BFN and hope for the best. A whole lot less crying.

Also, I wish I had gone to visit an RE sooner instead of waiting so long.

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